Newbie Here. This is My Story. OK to Post Here?

PluckyPanda · January 2012

Hello. I'm new to this website so not exactly sure where I should be posting this. I'm hoping this is an OK spot and I'm also hoping to get some sort of input or feedback or SOMETHING from it. I've been struggling with my infertility problems, the personal blame, and some marital issues because of it. Perhaps this would give some insight if I just began from the beginning....

My name is Amy. I'm 21 years old, I weigh 320 pounds, and I've been TTC for about 2 years now. Maybe a little longer. My cycles have NEVER, ever been normal and my gyne has insisted that this is due to my weight (which is where the personal blame comes in). I have never had a regular cycle. In fact, the only time I DID have somewhat of a normal cycle was while on BC. When I started TTC, going off of the BC put me back at having a cycle once ever couple of months or a few times a YEAR, and never "normal." I understand that being 320 pounds is not healthy but I also don't believe it should be the "cure all" in the doctors' eyes. It shouldn't be the root of ALL of my problems, which is exactly what EVERY doctor I've been to has suggested. Anyways, let me just tell the whole story. My husband and I met our Junior year of high school and we hit it off immediately. The year we graduated we tied The Knot on August 1. That would've been 2009. I went off of my BC the fall of 2010 and have been TTC since then. My gyne prescribed me a combo of Provera and Metformin (a diabetes medicine) to try and get my cycles regulated and to help me to get that BFP I've been praying for. A year went by and no BFP. Another year rounded off. Nothing. Then 5 months ago, I started getting my cycle regularly. I got my cycle 4 months in a row and while I do admit, I did no testing as far as basal temps. or anything like that goes. Then this past month when I was scheduled to get my period, I didn't. I took a pregnancy test and it was...well, to be honest, kind of unclear. My husband and I both saw a second line indicating positive test. Then I tested again and he did not see the second line and to be quite honest, I'm not sure if I just wanted it so badly to be there or if it actually was. I took a third test yesterday morning and to my dismay, it was a definite negative. As so many of the other tests I have taken HAVE been. I want to be a mother more than anything in this world. Now that we've been through all of this, the stress is wearing on both he and I. He's having second thoughts about having children and I don't want to miss my opportunity. I feel so unlike a woman. Like less of a human being. I'm trying to stay faithful and positive but seeing everyone I know being pregnant or having children of their own, it's so hard. Most people say if you quit trying, it'll happen when you least exect it. I don't want to quit. I don't want to lose that chance, if it even exists. And I'm lost as far as whether or not I'd be able to get testing done to see whether or not I'm able to have children. I have insurance but it's limited and my husband has NONE so as far as getting HIM tested, it's probably not in our budget. I want more than anything to be a mother. I feel like it's what I was meant to do and I definitely don't feel like waiting is an option. I just feel so guilty, like maybe if I had tried harder to lose weight and tried harder not to put so much pressure on my husband, we'd be parents already and he wouldn't be having second thoughts about a new baby. I'm scared. And he's scared. But for very, very different reasons. It's gotten to the point that he doesn't hardly ever have sex with me because he's afraid. I'm even more afraid that another disappointing BFN is going to make me lose even more hope.

Does anyone have any insight? Suggestions? Oh, on a side note, I never took the Metformin and Provera combo. I'm terrified to use Metformin. It's not MEANT for my condition, and therefore I don't feel I was accurately prescribed medicine. So that option is still sitting on my livingroom table. Just waiting. Thoughts on that???

Anything would be a wonderful help

Thanks again for offering such a wonderful website!

kelnyc · January 2012

*sig warning*

First off, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Infertility sucks the big one.

Second, it's time for your husband to get on your insurance or something. Basic testing should involve cycle day 3 bloodwork and an ultrasound for you and a semen analysis for him, at the bare minimum.

To address your guilt, I don't blame you! There was never anything diagnosed as being "wrong" with either my husband or myself, but with every failed cycle, I still somehow felt like it was my fault. In all honesty, your weight is most likely the culprit. Being over or underweight wreaks havoc on your hormone levels, thyroid, etc. causing your reproductive system to essentially shut down. Metformin is usually prescribed for those with PCOS, and having trouble maintaining a healthy weight is a symptom of the illness. If you were to get to a more reasonable BMI, then things can and do regulate themselves and you could get your period normally again and have a fighting chance. It sounds to me like you may need some more tests, but your doctors are on the right track based on what you've shared. It may be time to join Weight Watchers or somethng and really, seriously give it a go.

GL to you!

BeeBee08 · January 2012

Hi and welcome. First of all, know that your feelings are normal. But you are a woman and you are worthy. Second, you need to see an RE. They are experts in fertility and will be able to give you some insight into what testing and procedures you might need. I don't know where you are, but lots offer free consults. Third, it's not too late to try losing some weight. You said that you should have tried hard...well it's not too late to try hard now if you feel that is something that will help. Which it can't hurt. Fourth, lots of people who don't have diabetes take Metformin and Provera. I'm sure you'll get lots of information regarding that here (sorry I can't help you there). Fifth, you said you are trying to say "faithful". Do you mean to the process? to your faith? to your husband? The IF road is long and difficult. Being a team with your partner is one of the only things that will get you through this. Don't get me wrong, there are still days when you will feel alone, when you're not on the same page, when you don't see eye to eye, but in the end, you're doing all of this because you love each other. All of our beliefs and relationships are tested during this journey.

I think you need to have a very open and honest conversation with DH to make sure you both have the same goals in sight. Tell him how you feel, tell him what you need. What does he need? To what lengths are you willing to go to get it? If you haven't already done so, you should read a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Now that you're getting a regular cycle it could offer some insight. Also, Fertility Friend is a great online tool. But at the end of the day, an RE is the way to go after a year of trying with no results.

Good Luck!

NiddyDiddy · January 2012

Hi Amy, It sounds like you are struggling with a lot, and I'm sorry to hear that. It's heartbreaking to hear someone at age 21 have your concerns. I think that the fact that you have been getting your cycle regularly is a great step in the right direction. Try to continue working with your GYN to see what kind of assistance they can provide, and PLEASE do what you can to seek out an RE- as PPs have said, they are the experts you need to be seeing at this point in the process.

As far as your husband not having insurance coverage - it could still be worthwhile to have an SA done to determine whether any of your difficulties can be attibuted to sperm issues. I am unsure of the out of pocket costs, but I think it would be worthwhile to look into this, particularly if you are considering undergoing testing yourself. (Otherwise, you are only getting one half of the story, which may not help you at all!)

IF is hard on a couple, so try to talk to YH and see where he stands with things; he can be a great support to you; or at the very least, by talking things through, you can get some insight into his perspective, and hopefully reconnect.

And....no one here is going to tell you that if you quit trying, it will happen.... Blech!

jessican08 · January 2012

The PPs have all given great advice. As far as OOP costs for a semen analysis for your H, we were OOP for my H's and I think it was something like...$120. So definitely not a bank buster in the world of things IF related.

As far as Metformin, I don't have PCOS nor am I insulin resistant but my RE has had me on this med for several weeks as we're preparing for our IVF later this month. Sometimes REs use meds in the course of one's fertility treatment that the drugs were not originally intended for (e.g., Femara is a common "first line" fertility drug like Clomid but it's only FDA approved right now as a breast cancer treatment).

GL!

Newbie Here. This is My Story. OK to Post Here?

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