Boobs for feeding and boobs for sex. How to compartmentalize?

MrsRahl · April 2014

So, I could post this on the newbie thread, but I have a feeling people are going to have a lot of opinions, so sorry in advance if this is SS of me to post.

So anyway, I'm planning on breast feeding. I really really want this to work. When making love with the DH, before pregnancy, I especially loved him interacting with my boobs. It was my go to turn on. Lately I've been feeling like I don't want him to touch them at all because I'm so afraid I won't be able to make the mental switch to feeding. In fact I think a lot of what I believe it was @joules235 said months ago that you cook with your hands and have sexual interaction with your hands, but no one flinches at that. So I've tried to focus on that and it has helped, but I still can't seem to compartmentalize. So I do still plan on breast feeding but don't know how to do that without making my boobs completely off limits to DH and make my sex life suffer in the process. My mom never breast fed with me and told me how it disgusted her "men pulling and sucking on your nipples and then now you're suppose to let your baby do that. I'm just not comfortable with that." and I feel like that knowledge as a teen really ruined my views on breast feeding subconsciously when I logically know those breasts are primarily for baby and is completely natural. Being an adult now, I want that bond so badly with my baby, I'm going to make it work for baby no matter what, but the question is how do I not let it ruin my sex life and intimacy with DH. Anyone else go through this, is going through this, or have advice? I feel guilty that I'm even having this problem and stupid posting this but I really want some support and advice.

curlylocks3 · April 2014

I haven't been through it but I do know on a few other threads people have commented on how postpartum they wore a bra during sex as long as they were breastfeeding due to leaking. With that in mind, having your breasts be sexual might be sort of off the table for a bit anyways I would think. I guess I'm wondering if you feel like this would be a long term issue for you or if it would resolve after you weaned the baby. If it was short term, do you feel like maybe something like a lacy bra or lingerie that covered that area would help or no?
Also, with all the body changes you go through during delivery you very likely might have to make some changes to your sex routine for a while anyways, just like you have to during pregnancy (trying new positions, I know a lot of people feel more comfortable postpartum using some lube, etc) so this might be a good idea to try out some other foreplay ideas to see if something else turns you on the same (or maybe even more).
Wish I had more ideas, hopefully others can give better feedback. Good luck.

ddd2 · April 2014

I imagine the discomfort may get worse on this subject when you have the baby. I personally found myself loving it when my breasts were played with sexually after the baby. But also found it very confusing when breast feeding caused contractions that almost felt sexual. I think it's your body telling you that you are doing a good thing. It's a roller coaster of emotions, I can tell you that! My mom told me it might happen ( the contractions) boy was she right. I'm just being honest and I don't see a lot of women Speak on it, I can imagine why. I found myself separating the sexual feelings when I saw my babies happy face and knew what I was doing for him was what was best. The bonding changed everything . On the other hand I also had to learn when it was time to play mommy and when it was time to play wife and enjoy the pleasures we are blessed with.

sparklenshine_89 · April 2014

I used to pump before and shower right after so it wouldn't be weird feeding the baby. Honestly it was hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of both...but I guess I felt that both were natural. And sometimes boobs are just off limits to DH because baby comes first. I'm sure you'll figure out what you're comfortable with.

MissBHaven1024 · April 2014

Nursing boobs are different than your normal boobs. They get engorged, swollen, and they leak often. Odds are, whether it's a turn on for you or not, having your husband play with them will probably be the furthest thing from your mind. I'm sure you'll find other hot spots for foreplay, but your boobs may be strictly for baby for a while.

erind228 · April 2014

Personally, while I'm nursing my boobs are off limits to my husband. I find that because they are out all the time, I just want them to be left alone during sex. Like PP mentioned, we just incorporate other parts into foreplay. For me, it's a temporary thing, and goes back to normal once baby is older, and not attached to me 24/7.

temursgirl · April 2014

@Babywear‌ your boob purposes made me lol! I totally agree with both points and your footnote! @MrsRahl‌ although I don't have your concern about separating boob uses (not sure what word I really want there), I am concerned that it may be really physically uncomfortable if DH handles them. Early in pregnancy they were kind of sore and it seems like they would be with BFing, at least at the beginning. I think pregnancy and parenthood could cause some adjustments to one's sex life and it would be important to address and work through those.

kaitlin&kurth · April 2014

After my daughter was born, it took about six or so months before I could feel like the boobs could do double duty. Before that and just before birth they were strictly for baby. But after we got to that point, I felt like the sensations were greatly increased!

Susanrush13 · April 2014

I've been having the same thoughts. Since getting pregnant, my boobs are more sensitive, so I love the play more which has made the idea of BF weird so I get it. Thanks for posting this, all the comments are super helpful.

tbmadeamistake · April 2014

For me its kind of like massages. Huge turn on when dh gives me a back rub. When I get a professional one, it does nothing for me sexually. Same motions, totally different situations. When you are ogling your little baby and feeling their sucks and tugs, it is completely different than being in the mood and having dh do it. Like pp said, you'll likely have Six weeks of no swx after birth anyway, which will give you a chance to get used to the nursing before you start to try and pull double duty.

Mztwilson · April 2014

For me there was no way to do both. If dh touched my boobs during sex they'd start leaking. So until I was done with nursing my boobs were a no go. But everyone is different.

kimmyberly26 · April 2014

I still let DH play but it definitely took some getting used to and figuring out what worked best. Pumping before hand or keeping a bra on with a nursing pad was a must for us for quite awhile or I would leak all over and that certainly wasn't sexy. And he def didn't suck on my nipple.

