I give up.
SD called Saturday and told us she was staying in Texas. I didn't react one way or another, just asked her what her plans were. She's back to the Texas college plan and she's decided to get a job down the street from her mom's waitressing. She seems to think that will solve her problems with her mom because she will not be home as much.
Once again, I have been completely manipulated and used.
She also called to ask me a favor. She wanted me to get a prescription for her, and oh, when are you going to send me my Christmas presents? I patiently told her I can't get her meds anymore, she needs to handle that one on her own, and told her to call the Health Dept. to see what government assistance she can get and then I told her I'd send her, her presents this week.
I am beyond getting mad. I'm at a point where this all just a huge joke. Someday I'll laugh.
Tonite I'm going to tell DH that next week when she calls and has changed her mind again, that the games are over. We are not playing anymore, if she is serious, she will have to buy her own ticket. And if she calls Mike, her boyfriend here in Iowa and he buys her a ticket, or anyone else to pay her way, she can live with him or them. Not us.
The day she makes a real decision, carries thru on it and funds that decision herself is the day i will start taking her seriously. And that is what I will tell her. Until then, save me the drama and sob stories. I'm not your sucker anymore.
Re: I give up.
The day she makes a real decision, carries thru on it and funds that decision herself is the day i will start taking her seriously.
Looking back over the course of several months you tend to always say this... Then the next day follow it up with a post that she has "changed, really means it this time, etc." Honestly though - if she has a personality disorder that will take YEARS AND YEARS to change. Not just a boyfriend or parent problem.
Please hang in there... My heart breaks for you every time I read your posts. It is apparent how badly you want her to change and how much you do love her... But please - for the sake of everyone in your family - realize that she is NOT going to change. She is a user and a manipulator and as long as you are buying bus tickets and Christmas presents, all you are is an enabler.
She is a manipulator and you know this.You know I am her cheerleader (and yours), it breaks my heart to hear this. I hope that she gets her sh!t together, sooner rather than later. Keep us posted.
It's getting to the point that it's almost laughable. It's getting out right absurd. I'm not mad. I'm not annoyed. I'm not sad. I'm not bitter. I'm not happy. I'm just sitting here stunned that someone can actually be this indecisive and lost.
The hardest part is walking that fine line of being a parent and here for her, and yet, not get yanked around in the process. Because that's what she does. I don't think she is deliberately doing this. I just think she is incredibly lost and has no conscience when it comes to noticing or even realizing what she does affects everyone around her. And not just in small ways...big ways, and constantly. It gets exhausting. We're just all means to an end with her.
I'm going to send her the Christmas presents because I committed to it, and it's practical things she needs. I'm not going to back out on a commitment. That would set a bad example, and I will continue to do simple things for her like that, but they will always be practical and easy things for her birthday and holidays - but nothing extravagant. I will continue to encourage her and listen to her, but I can't not sympathize much with her anymore. She will always get good sound advice, but no longer will I let her guilt me like this again and sucker me in again.
And if I do allow her to do this again, will you all knock me over the head and tell me what a dope I am again?
Don't worry
I will knock some sense into you!! I'm glad to hear that you aren't upset. You are very strong and I admire you 
Some advice that maybe would benefit you guys? My DH and I discussed this with our SD (13) because the gifts we sent either go unappreciated/unnoticed or her mother takes them and then presents them from herself... Instead of sending gifts, open a bank account and for all holidays/birthdays deposit some money into it. Once your SD gets her life in order (maybe in 2 or 3 years or whenever) take that money and put a down payment on a car for her or an apartment or something that she will need.
Thanks Sledge. If she truly is borderline, she may need to, but it's not those Health offices I was referring to. She no longer has health insurance thru my plan. Which was a killer health plan that she is starting to miss now. I was hoping she could get assistance of some sort for basic meds that she needs from time to time.