I made a bad decision and I'm a dick...need real advice.

The Nap Taker

Let's start by saying I made a bad choice and I'm a real asshole.

I went to my family reunion, during that time the town it's held in (where I grew up) has a huge festival. So everyone comes back. I ran into a lot of old friends. Drank way way way too much. A guy I knew from HS drove me home....we made out in his truck and I had sex with him. He's recently divorced and a jack Mormon now....I'm the second person he's ever had sex with....and since that night (1 week) he's texted me everyday telling me how much he likes me and how amazing I am...blah blah blah. I've been upfront about not wanting a relationship and it probably wouldn't work with us, as he lives 5 hours away.

He told me on Monday he was coming to my town for business and wants to hang out all weekend....dinner Friday night and an outdoor concert Saturday night. I was onboard with it but the more he tells me how much he likes me the more and more I feel like a dick. I don't feel the same, I like him but not in a relationship way. He's a great and wonderful man but I'm wanting to cancel and tell him I don't think it's a good idea to hang out.

I don't know what to say? And I don't know if I should tell him over the phone or still go to the concert and tell him to his face?

I really need some advice, it's been many years since I've been in this situation and I don't want to hurt him.

RondackHiker

ItsAllGravy7 said:

call him asap and be honest with him. leading people on with words or ACTIONS is bullshit.

Yeah, you need to call. Say you like him as a friend but do not see it going further and that you need time alone right now.

LadyXaverian

I think I would cancel, and I'd be honest about why. Just tell him you think he's great, but you don't want to lead him on. I'd do this on the phone- not by text.

Also, I don't think you're an asshole. You had no idea he was going to latch on to you this way.

Good luck!

robinsokj

Def cancel and tell him why

And what is a jack Mormon?

LaurelBee

If you're sure of your own feelings, be up front about it. If you're unsure whether stronger feelings can grow from it, give it a weekend and see.

The Nap Taker

a jack mormon is someone who use to practice the mormon religion and now does not.....

He was married in the temple, lost his virginity to his wife, never drank, or did anything naughty. Now that he divorced he doesn't practice the faith and drinks and has sex in trucks.

RondackHiker

robinsokj said:

And what is a jack Mormon?

I was wondering this as well.

And I also don't think you're a jerk. He's a big boy. Just bc he had sex doesn't mean you're going to marry him, and he should know that.

LuckyDad

I don't think you are a dick or an asshole. It sounds like you made it clear you're not looking for a relationship. If he falls in love, it's on him.

That said, you may want to pull back a little. Maybe try to teach him about how adult casual hook-ups work? He probably needs an education on the subject so he knows how NOT to scare away his Ms. Right when she comes along.

The Nap Taker

crystaladult said:

robinsokj said:

Def cancel and tell him why And what is a jack Mormon?

A mormon that is allowed to masturbate but not allowed to have premarital sex unless it's with someone that he is going to marry.

That's not true. Mormon's are not allowed to masturbate either. I, too, am a jack mormon.

The Nap Taker

LuckyDad said:

I don't think you are a dick or an asshole. It sounds like you made it clear you're not looking for a relationship. If he falls in love, it's on him.

That said, you may want to pull back a little. Maybe try to teach him about how adult casual hook-ups work? He probably needs an education on the subject so he knows how NOT to scare away his Ms. Right when she comes along.

That's what my BFF said. He was married 12 years and was only ever with his wife. He is def attached and it sucks because I feel bad. It never feels good to hurt someone.

robinsokj

Oh, and you're not a jerk.

LuckyDad

The Nap Taker said:

LuckyDad said:

I don't think you are a dick or an asshole. It sounds like you made it clear you're not looking for a relationship. If he falls in love, it's on him.

That said, you may want to pull back a little. Maybe try to teach him about how adult casual hook-ups work? He probably needs an education on the subject so he knows how NOT to scare away his Ms. Right when she comes along.

That's what my BFF said. He was married 12 years and was only ever with his wife. He is def attached and it sucks because I feel bad. It never feels good to hurt someone.

Well, I think some guys think that being romantic and super affectionate is what they are SUPPOSED to do if they want sex. He probably is completely clueless about the signals he is sending you. You're not *obligated* to educate him, but it's certainly an option if you want to be a friend.

Can you assign him to watch the movies No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits and get back to you? Then again, maybe not. Both those couples end up together. Nevermind.

s0ulchicken

I too, am a "Jack Mormon." And I am also a chicken shit. Next time he texts you to tell you how great you are, respond to him that you think he has the wrong idea about your friendship. The truck secks was just truck secks. If you don't want to do the do when he is town then spell out "I will not be fornicating with you again." If he can hack it, terrific, if not, tell him to seek the Counsel of his Bishop...I kid, I kid! At least about the Bishop part!

And also, this does NOT make you an asshole.

[Deleted User]

The Nap Taker said:

That's not true. Mormon's are not allowed to masturbate either. I, too, am a jack mormon.

No wonder they get married at 18.

Also, like anyone actually follows that.

