I started work on monday and it has been terrible, I hate being away. My contract ends on august 8th and DH and I are seriously considering me becoming a SAHM. LO has been at daycare, I always thought I was best for her but now I am wondering if I am. It is a hard decision to make after three painful years of law school and two bar exams, but this isn't working right now. Dh works 12 hour days so on top of working, the house and LO are completely my responsibility. I feel like I never see her because I am getting ready for work in the morning and at night I am packing for the next day and trying to make dinner and pack lunches. I guess I am just wondering if any SAHMs had to make this decision or if any working moms chose too stick it out. I would love advice from either side...
Re: Becoming a SAHM?
I worked full-time before we had kids and wanted to SAH full-time after, but we couldn't swing it financially. I tried to go back after I had #1 and just couldn't be away. I wanted to quit, but my employer offered to let me work part-time from home instead of completely quitting. It's been such a blessing. I now go in to the office twice a week because it's easier than trying to concentrate at home with all the chaos, but it's better than being full-time.
If I had the option, I would be a full-time SAHM. It fits my personality best and I have so much fun on my days home with my kids. There is nowhere I would rather be, but unfortunately, we just aren't in a place where I can do it full-time yet.
Mom to 3 wonderful boys( 6, 4, 20 months), and one little lady ( born 2/17).
I'm a working mom who is sticking it out, and the main thing I think you need to ask yourself is whether you want to permanently be a stay-at-home-mom, or if it's just hard being away now, when your LO is so tiny. What will you do when LO is in school? When you're an empty-nester? Are you ok with potentially not having a career at all?
At the moment I am working a reduced 24 hours/week at my full-time job and my regular 4-8 hours/week at my part-time job. I don't go back to the former full-time until July 8. Theoretically, I'd LOVE it if I had a better maternity leave, although this reduced-schedule thing is pretty awesome. I'd do it longer if I could. But I like both my jobs, and even if we could afford for me to stay home completely, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I love my daughter more than I can possibly say, but I am also well aware that she won't need me so intensely forever. I go absolutely stir-crazy when I'm not busy, and I have no idea what I'd do with myself once she (and probably baby #2) start grade school, much less once she/they are off at college!
Now, granted my mom doesn't have the education you do, but she chose to stay home with me until I was 8 and even when she retired about 5 years ago, she was still making less than she did when she had me in 1982 and doesn't have much of a retirement fund (fortunately, she and my dad are still together, and between the two of them, they did manage to save enough, it's just that very little of it is in her name). She told me that while she wouldn't trade those years with me for anything, she believes I'm making the right decision by continuing to work.
Anyway, that's my .02, but it really has to be a decision that YOU are comfortable with, not what any of us tells you. Like I said, I would urge you to think about the long term, all the way to when you're an empty nester, and consider whether you would be ok with the impact being a SAHM would have on you at that point. And if you ARE ok with it, and you guys can swing it financially, go for it! If not, I'd suggest that you at least consider continuing to work part-time, so it will be easier to get a full-time job when you LO isn't so little anymore. ;-)
This is a very hard decision. Personally, I know I could never, ever work full time with kids. It's just not how I'm natured. Heck, I only worked 20 hours a week for a year before DD was even born! I'm not a career woman. I always wanted to be a full time SAHM, but financially things would be very tight. My current position as a nurse is what's considered "flex." Basically I can make my own schedule. The only thing that sucks is that the hours aren't guaranteed, so when we're not busy I could have times (like now) where I'm hardly bringing in any extra money at all.
I have found that for me, a part time schedule is pretty much the best of both worlds. You still have more time with LO, but you also get adult interaction and keep up your professional skills.
I will say that the only reason this works for us is because I have family available to watch DD for free (I was willing to pay them, but they refused to accept any money). If we had to put her in day care, that would pretty much eat up all my paycheck and not even be worth it.
Good luck with your decision.
First round of Clomid in May 2012= BFP #1, DD born January 2013
BFP #2 in January 2014, DS born September 2014
I guess I'm just saying, your not alone in your struggle.
This is really good advice. The first week going back is tough, really tough. I thought it would be easier with DS2 than it was with DS1; it wasn't. But this time around, I know it will get better, and it already has a few weeks in. I do get bummed when I miss out on some of the earlier months, but once DS2 gets a little older, I think he will thrive in daycare just like DS1 has.
Anyway, like others have said, it's such a personal decision with a lot of different factors for everyone.
DS1: Quinn - 10.22.10 and DS2: Cole - 01.18.13
Married to J since 5/05, Mommy to T (10/08), L (08/10) and C (02/13) who was born at home.