Babies: 0 - 3 Months

MOTN frustrations

Just venting here...
Beyond annoyed with my husband lately. He is a great husband and dad but when it comes to MOTN feedings or changes, he just sucks. That's harsh I know but, it's the truth. Our son only wakes up twice a night right now and it's usually at 12:30 and 4:30. I typically do the 12:30 feeding and he does the 4:30. That was his choice. But he gets so annoyed when 4:30 rolls around that I pretty much have to force him to get up. Then he is so sleepy that he often doesn't do a good job putting the diaper on so inevitably our son wakes up soaked and then comes the fun task of having to change EVERYTHING. Also, he just feeds our son and puts him down instead of sitting up with him for the necessary 20 minutes to settle his stomach so that he doesn't spit up. Of course when he does spit up, it is me that deals with it because by that time my husband is already fast asleep.
So, since our son is only waking twice a night, I decided that I can handle that on my own and told my husband that I would get up so he wouldn't have to. Plus, it's just less of a hassle and I usually end up getting up anyway... I didn't say that part to him. He took offense to this and refuses to just let me do it. I don't know what to do. It's really starting to drive me crazy and I really don't want to end up having an argument over it. Our son is 8 weeks old so I'm pretty used to waking up at this point but it's still an issue for my husband. I know he works all day and that he is tired, which is why it was decided that he would go to bed first and do the second feeding. He just can't seem to function in the MOTN and there doesn't seem to be a way to fix this.
Okay, that's my vent. Thanks for listening.

Re: MOTN frustrations

  • Leni410Leni410
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    member
    I would tell him the real reason you want to do both feedings.. Your a great dad but suck at motn if you want to help then do things correctly so i don't have to clean up your mess. If your not honest then he can never correct the issue. Or when you get up to clean the baby spitting up or changing the sheets because of his diapering be all loud about it. "oh baby was your diaper not on right?... Oh poor babys tummys upset."
  • Tell him to do it right! It's your kid's health and comfort at stake anyway; put it in terms like that and he should care enough to do the job well.
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  • image Leni410:
    I would tell him the real reason you want to do both feedings.. Your a great dad but suck at motn if you want to help then do things correctly so i don't have to clean up your mess. If your not honest then he can never correct the issue. Or when you get up to clean the baby spitting up or changing the sheets because of his diapering be all loud about it. "oh baby was your diaper not on right?... Oh poor babys tummys upset."

    I agree with the first part of this. Just do it when your not frustrated and in a gentle way. And keep reassuring him that he IS a good dad! He just needs a wee bit of guidance about what works best for LO.
  • My husband has been driving me crazy as well. I pump during the 1st wakeup, but not after that, so I usually have him get up with me at the 1st one, usually 2am, and I pump while he feeds. Well lately he has been only feeding the baby half of what he usually takes. By the time I'm done pumping and cleaning up, DS is stirring, looking for the rest of his feed, and I end up giving it to him anyway. The last few days, this has been his only wakeup, so I'm thinking of just doing it myself.
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  • I hear ya! I have to kick DH out of the bed every morning to help me get LO ready since we both have to leave the house at the same time. I tell him hes lucky I'm BF so he is off the hook for feedings so the least he can do is help with diaper changes!Confused  I think us mommas just have that maternal instinct and do things a little better!

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  • I sort of understand your frustration. Once my DH goes to sleep, he's essentially useless. He will ask if he can help me, and when I've told him yes, he moans and grunts the entire time, and does things a lot slower than if I would do them myself. In the MOTN, I want things to be efficient and done right so ideally we can go back to sleep! Anyway what we do now is that when he comes home from work, he helps me with the baby. I typically go to bed around 9:00pm, and he'll take care of the baby on his own from then until midnight. Then from midnight on, I take over. 

    I don't think you should be passive aggressive or hide how you feel. Pick a time after he comes home from work or on a day off when the baby is quiet and talk to him calmly and honestly about how you feel. You need to talk about it soon before it gets into a big argument. Maybe he would do better doing the 12:30 feeding?

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  • image CrazyMary77:
    I sort of understand your frustration. Once my DH goes to sleep, he's essentially useless. He will ask if he can help me, and when I've told him yes, he moans and grunts the entire time, and does things a lot slower than if I would do them myself. In the MOTN, I want things to be efficient and done right so ideally we can go back to sleep! Anyway what we do now is that when he comes home from work, he helps me with the baby. I typically go to bed around 9:00pm, and he'll take care of the baby on his own from then until midnight. Then from midnight on, I take over.nbsp;I don't think you should be passive aggressive or hide how you feel. Pick a time after he comes home from work or on a day off when the baby is quiet and talk to him calmly and honestly about how you feel. You need to talk about it soon before it gets into a big argument. Maybe he would do better doing the 12:30 feeding?


    We usually feed our son by 7pm and then put him down around 8... this is how it works most of the time anyway... I was thinking exactly what you said, have him do that feeding and stay up while I go to bed so I can do the MOTN stuff. I have every intention of bringing it up to him calmly. The last thing I want to do is start a fight or make him feel badly about it. I tried getting him to do the 12:30 feeding but he said he would really rather do the 4:30 one.
    I'm going to talk to him about it tonight. We'll see what happens.
  • Same issue here in the beginning, although he's gotten better about it.  I think the sleep deprivation was just too much for him (whereas I was used to it from my pregnancy).  What about asking him to take over in the evenings when he gets home from work and handle a few evening feedings, while you take some time for yourself (hot bath, nap, walk), that way you get some rest and can have an easier time of it when you have to get up at night?  That worked well for us.  DH just needed a few nights of uninterrupted sleep to get caught back up, so I took over everything for a few nights, and he was more than happy to do the evening bottles.  He was in much better shape after that, and now we're both doing better splitting the nighttime feedings (although I still have to wake him up initially). He's even done both MOTN feedings a few times on the weekend to give me a much needed night of sleep. 

     I also read somewhere that there was a study done on men vs. women and what sounds will wake them.  For women, a baby crying was the #1 sound that will wake them up, even if it's not their own and they are not a mother.  For men, a baby crying wasn't even in the top 10 (whereas strong winds or a faucet dripping were).  So in all fairness, they are programmed differently than us, and can't help needing a little help waking up even when baby is screaming her head off.  :)

  • DH doesn't even hear LO cry in the MOTN. I've tried waking him up to see if he can change her while I go to the bathroom so she doesn't have to wait as long for me. He will say yes but continue to lay in bed and go right back to sleep. He's absolutely useless. DD2 still wakes up at least once a night, so he's in charge of her. All he has to do is go and lay down with her, but at least it's one less time I have to get up.
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  • makeenemakeene
    First Anniversary
    member

    THIS IS MY HUSBAND!

    Ugh. I just told my DH what was up. It really is not helping me "sleep or relax" when I have to get up to get HIM up. I also stated that falling asleep mid feeding on the couch is dangerous (one night I heard her crying and walked out to him asleep, bottle halfway done, and her almost falling off the couch- WAS FURIOUS).

    If he is upset than that is honestly his problem. A baby needs to be fed and if you are already waking up because you have to wake DH up and double check he is doing everything correctly than you might as well just do it yourself. I took this route and as much as it sucks to be the baby feeding machine I know it at least gets done and I am not stressed.  

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