Hello all! I'm 30, and have a 7 year old and 4 year old. I thought we were done with babies, so I gave everything away... I mean everything. Then, surprise! Found out we are pregnant! Due beginning of July. My friend sees how freaked I am about not having anything, and suggested another shower. We had one for our daughter 8 years ago, but not for our 4 year old son. Would it be inappropriate and tacky to register and have another shower? Thanks!
Re: Baby shower for 3rd baby?
While you can register (because then you will get a discount on all the stuff unpurchased) - throwing yourself or asking for a shower is tacky.
I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.
I am a firm believer in you get 1 baby shower if someone offers to throw you one but not 2 or 3. My cousin was in a similar situation where her first child was 10 then the 2nd one came and she had another shower because of the age difference between the two of them. She even had a 3rd child last month and had yet another shower for that baby. I did get a gift for that baby before I found out there was another shower, but I did not attend the shower.
I think if someone wants to give you a gift out of the kindness of their own heart, you can tell them what you need but throwing another shower seems gift grabby to me.
With all that being said, its of course never OK to throw your own shower or ask for a shower to be thrown. But its been 7 years since I had my daughter and my Mom and aunts want to throw me a shower so I will be having one. They don't consider it bad etiquette because its been so long. But that's just us. I know other people have different opinions and I would understand if people of that opinion chose to opt out of my shower, and that wouldn't hurt my feelings.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
Edited to add: the fact it's been so long since your shower I wouldn't even worry about It especially if someone is throwing it for you
But I say if your family wants to shower you with love then let them. But again, just my opinion.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
Now that is tacky!
BFP #1 7/6/2012, EDD 3/13/2013, Delivered 3/14/2013
BFP #2 1/7/2014: EDD:9/14 MC: 1/9/2014 (confirmed via blood work)
BFP #3 7/5/2014: EDD 3/11/2015 MC: 7/15/2014
BFP #4 11/7/2014: EDD 7/17/2015~~Please be my RAINBOW!
My Chart
All are Welcome!
Its no ones fault that you gave your stuff away, and its no ones fault that there are so many years between your kids. Its your responsibility to provide for your own child, and showers are for your first. As a welcome to motherhood.
Its nice if people want to give you a gift, or even celebrate the baby. In that case, you can mention a few items that may be helpful (if they ask), and then you may host a meet the baby party, after the birth.
Even as someone from the Midwest (where etiquette apparently doesn't matter???) I side eye second showers, and I've never attended one.
Check out local consignment sales, or fb groups. So many mamas selling gently used items for a major discount. Also, keep your eyes peeled for BRU big trade in event. I picked up a free exersaucer off a yard sale site, and was able to trade it in for 25% off a brand new jumparoo.
I would decline the shower. A shower is for the mother to be. Your family and friends will most likely buy you some things anyway for this LO without asking them. I would feel very uncomfortable doing that.
Also, people need a second shower for a different gender? That seems ridiculous to me. Get gender neutral stuff, or deal with different colors, or buy it yourself. No way I'm buying you a pink pack n play because you don't want to use your blue one.
DS born Oct. '11
TTC #2 with PCOS since Nov. '13
Dx: Low Progesterone (3.3) on 8/12/14
Waiting for RE appointment on 10/28/14
Surprise BFP on cycle 12 -- 10/19/14!
EDD July 1, 2015
Nobody told me the shower was for the mother to be I didn't receive a single gift for myself last time! Dangit! Haha they are all gifts for the baby. So the "it's for the mother and you are already a mother" argument doesn't make sense at all. Just not seeing the issue if people wanna spoil the new baby let alone get things that are needed.
As to the first point, I guess I didn't realize showers were only for gifts. In my family they are about showing the mom and baby with LOVE. And regardless of whether I have a shower or not, I'm still providing for my child.
As for the second point, at no point did any of us from the Midwest say Etiquette did not matter. But in the Midwest people tend to just be a lot nicer and laid back (for the most part, that obviously doesn't go for everyone here) and so etiquette is a little more lax as well. You see it all the times at weddings, too. Things that are crazy etiquette "no-no's" for weddings are done all the time here in the Midwest. It's just how things are. In the town I live in, specifically, and especially in my family, the showers are done to shower the mother with love. We take great pride in cooking something awesome, there are a lot of handmade gifts (because lord knows my aunts have a freakin sewing/knitting/crocheting GIFT, I tell ya), and just a lot of sentiments. It's a great time.
If people choose to side-eye it and not come, that's fine, because that's not what it's about for us.
But to say that someone who has a second shower isn't taking responsibility for caring for their child is just BS, excuse my French.
***Signature/Ticker Warning***
March 2008 - DD born - no issues conceiving (surprise). Limited issues during pregnancy/delivery.
June 2011 - Married DH.
June 2013 - Diagnosis of Endometriosis and PCOS (approximate).
December 2013 - First cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
January 2014 - 2nd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
February 2014 - 3rd Cycle of Clomid - Positive OPK. BFN
March 2014 - Took month off to prep for surgery
April 2014 - Laporoscopy for endo. Unable to remove endo due to too close of proximity to ureter. HSG done as well. Fillopian tubes open.
May 2014 - 1st round of Femara. Positive OPK. BFN.
June 2014 - 2nd round of Femara. Moved to RE to have CD10 Follicular U/S. No Follies in left ovary. 5 follies in right. Largest follie 8mm, 1 7mm, 2 3mm, 1 2mm. Positive OPK on day of U/S. BFN. DH has SA done at this time - All results within normal limits.
July 2014 - 3rd round of Femara. CD10 Follicular U/S. No follies in left ovary. 7 follies in right. 1 20mm, 1 12mm, 1 10mm, 4 <5mm. Scheduled for IUI. Canceled due to low estrogen level of 145. TI this month. Prepping for Injectables next month. BFN.
August 2014 - CD3 BW Normal. Injectables not happening because of stupid miscommunication about "required injectables class." Taking class this month. No medication. TI for the month. SIS scheduled for 8/7/14. SIS results - "I have a beautiful uterus." Huzzah!
September 2014 - Cycle cancelled due to stupid AF coming early and making my IUI run in to DH's business trip. Try again next month.
October 2014 - Injects with IUI cycle. 75U 5 days. Estrogen at 36. Bumped up to 125 for 4 days. Estrogen 105. Bumped up to 225. Ganirelix for 2 days. 4 mature follies. Triggered 10/9. IUI 10/10.
BFP 10/24/2014. Beta #1 - 178 Beta #2 - 398. U/S 11/7/14- TWINS!!!!
Also, all of those things were for you. YOU registered and YOU used them. You used them to take care of your baby. I assume you were the guest of honor and the baby wasn't born yet?
Seriously though? Who spit in your cereal today? Obviously she means she will need clothes which come from having the shower.
Exactly this. Well said.
I have to say I agree with @jefa621 on this one. It doesn't matter whether your pregnancy was unexpected or not, you don't NEED a shower.
I'm not a fan of second showers for anyone, regardless of whether the baby is the same or another sex. If family/friends want to buy a little something to celebrate a second,third,etc baby that's one thing. Having a shower is asking for gifts IMO. When I receive an invitation to a second shower, I decline. I don't sent a gift. I think they are tacky.
ETA: sex, not gender.
I didn't say that this is my opinion I am just saying before you judge you never know someone situation. If someone is poor and ended up pregnant then I'm pretty sure a baby shower may help them out even if it is their 2nd or 3rd. Granted maybe they need BC LOL but im pretty sure etiquette would be the furthest thing from their mind with another mouth to feed. Just saying