Invite out of town guests to a shower?

HeatherandRay

DH and I have a number of close friends who live out of town, and we would never expect them to make a trip for our baby shower.  I will need to provide a guest list to my mom for the shower.  Is it tacky to invite them if you know they can not make it, would it seem like we are trolling for gifts?  Or will they feel excluded if we do not invite them?

chefleigh2

I have a couple of friends who I know will not make it, but I told them I was sending them an invite. Just so they would feel included. If you tell them, also include the fact that they are not obligated to do anything, you just wanted them to receive an invite.

EastCoastBride

big picture - no, I don't think out of town people should be invited.  It's a shower, a gift giving event. MOST normal adults aren't insulted to not be invited to an event that is purely about them buying a gift and that they can't realistically go to. 

However, small picture, there are exceptions to this.  I invited 3 people to my shower who were OOT for various reasons.  But each one was a unique reason.  But I feel that you should know the person well enough to know how they would take being invited or not being invited.

 

sept9thbride

We are in this situation too. IL's are in FL and they have lots of friends there too. They probably aren't coming up b/c they want to save money for flights when the baby is actually here, so I'm inviting the women that I invited to the wedding even if they are out of town, just out of respect. I know they won't come. We also have some friends that are OOT, but again, just out of respect I'll invite them. I have about 50 on my list and only expect 20-25 to actually show. They may feel left out if they are not invited, though I can see why you feel like you are just asking for gifts. I feel like if they were invited to the wedding (2 years ago), then they should be invited to the shower.

CheersMSB

I understand how it looks as though you are jsut looking for gifts, but I agree that everyone should be included. My mom thought I was crazy for inviting my OOT family on my dad's side, but I didn't think it was right to not include them.

kate121012

I think it's totally fine to send to out-of-town people.  I provided addresses for family members and good friends who live out of town...we've only been in our current state for 2 years and the bulk of our good, longtime friends are across the country. 

I've always received invites for friends' showers that are in different states.  If I can't make it, I send a gift to the host's address...but two showers ended up being on 3 day weekends and I actually was able to fly home to see my family and attend the shower too!  If they hadn't sent an invite, I'd never have known and wouldn't have had the chance to attend!

jnealet

I think it depends on how close you are to them.  I'm inviting 2 oot friends but one has offered to help plan and the other said she would want to come.

I think I'll also add my MIL to my list of invites, even though I know she won't be able to come but I don't want her to feel excluded.  The rest of DH's family won't be on my invite list, nor would they come to the shower and that would feel like trolling for gifts.  And postage to send all those invites adds up fast and I can't ask that of the people throwing the shower.

CarrieLMB

I would still send the invites so that they feel included.  Your own loved ones will probably know better than to think you are just trying to get gifts out of them.

wilberta2006

chefleigh2:

I have a couple of friends who I know will not make it, but I told them I was sending them an invite. Just so they would feel included. If you tell them, also include the fact that they are not obligated to do anything, you just wanted them to receive an invite.

I'm doing the same thing.

hopefulmom

Since almost all of my DD's friends/family live out of town we invited everyone.  We had people who came from over 3 hours away (from other states!).  We also had some who did not.  I guess it would depend on how close you are to those people and what day your shower is on and the distance.

DM1908

I don't think it is tacky at all. If you feel uncomfy, I would just let them know that even though you don't expect them to make the long trip, you did want to include them.

I would sway to the caution of including them in lieu of not inviting them and they get their feelings hurt b/c they weren't invited.

Three of my OOT friends sent gifts even though they couldn't make it. 

 

Stellar1

I invited a close friend, dh's 3 aunts, and my dad's girlfriend who all live out of state. I did it so they didn't feel excluded but you never know some may come down for it.