HELP! -- COPING WITH SEPARATION FROM CHILD

m_and_k

I am struggling with feelings of separation anxiety, as I am preparing to go back to work full-time in a few weeks.  I took my son to visit his daycare center thinking it would help me, but I think it has made things worse. 

I am sad with the realization that my son and I will no longer be together at all times.  By nature I am not a clingy or dependent person, but I just can't seem to get myself mentally prepared for this event.  I have talked about this with DH, but I don't think he fully gets it?

I would appreciate hearing from any working moms on this topic as to how you overcame this hurdle... 

 Thanks much!

GettinNervous

When I first took DS to daycare, he was only 9 weeks old. I had to go back to work. It was very hard for the first few days. By the third day, I swear I felt 98% better about it once I saw he was fine. I used the time alone to my benefit. I got to eat a hot lunch without interruption and talk to people again. That might sound selfish, but I was going to be at work for 8 hours anyway, so I made the most of it.

I flew home because I could not wait to see him. It was like Christmas every time I got home, because I was so excited to see him!!

jennie13

I was a wreck in the weeks leading up to daycare.   I was an ugly mess the morning I took DD to daycare the first day.   I was also a total mess my first day of work (her 2nd day of daycare.)    By the 3rd and 4th days, I cried less, but looked at her pictures constantly.   On Friday, I didn't cry at all, but it all started again Sunday night.  

 I'd say by the 3rd week, it became such a routine that I didn't get upset anymore.   Sad, but not beside myself.  The sadness didn't go away completely (I've been back to work about 4 months now) but knowing how much DD loves her daycare, and not being stressed out financially makes it easier. 

 Hang in there.

MrsAmers

My advice is to use the next few weeks to focus on your son and not to focus on being away from him when you go back to work.  Drink in every minute you have and don't spend time feeling sad about something that hasn't even happened yet.

Everything you're feeling is normal, but there is no reason to ruin your last few weeks of maternity leave with sadness.

When you get within a few days of your return, make a list of all of the benefits of going back to work (adult interaction, financial security, uninterrupted bathroom breaks, etc) and all of the benefits that your son will get from daycare (structured environment, learning that you'll always come back for him, interaction with other babies & toddlers, etc.).  Also, if there is any way that your DH can take your son to daycare, I highly recommend it.  It was much easier for me to say goodbye to my DD at home in my husband's arms...at least for the first few weeks until we got to know her teachers better.

Oh, and lastly, do something just for you before you go back to work.  Go to lunch with a friend, get a haircut, go grocery shopping alone, etc.  Having a couple of hours to focus on yourself and remember the part of you that isn't constantly in mommy mode will help you get ready to be your working self, and IMO, giving daddy some alone time with baby is wonderful for their relationship.  Just make sure that baby isn't napping the whole time that you're out of the house!  :-)

Good luck! 

molldoll71

Aww - hugs - I cried my whole last week home with Billy.  I was so sad and I cried pretty much my whole first day back at work. It's really hard.  What helped me a lot was in the beginning - up until he was about 15 months and eating dinner with us - once I got home from work, all I focused on was Billy - no chores were done - we just played and had fun together.  Then after he went to bed we would eat dinner and I would tackle my chores.  I tried to make each moment we had together quality time.  It gets easier though - one day at a time.  Although for me - I still sometimes get teary Monday mornings when I leave him.  Tons and tons of hugs!

jlw2505

I have been through this twice and honestly, the thinking about it was way worse than actually doing it.  The first time around, I made it a point to go visit daycare a few times before DD started.  I went at different times of days on different days of the week and we typically stayed for an hour or so.  I was able to get to know the staff, see what the room is like at different times and DD got used to it as well.  It was really helpful and made me more comforatble leaving my DD there.  It was not easy and I cried a ton that first day.  The first week was the hardest and I called daycare a lot to check on my DD.  I brought tons of pictures to work and even to this day, will call on days that either of my girls had rough mornings or I jsut need to know how they are doing.  My daycare sends out pictures via email every so often and also weekly emails updating on classroom happenings which really help.  I make sure to take my time talking to the staff at both drop off and pick up so I really get to know the staff and get to know what is going on during the day.  It really helps.

shouldbeworkin

If you have a couple weeks, I would start to leave your DS with a  baby sitter (even if it's your parents) here and there.  Go out on a date with your DH, run errands alone during the day, etc.  I think that will help you see that your DC is fine when you come back.  It is hard the first week or so of daycare, but after awhile you see that your DC is still thriving and loves you tons and it's ok.

babyluv617

3 months later and i'm still working on it. I'm not trying to discourage you, but it's how i feel. I felt better about knowing he'd be well taken care of after a week or so because i realized ds did not think i abandoned him. It's still really hard to leave him though. Just know that you arent alone.

tiff16

Very normal.  I tried to keep super busy at work and that helped a bit.  It does get better but I still have days were I really miss her.  I think that's just part of being a mom!