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Parenting
how to handle bratty niece around my dd?
With the holidays coming, I have one major concern--the time we're going to be spending with my sister and her 2 1/2 year old. I know this sounds awful, but despite loving my neice, she is far from easy to love. I know no child is perfect, and certainly not at 2 1/2, but my neice seems downright nasty. She has been home full time with my sister, who is very lax in "rules" and discipline (as in, no time out or any form of admonishment whatsoever when my neice misbehaves), for her whole life. She does not share, will literally rip toys out of my daughter's hands (my dd is 15 months this week), push her out of the way to get others' attention if my parents attempt to pay any attention to my daughter, push her even when she thinks others aren't looking, and is just, well, a brat. She has the exact same personality as my sister (her mom), which is that she will do anything, harm anything, for anothers' attention if that paid to her is threatened. My dd is finally starting to assert herself back and hold on more tightly to the toy being pulled away from her, etc., and it breaks my heart to see my neice being so mean, especially to my dd. It also drives me crazy that my sister doesn't address it with anything other than, "Oh, isn't 2 fun?" I think her behavior goes beyond "just being 2." I'm really tempted to admonish my neice or my sister for not controlling her kid. (I note, ironically, that my sister is constantly bashing people who bring their kids to daycare--like me--yet, while my child shares and isn't violent, her child has the social skills of an ox). How would you handle this?
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Re: how to handle bratty niece around my dd?
Nope she really does sound like the typical 2 year old. My 18 month old is a well behaved good sharer...I guarantee by 2.5 years old...he will act like a normal no sharing, trying to get away with things 2 year old.
This has much to do with age, its not necessarily that much of a reflection of your sister as you think it is.
She's 2 1/2 years old...aren't you maybe projecting just a little bit? I think it's sad that at 2 1/2 you are ready to "admonish" your niece. Be the adult.
edited to add that comparing your 15 month olds social skills to that of your 2 1/2 year old niece may be wee bit premature!
i agree with PP. I would say something. Even if this is typical 2 behavior, then she should be in time out or told she is behaving badly and hurting other people. Or she will never learn to act like a 3 or 4 year old.
we have a 2 year old in playgroup, and she does all this to DS. I get a little peaved when her mom says, well time outs do not work. well honestly try harder.
I would be more understanding if this seemed a phase--but it's not. My neice has behaved this way since she grew out of infanthood. Not so long ago, I know, but honestly, her behavior really does stretch beyond a "normal" 2 year old's.
To respond to the above post, I think it's the adult who HAS to admonish a child who is pushing or hurting another--how else will the child learn it's wrong? Granted, the reaction should be appropriate, but I don't think anyone in their right mind would believe ignoring violence is appropriate.
This is pretty much what I was thinking.......
good luck next year when YOUR DD is "that" niece.
I agree. It's pretty normal for a 2 1/2 year old. I tell DD, "We don't take toys away." or " We need to share nicely." I don't think it could hurt if you see your niece is doing this.
Also, when someone is doting on your DD, try showing your niece some affection. She just wants attention too. She's 2. That's what happens
DD is like this also.
Please don't be upset with your niece. It really is normal.
LMAO...the only people who have sided with you...are ones that have NEVER had a 2.5 year old.
If you want to correct her when she does something horrible. Do so in a firm voice, but not too loud. But it probably won't do much good she is 2.5 you have a 5% chance she might get what you said to her.
I disagree with the pp's. While this may be typical for her age, it's up to her mother to discipline her. If my dd takes toys away from younger kids, I sure as heck don't sit there and do nothing. My nephew is 2 1/2 and he plays wonderfully with my dd. He rarely takes things from her or pushed her, and if he does, his parents admonish him for it. How else is a kid going to learn how to behave? Sheesh. I really think that kids today are the way they are because their parents are afraid to discipline them. The point is not that a 2 1/2 year old is prone to act a certain way. The point is that their parents are there to guide them and teach them what is and is not acceptable behavior.
If your sister doesn't step in and say something, I certainly would say something to your niece---especially if she is physically hitting or pushing your dd. I draw the line when someone else's child is hurting my child.
Well, I have a 3.5 year old and have gone through the terrible 2s and troublesome 3s and... I still don't think it's an excuse to let a 2.5 year old push a 15 month old out of the way, rip toys out of her hands etc. ?She needs to be told that she should not be doing that and should be put in time out ( or redirected or whatever tool may work for her). ?It may be a phase but it doesn't mean that parents should sit back and not even attempt to teach their children 'proper' behaviour.
?
And let's be honest here.. there are some 'hard to love' 2.5 year olds out there:)?
I totally get what you're saying- and yes, I've had a 2.5yo before! I think the issue is that you don't really see this changing because this child has absolutely no discipline or rules in her home. I am, therefore, assuming that you do and ultimately want to teach your child those things are not appropriate. Yes, the child is 2 and she's going to have these behaviors- they are normal. Your child will do these things as well.
If the mom is not going to do anything & the child is pushing/hurting your DD, then I don't think it's out of line to say something or redirect the older child. If the child rips a toy out of your DD's hands & you witness that, I would take the toy out of your niece's hands & nicely say "We don't take toys without asking nicely!" Basically positive redirection. At that age difference, they really can't just "work it out" amongst themselves most of the time, your child is too young still- but good she is starting to assert herself.
I think that you do have to start reinforcing the behaviors you want at a young age- otherwise, how will they know the appropriate way to behave? Just know that your DD's time will come when she is that age, and then you will have plenty of time to work with her on how you ultimately expect her to behave.