September 2013 Moms

Babies at baby shower?

I've posted before that my MIL is very graciously throwing me a shower at her home. (I live in NY, she's in NC). She just wrote me an email saying "we need to discourage" babies at my shower because there could be a total of 23 people there and space is tight. I understand and respect that it's her home, however I feel it's a joy to have babies at a baby shower. Plus, not everyone we've invited will attend, and I also feel that a nursing mama should be able to bring her baby. I have a total of 5 friends who would potentially bring their babies (though one friend has two kids, and I hope she wouldn't bring the older one...I feel like older kids is a whole different thing). My MIL also gave the reasoning that all of the attention should be exclusively on me, which I disagree with. 

What do you think? Would it be rude of me to gently say I'd like for nursing babies to be allowed?

Re: Babies at baby shower?

  • jjkayejjkaye
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    I think you have to respect the wishes of the hostess... even if you don't agree.

     

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  • I'd just tell her you appreciate her wanting all the attention to be on you, but that you would love for your friends to be able to bring their babies with them. I would think she'd understand. 
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  • I've always had the impression that "babies in arms" are usually welcome and expected to be with the mother.  People view families differently, perhaps your MIL does, and the babies (if babies and not toddlers) will be with their mothers.

    That said, like the pp said, she's the hostess so she calls the shots.

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  • I think that it's not out of line to say "I know some of my friends are nursing, so they may not be able to leave their babies, I'd love for them to be able to come, even if it means bringing the baby, but I understand if you are not able to accommodate them" or something like that.

    I just think it's funny the thought of saying "this is a baby shower, but NO BABIES ALLOWED"

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  • jeb2013jeb2013
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    I think it's cute when babies or little tots come to showers. I had my friends 6 month old at my bridal shower and it was cute she came all dressed up! And I told my mom and friend who are hosting my shower that babies an kids are allowed.
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  • NNGnomeNNGnome
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    I think that it's not out of line to say "I know some of my friends are nursing, so they may not be able to leave their babies, I'd love for them to be able to come, even if it means bringing the baby, but I understand if you are not able to accommodate them" or something like that.

    I just think it's funny the thought of saying "this is a baby shower, but NO BABIES ALLOWED"

    This, I am sure she would be OK with nursing babies, maybe she means slightly older kids, I know I still call my 18 month old a baby, and he would be very disruptive at a baby shower, I would definitely not bring him LOL.

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  • I think you need to respect the wishes of your hostess. If she feels the space is tight, then that's the way it is. She might also not want other people's children in her home, which, while weird, is totally her prerogative.

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  • I wouldn't bring my baby to a shower anyway.  I get very little "mommy time" and look forward to adult conversation.  It's good daddy/baby bonding time too!  If there is no one to watch the LO then I understand.  Why can't the nursing mommas pump anyway?  I assume they are sometimes away from their babies anyway, right?

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  • Personally, I don't like the idea of babies at showers (baby or bridal) or weddings.  I think it's nice for the adults to be able to sit down and enjoy themselves without having to watch their children.  I think I would be way more likely to leave my (soon to be) twins home with their daddy than drag them off to a shower.  Kids are disruptive even when they don't mean to be (crying baby who wants to eat) and I would feel bad about taking the attention off the guest of honor.

    That being said, I think you need to follow the lead of the hostess.  If she doesn't want babies at the shower and it's in her home...I think you need to respect that.  It may not be ideal for you, but I do go by the "X's house, X's rule" way of thinking.

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  • If it was me, I wouldn't say either way. If a mother wants to bring her baby, that's fine, but most moms I know wouldn't bring a baby to a shower whether they were breast feeding or not. It's a good way to get out of the house, spend time with friends, and get dressed up. I have been to about 10 baby showers and I have not been to a single one where there were kids/babies. Maybe it's just the area I live in.
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  • While I do agree that nursing mothers should be an exception, I would never dream of bringing my 22 month old to a shower.  As much as I love him, he would go insane over all the presents and wrapping paper and I would spend the entire time chasing him.  I think most people would rather leave the little ones at home anyway.
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  • image jjkaye:
    I think you have to respect the wishes of the hostess... even if you don't agree. nbsp;


