I am having a hard time

indianasunshine

The holidays and all. ?I thought by this year we would be parents or at least well on our way. ?This is cycle 15, and we are one cycle away from IUI. ?I have no hope and am so depressed. ?I know there are so many ladies out there like me, so I know I am not alone. ?How do you all make the best of the holidays? ?I have a wonderful DH, but I am so sad. ?I started blogging today to try to get my feelings out, but I really feel lost. ?How are you all coping?

&&

Hey, I am right there with you.  We are on cycle 12, on our 3rd IUI, and my one big timeline that I stupidly set for myself was to be pg by the end of the year.  I figured that was a reasonable goal, and nothing yet.  I was just about to write the same things that you expressed when I read your post. 

So sorry for venting on your post, I don't have any advice for you, and am DREADING the holidays myself.  I am apprehensive about sharing those feelings w my H b/c I dont want to ruin the holidays for him too. 

I am glad that I am not alone in those feelings though....

iluvtom

Indiana- Until my BFP I felt lost and alone. DH is great but I do not think he really  "got it" IF is a bummer and it affects all aspects of life. The Nest was my sanity becasue it was an outlook that I am not alone. i am still praying for a sticky baby but maybe IUI will be your answer, it worked for many. good luck and try to enjoy the holidays

caribou

I'm on cycle 15 too (cycle 8 since my m/c).   I understand how you feel, there are days I feel it will never happen, that I'll either keep having m/c, or that it was just a fluke that I got pregnant in the first place and won't again.

It doesn't help that my husband's cousin is pregnant, she got married in July and apparently got pregnant the same month. Last time I saw her she just went on and on and on and on about how easy it was for her to get pregnant....snap her fingers and she's pregnant .  Thank God, the next time I see her will be well after she has the baby...hopefully by then I will be pregnant.

 Oh and it doesn't help that my EDD is/was 12/28. 

Good luck with your IUI...maybe something will happen  before then.

leffe1

I know exactly how you feel as I am approaching a year. Everything in my life is wonderful and I have so many blessings. This is the one thing that I just cannot make happen on my timeline anyway. It is especially difficult at this time of year. I just try to enjoy the holiday season and forget about TTC at least for a while. Please never give up hope no matter how hard life gets. Take care.

Brosis

I can totally relate. ?I had 2 m/c's this year, and Baby #1's EDD would have been 11/27/08. ?AF just arrived yesterday, my first cycle after m/c #2. ?I cried myself to sleep last night, while DH tried to comfort me.

It has definitely been a hard season.

I'm trying to keep busy with Christmas preparations - shopping, menu planning, etc., but it's hard not to be sad at times. ?Prayer has been a big help as well.

I'm hoping the board will be aglow with BFP's in the coming year. ?Good luck with the IUI!

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QE2

I'm with you also. I have really been struggling lately and I'm only 1 month away from starting IVF. It should be something to look forward to but I'm not. I see it as spending our house down payment on something that should happen naturally and what many people spend their life trying to avoid. I used to get discouraged for a few days and bounce back, but I'm no longer able to bounce back. I just had to field my 11th pregnancy announcement since TTC. This one was my SIL and it really hit me hard. All I could think was that I should have had a baby by now. We are starting to tell family about or difficulties because I'm sick of being asked why we don't have kids or being told that we need to  "step up to the plate" and start having kids.

In order to cope with the holidays I'm just doing a small celebration with my mom and DH. I also decided today that I'm no longer opening up the picture Christmas cards of babies and families...my husband can handle those. I also started researching infertility depression and realized that I need something else to focus on. I'm burnt out on temping, charting, OPKs, fertility meds, green tea, Robitussin and HPT's. I'm also sick of living my life in 2 week increments. I think I'm going to start focusing more on my health and train for a 5K or half-marathon. I need to divert my energy somewhere else before explode.

 Good luck to you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and hope you have a wonderful and peaceful holiday
 

 

lablori

I know how you feel; I've just moved onto cycle 16 or 17(I'm starting to lose count now).  It's helped that I stopped temping(last month) and like QE2 I also find that not living in 2 week increments has helped a bit.  I get more upset reading about BFP's on this board that have come more easily than mine so usu skip reading them and I've spent more time on TTTC lately as well; that is a great group of ladies(as are the ones here).  I don't think I've been very helpful but you're not alone in being sad that it has to be this hard to have a kid.  The boards are wonderful but I've also tried to stay away for a little bit lately to take my mind off of TTC, particularly at this time of year.   

Hope you're feeling better and less sad soon and I hope your IUI in January brings what you're wishing for!:)

joyfulnature

Dear Indiana,

DH and I just started TTC last month, so I don't know personally what you must be feeling. But I can imagine how very, very difficult it is, particularly at this time of year.

I have seen many of your posts here, and you seem like such a nice person. You encourage all of the rest of us.

IUI works for many people, as do other IF methods. I have a friend who turned to IVF after trying for more than a year. She had her son at 35. At 39, she had the remaining embryo emplanted and just had her second child at 40.

I hope that you get your BFP even before IUI, but if you don't, there are still many options out there.

Your future baby is very lucky to be so wanted.

 

 

JDG2007

Oh Indiana...you are so not alone on this one. Reading the responses it's clear that you (we) are not alone. I am in the middle of cycle 17 and am too a cycle away from IUI. Our ages are the same and my DH is mid-40's as well.

Your question "how are you coping?" Well, lets see, my relationship with my DH is strained at times to the point that we question why we're wanting to be parents so badly, I hate my in-laws more then ever (that's another story), I resent my sister (who has 3 kids) particularly because we got into a fight where she said that I would never have kids, and I've gained tonnes of "emotional coping" weight, To say the least, I'm not coping well.

Just recently though I have been thinking about needing help to cope better. My fertility clinic has counselling which I think I'm finally ready to admit I need. I've also started working out again, for some reason I stopped when we started TTC thinking it was better to focus all my energy on baby making. I'm also going to start socializing more, I have done a really good job of distancing myself from good friends, particularly the ones who are pregnant (e.g., my 3 bridesmaids).

Thanks for asking this question, it's obviously hit a nerve with many of us and here's to 2009 bringing bfps for all :-)

 

indianasunshine

Thank you to all of you for sharing your feelings about this very difficult time. ?I hate to be such a downer, but sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my emotional rope! ?We all have a great deal in common, but I love that we are all at different points in our journeys and taking many different approaches to achieve the same goal. ?I hope we all get there very soon!!! I ordered my IUI meds today, and they will arrive on the 30th. ?I think AF will arrive on the 3rd, but since that is the weekend I had to pick a date that didn't involve a weekend or New Year's. ?Since the meds are nonrefundable, we are pretty much decided on letting this o come and go. ?I can't know for sure that I'm not pg (yeah, right) and get the meds on time to start the cycle. ?It's strange for me to let a cycle slip by, but I don't feel like I have much choice. I going to try to enjoy the holidays, try to lose a little more weight (my thyroid really did a number on me!), and look forward to my IUI. ?I am scared of it not working, but I know that what we're doing isn't working either. ?It's time for a change and hopefully a step in the right direction. ?It gives me comfort knowing that you ladies will be there for me!