having marrige issues...

ancjph

So I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. So you ladies are it, sorry. So its been a rough two days. So yesterday early moring I was up with one of the babies while Dh was asleep. I went to check my email before getting ready to go to work, when it openned up Dh's email. I'm not a snopp but I found over 75 emails back and forth between some other women.

I got ready for work and left him a message we would talk when I came home. Well I yelled and screamed and cried the whole way to work. I some how made it through the day. It was horrible last night. He swears nothing ever happened, that it was just emails. He feels so bad, but I feel so hurt and broken hearted. We are sleeping in different rooms. I have no idea what to do. I just feel so lost.

hopewill

i'm sorry.  unfortunately there is isn't anything in the world we can say to make it better.  i will be praying for you and your marriage.  your babies are so young!  try to keep it together for your sake and theirs.

 

good luck!

AlisaS

Woman or WOMEN? And, did you copy the emails?

Definately counseling for the both of you, right away.

Lani Lyons

I am sorry to hear about this... I am having major issues with my dh as well, I know how crappy it feels. Counseling would help, I'm sure, but we most definitely don't have the time/money for that right now. Just know, you are not alone. I believe that if making it through is what you want, you will find a way to make it happen and get through this.

jenn_darrin1515

I second the counseling idea...I am sorry...what a shi!!y thing to have happen...

LilSurferGirl

I am so sorry you're going through this.  I agree that counseling would be helpful - ideally together if your DH is willing, if not then at least for you to have someone to talk to.  I can only imagine the stress and changes in your lives since having triplets, and this is certainly not a good situation to add to that.  Only you know your DH - do you believe him that it was just e-mails?  Can you forgive him and try to work things through?  We're here for you whenever you need to vent, and I'll keep your family in my prayers.  Talk to your DH about counseling - the sooner the better.  You don't want to let it fester while sleeping in separate rooms.  Hugs. 

laceymb

I'm so sorry to hear you are having trouble. Did you find out why your DH was emailing this woman? I think it is important to get to the root of why it started. Counseling would be ideal. If you can't afford it see if possibly your church or any local church would offer some counseling to you at a low or no cost.

caseybog

I don't know what to say, other than I am so sorry for what you are going through.  I can't even imagine.  Feel free to vent all you want here - we'll be here to listen. **hugs**

Moonpie73

I'm so sorry to hear your troubles.  I agree with pp's - maybe counseling would help?  Keep your chin up. 

ancjph

Dh comes from a divorced home and more then anything we don't want that for our children. We are more then willing to go and talk to someone.

pea-kay

oh sweetie, i am so sorry. how awful.

FloF9

I'm so sorry.  How awful for you - I've been there.  Last Christmas - the twins were 6 months old.  He was feeling stress as I was with the babies sleeping, feeding, etc... he was also out of work for about 2 months. 

 He announced he wanted out - that I deserved better, that he couldn't deliver, that he would help me out any way he could etc...

I read an article the other day about "father post partum" depression - how it happened to one guy who's wife had just had triplets.  I don't know if you guys believe in this sort of thing, but it sounded plausible to me.  Especially if the husband is helping out with feedings, changes, etc... they must be just as exhausted or almost as us mother of multiples.  Having multiples is such a HUGE undertaking.   In any case - I would recommend counseling - he may be overwhelmed.  Good Luck!!!!!

linda98ny

I am so very sorry for what you're going through. ?I hope he is open to counseling and that you can work things out. ?I know it must be hard to be strong for you and for your babies. ?Hugs!!!!

Jessarella

Do you have a church leader who could sit down and talk with you both, it may be free, and he could possibly come to your home. I agree with counseling. I am the kind of person who would want to read every word of those emails, and he should be willing to show them to you if he wants you to believe "nothing happened." It might be worse if you read them, but then you would know.I am sure he is stressed and overwhelmed. You should be the one he talks to though, not some stranger online. Good luck sweetie. I'm so sorry.

kyluvsaj

I wish I could say that "I can't imagine" what you are going through but unfortunately I can.  The babies were 2 months old.