LoveActually4

If you have zero interest in ever seeing him again I would call him and say you're not interested in seeing him anymore.

If you see a relationship with him (romantic or friendship) in your future i would call and have a heart to heart about putting the breaks on.

ETA: I say this is what I would do but it's really what I think you should do lol. I'm a coward and I'd call him and make up an elaborate excuse about the weekend then hide and never answer my phone again

s0ulchicken

overture said:

The Nap Taker said:

That's not true. Mormon's are not allowed to masturbate either. I, too, am a jack mormon.

No wonder they get married at 18.

Also, like anyone actually follows that.


Usually they get married at about 21, after the males return from a 2 year long mission trip.

I know some pretty devout Latter Day Saints. Pretty sure some of those kids have had the masturbation urge lectured out of them.

[Deleted User]

No.  Everyone masturbates.

There are only exceptions for liars.

s0ulchicken

lavonnallama said:

overture said:

The Nap Taker said:

That's not true. Mormon's are not allowed to masturbate either. I, too, am a jack mormon.

No wonder they get married at 18.

Also, like anyone actually follows that.



Woah now, I was 21 when I got married! Practically an old maid!

Hahah. I was 25 and had two kids out of wedlock. Pretty sure I was an example of what NOT to do in YW class on Sundays!

The Nap Taker

Well, Onderful mother the sex was not good at all. He gummed my boobs with his mouth and well, he's not blessed. So, I wouldn't be having sex with him again anyway unless I was totally into him and then maybe I could teach him not to gum boobs and where the clit was. But I'm not into him that way, to me it was just sex in a truck. I didn't know he would be all attached. I should have stopped it on Monday. But I thought to myself "maybe I should give this a go"

But, no, I can't do it. I don't want to have to force myself to like someone.

LuckyDad

The Nap Taker said:

Well, Onderful mother the sex was not good at all. He gummed my boobs with his mouth and well, he's not blessed. So, I wouldn't be having sex with him again anyway unless I was totally into him and then maybe I could teach him not to gum boobs and where the clit was. But I'm not into him that way, to me it was just sex in a truck. I didn't know he would be all attached. I should have stopped it on Monday. But I thought to myself "maybe I should give this a go"

But, no, I can't do it. I don't want to have to force myself to like someone.

Oh my. This is much worse than I thought. Much worse. On his end... I can't blame you for giving the guy a shot. He could have been amazeballs, right? Some guys get really good after practicing for years and years with the same woman, I assume?

If you're not gonna do it again with him, don't let him come spend the weekend. That would just be awkward.

74dragonfly

Ditto other people and tell him you enjoyed seeing him but are not up for a relationship. Do it over the phone. 

PS You are NOT a jerk, at all.  Being a jerk would be leading him on. 

LuckyDad

Onederful Mother said:

Oh, I totally assumed the sex was worth a repeat. Yeah, you gotta cut him loose.

Yeah, I also assumed the sex was at least good enough for a repeat, just that the guy was getting to clingy and relationshippy.

s0ulchicken

lavonnallama said:

s0ulchicken said:

lavonnallama said:

overture said:

The Nap Taker said:

That's not true. Mormon's are not allowed to masturbate either. I, too, am a jack mormon.

No wonder they get married at 18.

Also, like anyone actually follows that.

Woah now, I was 21 when I got married! Practically an old maid!

Hahah. I was 25 and had two kids out of wedlock. Pretty sure I was an example of what NOT to do in YW class on Sundays!




LOL. i never really went to young women's. teenage mormon girls are just too much for me! Even today. My little sister in law almost cries any time I suggest watching Braveheart in her hearing, because its rated R. 

I was stoned in seminary. Every freaking morning. My, my cinnamon roll, and the Doctrine & Covenants. Good times friend, good times!

Manateearmz

To quote wedding crashers: you've got a stage 5 clinger.

LuckyDad

Just googled Johnny Lingo.

Good thing she turned out to be hot in the end, right?

s0ulchicken

lavonnallama said:

LuckyDad said:

Just googled Johnny Lingo.

Good thing she turned out to be hot in the end, right?

You should totally watch it if you have like, half an hour to lose sometime. It is worth many lols. 

Um, please do not forget God's Army in your searches. It is an important part of your LDS education.

LuckyDad

My confession is I'm totally fascinated by Exmos. I have lurked a few Exmo message boards in my time. I have one FB friend who is exmo, but he's really just an angry atheist these days. He apparently went through the ritual where he was supposed to be a "clean vessel" or something, but he was already smoking, drinking and having sex as a teen.

The Nap Taker

update: I texted him 2 hours ago and told him to call me when he get's home.....he said

"You just put the biggest smile on my face! Ok, I will I'll be home in 45 minutes"

then 10 minutes later he says

"I have an uneasy feeling, what's up"

I didn't text anything back and he hasn't called....Did I luck out? Maybe he knows and wont call??

MelissaRae1525

Any update? Did he get the hint?

smellyoulater

Forgive me if you have answered this already, but was the sex good?