C-sections
kass141652
member
I feel ripped off :(
kass141652
member
in C-sections
I went through 32 hours of labour with no drugs!! but i had to have an emergency c-section! it was the best thing for the baby i know that! i didn't fight it one bit but i can't help but feel sad for not having the ability to experience a natural child birth like i had planned my entire pregnancy! anyone else feel like this? i literally cry watching a baby storey when women deliver naturally! am i the only one here?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I feel ripped off :(
Oh, you are so not alone
I went through a very similar situation, except I wasn't doing it naturally. I went through 30 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing and couldn't get him to go any lower than he already was. At 2:30am I couldn't push anymore so off we went to have a c/s.
I didn't care at the time, I always knew that whatever needed to be done I would do, I didn't THINK that I had my heart set on a vaginal birth until I got home from the hospital and it hit me. 5 months later, I am a lot better... it has taken a long time, but I do still get moments of sadness and I am JUST now able to start watching A Baby Story again haha
Hang in there, it does get better. Just keep trying to focus on the fact that you have an amazing baby now. Just because your LO didn't come from your v-jay doesn't mean you didn't give birth. You did whatever you had to do to bring that little one into the world and that is amazing.
Hugs to you.
BFP: 10/27/2011 | EDD: 6/30/12
DS born 6/28/12 via C/S
TTC #2: September 2018
Me: 36 | DH: 39
Mirena removed 9/13/2018 after 6 years
BFP 11/11/2018 | MC @ 5.5 weeks on Thanksgiving
July 2019 - Diagnosed with Secondary Unexplained IF
August 2019 - 2.5 mg of Letrozole = Never Ovulated so Trigger and IUI were cancelled
9/30/2019 - IUI #1 (5 mg of Letrozole + Trigger) = BFP but Betas showed CP @ 4 weeks
10/28/2019 - IUI #2 (7.5mg of Letrozole + Trigger) = BFN
11/25/2019 - IUI #3 (7.5mg of Letrozole, Trigger + Crinone after IUI) = BFN
12/24/2019 - IUI #4 (7.5mg of Letrozole + Crinone after IUI) = BFN
1/24/2020 - IUI #5 (50mg of Clomid + Trigger + Crinone after IUI) = BFN and an Ovarian Cyst
3/2/2020 - Taking a break to reset/NTNP
11/1/2020 - At peace with where things are in life and are no long actively TTC. Whatever happens will happen and it will all be okay.
I think many women on this board feel that way. I never even got to experience labor. I want to cry every time I hear about other women's experiences or when I think about my own delivery. It feels like something natural, primal and magical was taken from me and made so very unnatural and technological. Like the surgeon did all the work instead of me (my feelings, not saying anyone else should feel this way).
I don't know if the sadness ever goes away but all the awesome things your LO does will eventually make you stop thinking of the past and focusing more on the future, which helps.
Why are you torturing yourself? I stopped watching A Baby Story, and usually ignore the tv/movie if a woman is giving birth. There was a Huggies commercial that made me feel angry for a long time. Well, maybe not angry...cynical, jaded.
Yes, I felt that way for awhile. It subsides - it takes longer for some than for others. Hug your baby and focus on the positives.
(hugs)
TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!! Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui)
#1 born December 2011
TTC#2 - Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
#2 born May 2013
TTC # 3 June 2014 BFP 12-1-14
#3 born August 2015
#4!!!!!!! due June 2017
I was the exact same way with DS. Made it 32 hours without meds, broke down and got an epidural figuring if natrual was out, I could at least have a vaginal delivery. 8 more hours of labor and 2 of pushing - ended up with a c-section! I felt really cheated when I would hear someone bring able to have a natural brith. It bothered me even more this time when they told me I couldn't try for a VBAC. I know where your coming from. As time goes on, it does get better to deal with (but at times I still feel a litttle cheated).
You are definitely not alone, and you may never feel content with your delivery, but you will eventually, in time, come to accept it, mostly because you have no choice.
