Serious WWYD. I can't do this anymore. LONG

KoriBrett

I need objective opinions, please.  I'm too far in this to really be able to see both sides clearly & I feel like I'm just floating, waiting for.... I don't know what.  I know nobody here can tell me what to do, but I need opinions.

Am I just being whiney?  Do I need to just suck it up and deal?

I'm late to work almost daily.  Mornings are a huge hectic rush.  DH leaves for work over an hour before I do so he's not there to help.  He does make lunches & tries to brush off my car if needed, but I'm alone w/the kids.  Bfing one, making sure DD is eating, getting them both changed/clothed/bags ready (I do some the night before but still have to put the food in, mess with bmilk/bottles, etc).  So now that it's snowing my car is freezing shut all the time.  The roads suck.  So I have to get up even earlier.  Ok.  Can do.

Nights are a rush to get them from daycare, home, dinner, baths, bed.  DH has Sam duty while I take care of B by default because I'm bfing.  DH also cooks most dinners because again, bfing. 

I'm cranky.  DD asks if I'm mad.  I'm so tired because DS doesn't sleep... I'm not functioning at work anymore.  I'm late almost every day.  I'm getting in trouble for not doing things (yep, it's catching up with me).  My car is freezing shut, the roads suck, so they're at daycare longer.  I work 40hrs a week and with gas/daycare I'm bringing home less than 100$ a week.  My house is a pigsty because we don't have time to clean.  DD does not get enough sleep and is cranky a lot.  DS doesn't sleep well at daycare b/c there's too much going on.  DD needs to be potty trained and, well, that's not going to happen unless someone is home with her to do it.

If I quit my job, health insurance is through DH for everyone, that's not an issue whatsoever.  We can use more of our cloth diapers for DS.  I'd save on gas.  I can drop car ins. to plpd on my car.  We'd eat better.  DD and DS and I would all get more sleep.  DH wouldn't have to rush home & fix dinner after working 10 hour days.  The house would be clean.  We'd basically break even.  If I sell any sewing crap or get a p-t job we'd be ahead.  We'd qualify for WIC among other things though I really don't WANT to do that, but if it came down to it down the road it'd be there. 

Am I hanging on stupidly??? gah. 

Jodi&Joe

Honestly, if I were in that situation --- and were in it for the length of time that you have been --- I don't know how I would convince myself to go to work everyday.

The reality is that it would take some pride swallowing to make the leap and quit.

On the flip side, you don't know if you don't try.  And it sounds as though you could get another job making what you currently make if you find the situation doesn't work.

I think my response to this scenario was different last time but I'm having a "eff the world" kind of day so I say quit.  Stay home.  BE HAPPY!

Jodi&Joe

Be aware though, a LOT of your vents are VERY VERY common.  Actually, I'm guessing every home with two working parents feels the same way you do.  We just suck it up and deal.  But that doesn't mean you have to!

*sparky*

For $100/week, I would not be able to deal with that much stress.  I work FT and there are times I feel like I am going to lose my mind and I have only one DS - I can't imagine being able to pull it off with two.  And now that cold and flu season has started and we are all sick, it is even more exhausting.

Only you know what the right answer is for your family, but I think I would seriously consider quitting or working PT (if you can find PT care for your infant - that is tough). 

femmegem

It sounds like a no-brainer to me. I'd quit. All this for $100 a week? Nope. Not worth it.

vtgirl

Ok, all things aside, this post kinda scared me (2 kids, working full time, GAH!) but I am gonna move on and tell you what I would do. You are working to pay daycare... there is no way I would do that when you could be at home with your babies, have a clean house, food on the table and be less stressed. I would say if you enjoyed your job to hang in there and stick it out, but it doesn't seem so, so quit! You can find something part time, maybe 1 or 2 evenings a week and make more than that $100 you were bringing in... you guys would be ahead! GL with whatever you decide.

springmom

If it were me, I would sit down with DH, go over all your $$, see where everything is going and see if there is anything you can live without (cable, netflix, going out to eat, etc).  If you can make it work money wise to quit work and stay home, then I would.  If you are really that unhappy and aren't bringing home enough money in your opinion to justify it.  Talk to your DH and see. 

