Family $ drama - advice needed please

JenniC1135

DH's mom started a spreadsheet of bills and account numbers and such that sort of turned into a "last wishes" type of letter to her husband (she married him about 3 years prior and he is a total flake) before she died from colon cancer back in Sep. DH saw it because it was on his laptop, which she had been using. He gave the spreadsheet / letter to the husband, but never came right out and said he'd read it.

Anyway, in it, she mentioned to Bob (the husband) that while she'd left all her money and condo and everything to him, and split her life insurance between DH and him, that she'd had second thoughts after finalizing the will and paperwork. She felt bad for not leaving her parents anything, and she thought it would be really nice if he would give her parents 20K or so from the life insurance. His share of the life insurance should have been about 125K total, which was meant to be used to pay off the condo she bought and that he never paid a dime towards, and other bills, and really he still would have had a decent amount leftover, from my understanding.

Now the grandparents have no knowledge of this request, and we don't even know if Bob knows DH saw it. But we got our share of the life insurance money last week, so he should have gotten his check as well. And we really want him to follow MIL's request to give her parents some money. DH wants to sort of hint to him that he knows about the request, to "encourage" him to follow it. We're really not sure he'd do it on his own - money was always an issue between them and he is really, really cheap. DH just doesn't want to be a jerk about it, though. And we can't think of what, if anything, he could tactfully say to be sure MIL's wishes are followed.

 Thoughts?

Samantha Thomas

I'd straight up tell him you know about the letter and ask if he has given them the money.  He doesn't have to know how you know about the letter.

Emell

If he intends to follow thru with the wish in the letter, he would have done so already, IMO. I doubt anything you say to him will have an impact.

G_Hoping

Keep out of it.  If it wasn't in her Will it wasn't meant to be.  I mean even legally there isn't much to stand on if she already had a will spelling out how things would be distributed.  If he does...great...if he doesn't thats up to him. 

Btw - my MIL died in Aug of Colon Cancer,too.  We are just about done with all of her estate stuff...its a lot of dinking around.

emilykristene2006

Maybe he could say, "Is the $20,000 going to be a surprise for grandma. Or did you already tell her it's coming?"

zacook

 I would have your dh tell bob something like... lets get "mom & dad" over and we can have a get together and surprise them with the money that mom wanted us to give..?? how does bob know that that she didnt tell your dh in a conversation??

shopgirl78

I think you can't force him to give him the money; that's on him.  I would do what you want to and let him decide for himself what he does. 

rach&jay

Could you make it seem as if your DH was told by his mom that she had these wishes?

While it would be a nice gesture, he doesn't have to follow her wishes.

mlm1128

I agree with the idea of having him ask if the money will be a surprise.  How would he know your MIL didn't say something to your husband?  Also, maybe you could offer to do 10K each?  Are you in aposition to do that from your own share?

EliseB0323

I would stay out of it. The letter was between DH's mom and her husband. If his mom wanted you and DH to "encourage" her husband to give her parents money, she would have have told you.

JenniC1135

cjcouple  - We do know that he got the letter because DH was the one to give it to him.  I know he's not legally obligated, it just would be nice if he followed through on it anyway.  MIL was flaky too and should have changed the beneficiaries, but she didn't.  We have some money left that we could give, but MIL's intention was for our share to be for the kids.  I think we will still try to give them some, but I doubt they'd take it from us.

G_Hoping

JenniC1135:

cjcouple  - We do know that he got the letter because DH was the one to give it to him.  I know he's not legally obligated, it just would be nice if he followed through on it anyway.  MIL was flaky too and should have changed the beneficiaries, but she didn't.  We have some money left that we could give, but MIL's intention was for our share to be for the kids.  I think we will still try to give them some, but I doubt they'd take it from us.

Then..you should let it go.  If she really really wanted it to be she would make sure it happened.  I think you might wind up burning a bridge...and at this point the loss was still fresh and things are easily touched off still.  If he wants to do it, he will.   

elm1032004

Does your DH care if he loses contact w/ his step father?  If so then I would stay out of it.  If he doesn't care either way then he can say something if he wants.  There isn't any legal obligation, but he could say "I hope you are going to honor my mom's last wishes and give g'ma and g'pa the 20k that she wanted them to have even though it wasn't in the will because it's the right thing to do." but be prepared that it's likely to cause a rift.

DandR

Couldn't you give 10K or so from your inheritance to the grandparents if its bugging you???

I don't think you should bring it up to him....its his issue and nothing that can be forced.

hopefulmom

Legally he doesn't have to give them anything since it was not in the will.  What your DH can do is mention to "Bob" that he knows of her wishes and wanted to know when he intended to give the $20,000 to the grandparents.  He mays say he's not and then you'll all know he is not going to honor her wishes.  If $$ has always been a problem between them he probably will not give it to them.  If he says he is not going to then your DH could always give some of his :0)