    I agree. My mom feels the same way as your MIL. I don't but its her time, effort, and money going into the shower so I am willing to accept it. I can see women who are still BFing should be allowed to bring their child, and maybe your MIL will be ok with that.
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  • I have never heard of a shower that did not allow babies OR small children! I'm sure they exist but it seems strange. I would be ok if someone asked for no small children to attend due to limited space, but if they asked me not to bring my babe in arms I would decline the invitation and send a gift. I can't imagine an infant taking up extra space. Does she not like babies? I'm not sure I would say anything to the host regardless of who they are, it is their party to throw. I would be apologizing to my guests with infants though since it is a silly excuse not to invite them IMO.
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  • I would say its up to the hostess in this situation. I agree with space reasoning but not with the attention reasoning. Haha there are over 20kids coming to my shower and I wouldn't have it any other way.
  • I would say if you are close enough with your MIL to be frank with her, explain your reasoning about nursing babies. If you think it'll cause a problem, don't bring it up. I think it's okay to tell her that you love babies and don't mind sharing the attention, but I wouldn't push her on her request of no children unless you are sure that you two have that close of a relationship. If it was your mother, I'd say just be honest, but MIL relationships are a little trickier, and since she's the hostess, it is her house, her party, her rules.

    I like adult time at baby showers, but I don't feel like infants take away from that, except for maybe with their own mothers, and if that mom wants adult time, she isn't forced to bring her baby, and can work out sitter arrangements herself. I think toddlers or older children who need their food cut up and to be told not to touch things and who you have to be careful not to swear around take away from that, but not little babies (not that I routinely swear at baby showers, but you get the idea). 

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  • image EMLYNNLERETTE:
    I have never heard of a shower that did not allow babies OR small children! I'm sure they exist but it seems strange. I would be ok if someone asked for no small children to attend due to limited space, but if they asked me not to bring my babe in arms I would decline the invitation and send a gift. I can't imagine an infant taking up extra space. Does she not like babies? I'm not sure I would say anything to the host regardless of who they are, it is their party to throw. I would be apologizing to my guests with infants though since it is a silly excuse not to invite them IMO.

    Just as a funny counterpoint: I don't think I've ever been to a shower where babies and small children WERE there. Maybe it is regional? 

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  • I'd ask her if you can talk to your nursing friends about bringing babies. Tell her you don't mind if attention goes away from her, but that it's her decision. 

    I do think there's a big difference between a kid who's under 1 and a 2 yr old.  


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  • How old are the nursing babies? Babies can nurse for a long time. I think if they are teeny tiny and pretty immobile (aka they will be held the whole time), it would be fine to mention your concern with your MIL if you have that type of relationship. But if they are older, I'd respect the wishes of your MIL. Her house may not be baby-proofed and she may not want little kids there. So I guess to me it depends on the age of the babies.

    In my circle, babies typically are not invited. I'm sure that an exception would be made for a mother who couldn't leave her baby due to nursing or other circumstances, but generally, they are an adults only affair. Just because it's a baby shower, doesn't mean it's a party for kids. My 2-year-old would just be a distraction and quite honestly, I wouldn't have any fun with him there! 

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  • It's one thing for toddlers and up to not be part of the action, but babies are expected at a shower, and aren't going to cause the space to be too tight.  That said, it's her house and space is a reasonable concern, so while wouldn't go against her wishes, i wouldn't actively spread he word, either.  
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  • My bestfriend is going all out and planning us a co-ed shower at a bed and breakfast. I had said to DH that I would like to have a kid free shower, but DH made a point. The hostess has three that she will probably have to bring, my brother has one, and each sister-law has one...none of them would have sitters because their normal sitters with be at the shower....So, bring on the chillens!
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  • I would politely voice your opinion about the babies to the hostess. But like PP said you kind of have to respect her wishes on this since it is her house that is hosting the shower. I have requested no children at my shower though, and it is on the invite. I don't mind kids or babies but in my experience with all of the showers/parties I have hosted, the parents get caught up talking or whatever and don't watch their kids. The kids end up tearing into things, sticking their fingers in food , spilling drinks etc etc. And I did not want that at my shower, nor did I want members of my family having to look after other peoples kids. 


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  • image jjkaye:

    I think you have to respect the wishes of the hostess... even if you don't agree.

     

     

    I disagree--if you had known that babies were discouraged from the beginning, that would be something different, but to bring it up now is unfair.  

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