Do you 100% trust your husband?

feb2006

I know this is a loaded, and possibly a flameworthy, question....but I'd love to how your thoughts.  Let me preface by saying that my DH is awesome, sweet - and an amazing husband and father.  That being said, I am traumatized by my own stupid father who cheated numerous times on my Mom; it sucked.  Yes, I did go to therapy - but that shiit lingers forever.   Ugh.

Anyway, my DH mentioned a co-worker, "Sue", to me about a year ago...he & his boss took her out to lunch and he talked to me about her later that night; he said she was "not like the others" (because he works with a bunch of idiot girls who talked crap about me at a company party....very mature).  He has mentioned Sue a bunch times since....but I don't get freaked out because 1) they work closely together and I understand that you share stories about those who you work with and 2) I trust him -truly- and he'd never talk about another woman to get me jealous or something silly like that.

Fast forward to the other day....I finally met Sue.  And I Iiked her, alot.  The crappy part: unless I'm a delusional drama queen, I could swear there was flirtatious banter going on between them.   I know it's innocent - hell, I probably do the same thing (without realizing it) with my male friends/coworkers....but it's truly innocent. 

I have never NOT trusted DH....but I know what I saw the other day - and I feel sick about it.   I do think this is more about my scars from my A-hole day than about my DH.   Right?    I hate this

Thanks for 'listening'.  

LoriFalce

I trust my husband completely. Doesn't mean I don't get jealous.

NicknSteph

exactly my thoughts...I completely trust my DH and to me, jealousy is natural

StageDva

There is no harm in innocent flirtation.  It happens and is actually healthy. As long as it is not taken any further, obviously. And yes, in a situation like this, of course I trust my husband.  I wouldn't have married him otherwise.

tmp-354536812503300

I know this is a potentially flameful answer as well but, it's wierd I trust that DH would never cheat on me (I know never say never) but there is no way I 100% trust him when it comes to other matters. We've dealt with some major MAJOR trust issues over the years battling addiction and of course the lies, deception, hurt, disrespect, etc that come with that so it's hard to trust him in those areas but I have never lost trust that he would cheat on me.

On your situation - I think both men and women at times have banter between each other that could look like something but may be 100% completely innocent. I would say there's comfort in the fact that DH did talk to you about Sue from the beginning but if you're feeling uncomfortable, give him the benefit of the doubt an dspeak to him about it, that's the best way to build and gain trust between each other anyway.

Tess12

Yes, I trust my husband 100%.

 

ABMcKinney

I trust him 100%.

You should talk to him about what you are feeling!

babynorthrip

Eh, that's a tough one. I would probably just be all paranoid and stew on it quietly, so I didn't seem like and over-reactive jealous wife and wait until there was something to openly worry about. I don't know? DH doesn't work with females unless he is in the office which is almost never. But if you really think it's mostly about your dad issues, that's good, then I'd say just let it go. It's good that you like her, too. What do they say..? Keep your friends close, enemies closer?

Temp146997687502158

Have you talked with him about your feelings? sounds like that is the best place to start.

lanie26

I trust him, but we talk a lot.

He's a nurse. he's the only male nurse on his floor. All of his carpooling, parties, and dinners are with other women.

I am not concerned in the slightest but we also have a really good relationship and we talk, a lot.

Luckystar2

LoriFalce:

I trust my husband completely. Doesn't mean I don't get jealous.

Ditto!  I talk to my DH about it if I have a hint of jealousy.  When he was teaching a college class he'd tell me stories of the girls in his class. They all sounded really flirtatious...they'd bring him brownies, etc.  We joked about it all the time and I would tell him, hey...do I have to come down there and tell those girls to back off!  He knows I can be jealous, but we've very open and honest about things.  He doesn't keep this stuff secret and like I said we will joke around about it.  He does have some girl friends and that doesn't bother me.  I just have gotten to know them myself and I know that he isn't flirtatious.  I guess if I felt he was being flirtatious I would talk to him about it.  I would still trust him, but sometimes guys don't realize they can be flirting.  I'd just tell him that the girl may be taking somethings the wrong way.

I think communication is key!!

babynorthrip

I also agree with the pps, jealousy is normal, so is a little flirting....I mean, I've flirted with lots of co-workers, but that was just it, a little harmless flirting. And I do trust my husband 100%.

