Stay at Home Moms
britkendall
member
question to at home moms
britkendall
member
I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom and wife, I feel that men and women work best as a complementary set and we each have our duties. I have a pretty traditional view of marriage, The husband provides and protects and the wife nurtures and takes care of the home and children. I feel that now women are expected to do it all and have a career on top of it. I went to college and got a career because that is what is expected of me from my family but why isn't it acceptable to want to be a housewife anymore? my question to you ladies is do you enjoy being an at home mom? if you have worked then what did you like better?
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Re: question to at home moms
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Well...being a SAHM is not what I envisioned myself to be doing ten years ago when I graduated high school. Working with animals is always something I wanted to do so I went to college and focused on that. Life happens though and circumstances have me no longer working in my dream field. Am I sad about it? I was at first, but I fell in love with my daughter and while I would love to go back to work...I would only want to go back if it was Part Time and it was possible for me to do so.
We are not a traditional couple in the sense that if I was the one making the most money, then my husband would stay home. Reality of animal medicine is that you are not exactly choosing to do that work for the money (athough the clients arguing with you about their statements may think otherwise). Daycare is not cheap. If it was possible, I would love if I could work Part Time and my husband would stay home earning money from his hobby.
I was hoping to be able to return to work by the time DD was a year old. With the prospect of a promotion in my husband's near future though, that is seeming to be more unlikely. Do not get me wrong, I love being a SAH, I really do and I am grateful....but I also really loved my job.
Do you have kids yet? If not, then don't be do sure you'll be happiest doing it, as you say. I stay at home bc of many different factors but its not so simple a choice as you make it out to be. I wish happiness for you, I'd just be wary of feeling like you've got it all figured out. Like any job, SAHM has its ups and downs. It's not the black and white you seem to think.
Some people are going to be offended by your implication (intended or otherwise) that a woman's place is in the home. A lot of the ladies on here have a high level of education, pursued challenging and rewarding careers, and are now spending a stage of life at home raising their children because it makes the most financial sense for their family, or because they see value in having a more involved role in their children's lives. Many of us plan to return to work at some time in the future, are already working part time, or are running some kind home business, etc.
That said, I love being a stay at home mom, but would never want to be a housewife (with no kids)... I can't think of anything more boring. Before having DD, I was a public health nurse, and before that I ran day cares and after school programs. I very much enjoyed my work, and do miss it. We're planning on having 3 kids, and after they've all reached school age, I'll be returning to work.
Staying at home with kids has a lot of challenges. DD and I have a lot of fun during the day together, and I adore the heck out of her, and wouldn't want to be doing anything else at this stage. That said, being a SAHM is exhausting without being challenging a lot of the time, and that can be disheartening. You do a lot of the same things, every day, over and over and over. It can also feel like you're completely unappreciated the majority of the time. It's somewhat boring, frankly... not that you're just sitting around all day because the kids keep you hopping, but what you're doing doesn't really stretch you or challenge you. It can also be isolating, unless you take care to involve yourself in a group of other mommies that support and care for one another.
There's huge pros and cons to both sides, I think. Our family has decided that having one parent at home is what works for us, but I don't judge a family that has chosen to have both spouses working, or think that what we're doing is better than what they're doing. I'm extremely grateful that I can not be working at this point in my life, because I'm really enjoying the SAHM experience and spending such happy, carefree days with my daughter, but there are absolutely things I miss... just as when I return to work, there will be things I miss about staying home.
I agree with this. I have also always wanted to be a SAHM and now that I am I miss my job! Transition to motherhood has been an adjustment. Don't get me wrong, I love my baby and an grateful to be home. I also have an awesome H who really takes over at night/on the weekends. I've decided to go back to work in September very part time so that I can have the best of both worlds. We will have my mom watch my DD while I'm working.
Why would you go to college and have career because someone else thought you should, especially if you didn't want to do it? You're an adult. You can make your own choices. And why do you care what anyone else thinks about you staying home? If your husband is fine with it, then I don't see the problem.
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I plan to return to work the year after next. I love staying home but after seven years I am ready to contribute financially to our family again.
I never really planned to sah. I went to college, worked hard and moved into a management gig that paid well. Parts of that life were really awesome. Parts of that life sucked. Now I'm a sahm. Parts of this life are really awesome. Parts of this life suck. Right now I feel really content and satisfied with this "job". I might feel differently next year.
I am 100% with ag on this one--it's great when women have education and career prospects because marriages fail and people die everyday.
