morbid thoughts...
xokell2
member
It's been one week and 2 days since my d&c.
This weekend at work someone was showing around her sister's u/s pics of her baby at 13 weeks which is right when I lost my pregnancy. Seeing that perfectly formed little baby had me wondering these last 2 days about how everything looked after my d&c. I'm certain a fully formed little 13 week fetus didn't get suctioned right out. I had my last u/s at 10 weeks and he/she had little arms and legs and actually looked like a miniature baby. I don't think i'll have enough guts to ask my doctor at my f/u appointment "so what exactly did it look like when it came out" mostly because I probably don't want to know the answer.
Im still also haunted about the form they had me sign at the hospital before the surgery about releasing the 'remains' to a funeral home vs. disposing of it as medical waste. a funeral home/cremation seemed way too intense at the time but now I hate remembering my decision.
I know these thoughts make me sounds like a total wierdo but I this isn't exactly something I can talk about with my friends and I had to just get it out.
Re: morbid thoughts...
I honestly don't think it makes you sound like a weirdo at all. I had a natural m/c, so I am in a slightly different boat, but I would guess a lot of people who had D&Cs would wonder the same thing. The whole thing is so traumatic OF COURSE it brings up scary thoughts.
I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this and for your loss.
As for your decision with the remains, you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.
I am so very sorry you have to go through this
I am sorry you are going through this. Don't beat yourself up too much, you made that decision under a lot of trauma, so it was right for you at the time. I read that this type of loss can trigger a type of PTSD so if you think about it there isn't a "normal" reaction.
Big hug.
My heart is as open as the sky.
Read about it on the blog
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
It's natural and you aren't a weirdo at all!
I honestly started crying when I heard my best friend got pregnant (again) and is getting an abortion. I understand that she has to think of her current son (about 8 months) but it just is hard when I can't even carry one.
I wondered the close to the same thing when I lost mine at 8-9 weeks. It will get better, I promise. As for your decision, just remember that when you made the decision, it was the right one for your thoughts at that time. Please don't let it bring you down too much. It's ok to feel bad, just don't let it consume you.