Stay at Home Moms

question to at home moms

I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and wife, I feel that men and women work best as a complementary set and we each have our duties. I have a pretty traditional view of marriage, The husband provides and protects and the wife nurtures and takes care of the home and children. I feel that now women are expected to do it all and have a career on top of it. I went to college and got a career because that is what is expected of me from my family but why isn't it acceptable to want to be a housewife anymore? my question to you ladies is do you enjoy being an at home mom? if you have worked then what did you like better?  

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Re: question to at home moms

  • Being a SAHM was what I always planned/dreamed to do, to me it didn't matter what was "expected" of me, I knew what would make me happy. I love staying home, but it's not for everyone. In the end if you can afford to do so, you need to forget others expectations and do what's best for your family.

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  • I actually also enjoy taking on traditional roles. I know it's not for everyone, but I didn't go to college because I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM. Works well for us. I know there are plenty of women out there who enjoy climbing the cooperate ladder, and more power to them. I'm just not one.
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    image letranger:
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    Here you are. And some Sour Patch Kids too, if I may.

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    image nowababy:
    image letranger:
    Someone pass the popcorn quick!
    Here you are. And some Sour Patch Kids too, if I may.

    Adds some whoppers to the pile! Can't enjoy a good show without whoppers! 

    the only way I'll eat popcorn is with whoppers.
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    image nowababy:
    image letranger:
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    Here you are. And some Sour Patch Kids too, if I may.

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  • Well...being a SAHM is not what I envisioned myself to be doing ten years ago when I graduated high school. Working with animals is always something I wanted to do so I went to college and focused on that. Life happens though and circumstances have me no longer working in my dream field. Am I sad about it? I was at first, but I fell in love with my daughter and while I would love to go back to work...I would only want to go back if it was Part Time and it was possible for me to do so.

    We are not a traditional couple in the sense that if I was the one making the most money, then my husband would stay home. Reality of animal medicine is that you are not exactly choosing to do that work for the money (athough the clients arguing with you about their statements may think otherwise). Daycare is not cheap. If it was possible, I would love if I could work Part Time and my husband would stay home earning money from his hobby.

    I was hoping to be able to return to work by the time DD was a year old. With the prospect of a promotion in my husband's near future though, that is seeming to be more unlikely. Do not get me wrong, I love being a SAH, I really do and I am grateful....but I also really loved my job.


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  • thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear that there are other women who want to stay home, as long as we can afford it I know this is what I will be happiest doing.
  • image britkendall:
    thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear that there are other women who want to stay home, as long as we can afford it I know this is what I will be happiest doing.


    Do you have kids yet? If not, then don't be do sure you'll be happiest doing it, as you say. I stay at home bc of many different factors but its not so simple a choice as you make it out to be. I wish happiness for you, I'd just be wary of feeling like you've got it all figured out. Like any job, SAHM has its ups and downs. It's not the black and white you seem to think.
  • image ASullivan1231:
    image britkendall:
    thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear that there are other women who want to stay home, as long as we can afford it I know this is what I will be happiest doing.
    Do you have kids yet? If not, then don't be do sure you'll be happiest doing it, as you say. I stay at home bc of many different factors but its not so simple a choice as you make it out to be. I wish happiness for you, I'd just be wary of feeling like you've got it all figured out. Like any job, SAHM has its ups and downs. It's not the black and white you seem to think.

    Yes


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  • Some people are going to be offended by your implication (intended or otherwise) that a woman's place is in the home. A lot of the ladies on here have a high level of education, pursued challenging and rewarding careers, and are now spending a stage of life at home raising their children because it makes the most financial sense for their family, or because they see value in having a more involved role in their children's lives. Many of us plan to return to work at some time in the future, are already working part time, or are running some kind home business, etc. 

    That said, I love being a stay at home mom, but would never want to be a housewife (with no kids)... I can't think of anything more boring. Before having DD, I was a public health nurse, and before that I ran day cares and after school programs. I very much enjoyed my work, and do miss it. We're planning on having 3 kids, and after they've all reached school age, I'll be returning to work.

    Staying at home with kids has a lot of challenges. DD and I have a lot of fun during the day together, and I adore the heck out of her, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this stage. That said, being a SAHM is exhausting without being challenging a lot of the time, and that can be disheartening. You do a lot of the same things, every day, over and over and over. It can also feel like you're completely unappreciated the majority of the time. It's somewhat boring, frankly... not that you're just sitting around all day because the kids keep you hopping, but what you're doing doesn't really stretch you or challenge you. It can also be isolating, unless you take care to involve yourself in a group of other mommies that support and care for one another. 

