LGBT Parenting

I need a break.

I thought about doing this about 20 times in the last 5 weeks but I think it's finally time.  I need to step away from this board for a while.  At least a week, maybe a few months.  I might still be on The Bump, on the IF or TTCAL boards, but I can't be here right now.  The number of pregnant women here right now is crazy -- coming here is like walking into an OB's waiting room to chat with all the patients.  I wouldn't torture myself like that in real life and it's time to stop doing it online.

I consider it major progress that I am no longer sad all the time, but most of my sadness has been replaced by anger.  And since there's really no one responsible for my miscarriage, I'm angry at pregnant women for having what I don't have.  I would love to be happy for you all, but I can't be right now.  I'm mad every time you post about your pregnancies.  I'm mad that it took you all less time than it's taken me, and that most of you haven't gone through a miscarriage to boot.  I'm mad every time you hit a milestone I never made it to.  This isn't healthy for me and it's not fair to you.

Some of you know how to find me if you want me.  I hope to see the rest of you when I'm feeling more like a human being.  Good luck to everyone.

Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
*Everyone welcome*

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: I need a break.

  • we were once in your boat - and understand and its ok to be angry -  HUGS
    - 2 Moms 2 Twins Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    our Blog -
  • I hope that you can rest away from this board for a while. You are truly one of the kindest people that I've encountered on here. Always willing to offer good advice and giving heartfelt responses to others. I wish I could help in some way. I look forward to seeing you back when you are ready and wish you healing. I completely understand your stance.
    IUI #1 - 10 April 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #2 - 05 May 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #3 - 05 July 2012 unmonitored and unmedicated with RE 
    IUI #4 - 30 August 2012 medicated and monitoredLetrozole and Ovidrel Trigger 
    IUI #5 - 27 September 2012 Letrozole 
    BFP! 9 October 2012 Betas:- 12DPO 16; 16DPO 96; 18DPO 315

    Baby Alarico born on 28 June 2013!!

  • I know I'm new here and I'm actively TTC3 I been where you been I had two miscarriages and a stillbirth. So I know how you feel ! The hurt becomes the anger. It's hard and it will get better in time so I want to take a break and do somethings that make you happy. Trying for a baby is not easy and it has its ups and downs. I'm here if you need me to vent to. I been there and hell I'm still there.
  • This is the kind of thing that I was hoping you wouldn't experience. Hence my FB post, of which I was so lovingly corrected on. I really hope you're able to find healing and peace very soon. I believe you will have a take home baby, and I hope it's in the near future. It's great to take some time for yourself, and I think it will help you a lot.
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

  • Best of luck.
    |One & Done September Siggy Challenge|
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    | lesbian mom and hoosier |
    | partner to j since 02.14.05 |
    | mommy to a sweet boy born 02.18.09 |

    CafeMom Tickers
  • ball.and.chain you will be missed! Thank you for welcoming me to the board and always encouraging and supporting others. I will try to pass it on and I hope to see you back here again. 

    Loss is very difficult and it helps to relate with those who understand. Take good care of yourself and all my very best! 

    M&K met 8/2002 married 6/2012
    TTC with RE since March 2012
    3 missed O's, 6 IUIs = 1 BFP then 8 w M/C, 5 BFNs
    (2 unmedicated IUIs, 2 clomid IUI, 2 femara IUI)
    Shared maternity/partner IVF, transfer #1 BFP!
    EDD 11/28/13
  • I, for one (of many), will miss your presence on this board. I hope that you are able to take care of yourself and your family in the time until we see you here again.

     I wish you the very best in all your journeys.

    ****loss discussed*****

    We're queer. I'm 33 and don't have any fallopian tubes left. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.

    Our TTC and Infertility history:
    with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.

    with me: blocked tube dx'd via HSG in December 2012; polyps dx'd via sonohysterogram in 12/2012 and removed via hysteroscopy in 1/2013; hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in 5/2013 via transvaginal ultrasound. Laparoscopy performed 6/2013 to deal with hydrosalpinx--dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy during surgery. Repeat hysteroscopy 10/2013 with two polyps removed.

    Our IVFs:
    IVF November/December 2013:
    Cancelled IVF due to poor response

    IVF January/February 2014
    BCPs and lupron overlap
    Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
    2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
    HPT BFP on 2/13 evening (6dp3dt); Beta 1 (2/18 at 11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (2/20 at 13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (2/22 at 15dp3dt):  348; Beta 4 (2/26 at 19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (2/28 at 21dp3dt): 4255
    1st ultrasound (3/6  6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm. 9 week ultrasound (3/26): We saw both move! Twin A measuring 8w6d with a heartbeat of 182 and Twin B measuring 8w5d with a heartbeat of 180.
    ***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***


  • I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope it gets better for you soon.