The same thing happened to us.  I pulled up a browser page he had left up and an email between him and a guy friend happened to be there.  It was a long chain talking about a co-worker of mine (that DH also worked with) and it was quite obvious what was going on.

I was SO betrayed.  It started while I was pregnant and continued until I discovered it.  He swears it never became physical but they had shared an inappropriate relationship, whatever that means.  I treated it as if something did happen because quite frankly I didn't believe him.

I couldn't imagine going back to work and seeing this woman whose office is next to mine.  She pretended to be my friend and he pretended to be the perfect spouse/father.  I got to be the stupid idiot.  My gut reaction was to quit my job but I decided that I wasn't going to let those two reck my career I had worked so hard for.

So we immediately went into counseling and the therapist called DH a "trophy hunter" who needed individual counseling (he got it).  We still struggle through and he realizes that now I have trust issues.  Every day gets better but so far for me it hasn't been the same.

Don't give up on him though.  Listen to what he has to say and what his reasons are.  DO NOT LET HIM BLAME ANY PORTION OF IT ON YOU.  It isn't your fault.  Guys are dumb and just don't think.

I never moved into our guest room.  I made him lay there and hold me when I cried.  He created this mess and he needs to witness the trainwreck.

In a way I am glad that it happened when the babies were too young to remember.  Now DH and I are have new tools to make our marriage work that we wouldn't have had if we hadn't gone to counseling.

I know it hurts and I know exactly how you feel (that burning feeling at the base of your ears, throat and chest) and I know that you can't imagine the shine ever coming back.  Give it time and find the time and $$ to go to a therapist.  You guys can't do this on your own.

If you want some support or just want to chat feel free to email me at kylastarksatyahoodotcom.

{{hugs}}

Temp159135562506975

i'm so sorry. that is horrible.

hopefully he was just doing it to blow off some stress from having the babies, etc... .and now that he realizes how wrong it is it will stop.  I pray you guys can work this out.  That is devistating.

Mrs. Destructo

Oh honey, I am so sorry you're going through this. I really hope that you are able to find a solution quickly. I can't even imagine how hurt and confused you are right now.

tripletmom

(((HUGS)))

I hope you can find a solution.  

EverAfterinMi

Sh!t Amber.. I am so sorry. I hope you guys can work it out but I'd be out of my mind upset too. Please message me if you ever need to vent. My dh and I are at each other's throats right now but I am attributing it to the stress with the babies. ugh.. nothing is easy hey?

 

Hang in there!

macchiatto

I'm so sorry. Big ((((((HUGS)))))) for you. I agree with a pp who said I'd feel better if I read through every word of those emails; he does need to do that for you if he wants you to believe it was "just emails." And it's good to hear you're both willing to get counseling. There are lower-cost options available if that is an issue--counselors who work on a sliding-scale fee, interns (some of them are quite good, and they should be under very competent supervision so you'd benefit indirectly from their supervisor's expertise as well), etc. Get some recommendations, call around for good ones in your area, etc.

kimby3679

I am sooo sorry. I was always hoping that this didn't happen to someone else. I was hospitalized at 32 weeks and at 34 DH left  his cell in my room when he went to work. It rang so I looked at it. It was a text from another woman. So I went thru all of his texts and there were tons. So I went in his email. There were some that still make me sick. After I called him at work to cuss him out he came back immediately. Maybe his thought process is your H's. He said he wasn't really thinking that talking to someone and sending pictures and stuff was cheating and he also thought it was a "safe" way to get his rocks off or whatever because she lived 1500 miles away and would never see her. I know this doesn't make you feel better, but at least you know someone has gone thru this crappy situation too. If you want to chat feel free to hit me up  kimg3679@hotmail.com

Hugs

 

SNL0605

Oh I am so sorry you are going thru this... I think many of us know how stressful multiples can be on a marriage....

I am totally praying for you

I didnt mean to say you are going thru what we all go thru... I know we all have stuff... and I am so very sorry you are going thru this...please let us know if you need anything