my DD is 6 and in kindergarten. Her teacher has a daily behavior calendar that comes home everyday with a star in a certain color. Yellow is awesome, green is good, red is not soo good and blue is very bad. My DD has been coming home with red stars for talking and or not following directions. She can't seem to get more than two green stars in a row. They get three warnings before a red star so that means she's not listening to the teacher after she's been told 3 times to stop or start doing something. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt b/c its a new school, there are 27 kids and a new teacher. But its frustrating and she doesn't seem to really care that she's getting red stars. We've taken things away and have told her she won't be doing fun activities. My mom thinks a daily behavior report is a bit much b/c they are only 5 and 6 years old. My husband is furious with her b/c of her behavior and wants to punish her big time. She's been in daycare since she was a baby and we have never had behavior problems until now. what do you do for this kind of thing with your kids?
Thanks!
Re: advice on school behavior
I had this problem in Kindergarten with DS. He is a very social boy and we found out that he was more advanced than the other kids and got bored. We tried everything at home but he didn't really understand what he was being punished for. I took at day and spent a few hours at his school observing him. An hour or so watching him with out his notice and an hour or so with him knowing I was there.
He got warned a lot to stop talking and to sit correctly in his chair, etc. We learned a lot about him and his teacher found more challenging work for him to do and gave him extra rewards for positive behavior (extra computer time, 5 extra mins of play, being the line leader when he had four good days in a row) and at home we made him sit quietly in a chair correctly instead of punishments to model the behavior that was expected.
It took about the whole school year for him to get it but he got it. If her work is not affected by her behavior I would look into see if she is more advanced learns differently than the other students. I don't think that 3 warnings in a full day is not that many warnings. I would also pay attention to how the instructions are given is the teacher giving her to much at once. Is she being asked to do 5 things or 2 things. My DS could only hear the first 2 things you told him and would forget the rest almost immeadiately.
I would just discuss with the teacher and see what the deal is.
And can I say with 27 kids and a four star rating system with multiple levels to change between stars, does she do anything other than track who is in violation across all the categories???
All of this is to say, you know your kid, so if this is a new issue and it's only at school then I would talk to her teacher and find out what she has to say. I think that will give you a good idea of whether or not this is real problem.
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Your DH is furious with her? For talking and not listening? She is a 6 year old. In a class of 27 (which is a super large class for that age). She is probably getting distracted by all the other kids or is daydreaming. It's not malicious behavior on her part. My guess is that at least half the class are having the same issue and the teacher hasn't yet figured out how to work them. He needs to calm down, ALL THE WAY down.
I posted on the parenting board a more lengthy response but wanted to encourage you two to try to reward instead of punish. We gave DS1 a dollar every time he came home with a good report and when he came home with a bad report we took a dollar away. He had a blast doing it and it finally motivated him to do much better. I also checked in with his teacher every day. I think when the teacher knows you're involved and doing something at home too that they cut the kid a little more slack.
As for your DH and Halloween ask himself to put himself in your DD's shoes. Talking during class is extrodinarly common and how he would feel if his parents punished him the same way. Also, point out and remind him of all the GOOD things she does. Like being nice to her younger sibling, etc.
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The thing is with "what happens in school, stays in school" is what you mean by it. As a teacher, I'm trying to help your child, but it really does work best if parents are involved...though not so involved that they're helicoptering. That's it's own problem.
The problem with "what happens in school, stays in school" is that some parents decide that means they are completely hands off and it's all the teachers problem. Whether it's grades, behaviour, or whatever. Also, unfortunately, we see way too many parents like that.
But when I want a parent involved I'm not asking them to punish or berate (for the record, I never berate my kids), but I don't think it's out of line to expect a discussion to happen about why school is important, what the expectations are, and helping the kid come up with ways to avoid that behaviour in the future/offering rewards like some PP mentioned.
Anyway, OP, if it is possible to observe her in class, I think that would be a huge asset. But I also think an open minded conversation with the teacher could help as well. I always approach conferences with hope to get something out of it. You might be able to suggest something that will help.
It goes without saying that the moms on this board are involved with their kids. Come on. What people are talking about is that a child should not be punished twice for one offense. Of course, we need to work on social skills and behavior to support school success at home, too. No one was saying not to get involved.