I feel ripped off :(

I went through 32 hours of labour with no drugs!! but i had to have an emergency c-section! it was the best thing for the baby i know that! i didn't fight it one bit but i can't help but feel sad for not having the ability to experience a natural child birth like i had planned my entire pregnancy! anyone else feel like this? i literally cry watching a baby storey when women deliver naturally! am i the only one here?

Re: I feel ripped off :(

  • Oh, you are so not alone :( I went through a very similar situation, except I wasn't doing it naturally.  I went through 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing and couldn't get him to go any lower than he already was. At 2:30am I couldn't push anymore so off we went to have a c/s.

    I didn't care at the time, I always knew that whatever needed to be done I would do, I didn't THINK that I had my heart set on a vaginal birth until I got home from the hospital and it hit me.  5 months later, I am a lot better... it has taken a long time, but I do still get moments of sadness and I am JUST now able to start watching A Baby Story again haha

    Hang in there, it does get better.  Just keep trying to focus on the fact that you have an amazing baby now. Just because your LO didn't come from your v-jay doesn't mean you didn't give birth.  You did whatever you had to do to bring that little one into the world and that is amazing.

    Hugs to you.


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  • I feel that way, it's gotten a lot better, but it's still hard. I will never get to experience labor and that's really difficult for me.
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  • I think many women on this board feel that way. I never even got to experience labor. I want to cry every time I hear about other women's experiences or when I think about my own delivery. It feels like something natural, primal and magical was taken from me and made so very unnatural and technological. Like the surgeon did all the work instead of me (my feelings, not saying anyone else should feel this way).

    I don't know if the sadness ever goes away but all the awesome things your LO does will eventually make you stop thinking of the past and focusing more on the future, which helps. 

  • Why are you torturing yourself? I stopped watching A Baby Story, and usually ignore the tv/movie if a woman is giving birth. There was a Huggies commercial that made me feel angry for a long time. Well, maybe not angry...cynical, jaded.

    Yes, I felt that way for awhile. It subsides - it takes longer for some than for others. Hug your baby and focus on the positives.


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  • I cried everyday for weeks after my c-section.  It got better and I can finally tell my story without getting upset.  I am hoping for a VBAC this time so I can experience a vaginal delivery.

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  • I was the exact same way with DS. Made it 32 hours without meds, broke down and got an epidural figuring if natrual was out, I could at least have a vaginal delivery. 8 more hours of labor and 2 of pushing - ended up with  a c-section! I felt really cheated when I would hear someone bring able to have a natural brith. It bothered me even more this time when they told me I couldn't try for a VBAC. I know where your coming from. As time goes on, it does get better to deal with (but at times I still feel a litttle cheated).

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  • You are not alone. I was extremely emotional after my first C-section with my daughter. I felt the same way while I knew it was best for the both of us I could not help but feel that I was ripped off. I wanted so badly to know what it was like to give birth to my baby the way woman are intended to give birth. It took me a long time and lots of talks with my husband, mom, MIL and other people close in my life and my pregnancy with my son and repeat C-section to realize that this was just the way it was intended for me to give birth. That I have a lot to be thankful for including 2 beautiful children.
  • It took me until delivering my DS 8 weeks ago to feel ok with the csection.  I tried to VBAC with him and failed the exact same way I did with my daughter.  I had wondered for 2 years if my first csection was necessary.  Failing the exact same way with DS helped me realize that the csection probably was necessary.  Am I bummed that I will never get to experience a vaginal delivery? Of course.  My doctor will not allow a VBA2C due to complications I had during surgery.  However, I am more at peace with my deliveries.  But, I too cry at stupid A Baby story.  I don't know why I do that to myself! :) 
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  • You are definitely not alone, and you may never feel content with your delivery, but you will eventually, in time, come to accept it, mostly because you have no choice. 

    Try to remember that you did all that you could, you tried your best, and even though it didn't go as you had hoped, it really is okay and both you and baby are healthy for it.  

    Pit took me a long time to get over my delivery with DS, and to accept that I would never be able to even try for a VBAC.  But now, I am actually looking forward to the predictability of a scheduled csection and will be upset if I go into labor beforehand.

    i hope you will get to a similar point soon, try not to be so hard on yourself, you did all that you could do. 

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  • your not alone, I to wanted to experience a natural vaginal birth. it gets me every time i watch a baby story or hear about a birth on it being a vaginal birth. i just wish i could have done that.
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  • I had wanted a natural med free birth with DS1. I needed to be induced and at the time I felt like I had an c-section when I didn't need one. It was discovered years later that I would have needed one anyway but that's a different story.

    I used to feel like I was robbed of an experience but then I realized that I wasn't robbed. I just had a different one and one that was much better for my children.

    When I wanted a natural birth I wanted it because I wanted the experience. I wanted a faster recovery. I didn't want to be cut open because of the risks to me. I didn't want a c-section because I thought it was scary. I realized that all of this was about me.

    I also started to think about my c-section and all of the great things I got that some other moms who have a natural birth might have missed out on.

    With all three c-sections I was relaxed the whole time and I didn't feel any pain. I didn't have to do anything so I got to focus 100% on what was going on and my baby. All of my nurses offered to take lots of photos right away. I was tired from labor so I was able to take everything in more. With my planned c-sections I had time to do my hair and put on makeup so I look much better in those first photos. These were the happiest days in my life so I'm glad I have pictures where I like the way I look to remember them by. I was able to have some control over when my youngest two were born which made things easier on their siblings.

    My lady parts never had to go through birth so I never had to deal with things like bladder control, anal fissures, stitches and recovery that makes sex painful, and hemroids that some of my mom friends with vaginal births did.