    There's huge pros and cons to both sides, I think. Our family has decided that having one parent at home is what works for us, but I don't judge a family that has chosen to have both spouses working, or think that what we're doing is better than what they're doing. I'm extremely grateful that I can not be working at this point in my life, because I'm really enjoying the SAHM experience and spending such happy, carefree days with my daughter, but there are absolutely things I miss... just as when I return to work, there will be things I miss about staying home. 


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  • image ASullivan1231:
    image britkendall:
    thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear that there are other women who want to stay home, as long as we can afford it I know this is what I will be happiest doing.


    Do you have kids yet? If not, then don't be do sure you'll be happiest doing it, as you say. I stay at home bc of many different factors but its not so simple a choice as you make it out to be. I wish happiness for you, I'd just be wary of feeling like you've got it all figured out. Like any job, SAHM has its ups and downs. It's not the black and white you seem to think.


    I agree with this. I have also always wanted to be a SAHM and now that I am I miss my job! Transition to motherhood has been an adjustment. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby and an grateful to be home. I also have an awesome H who really takes over at night/on the weekends. I've decided to go back to work in September very part time so that I can have the best of both worlds. We will have my mom watch my DD while I'm working.
    Mama to Sophie Virginia
    born 5/4/13 at 35 weeks 4 days

  • I'll bite.

    Why would you go to college and have career because someone else thought you should, especially if you didn't want to do it? You're an adult. You can make your own choices. And why do you care what anyone else thinks about you staying home? If your husband is fine with it, then I don't see the problem.
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  • I love being home with my kids. I could not have been home without small children. Even when DS1 was a baby (he was an easy baby - I'm not saying it's universal for being a SAHM to one child), I was often bored.

    I really loved my job. It was challenging, rewarding and I was really good at it. I still get to apply a lot of my skills now (I work from home for DH and my business), but it's not the same. Both stages of my life had great aspects and frustrating ones.

    I'm not a fan of traditional roles, really. Before I SAH, DH and I were equal providers. Even now, we're equal partners in our business, even though DH puts more hours in because I'm home with the kids. He phones and consults me constantly and we are a partnership there as well as at home. When he's home, we parent 50/50. It doesn't fit us. 


    Owen (March 2007), Caleb (July 2009), Eliza (July 2011) and August (September 2013)




  • image ASullivan1231:
    image britkendall:
    thanks for the replies, it's nice to hear that there are other women who want to stay home, as long as we can afford it I know this is what I will be happiest doing.
    Do you have kids yet? If not, then don't be do sure you'll be happiest doing it, as you say. I stay at home bc of many different factors but its not so simple a choice as you make it out to be. I wish happiness for you, I'd just be wary of feeling like you've got it all figured out. Like any job, SAHM has its ups and downs. It's not the black and white you seem to think.

    Yep. I was sure that's what I wanted before I had a kid. Now that I'm a really a mom, I know I'm a better one when I'm working FT outside the house. I'm home during the day but if I didn't go to work and get some time alone, I'd go nuts.  See what happens and have an open mind. 

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  • This is kind of off topic but I think every SAHM should have a degree or profession to fall back on. Part of staying home that bothers me is the fact that I am totally dependent on my spouse for income. For ladies that have no education and skills what would they do if they needed to work? Marriages fail, people die.

    I plan to return to work the year after next. I love staying home but after seven years I am ready to contribute financially to our family again.
    Mom to Emma 9/4/06 and Jackson 11/24/08 M/C Dec 11 and M/C twins feb 2012. BFP Thanksgiving! EDD Aug 4, 2013 M/C at 5 weeks.
  • KC_13KC_13
    10000 Comments 250 Answers 500 Love Its Fifth Anniversary
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    I never really planned to sah. I went to college, worked hard and moved into a management gig that paid well. Parts of that life were really awesome. Parts of that life sucked. Now I'm a sahm. Parts of this life are really awesome. Parts of this life suck. Right now I feel really content and satisfied with this "job". I might feel differently next year. 

    I am 100% with ag on this one--it's great when women have education and career prospects because marriages fail and people die everyday.  

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  • KateMWKateMW
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    image Andrewsgal:
    This is kind of off topic but I think every SAHM should have a degree or profession to fall back on. Part of staying home that bothers me is the fact that I am totally dependent on my spouse for income. For ladies that have no education and skills what would they do if they needed to work? Marriages fail, people die.

    This 100%. I have known two different women who were married and their husbands died. Young and very unexpectedly. One had a career and one was a SAHM...the second case wasn't pretty and she only made it because he had a very large life insurance policy. 


