BFing Rant

MellyMelB

I keep thinking about Hale's BFing class experience and the more I think about it the more it pisses me off. I also think about the bad experiences a lot of the mommies on this board had with the nurses in their hospitals and that pisses me off.

I know I only breast fed for 3 months but while I did it was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I went into it, like I said below, with an open mind knowing that it would be great if I could but not the end of the world if I couldn't. I try my very hardest to give advice (when people ask) based on that mindset because I really think that its the overzealousness of some, the propaganda preaching, and more that really kill the interest some women have in breastfeeding.

The whole situation is so annoying to me but what puts me over the edge is when the professionals themselves who are trying to promote breastfeeding are the ones who are turning people off to the idea.

Ugh. So irritating. Sorry. I don't get it.

MrsLeanna

I don't know why the BF issue is so controversial and touchy at all.  But it seems to always be that way. 

I think if you ask every mommy on this board they have (or had) a different opinion / approach / experience with BF.  

I chose not to BF, I didn't want to, it was the right choice for me and I will do the same with my next baby.  I was afraid that I was going to be pressured and looked down on and judged, especially at the hospital.  Luckily, my experience was the opposite, none of the nurses ever questioned me or tried to make me change my mind and I was very thankful for that!  

I agree with you that there should be more support for whatever decision a mommy makes! 

GenaAndJosh

I can't even begin to tell you about the experience I had with the BFing consultant that came to see me when I was in the hospital. I had nicely explained to her that b/c of my medication, and there not being enough research on it for Bf'ing that I had chosen not to.  She went on and on that I probably didn't do enough research and that my medication is probably safe.  I asked her if she had ever even heard of my meds and she hadn't.  Then how the f*ck do you know if it is safe?  Honestly, if formula feeding was such a horrible thing for a baby, then the option would exist.  She also asked me if I HAD to be on the medication; I very kindly advised her that I though it would be better for Spencer to have a mother who was healthy enough to take care of him. 

Honestly, I understand how great BFing is, and I had really wanted to do it for him.  However, in the end, it wasn't the best option for both of us combined. 

MelanieJH1016

I agree Mel. You know my situation cause I cried on the phone to you!! But for everyone else, my nurses and lactation specialist were nothing but unhelpful. I wanted to BF, I tried... they all told me my baby was too lazy because she was premature. In hindsight, my baby was not a "premee", she was born at 37w1d, that's full term!! I ended up giving up the first night and giving her a bottle. I continued to try at home for 2 weeks, but I was so defeated by the negativity of the staff at my "so-called breastfeeding hospital" that I ended up giving up completely. It really sucks how unsupportive the people that are supposed to help you are. If I had better support from the hospital, I may have had a more positive outlook about it and tried harder. In the end, my baby is healthy on formula, but still, it sucks that my experience was tainted by those nurses.

MariM

The first thing people asked me when I told them I was pregnant was if I was planning on breastfeeding. At the time I hadn't given it much thought so I would answer that I didn't know. I decided halfway through pregnancy that I did not want to breastfeed. Anyhow- when people asked at that point and I answered no, some people actually looked horrified! I was sooo amazed that people had such an interest in what I did with my boobs and how I decided to feed my baby... I received TONS of lectures and stories about how breastfeeding is the best and how it benefits the baby and how I should definetly do it, etc...

At my childbirth class the teacher spoke lots about breastfeeding and seemed to assume all of the mommies to be in the class would be.. at that point I started to worry about what would happen when I went to deliver!!! My friend who had her baby around that time at the hospital where I was going to deliver had a terrible experience with the lactation consultant who made her feel terrible because she was unable to breastfeed. She was depressed for weeks.

Luckily no one gave me a hard time about not breastfeeding at the hospital, although I did have to say I was bottle feeding 1,000 times. Everyone just assumed I would breastfeed and I wish they would ask before assuming... My baby even had this little card on her hospital bassinet that said: "I am a beautiful breastfed baby..." Why couldn't she just be a beautiful baby regardless of how she's fed???

