Ok, this Q. is not directed at myself personally, rather a friend.
If said friend had lost their baby shortly her birth, what are the etiquette rules of throwing her a shower for her second baby?
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Re: Atypical second shower etiquette
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think it is a nice thing to do as long as she wants it. I definitly would ask her first due to it being a sensitive situation
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TTC Baby Rob #1 05/07, BFP 06/07, EDD 02/22/08, Baby Jackaroo born via c-section after 22 hours of labor on 02/27/08
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TTC Baby Rob #2 06/11 BFP 11/06/11 EDD 07/16/12 Natural M/C 11/25/11 @ 6w3d
Baby Rob #2 (Sloane), in our hearts always.
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Here comes Baby Rob #3
BFP on Cycle 17 09/27/12. EDD 06/04/12! Please Stick Baby! A/S 01/22/13 Baby looking great. Officially TEAM BLUE! Jack is getting a Baby Brother! RCS scheduled for 05/29/13. William Daryll born at 9:59am on 05/29/13. Left ovary and tube removed due to peach sized tumor found during RCS. Pathology came back benign!
I agree.
I would probably do something after the birth. She may not be up to a traditional shower.
But I would definitely go if invited.
Same here.
BFP#1 11/12/11 ~ No heartbeat 12/12/11 ~ D&C 12/19/11
BFP#2 3/25/12 ~ Heartbeat 141 4/16/12 ~ No heartbeat 4/25/12 ~ D&C 04/30/12
BFP#3 7/16/12 ~ EDD 3/26/13 ~ It's a BOY ~ DOB 2/26/13
I agree with this.
First, I don't think anyone would ever side-eye this. If they do, they need their head examined. I know most loss moms find it too hard to use the things purchased for the angel baby. For a friend of mine who lost her baby at 6 days old and is now expecting again, she still hasn't gone into her daughter's nursery. She turned the guest bedroom into a nursery for this baby. She really *doesn't* have anything, because it's just too laden with tough memories. They've become something different than hand-me-downs from the older sibling.
However, I 100% agree with PPs that she does not need surprises, and before hosting, you need to make sure she's up to it. Think about it, she had a shower with the last pregnancy. A shower is going to bring up both good and bad memories for her because of that, and you need to make sure she's ready.
I agree. If I were invited I would go. I can't imagine keeping anything if I lost a child. If you are thinking about throwing this for her, I agree with PPs to make sure she is comfortable with it. If not, I like the casserole shower idea (or maybe not even a shower, just organize something online for her) and/or something after the baby is born.
I agree with all of the responses. I hadn't had a shower yet when my boys passed away, but I had gathered quite a few things for them (clothes etc.). I am having major anxiety when I think about using their clothes if I have a boy again. I'm to the point that I think I will just buy all new things for this baby. It sounds a little crazy, but I don't want to open the boxes I packed up a year ago.
Definitely ask her opinion before you do anything, but I think having new things for her baby would probably be a good thing. Then she can pick and choose if she wants to use things she received for her other child or not.
I also want to add that I love the responses to this post. I don't always see such empathetic responses to situations like this and it really makes me happy to see it.