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  • Nel11Nel11
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    image joyfullyfound:

    Some people are going to be offended by your implication (intended or otherwise) that a woman's place is in the home. A lot of the ladies on here have a high level of education, pursued challenging and rewarding careers, and are now spending a stage of life at home raising their children because it makes the most financial sense for their family, or because they see value in having a more involved role in their children's lives. Many of us plan to return to work at some time in the future, are already working part time, or are running some kind home business, etc. 

    That said, I love being a stay at home mom, but would never want to be a housewife (with no kids)... I can't think of anything more boring. Before having DD, I was a public health nurse, and before that I ran day cares and after school programs. I very much enjoyed my work, and do miss it. We're planning on having 3 kids, and after they've all reached school age, I'll be returning to work.

    Staying at home with kids has a lot of challenges. DD and I have a lot of fun during the day together, and I adore the heck out of her, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this stage. That said, being a SAHM is exhausting without being challenging a lot of the time, and that can be disheartening. You do a lot of the same things, every day, over and over and over. It can also feel like you're completely unappreciated the majority of the time. It's somewhat boring, frankly... not that you're just sitting around all day because the kids keep you hopping, but what you're doing doesn't really stretch you or challenge you. It can also be isolating, unless you take care to involve yourself in a group of other mommies that support and care for one another. 

    There's huge pros and cons to both sides, I think. Our family has decided that having one parent at home is what works for us, but I don't judge a family that has chosen to have both spouses working, or think that what we're doing is better than what they're doing. I'm extremely grateful that I can not be working at this point in my life, because I'm really enjoying the SAHM experience and spending such happy, carefree days with my daughter, but there are absolutely things I miss... just as when I return to work, there will be things I miss about staying home. 

    I agree with this, especially the bolded.  We planned for me to stay home while our kids are young for several years before having children.  One the one hand, I really value the time spent with my children while they are young, and think it is extremely important that I'm home with them.  However, I did not anticipate the anxiety/guilt I sometimes feel that, while I am tired at the end of the day, oftentimes I don't feel "challenged" like I would if I was working.  I also feel guilty that I'm not contributing financially, even though we do not need the money and DH is 100% happy with our current setup.  But, if I worked full-time, I would feel guilty that I wasn't home with them.  Mommy guilt gets you no matter what you choose! So, my advice is to keep an open mind, and have a backup plan in case you have a change of heart.  And FWIW, I think having a degree, even if you plan on staying home, is very worth it.  You never know what life will bring you, and you need to be prepared.


  • I have a master's degree in science and I don't support traditional gender roles at all.  I teach from time to time, so I'm not completely SAH, but I don't work more mostly because this is what works for us.  I really don't think we would pay our bills on time or keep the kitchen remotely clean if we both put a lot into our work, and even with 2 incomes we couldn't afford to have a staff to help.  If my DH didn't work so hard, I might try to work, but right now he likes his job and wants to focus on it.  I couldn't be a successful scientist in my field without doing more than 40 hours/wk, and I didn't want to be committed to work all the time.  I like babies and kids so I would be happy in either position.
  • image Hav=Fath:
    Being a SAHM was what I always planned/dreamed to do, to me it didn't matter what was "expected" of me, I knew what would make me happy. I love staying home, but it's not for everyone. In the end if you can afford to do so, you need to forget others expectations and do what's best for your family.

    all of this 

    image
    image
  • I will say with no humiliation, I prefer staying at home while DH works. He admires what I do all day and I admire what he does. He always told me if I change my mind and want to work he supports that as well. It's relieving to not have any pressure while my babies are still babies though. If we ever fell into a financial rut I'd do my best to support.
  • image KateMW:

    image Andrewsgal:
    This is kind of off topic but I think every SAHM should have a degree or profession to fall back on. Part of staying home that bothers me is the fact that I am totally dependent on my spouse for income. For ladies that have no education and skills what would they do if they needed to work? Marriages fail, people die.

    This 100%. I have known two different women who were married and their husbands died. Young and very unexpectedly. One had a career and one was a SAHM...the second case wasn't pretty and she only made it because he had a very large life insurance policy

    Isn't that the point of life insurance? I have a fairly large life insurance policy on DH because it would take me a while to get back into the workforce and I wouldn't earn as much money as he does.

    image

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  • I'm a SAHM and mostly a lurker on this board.  I enjoy being a SAHM mom very much but I also intend to return to work at least part time once my son is in school.  I don't care about traditional gender roles.  This works for us and suits our personalities and talents.

    I also have to add that I don't agree when some of you say that you don't contribute financially as a SAHM.  Exactly how much do you think you'd be paying if you weren't staying at home for daycare, etc?  I call that financially contributing.  