    I'm not saying that all c-sections are great or are somehow better than a natural birth. I'm not saying that my experiences were perfect. What I am saying is that if I had spent too much time dwelling on what I didn't get to experience I never would have been able to be thankful for what I did get to experience.

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  • Yep, I felt pretty crappy about how my first son's birth turned out for the first year after he was born. I planned a med-free birth and pushed for 4+ hours until it was decided he just wasn't going to come out. Time definitely makes things better. I agree about not watching A Baby Story for awhile.

    And I have to disagree that being upset you had an unplanned c/s makes it "all about the mom" - we have this idea that a healthy baby is all that matters in birth. Having a happy, healthy mom is a good thing, too (and from someone who most likely had undiagnosed PPD, it was hard being a good mom for my son that first year...). 

    I had a successful VBAC with my second son, and it really helped me come to terms with my first birth. Be gentle on yourself and give it time. hth!

    DS1 - Feb 2008

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  • You arent alone. It took over a year for me to feel better about the experience itself. Im sorry you feal cheated. You can find good support here
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  • Please don't feel that way, you did what was best for your baby.

    With my first I was in labor for 21 hours basically natural.  Six of those hours was on Pitocin because I was not progressing.  I had an epidural because I hadn't been to sleep in over 24 hours and they wanted me to rest so I had energy to push.  Well, it did not work. I had to push for 3 hours, they would make me stop after every push for 15 mins because my cervix was swelling, plus I was on oxygen because I was having Asthma issues.  It was horrible and they had to cut me down there to get her out.

    With my second he was a week overdue and already almost 9lbs and no signs of labor so they decided to induce.  Once again I was given Pitocin and by the time I was 4 almost 5 cm I asked for an epidural, once again it did not work they say it has something to do with my back. After 10 hours they decided to take him via emergency c-section.  His head was not going to fit and both of our heartbeats were erratic.  The doctor said I could have been in labor for hours more and still ended up with a c-section.

    Do I feel bad about it? Nope and I never will, I would rather have a 100 c-sections than risk both of our lives.  I really wish now that I would have had one with my first instead of putting her through that. :(

  • I think a lot of women feel that way.  I know it took me awhile to come to terms with my CS.  I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I did not mentally prepare myself for a CS even though my dr's said it was a major possibility.  I really thought I could do it and I felt like a failure because my body just wouldn't progress.  

     But at the end of the day I would do it all over again if it meant my baby was born healthy and I was healthy!  You just have to work through your emotions and know that you did everything that you could to make it happen, but made the best decision you could for your child.  Every time you feel down, snug that baby and kiss him and thank God he's here! 

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  • Your defently not the only one I went through 27 hrs of labour and 12 hours of being stuck at 5cm for the doc to tell me he was too big and they think hes sunny side up...i was veyr discourage that i couldnt have the experience of a vaginal birth and my DH finds me on occasion crying because i wanted that experience...but i want to try for a v-back my next go around!
  • just wanted to chime in that i feel the exact same way. i wont be having another so that was really my only chance. i also really wanted to have a natural childbirth.

    i was in labor for over 12 hours and never went past 4 cm. his heartbeat started to get irregular so the choices were nil. he was not positioned right-his head was not directly over my cervix.

    i ended up with an almost 10 lb baby. he is 2 weeks today, and i think i have cried about it everyday. 

     i know somewhere in the back of my head i should just be thankful for a healthy LO. i think i will get there someday.

  • You are among good company. You are so not alone in this. Here's my story:

    My water broke 2.5 weeks early. I was dialating extremely fast (3-10 in 40 min). DS heartrate was dropping due to the intensity and frequency of my contractions and eventually they could not find it. At that point I was rushed to the OR and they started making an incision that I could still feel since my epidural had only been place recently. They tried to dose me up but I could still feel everything and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the OR.

    My son had been born and taken to the NICU for observation. My DH had not been allowed in the room. So no one heard my sons first cry and since I was knocked out I did not see my son born.

     He is 13 months old and I am still struggling with the birth of my son. I feel like I failed him and myself. I can't help but tear up and get jealous when people have "easy" and "normal" births. But I think time will help. I am eternally grateful that they acted so quickly or I may not have my healthy baby.

  • Not the only one!!! I went thru labor (although not drug free cant imagine YIKES) full 10cm ready to push and my LO flipped and so stuck it wasnt even funny. So emergency section later I have a beautiful daughter and so happy but still got those feelings of sadness. I mentioned it at my PP ob appt that I feel like I gave up and my wonderful Dr looked at me and said "You did NOT fail sometimes these things happen but the goal is always the same -Healthy Baby and Mom" made me feel so much better and there's always next time.

  • I had a similar situation, 32 hours of labor and then 2 hours of pushing only to end up in an emergency c section as well. Only I never planned to go natural, I was induced and immune to all the meds, and the epi, so I did 32 hours on Pitocin maxed out, it was my idea of a nightmare! I was sad when I had to have the c section, I was feeling like I was not meant to have a baby? I had to have IVF to get pregnant, and I had to be induced (almost 2 weeks overdue) and he still did not want to come out? For me breast feeding became my crutch, I was determined to EBF and if I could do that then it mean that I was meant to be a mom, and so I did? And it?s been 4 months and I am still on a roll? I think the feelings fade, and you realize that no matter what getting your LO here is all that matters, some people the feeling fade faster than others, but I believe they do? For our next baby, the doctor has assured me we will be doing  C at 39 weeks and I won?t have to do the labor part again? And as long as I can BF I seem to feel better?

    Things will improve, just keep focusing on your new baby, and remember the goal was always a safe delivery and take home baby?..

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