HisBetterHalf

It seems like you're answering your own question.  If I were in your position, I'd definitely quit my job and SAH.  That is basically what I did but it was before DD was even born.  I would have brought home about $300/month after daycare, travel expense, etc so working was just not worth it to me.  We altered our lifestyles a bit and haven't looked back since.  Life is so simple and pretty stress free for us.

Have you discussed this with your DH?  How does he feel?

What kind of job would you be leaving?  Is it a job you love?
 

xbrooklyngrl

Oh honey, what you and DH are doing is just not worth it. I would leave my job after the new year if I were you and stay home, enjoy my kids and everyone will probably be much better off!

Zenya

why haven't you quit already?  It doesn't sound like it makes sense for you to work f/t at all.

femmegem

I should add that you might not be looking at all the downsides of being home with the kids all day, but, again, for $100 a week I would totally not be doing what you're doing. No. Way. In. Hell.
 

BubblyToes

For $100 a week?  Definitely not worth the stress.  Definitely not. 

From reading your other posts, I think it's a no-brainer, but I also think it's a scary step to take. 

(((HUGS)))

Kapalua

ditto all the pp...I think all working moms have the same gripe.  BUT, if you are going to a job every day that you do not enjoy just for $100/week??  If it were me, I'd be gone.  There's gotta be 1000 ways to make up $100/week to maintain your lifestyle (and like you said...probably come out ahead).  Good luck with your decision!

JCS2007

For $100 a week I dont know that I would put myself through all that. I have one child, and work at home with him in daycare, and the process of getting out of the house is a nightmare sometimes.  If being at home is something you would enjoy, I would just do it. You might find something to do from home that makes the $ that you previously were getting after expenses. I am so sorry you are going through this, my DH works crazy hours, and when I was working out of my office it was so hard to do everything and get some joy out of it.  

lilpiglet

I'm in kind of the same situation you are in, except I only have DS, baby #2 is due in May.  but i'm still up at 4:30am and not home until 5:15pm.. that's a long day.. Honestly if i could i would quit and stay home with my kids, and be happy.  sounds like you should try being a stay at home mom and see how it works out.  to me it sounds like you'd be much happier and if you would break even great, if you need assistance, that's what it's there for, if you have to get a part time job, so be it, you'd still have more time with your kids and more time to do things and less strain on your family.  My vote for you is you should quit, a job isn't worth your happiness and your family.  You could always work on the weekends if you have to and a part time job 2-3 days a week for a couple hours always works.  Good luck with your decision. hope all works out.

EliseB0323

I sympathize. I had a similar situation just after DS was born. I just couldn't work full time and take care of everything else on 4 hours (if I was lucky) of sleep a night. It was horrible. I ended up changing my hours to work part-time and that has helped a lot. Can you work part-time and maybe find a babysitter, rather than taking the kids to daycare, if that's cheaper? Could you afford a full-time sitter to alleviate the morning stress? Could you stay home and watch another child for some extra money?  Could you work part-time in the evenings/weekends when yous husband can watch the children?

minnasmommy

honestly Kor---I don't think it's worth it for $100 buck. ?your sanity alone is worth more than that.?

Jaylea

$100 a week?  Quit. Honestly, you'd do better working PT when your H is home.

If I were in your boat, I'd be out the door.

