How would you take this email?

Kelly Madonna

So, MIL had a conversation with DH on the phone last night about some of the parenting she witnessed while she stayed with us. He ended up hanging up because he felt insulted, and that it was just different parenting styles, not wrong or right. Predictably, MIL feels bad & here's her email to him this morning. How do you interpret this, just curious?:

 

 

 

I feel bad about our conversation last evening, and want to make sure you don't take it the wrong way.  I have looked up some stuff on whining and crying, and we are both right!

 

Please do not think that I do not want you all to visit me ever again.

I can handle "your parenting techniques", and I want you to know....they

are good.   

 

It was just that the trip, with XXX and XXX, on the plane, in the airport, in the car, had fried my nerves already.  Kelly and you were very gracious to put up with us, uninvited, like we were.  I know it was a short time in between your visit to me in November, but I really wanted to see all of you at Christmas and XXX knew how I felt and suggested that we go there.

 

Kelly is great.  You are great.  Abby is great.  You all will survive, even without my butting in and comments.

 

Have a great Christmas Day with your family.

mlm1128

This may be because I don't know your MIL, or because I don't have a MIL, but it sounds sincere to me.  I also don't know what she said about your parenting, which could change my entire perspective. It does sound like someone else got on her last good nerve before she got to you at all.

ilovemygirls

It seems like she is trying to make amends....in her own way.  I don't know what exactly occurred, but sounds like she was really offering up some unsolicited parenting advice, which I'm sure you did not appreciate!  Seems a little passive aggressive (ie. the "your parenting techniques" and the "you all will survive").  Good luck with the aftermath )

Dougsgirl4ever

mlm1128:

This may be because I don't know your MIL, or because I don't have a MIL, but it sounds sincere to me.  I also don't know what she said about your parenting, which could change my entire perspective. It does sound like someone else got on her last good nerve before she got to you at all.

 Ditto

Brideofranken

boy...I just don't know...

what was their conversation like? did she say you were indulgent? or that your kid is a big annoying whiner? to what parenting techniques does she refer?

belle204

She sounds like she sincerely feels bad about the situation and what was said and whatnot. I think she realizes, as she said, you all are diff. in your parenting styles and you're doing just fine. I'd have a hard time being upset with her after that email I think (but I don't know her sooo...).

Kelly Madonna

She doesn't think I should ignore DD's whining, she's a 'tend to their every need' parent, when I'm an 'ignore-that-behaviour" parent, lol.

happ17

yeah it's hard to say without having more info. It could be sincere, but it also could be passive aggressive, given the quotation marks and such.

mlm1128

Oh dear god, if I didn't ignore dd's whining I would do nothing but cater to her all day.  She is a master manipulator.  Does your MIL realize that kids are not stupid and they know how to get away with crap?

 

susan1017

It still sounds judgemental to me. Why is she 'looking up' parenting techniques on cio and kind of telling you what you do inside your family dynamic is now OK becasue she read online somewhere?

And the the '" You all will survive, even without my butting in and comments." you need her advise or you are all going to fall apart? 

I think she is embarrassed to be called out on the table over her butting in and instead of an apology, you got excuses.

 My mother is so similar and I am really sensitive to these things so maybe I am reading a little too much into it, but it still comes off a little b*tchy to me.

DandelionMom

It doesn't sound like much an apology to me; it mostly sounds like she's trying to come up with excuses. ?It does sound like she's trying though and sometimes that is all we can hope for from MILs. ?:)

Kelly Madonna

I'm giggling over the whole thing really because it's a little dramatic for me (English, we don't really DO feelings). Plus, MIL wasn't getting MOTY any time soon herself

But, on a serious note, it IS interesting to read all your interpretations - thanks.

belle204

Oh, and you know I'm the master of ignoring whining so I've got your back on that. Whining is an artform to my A.

mags2041

"You all will survive" that is something my MIL would totally say.  Totally passive aggressive.

I've seen your parenting skills in person and they're great!  Whining is a part of toddlerhood and we cannot tend to every single second of it!

Bellisimo

It's sounds like a truce to me.  And it sounds like she's openly admitting that you guys have differing opinions on how to handle certain circumstances but admits that neither are right or wrong.  It sounds like she's acknowledging her need to butt out and doesn't seem to have a problem doing so.  It also sounds like she feels like she was taken the wrong way and that she never intended any harm and that she loves all three of you.