Trying really hard not to judge
anna7602
member
But why am I surrounded by moms who are anxious for their kids to hit the 4-month mark so they can sleep train? I've had two conversations in as many days about this.
One friend's baby was born in January (so just turned 2 months old) and she was telling me how it suuucks that she has to put the baby in a swing or go for a drive to get her to sleep; how she couldn't wait to just be able to "put the baby in the crib and walk away" in a couple of months.
And the other friend's baby was born in December. I e-mailed to ask when we could finally come by for a visit (she lives about an hour & a half away and I don't have a car, so it has been hard to plan). She wrote back, "She's sleeping pretty well, but we still don't but have a routine down. If you could give me a couple more weeks then we will start the formal sleep training and it will be easier to plan something."
Re: Trying really hard not to judge
It is sad to hear that.
As much as I appreciate sleeping, after almost 9 weeks, I have made the discovery that life does go on without 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Now I can't wait for the extra and new things that DD can do while she's awake, and looking forward to her being awake longer!
It is really hard to not judge, though...and I know from experience how confusing all the different parenting books and theories can be for a new mom! They're probably all doing the best they know how. ...and sometimes desperation leads to the easier sounding solution.
Honestly, I'm at the point where I'm praying DD will reach that "magic" period and start to learn how to self soothe and go down on her own. I'm not going to CIO, but we will certainly be attempting the methods in NCSS. I love bedsharing, and plan to continue until it's not working for us anymore, but I also would like for DD to be able to go down to sleep in her crib and not have to be nursed or worn to sleep every single night by me and me alone.
It gets tiresome being the only person who can get her down at night- there are nights I have papers to grade or an IEP to write and instead of being able to get those done uninterrupted, I'm constantly interrupted by her waking up b/c she can only sleep 1/2 hour at a time on her own. I'd love to get these done during work hours, but the reality is, that just doesn't happen, and I'm not able to stay late anymore b/c I have to get home to nurse her. We fully intend to work on getting her to sleep on her own this summer when I'm home from work and can devote my energy to helping her learn to sleep.
Maybe my "judgment" instinct gets set off so easily since I was the only one who could put DD to bed until she was 18 months old. So believe me, I understand that it gets tiresome. But just about EVERY baby wakes up all the time at the beginning and needs to be soothed in some way (I am a big believer in the 4th trimester theory). It kills me to hear mothers of two or three-month-olds talk about their babies' "sleep problems." It's not a problem, it's the way they are!
I would feel the same way. It's hard when your friends have such different philosophies on parenting. I know I shouldn't, but I often feel reluctant to talk about the fact that we bedshare by choice or that I'm anti-CIO.
It's just uncomfortable :-(
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
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No judgment here. But there's a great discussion about Attachment Theory at https://bit.ly/9fva56. It's Janet Lansbury's site, and she's gently 'anti'. It's mostly about nursing. Personally, I started with a sling-thing 17 years ago. The first time I bound my daughter to my back and went for a walk, she vomited on my head. That was the end of that. The good news is my children are all confident, authentic children -- personally, and out in the world (which is what we all want, no?) -- and very much attached to their parents. We can talk about anything, and when there are issues or problem they just can't negotiate, they come to us. No problem.
good luck to us all.
Same here. It gets awkward!
This
I also hate when my friends talk to me about sleep struggles and how CIO was the only way.
When DS was 2.5-3.5 months, I felt burntout and desperate cause DH can't get him to sleep, I hold him for all naps, etc. I didn't care about STTN, just wanted to be abe to put him down a few times. I also told myself, to just hang in and try no-cry methods until DS was 4 months. I thought, if I'm still carrying this little guy around at 4 months, then I'll try some sort of sleep training, at worst being a CIO with me comforting him but not picking him up in his crib.
Now that he is 4 months, I still can't do any kind of cring, but have been trying to get him to sleep on the bed while I lay next to him. I'm hoping I can get him used to lying down for naps and then transition to his crib. But I want to bedshare at night.
So I understand how desperate some moms can feel. And it helped me to cope thinking that sleeptraining was an option at 4 months. Hopefully your friends will be better adjusted to LO and maybe their LO will be sleeping better so they won't have to do CIO alone. Maybe you can encourage them to see how LO is sleeping before sleeptraining and suggest they try doing it in a more gentle way, like the Baby Whisperer or the Sleep Lady.
I think its just naive to think that a baby is going to sleep no matter what you do at any age. I was naive once too! 14 months later, and my kid still doesn't sleep despite many attempts to get him to sleep (except CIO). I really thought my kid would be sleeping by about 6 months. At 14 months now, I have just given up. LOL
this exactly! My sister is the complete opposite of me, and it is really hard to talk with her about HER choices or mine without a fight breaking out.