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  • KateMWKateMW
    25000 Comments 250 Answers Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
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    image MainelyFoolish:
    image KateMW:

    image Andrewsgal:
    This is kind of off topic but I think every SAHM should have a degree or profession to fall back on. Part of staying home that bothers me is the fact that I am totally dependent on my spouse for income. For ladies that have no education and skills what would they do if they needed to work? Marriages fail, people die.

    This 100%. I have known two different women who were married and their husbands died. Young and very unexpectedly. One had a career and one was a SAHM...the second case wasn't pretty and she only made it because he had a very large life insurance policy

    Isn't that the point of life insurance? I have a fairly large life insurance policy on DH because it would take me a while to get back into the workforce and I wouldn't earn as much money as he does.

    Well yes I guess, but my point was that she had nothing to fall back on so she had to go back to school and couldn't have made it without the insurance. 


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  • image joyfullyfound:

    Some people are going to be offended by your implication (intended or otherwise) that a woman's place is in the home. A lot of the ladies on here have a high level of education, pursued challenging and rewarding careers, and are now spending a stage of life at home raising their children because it makes the most financial sense for their family, or because they see value in having a more involved role in their children's lives. Many of us plan to return to work at some time in the future, are already working part time, or are running some kind home business, etc. 

    That said, I love being a stay at home mom, but would never want to be a housewife (with no kids)... I can't think of anything more boring. Before having DD, I was a public health nurse, and before that I ran day cares and after school programs. I very much enjoyed my work, and do miss it. We're planning on having 3 kids, and after they've all reached school age, I'll be returning to work.

    Staying at home with kids has a lot of challenges. DD and I have a lot of fun during the day together, and I adore the heck out of her, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this stage. That said, being a SAHM is exhausting without being challenging a lot of the time, and that can be disheartening. You do a lot of the same things, every day, over and over and over. It can also feel like you're completely unappreciated the majority of the time. It's somewhat boring, frankly... not that you're just sitting around all day because the kids keep you hopping, but what you're doing doesn't really stretch you or challenge you. It can also be isolating, unless you take care to involve yourself in a group of other mommies that support and care for one another. 

    There's huge pros and cons to both sides, I think. Our family has decided that having one parent at home is what works for us, but I don't judge a family that has chosen to have both spouses working, or think that what we're doing is better than what they're doing. I'm extremely grateful that I can not be working at this point in my life, because I'm really enjoying the SAHM experience and spending such happy, carefree days with my daughter, but there are absolutely things I miss... just as when I return to work, there will be things I miss about staying home. 

    This, especially the bolded. You managed to say what I would have butchered trying to explain.

     

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  • I actually truly love being a Stay at home mom.  I graduated college, and worked for a while, but I was always frustrated at work, etc., because there was always drama.  It seemed like no matter where I went, someone was always stirring a pot. Anyway, once I had DD, I decided to stay home, and it has been the best decision of my life.  To be fair, it took me a few months to really get into the swing of it. Taking care of a tiny baby is a full time job, so adding housework plus cooking plus laundry and other errands, and you can sometimes feel like you need 8 arms to get everything done. Who cares what other people deem acceptable? You have to do what feels right for you.

     

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  • image joyfullyfound:

    Some people are going to be offended by your implication (intended or otherwise) that a woman's place is in the home. A lot of the ladies on here have a high level of education, pursued challenging and rewarding careers, and are now spending a stage of life at home raising their children because it makes the most financial sense for their family, or because they see value in having a more involved role in their children's lives. Many of us plan to return to work at some time in the future, are already working part time, or are running some kind home business, etc. 

    That said, I love being a stay at home mom, but would never want to be a housewife (with no kids)... I can't think of anything more boring. Before having DD, I was a public health nurse, and before that I ran day cares and after school programs. I very much enjoyed my work, and do miss it. We're planning on having 3 kids, and after they've all reached school age, I'll be returning to work.

    Staying at home with kids has a lot of challenges. DD and I have a lot of fun during the day together, and I adore the heck out of her, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this stage. That said, being a SAHM is exhausting without being challenging a lot of the time, and that can be disheartening. You do a lot of the same things, every day, over and over and over. It can also feel like you're completely unappreciated the majority of the time. It's somewhat boring, frankly... not that you're just sitting around all day because the kids keep you hopping, but what you're doing doesn't really stretch you or challenge you. It can also be isolating, unless you take care to involve yourself in a group of other mommies that support and care for one another. 

    There's huge pros and cons to both sides, I think. Our family has decided that having one parent at home is what works for us, but I don't judge a family that has chosen to have both spouses working, or think that what we're doing is better than what they're doing. I'm extremely grateful that I can not be working at this point in my life, because I'm really enjoying the SAHM experience and spending such happy, carefree days with my daughter, but there are absolutely things I miss... just as when I return to work, there will be things I miss about staying home. 

    very well said! 

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