Is it just me or are other boards super snarky?

whyyesimquirky · January 2015

I'm new here... I just found it last night after the banning drama started on my July 2015 board.
I feel like I am starting over with this pregnancy... my other 2 are 9 & 10. I joined a birth group with my first and I'm so happy to say that 11 years later there are still 15 of us that are really close friends. We've all been through so much over the years and some have even met in person. You can imagine how shocked I was to go from THAT to the snarkiness of TB.
It's so nice to see that this board isn't like that.
I look forward to hanging out and getting to know everyone.

GASuzuki · January 2015

@whyyesimquirky I'm in a similar sitch. My daughter is 5 and I was part of TB when I was pregnant with her six years ago. Sure, there was snark, but rarely any direct "f*** off" comments. Not that some people don't deserve it, but it just seems pretty brutal for my tastes.

Ifeellikeamammal · January 2015

Hi there... I'm wondering if you ladies will welcome me in. I'm not 35 yet, but will be when I deliver. My birth month board is undergoing some real drama at the moment (the bump banned one of our mods, and a lot of people are angry about thr new terms of use). I'm just interested in a community to exchange ideas and support.

mum2lanabelliz · January 2015

I have seen pretty much no drama here. The women of this board were very welcoming to me. I lurked until the 2nd tri when I felt a little more confident that May would actually happen. So if your happy here why not stay?

ewenner · January 2015

whyyesimquirky Ifeellikeamammal - welcome to you both! You have definitely come to the right place!

whyyesimquirky · January 2015

I think you are right @ewenner thanks for making us feel welcome.

carrieoz_76 · January 2015

I find it distasteful to complain about one board on another. It's akin to badtalking people behind their backs. Different boards have different communities, and different cultures. This one is super tame, and relatively quiet. Others are much more entertaining, active, and snarky. To each their own.

What's happening is that TB just changed their guidelines in order to attract more one-off participants on the app, rather than having them complain in the App Store that someone was mean to them when they popped into a random board to ask a question. Some boards do not welcome random and often repetitive questions in their own threads, and their Intros are usually very clear about that. Flybys don't read the intros, though, and instead of using Google will often post these questions on these boards, and they're often told not to do it. But even on those boards, I've always found if you respect the culture (i.e., read one post about it, and generally try to pay attention to it), people are fine. Anyways, TB is trying to attract more flybys by making their guidelines more strict (no cursing at other posters, no GIFS used in an offensive or harassing way), then went on a banning spree by banning mods who crtiticized this change, and several regs as well. Thus, the 24 Hours of Silence Posts, and GBCB posts.

These guidelines will likely have no impact on boards like this one, because it's so tame. And that's fine. But my BMB was pretty cool, and very orderly. Lots of funny GIFs. People who were not afraid to be honest (and sometimes snarky), although always deeply supportive of people who were legitimately struggling through hard times. When people were ridiculous, they were told so - often in a very funny way. The random symptom question post was very rare, as they were all in one thread. That was the culture. Now it's a mess. Random posts, no continuity. Few helpful comments from regulars who know anything. That sense of community is missing. Maybe those fun people will come back. But I doubt it.

Regan1976 · January 2015

The "culture" post on my board was over 252 messages long. Tell me what person is going to wade through all of that? And who in their right mind is going to want to stay in a place that when you do make a comment the first response is to ask who you are and why they haven't seen you on the board before. For a free and open community, it really wasn't. And I've talked with them about this on the board so I feel quite free to discuss my treatment on said board and the things I have observed. No one called anyone out specifically nor condemned anyone in particular. I feel quite saddened by some of the banning as they seems far reaching, snagging some quite fun and supportive ladies. The only way to change culture is to talk about it. This is definitively something the entire world needs to start doing.

niknak1208 · January 2015

I certainly was not trying to bash another board in particular by my original post. I hope no one took it that way. I was just very offended by the negative comments I received about a fairly innocent comment that I made and I could not believe the amount of similar comments that I read on those boards.

I don't think it's ok to respond to a poster with a 'funny' GIF or a snarky comment. I think it's rude. Just because it's funny doesn't make it ok. I think a lot of threads contain a lot of bullying. I think bullying is cowardly and childish. I expect more out of grown mature people. I wouldn't treat anyone like that. Chat forum or in person. That said, I don't necessarily think the changes that TB is making will be that impactful.

MySallyGirl · January 2015

My BMB has been blown all to hell as well...I've been on Sept15. I'm still participating though. I never felt bullied but I've been on TB for awhile and kind of know the expectations and such. I am also very glad to be on this board as well where things do tend to be calmer and quieter.

nyc2015 · January 2015

Good grief! I just read some of the other boards. What on earth is wrong with girls that they have to treat one another like that? These ladies are going to become mothers. Unbelievable!!

nyc2015 · January 2015

weirdo birthmonth jerks"!!! Classic! I haven't gone on to my birth month yet.. probably shouldn't..Yikes.

graciest719 · January 2015

It's a slippery slope...some of you are becoming the very thing you are being critical of.

nyc2015 · January 2015

True! I better watch it.

