Upset with MIL

blairsgirl

I went over there the other night for dinner.  MH met me there a little later.  And before dinner, she starts telling me how her and FIL have been at BRU pretty much every day for the past week buying gifts for the babies for xmas.  I was so mad and upset.  We told them about the ivf because we wanted our families to know and support us.  Everything we said since telling everyone it worked is that we are being cautious and aren't thinking about buying things or anything like that for a long time.  So I tell mh when we get home and he got really mad.  I told him that on xmas I was politely going to tell her thank you for thinking of us, however I don't feel comfortable bringing them home yet and would she mind if we kept them there.  I'm not ready for that at all.  DH called her and she said well you did announce to people so be expecting gifts on xmas.  Am I overreacting? My family is not buying gifts.  Maybe it's just the hormones.

ChiBride2007

I can see how MIL would be excited - though I think every day at BRU when you're 7w along is a bit much - but I wouldn't feel comfortable stocking my house with baby gear at that point either. I think you're right to be appreciative, say thank you, and then let her know that you'd rather wait to bring the items home until you're further along and more confident that all is going well. One thing I've learned is that other people hear 'baby' and go nuts, while we're the ones worrying about risks, miscarriage, vanishing twin, etc.  At least she's excited, when we told my MIL I was pregnant she didn't say a single word. Nice.

MNheidi

I was the same as you.  We announced early but I still asked that no one get us "baby" Christmas presents.  My ils listened but my own mother couldn't control herself and ended up getting us a frame and blanket.  It wasn't much and I ended up being okay w/ it but I hope your Mil understands how you wouldn't want to bring them home right away.  Shoot, I was cautious until those babies came home w/ us from the hospital. 

MrsARC1105

I would also be upset.  I am sure you appreciate the generosity but it is early days now and I think most people would understand where you are coming from.

I would have DH talk to them and ask that they hold on to those items till your shower.  Maybe he should mention the stats so they can understand why you are being cautious?

Temp159135562506975

I would tell her that you are thankful for the gifts- but you don't want them in your house yet- that you are still being cautious and if anything were to happen- seeing them in your home would hurt too much.

you can't fault her for being excited... people don't understand i think b/c back in the day nobody knew they were pg this early on- by the time they knew it was generally "safe" ya know?  So she probably just doesn't understand why you'd be so cautious.

you can't stop people from buying gifts... but you can ask that they store them at their houes until you are ready. I think that is reasonable.

we got a couple presents for DS for xmas before he was born - but greg and i didn't buy the baby anything at that point... I just stored them away.

CMW

I can understand that you would feel uncomfortable with this but I think a lot of people (especially older people) have a hard time understanding why it would make you feel uncomfortable (because of the risk of miscarriage I assume).  I think this is the reason many people choose to wait to tell family because a lot of families (especially Moms) go crazy with the thought of babies on the way. 

The one thing I can say is at least she is excited.  My MIL did not seem very excited at first and I would have killed for a MIL/FIL that was out buying gifts for the babies.  (but I can still see where you are coming from)

 Hang in there!

irish1114

I totally understand.  I was scared to buy anything in my 1st trimester.  I wanted to get one of those Christmas ornaments that's a pregnant woman, but it freaked me out, so I can understand how buying things for your babies would upset you.

Hopefully your mil understands & leaves the stuff at her house.