Babies at baby shower?
NYHeel
member
I've posted before that my MIL is very graciously throwing me a shower at her home. (I live in NY, she's in NC). She just wrote me an email saying "we need to discourage" babies at my shower because there could be a total of 23 people there and space is tight. I understand and respect that it's her home, however I feel it's a joy to have babies at a baby shower. Plus, not everyone we've invited will attend, and I also feel that a nursing mama should be able to bring her baby. I have a total of 5 friends who would potentially bring their babies (though one friend has two kids, and I hope she wouldn't bring the older one...I feel like older kids is a whole different thing). My MIL also gave the reasoning that all of the attention should be exclusively on me, which I disagree with.
What do you think? Would it be rude of me to gently say I'd like for nursing babies to be allowed?
Re: Babies at baby shower?
I think you have to respect the wishes of the hostess... even if you don't agree.
I've always had the impression that "babies in arms" are usually welcome and expected to be with the mother. People view families differently, perhaps your MIL does, and the babies (if babies and not toddlers) will be with their mothers.
That said, like the pp said, she's the hostess so she calls the shots.
I think that it's not out of line to say "I know some of my friends are nursing, so they may not be able to leave their babies, I'd love for them to be able to come, even if it means bringing the baby, but I understand if you are not able to accommodate them" or something like that.
I just think it's funny the thought of saying "this is a baby shower, but NO BABIES ALLOWED"
This, I am sure she would be OK with nursing babies, maybe she means slightly older kids, I know I still call my 18 month old a baby, and he would be very disruptive at a baby shower, I would definitely not bring him LOL.
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I agree. My mom feels the same way as your MIL. I don't but its her time, effort, and money going into the shower so I am willing to accept it. I can see women who are still BFing should be allowed to bring their child, and maybe your MIL will be ok with that.
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Just as a funny counterpoint: I don't think I've ever been to a shower where babies and small children WERE there. Maybe it is regional?
I'd ask her if you can talk to your nursing friends about bringing babies. Tell her you don't mind if attention goes away from her, but that it's her decision.
I do think there's a big difference between a kid who's under 1 and a 2 yr old.
How old are the nursing babies? Babies can nurse for a long time. I think if they are teeny tiny and pretty immobile (aka they will be held the whole time), it would be fine to mention your concern with your MIL if you have that type of relationship. But if they are older, I'd respect the wishes of your MIL. Her house may not be baby-proofed and she may not want little kids there. So I guess to me it depends on the age of the babies.
In my circle, babies typically are not invited. I'm sure that an exception would be made for a mother who couldn't leave her baby due to nursing or other circumstances, but generally, they are an adults only affair. Just because it's a baby shower, doesn't mean it's a party for kids. My 2-year-old would just be a distraction and quite honestly, I wouldn't have any fun with him there!
I disagree--if you had known that babies were discouraged from the beginning, that would be something different, but to bring it up now is unfair.