May524

I've also dealt with a similar situation with my DH with his boss (who is a female).  Woman's intuition is pretty dead on.  Maybe confront your husband about it if you feel uncomfortable.

care22

LOL, I don't trust my DH farther than I can throw him when it comes to getting stuff done. He'll say he'll do something and then NEVER do it. However, in terms of other women, I trust him. However, with that beign siad, I'm a jealous wife. He knows it. I was a jealous girlfriend. I'm fine with women he knew before we were together , but the new ones that pop up from work or something, I don't trust. He knows that and he makes a point to let me meet these women. Usually that's all it takes. In you situation, I wouldn't really worry. Flirting is a natural thing. If they take it further that's a worry, but friendly inside joke banter isn't anything to worry about.

preacherswife04

I do trust my husband 100%, HOWEVER, I believe that it is important to hold  him accountable to the standards that we have set. He has asked me to do this after I had a "feeling" and investigated his laptop years ago (before we were married) and found evidence of websites he had visited. We do not think that certain images should be in men's heads- it does not develop the character that we believe a Godly man should have (yes, we are Christians- he is a pastor). and we do NOT think that any kind of flirting is ever okay. These are the standards that WE have set for our marriage based on Biblical principals. Of course others choose differently and base standards on different things. Not saying ours is the only way...but it's our way. My job is to keep him accountable. Maybe you could discuss it with DH and see if he is comfortable with you "calling him out" when you feel uncomfortable. Even if it is just giving him the chance to explain before your mind goes to crazy places. HTH

Sarabell55

I do trust DH completely.  But on the other hand I somewhat relate to what you are talking about.  This past August my sister's divorce was final from a bastard who cheated on her on and off throughout there 7 year marriage.  So I can understand what you mean.

maybe you just need to say something to him like, "you know i have issues with this and I feel like I just need to ask..." 

jessicasuzann

I do trust DH 100%, and I hope he feels the same way.

Honestly, I flirt a little with the few male co-workers at my school, I am good friends with them, and DH has hung out with them and their wives all together on several occasions. I share stories about them with him often too--in fact, both guys are now expecting their first babies this spring! So DH knows them, likes them, and (I hope!!) trusts me. It's natural to flirt a tiny bit. We're married, but we're not dead! ;-)

franciscaz

It sounds like you know this is probably all in your head and that is what it sounds like to me.  I commend you for going to counseling and say keep it going.  Eventually you will be able to change that negative pattern of thought that is so hurtful to your marriage.

Do I trust my husband 100%.  When it comes to other women w/o a doubt.  Probably b/c I've seen so many "throw" themselves at him and seen him be very blunt back saying "hey, I don't think that is right".  He also was very honest with me recently when a co-worker developed strong feelings for him and had her transfered to another community.  Also I know his nature, he may be a dork sometimes but he sure is a loyal dork

Max'smom

100% trust. We have great commuication and will talk about flirting.

I think it is normal. And yes you probably do flirt with or without knowing it. It makes us feel good and most of the time when your relationship is healthy it is completely innocent. For the past 4 years I have mainly worked with men. All of my work friends are married men. I know most of the wives and I am really good friends with one wife. She was bothered by her DH and my friendship in the beginning, until she go to know me. DH and I work together, so if he has female work friends I know them. It makes jealousy less likely to get to know people. IMO.

pamarshea

I truly 100% trust my husband, and yeah I can still get jealous if he were to talk about another woman, which he doesn't but if he did yeah I'd be jealous.

eowynmn

lanie26:

I trust him, but we talk a lot.

He's a nurse. he's the only male nurse on his floor. All of his carpooling, parties, and dinners are with other women.

I am not concerned in the slightest but we also have a really good relationship and we talk, a lot.

Murses rock. If it makes you feel any better, there are lots of murses in training in my program (by lots I mean mayb 10% of the class) and none of the girls are trying to trip all over them.  most nurses are married. 

eowynmn

When it comes to other women, I do 100% trust him.  I don't always trust other women but that's different and because my husband is noticably hotter than me since he's lost his weight, I'm ok with that though.

He wouldn't have time to have an affair if he wanted to.

Temp174496125006552

Yes, I do.  He is not the cheating type - at all.  He is very loyal, didn't date a lot and has always said that he feels so lucky to have found me and that he'd never do anything to 'screw it up' (and I feel exactly the same way).  Plus, he said that if he ever did, after I got done castrating him and my brothers got done breaking both his legs, his sisters would take care of any remaining part of him. 

But in all seriousness, I agree that you should talk to him about what you are feeling.  GL!

KKCG

yes 100%

femmeftle9

I trust my DH... he still talks to his ex-wife and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. I feel in my gut that there is nothing going on between them. There is one woman who drives me MAD though, she is a business associate and I could tell he was interested in her at one time. So every time she comes to town and tries to get in touch with DH, my blood boils.

babygroves

eowynmn:

He wouldn't have time to have an affair if he wanted to.

LOL. That is so true of my DH! Poor guy!

I do trust him 100%, but I do get jealous sometimes.Girls can flirt all they want... I know he is coming home to me and the baby!!

GL

fIowerchild

I trust him 100%. But I still keep an eye out for 'threats'.