What factors helped you decide one and done? Help a waivering Mama out!
brownmouse
member
My husband and I both wanted three children before we had kids. We had my daughter, and still planned on at least one more, but our lives became fairly unstable after she was born due to a job change and an out of state move followed by a couple in city moves due to different things. Things have been settled for a year or two now, and we both keep going back an forth on it. One day I totally want another one, but then most of the time I think I would be happy with just one. I think the biggest reasons why I want another are because I am a total sucker for babies, and because I had a large family, and I can't imagine growing up into an adult without my siblings. Basil is always asking when she is going to get a baby sister like her best friend, which breaks my hear tto think she might not ever have that.
But at the same time, there are so many reasons not to. We are not well off financially , I mean, we make enough to pay the bills and feed everyone, and live, but we're not rolling in extra money by any means. Also, Basil is turning four in July, and I feel like it's kinda past the age gap that would have been great for her and a sibling. Even if I got pregnant right now, they would be almost five years apart. They would never really go to school together (except maybe elementary school for a year or two) and at least with my own siblings, I am SO much closer to the two that are closer in age to me, my sister and oldest brother are 5 and 7 years older than me and we never really bonded like with my other brothers who are 2 and 3 years apart from me. Also, I feel like were just getting to that age with Basil that she is old enough to really go out and do things (like vacation, camping, etc) and adding a newborn to the mix would limit a lot of things that we would like to do with her. Then there is the idea of paying for childcare for another few years. I am an education student working towards my teaching degree, and Basil has been in preschool since she turned two. I would either have to send new baby to daycare, or stay home and put off my degree for a couple years, which I DON'T want to do.
Yet at the same time, I melt when I see other people having more babies, and sometimes really wish we could have another.
So what are some of the reasons YOU decided to be one and done? I need some more material to roll around in my head.
Re: What factors helped you decide one and done? Help a waivering Mama out!
Can I just say I remember you from way back when we had our kiddos?!
I loved the name Basil then, and still do:)
Sorry I don't have any advice on the one and done as you can see by my ticker. Haha. Oh, except to find a RELIABLE source of BC if you go that route! Haha
Basil is always asking when she is going to get a baby sister like her best friend, which breaks my hear tto think she might not ever have that.
As for having a sibling- there are a million things we don't give our kids that upset them.... and they survive. I really don't believe that when little kids "ask for a sibling" that they really understand what it is they are asking for. Their friends have one, so they want one. Just like the toys their friends have, or books, or video games. Seriously- that's what little kids are basically 'asking for' - the cool sutff their friends have.
In the end, go read the millions of post below that talk about all our reasons for being OAD. In the end, it's a VERY personal choice that only you can make.
Big picture, I know it's the right choice for us. But I do have moments of "is this the right choice?". But I know if we had more kids, I'd be thinking the same thing! IS it the right choice?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
First of all, I LOVE your daughter's name and she is darling.
For us, there was never any question. I didn't decide I wanted a child at all until I married my husband in my 30's. At that point I knew I wanted one. Through having DD I have learned that I am definitely more maternal than I once thought BUT I really disliked the newborn stage. I'm thrilled to never have to go through that again and am enjoying motherhood so much more now that DD is a walking, babbling, opinionated little person. I suspect I'm going to love it even more by the time she is your daughter's age!
I want to be able to give my child things. If she wants to take dance classes or gymnastics or build robots or do whatever I want to be able to afford that for her. I want to take her on trips. I want to send her to college and pay for her wedding. All those things might not be possible if we had more than one. I love her so so so much and I don't feel like splitting my love and attention between her and a sibling. I already work so I feel I miss time with her during the week anyway.
These are just some of my reasons. My family feels complete with only her. I have also been able to maintain a lot of my sanity and I guarantee that wouldn't be the case if I had two.
DD was a very high needs baby and has been diagnosed with autism. With all her therapies, the cost of a private school she will thrive in and how little time we have for just DH and I, we decided on one and done.
i also feel like she is so much easier and fun now lol! We are going to Disney in September, planning on lots more travel and a baby in the mix wouldn't work.
We love doing things we couldn't before, like the zoo and amusement parks. But DD is a Bolter, common with ASD kids. I need to be able to focus on her and her safety. I need to hold her hand all of the time, or else she is running into traffic. I couldn't do that with a baby too.
Plus I have a special needs sister. My mom couldn't divide her time and it sucked! We were basically told over and over we were less important, that we were around only to help with my sister. I love my sister but couldn't do that to another child, no way!
i think only you know what's best for your family. Good luck!
There are many reasons that people on this board are one and done, but for me it comes down to the lifestyle I want to have and the opportunities I want to be able to create (and afford) for my son.
I want to be able to travel, I want to be able to focus on family AND my career, I want to be able to attend and pay for classes/sports/etc that he wants to do, I want to be able to pay for the best school(s) he someday gets in to, and I do not want to feel overwhelmed/exhausted and I do not want to put my relationship with my husband on the back-burner because I don't have time for us.
Finally, our family feels complete and full. I am so happy with the ways things are--I would not want to jeopardize that in any way.
Good luck with your decision, and if you choose to stick around this board, welcome!
1) My health. I'm a type 1 diabetic and I was a science experiement during my pregnancy. I was in an area where they very extremely rarely had a pregnant type 1 diabetic. My insulin needs doubled after pregnancy. I have PCOS so I was never supposed to be able to have children with the fact I was in and out of the doctors office due to period issues and hormone treatments since age 15.
2) My daughter was born picture perfect for a baby born to a diabetic and someone who has birth defects. My daughter didn't have to go to the NICU for monitoring and she has no birth defects at all. I don't want to press my luck.
3) Finances. I can support us perfectly with money for savings and so we can do extra things without assistance. We're Jewish, so my daughter will be having a Bat Mizvah...so that's part of it to besides saving for her college fund too,
4) I'm going to be getting a hysterectomy ASAP because my uterus hates me with fibroids and painful periods. Not to mention a family history of uterine cancer by age 30. So I'm good...
30 - Waiting to TTC#2
PCOS -Fibroids -Type 1 Diabetes
Best response I've read I awhile, love it.
I have quite a few reasons why I am one and done, I will just mention the ones at the top of my list. First off I like to think of myself as selfish with the fact that I love DS so much I don't think I will be able to love another person like I love him. I will be 39 yrs old in the fall and I do not think I will look cute pushing a stroller anymore, shoot I am nearing the age for a walker :-). I had DS at 32 weeks, he was born 2lbs 14 oz because he had growth retardation in utero. He was diagnosed with moderate to severe hearing loss. I developed high blood pressure after having DS. And last but by no means least DS is the energizer bunny who is a daredevil who does not fear anything so I need both hands free at all times to deal with him and I do not think my high blood pressure could possibly deal with another like him ;-).
All in all I am content with my one and only (DH already had two from a previous relationship).