    If you're feeling up to keeping your toes in the LGBT boards' waters, you certainly are welcome to come hang out on the other board. There are pictures and a couple of tickers in some folk's siggies, but the conversation isn't pregnancy/ttc focused at all. PM me if you need info about how to find us.

    Big ((hugs)).

    married 03/08/08 -- ttc with PCOS (dx 2005) & DS
    IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
    Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
    finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
  • Delurking to say that I'm sorry and that I understand all to well what you're going through. After literally years of trying to get me pregnant unsuccessfully, finally an at-home insemination took, only to be a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks - we did misoprostol rather than a D&E due to wanting to TTC again sooner. After more trying at home, we finally did IVF with SET, and I had a chemical pregnancy result.

    This was made easier by the fact that my DW stepped in as gestational unit after the first year of TTC unsuccessfully and got her pregnant on short order, so we weren't childless as we were going through all this... but secondary infertility is still hard, and miscarriages are always devastating, especially when it is so hard to get pregnant in the first place.

    I do want to let you know that FET #1 was a success and we did in fact get my body to produce a real live take-home baby, just took almost 5 years. It wasn't quite believing that it would work, but it did... and I hope you too will find that a FET brings you an uneventful pregnancy and a child at last. It's hard to remain optimistic, and it's hard not to be angry, and taking a break from being around pregnant women is a good idea so you can get into a better headspace. I wish you and your DW all the best as you grieve the loss and wait to move on. I will say that the very worst part was waiting for cycles to resume after my miscarriages, and I hope for you that this is also the absolute worst that the TTC process throws at you.

  • I think it's great that you're taking care of yourself. My best wishes for your break and I look forward to seeing you around when you're ready.
    Met 07/07/05, Wedding 07/07/07, Legal Marriage Ceremony 12/9/12, Baby Boy Born 08/09/13 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • This makes sense to me. I often come here hoping that this particular forum is something that isn't TTC. But it really is almost entirely "lesbians TTC"- there is very little discussion of any other choices, (ie. adoption, surrogacy) or of parenting that isn't about peeing on sticks and being inseminated. I get it- TTC is exciting and wonderful for folks when it works, and when it doesn't? Or when one miscarries? reading it feels like someone stabbing you in the eyes repeatedly.


    Good luck in your healing. 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image maryoosa:
    This makes sense to me. I often come here hoping that this particular forum is something that isn't TTC. But it really is almost entirely "lesbians TTC" there is very little discussion of any other choices, ie. adoption, surrogacy or of parenting that isn't about peeing on sticks and being inseminated. I get it TTC is exciting and wonderful for folks when it works, and when it doesn't? Or when one miscarries? reading it feels like someone stabbing you in the eyes repeatedly. nbsp;Good luck in your healing.nbsp;

    Sorry, but this takes it a little too far. We have conversations about everything on this board. If the only people who post are the ones TTC or pregnant, the conversation will revolve around that. If you want to talk about something else, post and ask about it; don't lurk and expect it to come up. Many of the posters who are currently pregnant are longertime people myself included, and I think we have been very respectful of recent losses, particularly those of BC and kershnic I miss you, C, and hope you're healing and not posted nearly as much about our pregnancies as we normally would have. Which sucks in itself, honestly, because it should be ok for us to be ecstatic about our own pregnancies even as our hearts break for kershnic, BC, and others who have experienced losses. Many of us have also experienced losses, by the way, even if they're not common knowledge.

    BC, I hope you can take care of yourself during this difficult time, and I hope to see you around these parts soon.

    ETA TB hates my phone. Sorry about the lack of parentheses and other punctuation.
  • I've been MIA, but hopped on today and saw your post I wish you and your wife peace and healing and when your ready to try again a healthy pregnancy and takehome baby.

    I also had to take a bump break except for AL boards after my loss I couldn't face talk of pregnancy or even parenting for a long while. I hope to see you back and celebrating soon. Until then Take Care.

    Kaden Alexander born 7/13/12
    Owen Scott born 5/2/14

    Baby wearing, Breastfeeding, Home-birth Mama of two adorable little boys. Married to EV since July 2004.

    TTC History:
    2008 - 2009 (5 Tries, 4 IVI's & 1 IUI w/ FDS) = BFN
    3/2011 (6th IUI w/FDS) = BFP
    6/2011 - M/C at 13 weeks
    9/2011 (7th & 8th IUI w/FDS) = BFN
    10/2011 (9th ICI w/ KD) = BFP
    8/2013 (10th ICI w/KD) = BFP
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