Crazy family drama....

sdaisies

Where else does one go for unbiased advice, of course, a message board full of people who do not know you IRL!!!  Ok, here is my wwyd:

 

My mom and dad separated in April of this past year because they were unhappy and wanted some time apart and to try counseling. I have always had a good relationship with my dad and DS is his only grandchild. I am also very close with my mom and see how hard this has been on her. Well, my dad called my mom today and left her a voicemail telling her that he has had a long distance girlfriend for the past 18 months and he thinks he wants a divorce.

Then, he calls me and tells me the same and that he is spending the holidays with her, out of state, with no obvious remorse for not spending it with his grandchild? The kicker is that my dad's sister set him up with this women knowing very well of his marital issues, she never liked my mom and has been planning little weekend getaways here and there for them since she has $$. 

 
I am so mad at him for lying like that but really upset that he cares so little about spending the holidays with us and DS. Would you let it go, say something, I have no idea what the best route is. Needless to say my mother is devastated and I think that is playing into all of this. Yikes!!  Tia!
 

Rebekah1021

Yikes! Nice aunt.

Did you tell your dad that he's going to miss Christmas with your DS? I guess there is nothing you can do about it, but if it were me I wouldn't bend over backwards to make sure he sees your DS. Make him do the work.

((Hugs))

Kelly Madonna

He left your mum a voicemail? Yeah, I'd be p*ssed at that part alone.

ElizabethD

OK it sounds like this is still very "fresh" news as far as him going public with wanting a separation.  He's clearly in a state of insanity.  Clearly this girl isn't going to work out, he's lost his marbles, lost his values, etc.

The question is whether any nudging and shame can SNAP HIM OUT OF IT, or if it'll take the girl breaking up with him to snap him out of it.  The success rate of marriages from affairs is a pathetic 17%... that means 83 out of every 100 marriages from an affair END.

It's a very challenging situation to be in, but the one thing you can guarentee is if your mom and you make it *impossible* for him to have an *ounce* of shame, or remorse, then you're basically going to help pave the way for his idiotic mental state to actually come to fruitition.

Can your grandmother tell her daughter (the evil aunt) to go to hell?  That is just so, so, so awful of her to set up your dad with that woman! 

I would call my dad, tell him something like,

"Dad, you are NOT acting like yourself and I miss the real version of you.  I am extraordinarily upset and sad that you are going out with a girlfriend over seeing your one and only grandchild, but this further prove that you are in a bad mental place in your life.  I miss you dad.  The real you.  The man I love, who raised me and who I deeply respected.  I do not like the new headspace you're living in.  I am praying you snap out of this and realize what a horrendous choice you are making.  I will pray that you realize sooner than later that you love your daughter, grandson, and your wife more than the lust of a short-lived affair."

Good luck.