This 100%. I have known two different women who were married and their husbands died. Young and very unexpectedly. One had a career and one was a SAHM...the second case wasn't pretty and she only made it because he had a very large life insurance policy.
I agree with this, especially the bolded. We planned for me to stay home while our kids are young for several years before having children. One the one hand, I really value the time spent with my children while they are young, and think it is extremely important that I'm home with them. However, I did not anticipate the anxiety/guilt I sometimes feel that, while I am tired at the end of the day, oftentimes I don't feel "challenged" like I would if I was working. I also feel guilty that I'm not contributing financially, even though we do not need the money and DH is 100% happy with our current setup. But, if I worked full-time, I would feel guilty that I wasn't home with them. Mommy guilt gets you no matter what you choose! So, my advice is to keep an open mind, and have a backup plan in case you have a change of heart. And FWIW, I think having a degree, even if you plan on staying home, is very worth it. You never know what life will bring you, and you need to be prepared.
all of this
Isn't that the point of life insurance? I have a fairly large life insurance policy on DH because it would take me a while to get back into the workforce and I wouldn't earn as much money as he does.
I'm a SAHM and mostly a lurker on this board. I enjoy being a SAHM mom very much but I also intend to return to work at least part time once my son is in school. I don't care about traditional gender roles. This works for us and suits our personalities and talents.
I also have to add that I don't agree when some of you say that you don't contribute financially as a SAHM. Exactly how much do you think you'd be paying if you weren't staying at home for daycare, etc? I call that financially contributing.
Well yes I guess, but my point was that she had nothing to fall back on so she had to go back to school and couldn't have made it without the insurance.
This, especially the bolded. You managed to say what I would have butchered trying to explain.
I actually truly love being a Stay at home mom. I graduated college, and worked for a while, but I was always frustrated at work, etc., because there was always drama. It seemed like no matter where I went, someone was always stirring a pot. Anyway, once I had DD, I decided to stay home, and it has been the best decision of my life. To be fair, it took me a few months to really get into the swing of it. Taking care of a tiny baby is a full time job, so adding housework plus cooking plus laundry and other errands, and you can sometimes feel like you need 8 arms to get everything done. Who cares what other people deem acceptable? You have to do what feels right for you.
very well said!
She doesn't say who told her to go to college and choose a career, but if it is coming from her parents, I think it is very good advice. Going to college usually starts around the age of 18. Teenagers do not necessarily make the best choices and are certain of what they want out of their lives, and seem to know exactly how those lives are going to turn out. If my teenage daughter told me she wasn't going to college because she wanted to be a SAHM, you can bet we would have several discussions and I would be pushing for her to go to college and choose a career. I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM, but there is life before and after kids, marriages fail, and people die. I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have that college degree if anything were to happen to our family.
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I totally agree. You need to have something to be able to fall back on in case something happened. And honestly, even if you do want to be a SAHM or wife it still would be good to go to college to experience life a little and be educated on a variety of things/topics. My MIL went to college and got a degree in English/history and also study abroad. Then she got married and never worked. But she is very smart and able to hold a conversation about a variety of topics. I am certainly not saying that people with aspirations to be a SAHM/W are dumb at all but most of us don't know much about life/the world when we graduate high school, even though we may feel like we know everything. And for those people who don't feel like they are college material (because not everyone is and that is Ok) it would still be very good to be trained in some sort of trade.
I am a PA and had DD at 37. I had worked FT as a PA until I had her (7 years) and then took 6 months off. Since then I have worked 3 mornings a week from 8-1 to keep up my skills and basically fund my retirement. I am really glad that I am able to work so little and be at home with DD for the most part because I really love it. I am planning on putting her in pre-K 4 days a week in a year and I will likely continue to work just 3 mornings a week. I certainly am not planning on working more than 20 hours down the road unless it would be financially necessary. I actually would've been fine with not going back to work but I figured it would be smart to keep up with my skills and funding my retirement is certainly very beneficial in the long run even if I don't bring home much money at all now. We don't do a lot of structured classes (really only one) but are on the go a lot. We still miss out on quite a few activities with my working 3 mornings a a week (story time and some of the mom group outings)
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to be a SAHM, I just think it would be wise to have a little more education after HS whether it is college or some sort of trade. I also think there is nothing wrong with wanting to go back to work FT after having kids even if it isn't financially necessary. To each his own and some people just are not cut out to be a SAHM and probably better parents for their child than if they stayed home and hated it.
I am not sure I could be a SAHW though unless I spent a lot of time volunteering.