I cannot pull myself out of this mood! I am just so frustrated with DH. I hate talking to him about it because even when I try.. I somehow end up the bad guy.
He's a great dad and he's a good provider but he just makes bad decisions and no matter what I do.. I can't seem to get help from him. August of 2013- he took a new job. Seemed like a good move. It had lots of potential for increases and the benefit package was better. Paycut initially that we knew about. He made the decision to cash out his retirement .. I know.. I know.. always a dumb move.. but he did it and we unloaded a bunch of debt. Put a down payment for a house (because ours was on the market).. in savings.. saved enough cash in case we got a fee at tax time. Well.. new job ended up sucking.. pay cut ended up being huge.. like literally half his pay. He spent 6 months in that job so for the entire 6 months I was having to use savings to compensate to pay bills. Finally I told him that he needed to make a change because we can't afford this! In the meantime, he plows during the winter and had some nice paying contracts this year so his thinking was that he would be able to replace what was spent with plowing. Except snow is obviously not something we can control. Winter ended up sucking. Plow needed repairs. Took almost 3k to get the plow back up to par.. he did make probably 6k plowing. Some of it got spent on baby gear.. some of it was spent on furniture for the kids which we did need but the rest was set aside in savings.. or so I thought! So maybe a week or so ago.. I see his statement come in the mail.. of course I look at it and I am shocked to see that there's only $900 left!!! I can see all these withdraws..so I ask him about it. Oh.. he bought a gun for hunting. Oh he bought a bunch of hunting gear.. this .. that.. whatever. Ummmm.. yeah he spent like almost 3k!!! You can imagine my fury. So then we're doing taxes.. I'm terrified of getting a fee from his retirement withdraw.. oh boy.. what do you know.. we owe almost 5k. Seriously???
I am so mad at him I could scream!!! That was the entire purpose of leaving that plow money IN his account.. just in case we owed the IRS so we could pay it and not have to worry about it. I'm so ticked off. I've literally been busting my butt with our budget .. trying to make sure that I'm trimming all the fat.. taking care of all the low hanging fruit.. because I won't be paid much during maternity and I didn't want any lingering expenses. So I've just been cleaning up in general and now this! I'm been extremely thrifty in my baby gear purchases. Everything has been resale or craigslist.. I've been very smart and have gotten some fantastic deals. I have almost enough clothes for the first year. I have diapers stocked up. Wipes. Trying to ease the pay of no income and then he just goes and buys a gun and some hunting crap and this and that and whatever!!!
My other irritation wtih him his house work. He's been picking up kids from school and cooking dinner which of course I appreciate. He's been grocery shopping which I appreciate. But everything else falls on me. I had decided to hire my moms housekeeper to come out a couple times before the baby is here because I just don't have the energy etc. So I had that all planned and had to cancel it when I found this out! We're moving our master to the basement because we only have a 3 bedroom.. this baby was unexpected so I wanted to really deep clean the basement before we move all our crap down there. My mom came over Saturday night and cleaned the crap out of the basement. She spent 4 hours.. scrubbed walls.. scrubbed floors.. cleaned behind the washer/dryer.. really did a great job. the entire time he's like why are we obsessing abotu this.. blah blah.. didn't even move the washer/dryer for my mom!
I spent ALL day Sunday scrubbing floors and cleaning tubs and toilets and everything. He's just sitting there.. watching me. can't even carry up a load of laundry.
Ugh. I am just so mad!
Re: Pity party day. :(
O. M. G. I thought you're asking ME if I have suggestions?? I've been budgeting forever! Just last week I did a spreadsheet of our budget now, if I don't go back to work, and If I go go back to work. Then I took a sample month from our checking and calculated out all the controllable spending like out to eat or iTunes or shopping etc. I took it all home and showed him and he barely paid attention and made fun of me actually. The entire point was to illustrate to him the things that he's wasting money on that he needs to focus on reducing. I thought if he saw it in black and white and could see the big picture and the impact it's making on our budget that a little light would go on. Nope. Instead I was the annoying wife who never stops complaining about money.
Soo frustrating!! I have goals. We have goals. I would like to reach them. There's no reason why a family with our income shouldn't be able to reach at least a portion of our goals! We both make good money. Ugh!!!
To top it off, our house never sold. After listing twice. And now we don't have enough for a down payment on a new house anyway!! This is our first house. We've been here almost 11 yrs. I feel like I'm going to die in this stupid house! Lol
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
**siggy warning**
Current Age 35, DH 33
Married 9/2011
BFP 8/2012, Miscarried 9/2012
BFP 9/2012, DS 6/2013
BFP 6/2014, Miscarried 7/2014
BFP 7/2014, DD 4/2015
I think the first step for you guys is to get on the same page for financial goals and then set a budget that everyone can agree upon. I remember in marriage prep the priest telling us the two things couples fight about is extended families/traditions and money.
**siggy warning**
Current Age 35, DH 33
Married 9/2011
BFP 8/2012, Miscarried 9/2012
BFP 9/2012, DS 6/2013
BFP 6/2014, Miscarried 7/2014
BFP 7/2014, DD 4/2015
Then the answer to the whole "you are spending a fortune on stupid plowing" debate was he went out and bought a newer truck and plow. That was not an answer. He was still dumping a fortune all winter. For years I was told it was none of my business, it was his money, its his hobby etc. For his actual job he just sort of works when he wants to, when he needs to, its not like he works all week or 9-5 or anything. Things around the house he was suppose to do would never get done because he would either be plowing all winter or fixing things so he could plow the next snow.
Finally I told him to keep track of every cent he spent for an entire year on the whole plowing endevour. Seeing it all added up (it was thousands!!!) helped him see it was pretty ridiculous. Now he was sort of getting tired of the whole plowing bit anyways or otherwise it probably wouldn't have mattered...but this winter he didn't plow...finally!!
I get really frustrated with our spending too. I haven't worked since I had kids. So basically I have no money. My husband spends very frivolously. If he needs shoes he walks into the first store and buys them. No sales, no coupons etc. Drives me insane. He buys new cars all the time. Not just any cars...really expensive ones. Right now he is driving some Cadillac sports type car. He got it last summer and is already looking for something different and better. I heard him telling one of the kids the other day this summer he is buying a brand new Corvette..some sort of special edition one or something. I buy my clothing from Goodwill or garage sales. I will spend a month looking for the best deal on a pair of shoes before I buy. Anytime I spend money like grocery shopping or on kids shoes or anything....thats me spending money. So when I go grocery shopping I just spent $1,000 of his money. Why would I get upset he spent $300 on something like a detail job on his car...I spent more than him. I constantly feel like I am living like a pauper and he is living like a king! We have no debt or anything so thats not the issue. Its just that I am such a second class citizen!