So. At Christmas, we were discussing baby stuff with a couple family members (that's the day we announced it to my hubby's family). We were kind of talking about names for fun. Hubby's cousin said he had this named picked out for a boy, and he told us. And right away hubby and I were like..."holy cow we like that name". And ever since then we were just like...this name would be perfect...it sounds so right! Hubby's cousin is young, he is in college, not in any serious relationships and isn't really planning on having kids anytime soon (he said). Would it be considered stealing his baby name if my hubby and I took it. Like...I would NEVER steal a name if he was expecting soon, or even trying to have a baby with someone. But also, he may decide in the future he doesn't like the name. Would we be horrible people if we chose it for our baby?!
(this is just hypothetical because we don't know the gender yet and it may not even matter if we have a girl!) Thanks for input!
Me: 32 | DH: 33
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
TTC#1: 06.2014; BFP: 12.2015; DS Born: August 16, 2016
TTC#2: 12.2017; BFP: 02.26.2018; CP 03.02.2018
BFP: 04.26.2018 DD Born: December 26, 2018
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
Re: Am I stealing this name?!
My sister told me names she loved and wanted to use some day (still in college, not engaged etc). To me those are off the table because she did think of those first and they weren't something I had considered beforehand. I'm pregnant with #2 and those same names are still off the table.
But I do have to say it's kinda a dick move to get an idea from someone else's dream name and use it. It would be one thing if you already liked it and just found out that H's cousin wanted to eventually use it. But he's the one who outright gave you the name. I'd feel too bad wanting to use it.
What's the name? Maybe we can help you brainstorm names with similar feels.
As far as your situation, it is hard to answer without knowing your cousin. Some people that would be a huge no no but others may not care. My cousin told me about 2 years ago if they have another girl she wanted to name her after our great grandmother. I instantly loved it! At that time having children was so off the radar I didn't think much of it, but now it has crossed my mind. My mom said I should take it if I want it, as she is still not pg with a 2nd and may not even have a 2nd. But honestly, if it was the other way around I would be upset. So no way I am doing that to her.
Me - 33; DH - 33Dating 1/18/06
Married 9/21/13
BFP #1 12/15/15 - C Born 8/27/16
BFP #2 1/10/20 - EDD 9/8/20
@lalalorelai I got confused because at first you were all "nobody owns names until they actually name the child" and then went BAM "dick move to take the name". So I totally don't know what your true feelings are on the subject. But I can see how it could be conflicting (as you can tell...that's kind of why I was asking opinions in the first place...haha!)
I wasn't really going to say the name...but oh well. Name is Oliver. Of course his cousin LOVES it from the show Arrow. I just love it because I think it's adorable to go with my grandfather's name that we are using for the middle name (yeah...we have middle name picked out, just trying for a boy name to go with it.)
I will say too...we have other boy names picked that we like. It's totally NOT the end of the world to not use Oliver. But it sounds so good with my grandpa's name which is why we loved it the most.
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
Oliver is an adorable name but it's way too popular right now for my taste. Have you considered Oscar, Isaac, Sebastian, Silas, Simon? I think these have a similar traditional feel as Oliver.
Grandpa's name is Henry. I was worried to say that in case someone was like.. "Oliver Henry doesn't sound good together" but hubby and I think it goes really well together with our last name.
Our family is super important to us and we always have big family gatherings, but this particular cousin has NOTHING in common with hubby and I, so we don't exactly ever get together unless it's a full family gathering.
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
Also, is Oliver Henry (or maybe Henry Oliver??) someone famous? I swear I've heard that name before and it's ringing bells from back in 10th grade history class but I could be totally wrong.
What will be funny...is going through all this and find out we have a girl..haha! We have no girl names picked out together (some I like that he doesn't, some he likes that I don't). I'll be sooo happy with either I definitely can't wait until we do find out!
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
so when my SIL had her bachelorette party years ago, everyone was talking about their favorite baby names and her bestie said oh I'm gonna use blah blah if I ever have a boy and everyone is like ooooh so cute Yada yada .. Well fast forward 4 years later and my SIL gets PG before her BFF and what do you know uses the name! Then the BFF gets PG when the baby is less than a year old and still used the name!! Lol - they are still besties and I don't think either one had hard feelings about it but people that dont know the story think the BFF stole the name from SIL and she never corrects them haha
1) you can't "call dibs" on a name
2) its not like he's going to have a baby soon.
3) its your DH's cousin, so what if he uses the name in the future.
If you ask "permission" you will get stuck in a really hard place if he says no. I think you just use the name and later tell him you love his taste and it was a name you have loved forever as well and it fits for your son. Tell him if he wants to use it in the future you would be happy for your sons to have a special bond.
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
Additionally, given his age and stage in life, it will likely be a long time before he has a son of his own (if ever even does have a boy...or children). He would have to get his significant other on board, too. After all this, he may not ever end up using it!
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
We are now pregnant with our third and before we knew the sex we said if its a boy joaquin. Well my hubbys sister stole our name wth we have such bad luck. Well we are having a girl and I've learned my lesson I'm not sharing until her birth announcement
My first cousin's wife and I are both due with the first great grand child the same week. I've decided that I really don't care if we both end up using my grandpa's name. If it's a boy it would be a middle name for us. Even if they use it first I'll still use it without telling them first. No one owns a name and its all in tribute to a wonderful man anyway.
Ask your cousin if it's cool to use... if he says no, you have your answer and you can pick another name. If he says yea go for it, then all is well. I'm just thinking that most guys I know don't have names they definitely want to use and this may have special meaning for him. It wasn't like he said "oh I like this name" it was "I'm set on using this name for my future son."
Other name options: Benjamin, Samuel, Elliot, Lucas, Sawyer, Tobias, Theodore, Jacob, Noah, Everett, Evander, Harrison, Oscar, Wesley, Logan, Elijah, James, Finn, Beau, Noel, Carter, Preston, Maxwell, Gideon, Ethan, Colton
Baby #1 - DD 8/29/16
Baby #2 - EDD 4/6/18
I was super close to my grandma, and from the day she died I said I was going to name my first daughter after her. My cousins got pregnant shortly after that and were considering her name also - but my aunt told them they "weren't allowed" because I had already called dibs! (Mind you, I was young, in college, no babies any time soon). So they picked another name (I'm sure there were other factors, but I'm told that played into it).
Fast forward 5 years, I'm now pregnant, but my husband is not a fan of the name... I still love it, and I almost feel like I have an obligation to use it since they switched names just because of me! If I don't use it, would they be offended?? Would you be, in a similar situation?
This happened to me my cousin was pregnant two years ago and due with a girl and there was a just a general name I shared how I loved a certain name and hoped I could use it she never even said much about it. Well low and behold a few months later her little girl is born and given the name I loved.
at the time I had just finished undergrad and had just recently started to see somehow but it was not all serious at the time.
But now I am married to that same guy and we are due with a little girl. It still rubs me the wrong way and while I would never make a scene about it was hurtful to have a name I cared about now out of reach because there was a multiple similar baby names in our family growing up and it was just too confusing.
just because he is young don't knock his feelings about it.
Use it as a middle name or use a derivative
and after 5 years, I prob wouldn't even remember
FYI - we were seniors in college at the time that this happened. Just some perspective from the other side.
Thanks for all the stories and ideas everyone!! It definitely helps us to decide!
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
I probably wouldn't take the name from your family member. It's not very common for men to have a name picked out for their future child so it must hold some meaning to him. There's a ton of names out there!