Jam&Cal · January 2015

So glad I found this board. I've only posted once in my birth month community. I liken it to the movie mean girls. After a while it is just ridiculous. Hopefully this forum will stay civil. I'm mostly a lurker so I will say that reading the post the last couple of days is like watching someone else's kids throw a tantrum. Makes you shake your head but are slightly amused at the same time.

carrieoz_76 · January 2015

I don't think it's ok to respond to a poster with a 'funny' GIF or a snarky comment. I think it's rude. Just because it's funny doesn't make it ok. I think a lot of threads contain a lot of bullying. I think bullying is cowardly and childish. I expect more out of grown mature people.

I think a board with no snark would be dead boring. But I also respect that folks like you prefer it - and that's fine. You are welcome to join snark free boards, but I would like the same consideration - the ability to participate in boards that do have it. But the new guidelines are designed to eliminate it, so as to make all the sensitive folks happy. And by doing so they strip much of the fun from these boards. Also, I have never seen a person be bullied on TB. Yes, sometimes they are told they are wrong, and sometimes even in a mean way. But it is not "bullying" to tell people they're wrong, or even to be mean to them once. We do not always have to agree, or be nice. Anyways, I've found my regs on a different site, so I'm good. If others are looking for theirs, PM me.

mattandlora · January 2015

I think a board with no snark would be dead boring. But I also respect that folks like you prefer it - and that's fine. You are welcome to join snark free boards, but I would like the same consideration - the ability to participate in boards that do have it. But the new guidelines are designed to eliminate it, so as to make all the sensitive folks happy. And by doing so they strip much of the fun from these boards. Also, I have never seen a person be bullied on TB. Yes, sometimes they are told they are wrong, and sometimes even in a mean way. But it is not "bullying" to tell people they're wrong, or even to be mean to them once. We do not always have to agree, or be nice. Anyways, I've found my regs on a different site, so I'm good. If others are looking for theirs, PM me.

While I agree that this sort of behavior can be fun, it also requires a level of familiarity between the people involved. Not everyone wants that sort of familiarity on a web forum. Sometimes they are seeking a community, friendship, and all the ups and downs involved with it. Other times, they might want to anonymously ask a sensitive, specific question. They want to hear from others experiences - just the facts. I understand that this is why TB recommends stalking boards for awhile before posting - so the members can get the flavor of the particular community. However, I think TB reach a point where most all of the boards were the same flavor and newbies who were looking for something different had nowhere to go. When a website such as TB is dependent on getting new people in (because we'll ALL eventually get too old to be here), but they have trouble retaining new people because of the atmosphere, it is time for change.

jjshreve · January 2015

I 100% agree!! I just asked an opinion in my birth month and they all were like "is there a question here?" And a bunch of silly memes. Ugh. So over kids having kids.

Sharon&Paul · January 2015

KirianaTi said:

Can you join if you're under 35?

There is no carding here. Welcome

bashfulbird · January 2015

Ok ladies, awww a sigh of relief, I am new here and I was about to delete this account. My very first encounter with the boards was horrible. I have tentatively decided to opt out of the genetic screening, I keep going back and forth, I have not cancelled the appt. yet so I thought I would seek advice here. Well I understand this can be a controversial and sensitive subject, but the thread was just littered with rude behavior. So I left a comment, asking for advice and basically expressing my disappointment with the unhelpful comments. and no more than five minutes later I was jumped on. How dare I bump this ughly thread? I am sorry but I am new here, my only experience with forums is Sparkpeople, and everyone there is helpful, people don't go there to tear down other people they go there to build others up and be supportive so this thread about the snarkiness gives me hope. Thank you ladies, I do appreciate it.

GASuzuki · January 2015

@bashfulbird I'm sorry for your bad experience. Hopefully you find support here!

Radiantly · January 2015

I'm pretty much counting on this board to remain calm and stable. My BMB is insane!

bashfulbird · January 2015

I definitely learned my lesson, if a board is filled with rudeness just turn around and get out of there fast!

erysapplepie · January 2015

My birth month weirdos I am referring to are the ones who have been around longer or post more. The second some one new pops up they jump on them like rabid dogs and it is so mean! They keep saying "who are these new people anyway?" And bashing them for being new to the board. It's really uncalled for. I keep checking back to see if it's blown over but it hasn't yet. It really makes me sad.

mattandlora · January 2015

petrichor10 said:

