June 2013 Moms

Just needed a vent

Im a FTM and We had DD last week. She's perfect and beautiful and healthy, but I'm not doing so great. DH was able to spend sat nite at home with us but has been back to work on the 3rd shift since then. He can't take any time off for financial reasons and since he's been on 3rd, he sleeps most of the day and I haven't gotten a chance to really talk to him. I've cried at least once a day, including now, worrying about DD, worrying that DH and I relationship will dip with baby here now, etc.. I'm struggling with DD latching on to bf and don't feel like a great mother cause I have to pump milk into a bottle to get her my milk. I'm just struggling now. Does anyone else know what I mean? Please tell me it's going to get better. I know it probably will, I just hate feeling like this. Thanks and sorry for the long vent.

Re: Just needed a vent

  • I posted about this in babies 03 months a few days ago. I was also crying everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. You are not a bad mom! Baby blues are normal. Talk to your husband, and if you have any friends or family members you feel comfortable talking about it with, do so. The worst thing you can do is keep your feelings bottled up. I am 13 days PP and starting to feel better, but still have days where I feel down. Hang in there mama, you aren't alone!
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  • I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I cried every day at least once the first 2 weeks and have cried about every other day this week. I am a FTM too and my DD is 3 weeks today and I already feel like things are better than 2 weeks ago.

    Things are different for DH and I too. He is a surgical resident so he is almost never home. He sees dd awake for all of 30 min if he's lucky. Sometimes less. I know how hard it can be when you feel like you're all alone. Do not beat yourself up over the bottles. All that matters is she's healthy and you are doing the best you can.

    Don't worry about your relationship with DH. It will definitely be different but it didn't have to be a bad change. I try to focus on how he makes my heart melt when he it's interacting with her.

    It will get better. My pediatricians favorite phrase is "at this stage, your goal is to take one day at a time". That is all we can do.
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  • You are still a good mother even though you have to pump. You want to provide your DD with breastmilk and you are! 

    I have severely inverted nipples and therefore DS and I were both getting way too frustrated nursing even using a nipple shield. I have switched to just pumping and bottle feeding. He is still getting fed and I'm still able to provide breastmilk to him.

    Give yourself a break. Try to give yourself a break. Hang in there, it will get better! 



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  • Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm a FTM also had baby girl on Sat and am having trouble with the latch. My baby lost enough weight that the pedi asked if I could pump to make sure she gets enough nutrients. So here I am at 5 am, just got done win a bottle feed and now I'm pumping. I plan on meeting with a lactation consultant ASAP.

  • image christaman:
    Don't be so hard on yourself! I'm a FTM also had baby girl on Sat and am having trouble with the latch. My baby lost enough weight that the pedi asked if I could pump to make sure she gets enough nutrients. So here I am at 5 am, just got done win a bottle feed and now I'm pumping. I plan on meeting with a lactation consultant ASAP.


    And my husband also had to go right back to work the day after we got home from the hospital. I've cried too but we can so this!

  • image iggles09:

    It will get better. My pediatricians favorite phrase is "at this stage, your goal is to take one day at a time". That is all we can do.

    Smart doctor. Excellent advice.

    Hang in there, PP. I know it'll get better. Like others have said, try and talk to someone you trust about how you feel. And remember, how you're feeling is normal. Best wishes!
  • Sorry you're feeling this way. Is there anyone else that can help you? Don't be afraid to ask for help. And maybe you need a few more meetings with a lactation consultant. Call your hospital an see if they off extended assistance for moms. Remember this is temporary. You will get thought this!
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  • I feel like I could have written this post myself. I have the baby blues pretty bad and am having a hard time bonding with DD. I had to start pumping at three days old because she mangled my nips so bad that the pain would make me scream and cry when she tried to latch. We have her bottles which led to nipple confusion and I felt like the worlds worst mother. As of now, we are having amazing success with a Medela nipple shield and she is gaining weight. Only thing I'm still working on is the bonding.

    And I know how you feel about your DH. I've been panicky thinking that DH and I are going to fall out of love or that our marriage is going to fall apart because of baby stress. Talk to your DH about it. My DH listened to my fears and has made it a point to kiss, touch and snuggle me more so that I can eventually let that worry go, too.

    Sounds like you are doing a great job with your LO. Keep up the good work!




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  • jefkjefk
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    I feel your pain.  DD is having trouble latching too, and I'm a hot mess.  I cry daily for at least an hour, I can't sleep, I have so much anxiety and can't stop with the "what ifs" with DD.  We saw an LC today who was wonderful and made me feel a lot better.  We saw her through my pedi's office, but maybe your hospital has an LC that you could talk to?  Honestly, just hearing from her that what I'm going through is normal made me feel so much better.  Good luck mama :)
  • Don't feel alone!  DH worked overnights until last night.  It was just DD and I all day and all night.  She sometimes just cries (I think she is over tired  and can't sooth herself to sleep) and DH can't help because he has to sleep.  It will get better.  The pediatrician told me that it will not hurt the baby to put her down in a safe place and walk away for a couple of minutes to get myself together.  As long as you aren't relaxed, the baby will not be relaxed.  They sense our frustration and being upset and it makes the situation worse.
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