EliseB0323

I just want to add something because so many people are saying "Why are you just working to pay daycare?"  It's rare that someone is JUST working to pay childcare. Are you getting health insurance now?  Retirement benefits?  Also, with the economy so bad, you have to consider what would happen if your DH lost his job. And what would happen if you have some kind of emergency. You may be able to get by on one salary, but what if your family has a healthcare emergency?  What if you need a new car or repairs to your home? Finally, when you work, you build up experience so you can make more money in the future. If you quit completely, it could impact your future earnings. Even if you quit your current job, consider doing something that brings in some money and lets you build your skills for future jobs.

shaunie

If you're going through all that with the only benefit being $100/week, I would definitely quit. Good luck with your decision!

isabella22

I have to agree with the other posters, $100/week with that stress is not worth it.

Good luck, it is tough to make the big decisions!

dallystarr

Somethings gotta give, and I'd say it's the job. As pp's have said, sit down w/ your DH and go over everything. One of the  biggiest worries is benefits, but if your DH has them that solves that one. Think of the $$ you'll save on gas, wear & tear on your car...

If all you're bringing home is $100 per week why put yourself through the daily stress? Being a SAHM isn't always easy either, but maybe you should give it a try and see how that works for the family.

You could always get a PT job on the weekends or something....

mommyme

if i were in your situation, i'd quit and become a sahm w/ a pt job if needed.  bringing home $100 a week just doesn't seem worth it.  you could pick up that difference doing something pt or from home.

i can't remember what you do, but i'm thinking something in healthcare.  could you transcribe from home or something related?

how close is sam to being in pre-school?  would you still have that fee even if you stayed home?

GreenEggs&Ham

well, i am going to give a different point of view. First - I have been there. Almost exact same situation, except I netted more than $100 a week so I had no choice in front me. So - I never considered quitting....but other than that - same thing, one toddler, one BF infant, a 50 hour week + job, a DH with a big job also, etc etc.

anyway - are you really only making $100/week net? Are you contributing to a 401K or anything like that out of your check?  you need to consider that. Also - your baby is going to grow and get easier.

 

and  - and people came flame away - but I detest the thought of my tax dollars going to pay for WIC for someone who could make another $400/month, but chose to take the risk b/c they were over tired. I realize you are not applying for WIC and it is a 'just in case' back up plan, bu even so - if you are that close to the line to even think of WIC, I say stay at your job and just remember things will get easier once baby gets a little older.  I don't mean to be unsympathtic, but I have been there - have managed through it and came out OK on the other end.

 

good luck

 

MrsMandaK

Seriously, I'd already be out the door.  You've already made yourself a nice pros & cons list.  Although the grass is always greener on the other side....I think in this case, you at least need to see what that side is like.  You need a break, your kids need a break...go be with them!

PrincessX

Have you considered an in-home nanny?  Not live-in, but someone who would come to your house every day instead of you taking the kids to daycare.  For 2 kids, the cost might compare to your current daycare cost anyway.

Imagine how much free time you'd have if you didn't have to dress & pack up the kids each morning and pick them up each evening.  Some nannies do light housework as well.  If you have dinner prepped, I'm sure she'd stick it in the oven and turn it on for you too.

I don't know whether your job is a 'job' or a 'career', but if you want to keep it it's something to think about.

Px

elm1032004

Since you are bringing home less then 100  a week I would quit.  You can get a PT job waitressing a couple nights a week and bring home more than that, or do something else on the side that you can do from home.    You'd most likely be ahead too if you drop in a tax bracket, and saving money on daycare and gas.  Once you get your DD potty trained you'd be saving on diapers too.  If it were me I would quit, and find something part time to make up the difference, I wouldn't consider using WIC to make up the difference though, that wouldn't be an option.

shopgirl78

I say you quit and find a PT job on the weekends.  When I waitressed, I could easily make 100 dollars during one shift (and on one day).   In fact, I would totally do this if DH's job was not 24-7

VivaAmore

Agree with the others that it just isn't worth it. Before you know it, one or all of you will get so worn down that you'll get seriously ill and then you'll be even worse off. Even though there are a lot of us out there with two f/t working parents, it certainly seems like your schedules/financial situation are a lot rougher than most. Good luck and take care of yourselves!!!