Ok ladies, awww a sigh of relief, I am new here and I was about to delete this account. My very first encounter with the boards was horrible. I have tentatively decided to opt out of the genetic screening, I keep going back and forth, I have not cancelled the appt. yet so I thought I would seek advice here. Well I understand this can be a controversial and sensitive subject, but the thread was just littered with rude behavior. So I left a comment, asking for advice and basically expressing my disappointment with the unhelpful comments. and no more than five minutes later I was jumped on. How dare I bump this ughly thread? I am sorry but I am new here, my only experience with forums is Sparkpeople, and everyone there is helpful, people don't go there to tear down other people they go there to build others up and be supportive so this thread about the snarkiness gives me hope. Thank you ladies, I do appreciate it.
I'm from May 15. The thread you bumped (and were critical of posters on in your response) was old, heated, and had hurt a lot of feelings. The request from our mod there was to please not bring back the old thread because those of us who have been around had moved on from it. Bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette on every forum I've been a part of over the years.

Here's my dilemma: I get that bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette. I also get that asking a question which has already been asked can get quite annoying. So what's a newbie to do when she has a question, which has already been discussed, but the thread is old and didn't really answer the specific question? Bump the old one? Or re-ask the question? Either one will get you mean and nasty responses.

MCH77 · January 2015

mattandlora said:

petrichor10 said:

bashfulbird said:
Ok ladies, awww a sigh of relief, I am new here and I was about to delete this account. My very first encounter with the boards was horrible. I have tentatively decided to opt out of the genetic screening, I keep going back and forth, I have not cancelled the appt. yet so I thought I would seek advice here. Well I understand this can be a controversial and sensitive subject, but the thread was just littered with rude behavior. So I left a comment, asking for advice and basically expressing my disappointment with the unhelpful comments. and no more than five minutes later I was jumped on. How dare I bump this ughly thread? I am sorry but I am new here, my only experience with forums is Sparkpeople, and everyone there is helpful, people don't go there to tear down other people they go there to build others up and be supportive so this thread about the snarkiness gives me hope. Thank you ladies, I do appreciate it.
I'm from May 15. The thread you bumped (and were critical of posters on in your response) was old, heated, and had hurt a lot of feelings. The request from our mod there was to please not bring back the old thread because those of us who have been around had moved on from it.

Bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette on every forum I've been a part of over the years.

Here's my dilemma: I get that bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette. I also get that asking a question which has already been asked can get quite annoying. So what's a newbie to do when she has a question, which has already been discussed, but the thread is old and didn't really answer the specific question? Bump the old one? Or re-ask the question? Either one will get you mean and nasty responses.

I understand why you do not want to bump old threads on boards like miscarriage and TTCAL, they can be filled with pg tickers and baby photos that can trigger some people (personally I like seeing success). But on a BMB, I don't understand why people get cranky seeing old threads. Especially since they don't want repeated questions.

The mysteries of the bump.

supersarah77 · January 2015

petrichor10 said:

MCH77 said:

mattandlora said:

petrichor10 said:

bashfulbird said:
Ok ladies, awww a sigh of relief, I am new here and I was about to delete this account. My very first encounter with the boards was horrible. I have tentatively decided to opt out of the genetic screening, I keep going back and forth, I have not cancelled the appt. yet so I thought I would seek advice here. Well I understand this can be a controversial and sensitive subject, but the thread was just littered with rude behavior. So I left a comment, asking for advice and basically expressing my disappointment with the unhelpful comments. and no more than five minutes later I was jumped on. How dare I bump this ughly thread? I am sorry but I am new here, my only experience with forums is Sparkpeople, and everyone there is helpful, people don't go there to tear down other people they go there to build others up and be supportive so this thread about the snarkiness gives me hope. Thank you ladies, I do appreciate it.
I'm from May 15. The thread you bumped (and were critical of posters on in your response) was old, heated, and had hurt a lot of feelings. The request from our mod there was to please not bring back the old thread because those of us who have been around had moved on from it.

Bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette on every forum I've been a part of over the years.

Here's my dilemma: I get that bumping an old thread is considered bad etiquette. I also get that asking a question which has already been asked can get quite annoying. So what's a newbie to do when she has a question, which has already been discussed, but the thread is old and didn't really answer the specific question? Bump the old one? Or re-ask the question? Either one will get you mean and nasty responses.
I understand why you do not want to bump old threads on boards like miscarriage and TTCAL, they can be filled with pg tickers and baby photos that can trigger some people (personally I like seeing success). But on a BMB, I don't understand why people get cranky seeing old threads. Especially since they don't want repeated questions.

The mysteries of the bump.

*****quote box fail*****
Her first post lectured the posters about the thread not being helpful and our mod explained it was old and we didn't want it resurfaced. She wasn't attacked.

I think, in this particular situation, the proper solution would have been to start or participate in an existing thread on her own BMB where the topic would have been current.

May 15 members are close to entering the third tri. Genetic screening was addressed months ago.

