shared custody parenting and holidays

alib32

Hi. I'm new to this board. I have an 8 year old son who I share custody with his dad. We trade every other week. On holidays, we trade every year so this year I have him Christmas, next year his dad has him, etc. The past 2 years, on Easter, Christmas, etc holidays, we have both each given him an Easter basket, egg hunt and stocking, and so on. I just feel like that is too much for a kid, to "double up" every holiday on certain things.

Do you think I should speak with his dad about whoever has him for the holiday does the main event, so to say? For example, I do the stocking this year, dad does it the next? I don't know, I just feel like it's way too much that our son gets every year anyway with the 2 households, extended family, all these parties and everything. I feel like our son already does not appreciate the things he gets becasue of it. If I can't get his dad to agree, and I stop doing the extra on the holidays I don't have our son, yet dad still does, am I going to look like the "bad guy" then?

Thanks for any advice.

LoveActually4

For my stepkids, we keep it the same every year so they can have some sense of tradition.

For example, every Christmas Eve they come down at 5 and we have a big dinner and do midnight mass. We open gifts in the morning with their brothers and drop them off at their moms at noon. They open her gifts (again) and have turkey dinner and spend the night with her. This works really well for us and there's no switching, same thing every year. I find the kids like it knowing what to expect.

They do get "doubling up". I talk to their mom and we try to divide gifts fairly evenly but they definitely get more at her house. I don't think they're spoiled because of it.

LoveActually4

Also, check out the Blended Families board!:)

insertclevername

If you are concerned that he is being adversely affected by all of the gifts that he gets then I would try discussing it with his father.  If you are both on board with the changes and stick with them then that sounds like a good idea.  If his father does not agree I probably wouldn't change things on just your end for consistency's sake.

flyingsaucer

We double up but usually do a modest amount for each since we know that my step son ends up with 2 of everything. We also tend to give toys and books so that if there is double, it's not double candy.

alib32

Thanks for the advice, and for the Blended Families board suggestion! I couldn't find that one Maybe I'll just really cut down on what he gets since he gets "double" usually. And I'm going to talk to his dad about it too. I don't know if it's th age, but the things he gets seemed to get tossed while asking "is that all?" Yeah, he gets a talking to about that lol.