It was a tough mental transition but we got through it together.

MNOpea · April 2014

Like others I had to wear a bra for a long time during sex because I would leak like crazy.. Even after being able to not wear a bra ( somewhere around 1 year) it still took a couple months for me to get comfortable with the double duty of my breasts but we got there. You will be fine and your experience may be totally different than mine!

Rosebud2587 · April 2014

I love when DH gives my boobs attention too, however the whole time I was nursing DD my boobs were pretty much off limits because I would spray DH in the face with milk. We found new things to do/try that didn't involve my boobs and were still able to have a healthy sex life through 2 years of nursing DD.

elsa1688 · April 2014

Side note:I remember in high school once, I had a group leader who said "you know, a baby really knows how to suck a nipple! It can be a little odd when it's your son..." I'm still freaked out.

TonyaCody06 · April 2014

Rosebud2587 said:

I love when DH gives my boobs attention too, however the whole time I was nursing DD my boobs were pretty much off limits because I would spray DH in the face with milk. We found new things to do/try that didn't involve my boobs and were still able to have a healthy sex life through 2 years of nursing DD.

this!

MrsRahl · April 2014

elsa1688 said:
Side note:I remember in high school once, I had a group leader who said "you know, a baby really knows how to suck a nipple! It can be a little odd when it's your son..." I'm still freaked out.

That crap sticks with you! That's like what my mother said to me. I just can't get it out of my head! Definitely making sure I don't day those things around my kids because of this.

rainbowdashh · April 2014

I nursed DD for 18 months and up until she weaned, I had no interest in my H touching my breasts. I felt really touched out a lot and after having a baby latched on for a good part of the day, him touching me sexually there was the last thing I wanted. I enjoy it again but I know that's going to change in a few months.

So maybe that will happen for you? You may not like it while you're breastfeeding but once you stop things will go back to the way they were.

PinkKEL9 · April 2014

I am so glad you posted this because I have been thinking about this too! Boob play is a huge part of our sex life! TMI but DH licking/sucking/playing with them is ALWAYS apart of our foreplay. So I'm also worried about how breastfeeding is going to play into that. We will find out I guess...

ksyknelvr73 · April 2014

I used to have these same thoughts ams concerns before I had DS. My boobs are also my go-to for sex/foreplay. I was weirded out by the thought of nursing, but honestly, once DS was here and nursing, all of those feelimgs went away. It is absolutely a million percent different and not even remotely sexual. That being said, the boobs were off limits for DH when I was BFing....I would leak and even the slightest bit of stimulation would set that off. We tried to focus more on a "massage" approach to foreplay during that time. I am thinking this time will be the same for us.

dimitjm1 · April 2014

Breast stimulation wasn't a huge turn-on for me prior to my son being born but it was for DH, and he was even more turned on by my breasts when nursing because they were 2 cup sizes bigger. I felt sexier with my larger size (I'm usually a small b-cup), and found that even though I didn't want DH to touch them, my breasts could be visually stimulating for both of us. I had a lot of breast and nipple pain for several months after birth due to cracked nipples, so no touching was allowed (even drying off after a shower was painful). Even after the pain resolved, boob play was not part of our sex life for the year I was nursing because I was always afraid milk would shoot out at him, which would be a turn-off for me, even if not for him. The good news is now I actually enjoy breast stimulation much more than before, so it probably won't ruin it for you for forever. I just think of it as a phase...there are plenty of other ways to be aroused, you just have to find what works for you. The discovery can be fun!

theamandapanda · April 2014

Lilygrace48 said:

For me its kind of like massages. Huge turn on when dh gives me a back rub. When I get a professional one, it does nothing for me sexually. Same motions, totally different situations. When you are ogling your little baby and feeling their sucks and tugs, it is completely different than being in the mood and having dh do it. Like pp said, you'll likely have Six weeks of no swx after birth anyway, which will give you a chance to get used to the nursing before you start to try and pull double duty.

This!

MrsCase1 · April 2014

I really truly believe it is just one of those things that works itself out. I can't effectively put it into words, but it WILL resolve on its own. Promise.

MrsRahl · April 2014

Thanks so much everyone for the advice. It has given me a lot to think about and some good options to try come that time. It's also so relieving to hear 1) I'm not the only one having issues with this and 2) that a lot of you said it just is plain different when breast feeding and worked itself out. Guess now I just have to see if I'll be a "leaker" lol

ChristineBaker23 · April 2014

My nips were off limits to hubby while breastfeeding. They were generally just sore and tired from being sucked on by baby all day and I just wanted them to be left alone for a while. In addition, a single touch could turn me into an outright sprinkler system for a while so a bra and nursing pads were usually on even during sex. It also kinda gave me the willies to use them for such opposite purposes. There are other places he can turn you on with

may even be fun to get a little adventurous. After I was done nursing things went back to normal though. Good luck with your breastfeeding, the first 3-6 weeks are the hardest but just stick with it! And know that sometimes things happen and it doesn't work best for baby, you are not a failure if this happens. Just wanting to breastfeed means you did your best!

Boobs for feeding and boobs for sex. How to compartmentalize?

Re: Boobs for feeding and boobs for sex. How to compartmentalize?

Married DH 7/30/11

CSC arrived 5/7/12

CHC arrived 6/2/14

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