ANOTHER QUOTE FAIL
See, I read this and think, "who cares if it was addressed months ago?" It falls under the category of don't comment/ignore/move on. Petty, IMO.

bashfulbird · January 2015

I felt attacked as the responses had been sent within minutes. I responded to the mod directly via private msg, as I feel getting spanked about proper etiquette ought not be shouted across a crowded room. I have to admit my comment on that post was a poor choice. I was just very frustrated as this was my first encounter with the boards and it didn't seem like a healthy safe place to share and inquire. If I were the moderator, I would have sent me a private msg. As for the others why take the time to comment at all?

graciest719 · January 2015

bashfulbird said:
I felt attacked as the responses had been sent within minutes. I responded to the mod directly via private msg, as I feel getting spanked about proper etiquette ought not be shouted across a crowded room. I have to admit my comment on that post was a poor choice. I was just very frustrated as this was my first encounter with the boards and it didn't seem like a healthy safe place to share and inquire. If I were the moderator, I would have sent me a private msg. As for the others why take the time to comment at all?

Ummm...cause you acted like a jerk on a thread that was already inflammatory? It's like you walked up to a group of people, criticized the way they interact with each other when they are disagreeing, then asked for support and advise. Not cool.

By the by, most BMBs are very receptive to apologies. These boards are full of smart, funny, honest women who are compassionate and caring. They are not going to coddle a drive by stranger who chastises them from jump. But if you lurk and take a minute to get the feel of things, the BMBs can be an amazing place.

And mods are not attached to their computers 24/7. They are real people with jobs, family, etc. and are not just there to keep people from getting their feelings hurt.

bashfulbird · January 2015

graciest719 said:
And mods are not attached to their computers 24/7. They are real people with jobs, family, etc. and are not just there to keep people from getting their feelings hurt.

The moderator could have easily sent private msg in the same amount of time she had posted to the board. So I'm not sure what you are getting at. I also said it was a poor choice and so I guess I understand that I acted like a jerk. But the conversation here seems to be saying that: having people constantly point out your shortcomings instead of being helpful is toxic and I for one would like to see less of that.

graciest719 · January 2015

I lurk on the board in question sometimes, and it seems to be far from toxic. The reason they were not helpful were your tactics in seeking their help. And you cannot dictate how people respond to what you post. That's Internet 101.

Look, I know you didn't mean harm. But you alone are not going to change the board, and it may not need to be changed. I appreciate that you recognize that you may have gotten off on the wrong foot with that board, and I'm sure if you made that clear to that board they would be very receptive to you. That being said, I'm also glad you found this board. The ladies here are super chill.

niknak1208 · January 2015

graciest719 Are you referring to me?? I wasn't asking for any help or advice at all. I actually did not originate a post on the board where I received negative responses. I was only commenting on someone else's post. The only post I've posted on another board recently was asking about double strollers. lol

I actually wasn't referring to any board in specific when I posted this. I commented on a post and received negative comments in response to my comment. That certainly triggered this post but I was just referring to other boards in general. I'm actually not active at all on any other boards. I lurk from time to time but I don't typically post or comment. I used to be active on TTC boards back in the day.. like 7-8 years ago but not now. This is really the only board that I actively participate in.

graciest719 · January 2015

@niknak1208‌ Nope!

bashfulbird · January 2015

Hope everyone is doing ok with all the clatter and shaking here at the bump. Do many of you have friends who are pissed about the changes and have gone to the dark side? My email got crop-dusted by the moderator of the thread that I boorishly bumped. Not a huge deal, I just chuckled. Its a bit Orwellian witnessing the boards get cleaned of all the content people have recently requested to be deleted. I'm just wondering how far the new paid moderators will go in censoring, are the changes a good thing? Obviously the people who liked the status quo don't think so. All in all, I'm ok with not being heckled.

xilahn · January 2015

My BMB currently has largely split off to a couple of places. Some people have been coming in and saying they've been gone for a bit and are asking what happened. Silly ladies. The responses are generally super classy version of "go read other threads, idiot"...which is a swell piece of advice given that many users have left and had their accounts deleted so it's pretty hard to find details about what happened to users given that so many threads and posts are gone.

bashfulbird · January 2015

My BMB seems ok, but I have lurked on others and things are not so much mean but just really passive aggressive. It seems like some are hellbent on making this place suck. I have gone over to the BBC but I don't care for the homepage set up there and the boards don't seem as active. Most of the threads I lurked on there were stale.

maggs2015 · January 2015

I am so happy to have found this board!! I have honestly been trying to figure out what the deal with my birth month was for the past 8 weeks. My thoughts are that we've matured a bit and aren't as reactionary?

Don't get me wrong there are some nice people but I've been truly shocked by some of the entitled nastiness on my birth month.

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Is it just me or are other boards super snarky?

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