I am due on Christmas day. I don't want to travel very far from my hospital should I go into labour. This is causing some hurt feelings between DH and his Family. The closest his family lives is about 1.5 hrs away. I feel that is just too far outside my comfort zone. I have suggested that they come here but DH says that a two bedroom apartment is not enough space for 4 extra people. Any suggestions on how to smooth this over and make Christmas work?
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Re: Sorting out Christmas is causing hurt feelings
This.
Siggy check.
Absolutely this.
I'm a little surprised that they don't understand the part where you're due that day and don't want to be so far away from your doc/hospital. They've obviously had kids before, so one would think they could remember the part when they were due and what they were up to doing right around the due date.
As a PP said, what about celebrating early? Or later? And I really don't see what the big deal is about coming to your place to celebrate. A 2br apartment should be plenty big enough for 4 extra people to come over and celebrate with you guys (if you're up to it, of course!). I mean, you've had friends over before, right? It's not like they're staying the night. And if for some reason they are, are they not willing to get a hotel room nearby? If they are planning on staying longer, they could always get a little bit bigger of a hotel room (like a suite or something) and you could all decorate with a tree (fake or otherwise) and all that...
I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.
HTH!
They need to get over it! You are due on Christmas Day. You should not be traveling an hour and a half away on your due date. I don't know where you live but here 1.5 hours could turn into 3 depending on the weather.
We had my entire family over for Christmas last year (7 people) in our 2 bedroom apartment and it was fine.
Everyone already knows that we're not going anywhere for Christmas this year and that they are welcome to come to our house. I'm due a week after Christmas and do not feel comfortable traveling 2 hours away.
Yes they are incredibly selfish and needy. MIL has recently come out of an abusive relationship. She depends heavily on me and especially DH to help her with everything from mowing her lawn, to changing the oil in her car to driving her to visit SIL (she has glaucoma and can't drive at night). Since her husband attacked her, she lives in constant fear and even leaving the house causes her to have panic attacks.
This is why is isn't so easy to tell them to get over it. I'm thinking of checking with some friends to borrow their apartment while they are away on vacation so MIL can stay near us without staying with us.
I agree! I will even add if they are so rude and selfish to not get why you don't want to travel I would not compromise with them at all...fvck stupid people.
I would tell them that your doctor is not ok with you traveling on your due date and they can either come up Christmas day or you can do Christmas after the baby is born. We are skipping Christmas this year. Both out familes live in the same town 2 hrs away and I will be 37 weeks (almost 38 weeks). Im not comfy driving that far just because I will be very sore in the car ride there. So right now our family thinks we are coming I will tell them about 2 weeks before hand that my doctor is not ok with the idea and they can either come up here before Christmas or when they come down Jan 10th for Coopers c-section they can do a little Christmas with dh and dd while I sleep with the baby in the hospital.
They need to get over it. I am generally very sensitive about things like this but you should not be more than 30 minutes from your hospital. How about offering to do Christmas at their house the weekend before? Or even better, having them to your home? They can leave at the end of the night. I have hosted my IL's for dinner, 7 of us in 700 square feet and it was fine.
I don't think 3 hours is too much to drive in one day, to be honest.
I think you should plan a delayed Christmas. We have lots of split family, between DH and I, and the holidays are always a two-week affair for us. We have to work around everyone's schedule and my son's visits to his dad's. Point is, you don't have to do Christmas with all of the family on Christmas!
If MIL doesn't want to travel (or can't - if she can't drive), I would tell her you're so sorry, but you simply can't be that far away that far along in your pregnancy. If she can't make arrangements to be there (is she not coming for the birth, anyway?), then you'll have to plan something in about a month after baby's arrival. That will give you guys some time to recover and let her know it's just an inconvenient time for you to travel. And if that seems too late, maybe she can make arrangements to come sooner - if you're okay with that.
Either way, provide an alternative that will work for you and DH and LO. Then, she can't get too upset, and she then has the opportunity to do something on her part if she so chooses. It doesn't sound like you have a bad relationship with her... Maybe her staying nearby around your due date would give her something to keep her mind occupied, and offer you up some much-needed help - cleaning, cooking, etc.? Just another thought!
No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?
No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?
eta: I was meaning that DH's family could put themselves out for once and visit OP
I'm with other PP's. WHY is this an issue with your family? You could possibly have a freakin' baby on Christmas Day, and they expect you to travel? Absolutely not. For this year, they need to cut you some slack...Christmas happens every year and it's a special time, but you having a baby isn't just another Holiday to "sort out."
Sorry, but I'm pissed just thinking about this!
Im not bragging, we did this before I was pregnant as well. We're going on Thanksgiving weekend. I am not in ANY way bragging. I again, am saying that it is possible that OP's DH's family can drive 3 hours to keep OP from having to drive far away from home, as I said in my reply.
Why are you being so argumentative? Please take time to read my post. It isn't me bragging or an attack on anyone. Sorry if you're taking offense to my posts.
For the record, my previous and current posts are anit- OP driving far from home on her due date, and PRO OP's DH family visiting them instead.
does that make it clearer for you to understand? I was merely stating that ALL of my family lives out of town, we drive to see them multiple times a year. It is possible for DH's family to visit OP and husband without spending the night. An hour and a half is not a long way for someone that isn't pregnant to drive. Luckily it isn't your predicament, or mine. OP can do what she wants she was asking our opinion.
I don't care about hurt feelings and I advise you to do the same. You will have many difficult decisions to make with your children. As my mom said to me once, "Moms make the rules!"
I am due 11/17, but 11/24 the latest. We have no plans for Thanksgiving. If my husband was dead set on doing something, although it would annoy me, he could go it alone. But, I'm not going anywhere. My mother-in-law inquired about Christmas Eve at her house, which is an open house with tons of people, including both family & friends and I told her probably not - I don't want my 4ish week old in a position where people are hacking & sneezing on her. The pediatrician told us with DD1 to not be around big groups of people the first month, so I would do the same with this one.
And, MIL looked sad. But, too freaking bad. If she wants to drive the 45 minutes to our house to hang out, that's fine - there will be coffee/tea and dessert here waiting for her, whenever she comes.
My immediate family (the ones under my roof) come first.
Sorry to butt in but I think you are missing the point Britty is making. I think had she phrased it more along the lines of "tell them to suck it up and dirve to see you, 1-1/2 hours each way is not a big deal...hell, I drive 6 hours round trip, surely they can make it 3 round trip" maybe it would have made her point clearer to you? I didn't take it as her bragging about anything, sounds like a suggestion to me.
I agree! My family has been ridiculous and I am now at the point where I don't care if they feel bad. You have to do what's right for you!
I don't imagine this is even a lie, your dr would not likley advise you to travel over your due date!
I am due about a week before christmas and have said we are staying here, both sides of our family are welcome to come to the city, but will not be able to stay at our house. They can either come and get a hotel, or can wait until later and schedule visits one at a time or until we feel up for making a trip ( not for a while). That is absolutely ridiculous that they would even ask you to travel that close to your due date, how come YOU have to be the one to go out of your way??
OMG! Thank you. That's EXACTLY what I was trying to say.