At this point when people ask me why I am not breastfeeding I just say I never got milk... This is a lie and I hate that I feel the need to lie, but it just beats having to hear people lecture me about passing on my immunities to my baby, etc... I hate that I feel like people are going to look down on me because I am not breastfeeding my baby and really- why should I care what other people think as long as I am feeding and caring for my child?

I wish this wasn't such a big deal and people would just support mom's regardless of how they decide to feed their baby. They are my boobs and my baby and I should be able to choose what I want to do with them! LOL! I am supportive of mom's who decide to breastfeed and admire them for taking it on, I just knew it wasn't for me...

 

Haleakala

I'm not sure in my case if it was all the instructor's fault, she was nice it's just that the whole class wasn't what I expected it to be (and coming from the childbirth class the night before, I had expected to learn so much, since the other class was so good).

But, I did disagree with some of the things she said...like you should/must do it becuase only you can supply this and the bonding. My husband will bond with the baby and he can't breastfeed so why is it assumed that you must to bond? I just didn't like the way it was said (and I was told by the pedi to supplement with a bottle to get other people involved so in case of an emergency you are not the only one she depends on- the teacher disagreed).   

I went in knowing that it would be painful, that it would be hard to latch on, and all the lovely things that can happen to your boobs so it wasn't like I was expecting all puppies and rainbows but the class made me lean more toward okay, if it doesn't work- to formula we go (which was my husband's response as soon as I told him how I felt).

I was given formula as a baby and so was my husband so I see nothing wrong with it (and even if I can breastfeed I would still supplement with work anyway) but I am willing to try.

We'll see how things go in another month but as a woman returning back to work I feel the odds are against me in trying to do this as long as I want to.       

     

 

KT&BG

I went through pregnancy with the mindset that I would love to make BFing work, but if it didn't I had no qualms about switching to formula.  I honestly have to say that I was lucky in receiving the support I needed at the right times to be able to make it through the learning process and keep at it.  My sister was incredibly helpful during the first week or 2, especially because she's gone through a very rough time BFing the year and received lots of different advice from friends and LCs.  I also was lucky to find the Nurturing Your Newborn mom's group up in Boca (Thanks V!) which was nice since they were able to provide BFing support while also being open to the idea of supplementing or feeding exclusively with formula if that's what worked better for Mom & baby.

If I had needed to depend solely on the nurses at the hospital or the BFing class I had while pregnant (I won't go into Coral Springs Community Educaiton Center listing a support group on their calendar that doesn't actually meet....), then I never would have made it past the first week or so.  This is one of the hardest things that I have ever done, and I found it frequently painful through at least the first 6-7 weeks - especially in the middle of the night when neither my baby or I was feeling particularly coordinated or patient.  BFing seems very easy now, but it definitely took at least 4 months to feel that way.  I'm also lucky that I didn't have to go back to work until DS was almost 4 months old, so I had time to get everything working before having to throw pumping into the equation.

I agree that it's frustrating that more of the support available doesn't seem to recognize that formula sometimes is the best option - on either a part or full-time basis.  I feel lucky that things worked out for me - I fully recognize that I needed a lot of support to get to where I am, and I'd love to be able to pass that support on to anyone who's going through the same thing.  I think part of the problem with the professionals is that sometimes they haven't experienced the problems first hand and don't understand or remember just how confusing and painful the experience can sometimes be.  Especially since it is NOT always a rough experience - I know of other women who have had no issues at all with BFing and extol the virtues without any real consideration or understanding of the toll that it can take on a new mom when it's not going well.

My advice to any new moms who are interested in trying to BF - get recommendations for GREAT support (either a friend, LC or support group) and talk to them before the baby comes.  Obviously you won't know how everything is going to play out before hand, but it can be much harder to find the support you need when you no longer have a minute to think after the baby comes.  And always remember that many (if not most) of us grew up on formula and we turned out just fine :-)