Try to remember that you did all that you could, you tried your best, and even though it didn't go as you had hoped, it really is okay and both you and baby are healthy for it.
Pit took me a long time to get over my delivery with DS, and to accept that I would never be able to even try for a VBAC. But now, I am actually looking forward to the predictability of a scheduled csection and will be upset if I go into labor beforehand.
i hope you will get to a similar point soon, try not to be so hard on yourself, you did all that you could do.
BFP 12/19/08- DS born 8/25/09 9lbs2oz via Zavanelli Maneuver
BFP 8/26/11- Missed miscarriage discovered 10/19/11 at 11w2d, measured at 9 weeks gestation w/ no HB. D&C 10/21/11
BFP 3/17/12 at 12dpo CP 3/21/12
BFP 4/23/12 at 10dpo Stick my little one! Beta #1: 83.3 @ 13dpo Beta #2: 197.7 @ 15dpo
Our little man is getting bigger every day!
My BFP Chart
I had wanted a natural med free birth with DS1. I needed to be induced and at the time I felt like I had an c-section when I didn't need one. It was discovered years later that I would have needed one anyway but that's a different story.
I used to feel like I was robbed of an experience but then I realized that I wasn't robbed. I just had a different one and one that was much better for my children.
When I wanted a natural birth I wanted it because I wanted the experience. I wanted a faster recovery. I didn't want to be cut open because of the risks to me. I didn't want a c-section because I thought it was scary. I realized that all of this was about me.
I also started to think about my c-section and all of the great things I got that some other moms who have a natural birth might have missed out on.
With all three c-sections I was relaxed the whole time and I didn't feel any pain. I didn't have to do anything so I got to focus 100% on what was going on and my baby. All of my nurses offered to take lots of photos right away. I was tired from labor so I was able to take everything in more. With my planned c-sections I had time to do my hair and put on makeup so I look much better in those first photos. These were the happiest days in my life so I'm glad I have pictures where I like the way I look to remember them by. I was able to have some control over when my youngest two were born which made things easier on their siblings.
My lady parts never had to go through birth so I never had to deal with things like bladder control, anal fissures, stitches and recovery that makes sex painful, and hemroids that some of my mom friends with vaginal births did.
I'm not saying that all c-sections are great or are somehow better than a natural birth. I'm not saying that my experiences were perfect. What I am saying is that if I had spent too much time dwelling on what I didn't get to experience I never would have been able to be thankful for what I did get to experience.
Yep, I felt pretty crappy about how my first son's birth turned out for the first year after he was born. I planned a med-free birth and pushed for 4+ hours until it was decided he just wasn't going to come out. Time definitely makes things better. I agree about not watching A Baby Story for awhile.
And I have to disagree that being upset you had an unplanned c/s makes it "all about the mom" - we have this idea that a healthy baby is all that matters in birth. Having a happy, healthy mom is a good thing, too (and from someone who most likely had undiagnosed PPD, it was hard being a good mom for my son that first year...).
I had a successful VBAC with my second son, and it really helped me come to terms with my first birth. Be gentle on yourself and give it time. hth!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
Please don't feel that way, you did what was best for your baby.
With my first I was in labor for 21 hours basically natural. Six of those hours was on Pitocin because I was not progressing. I had an epidural because I hadn't been to sleep in over 24 hours and they wanted me to rest so I had energy to push. Well, it did not work. I had to push for 3 hours, they would make me stop after every push for 15 mins because my cervix was swelling, plus I was on oxygen because I was having Asthma issues. It was horrible and they had to cut me down there to get her out.
With my second he was a week overdue and already almost 9lbs and no signs of labor so they decided to induce. Once again I was given Pitocin and by the time I was 4 almost 5 cm I asked for an epidural, once again it did not work they say it has something to do with my back. After 10 hours they decided to take him via emergency c-section. His head was not going to fit and both of our heartbeats were erratic. The doctor said I could have been in labor for hours more and still ended up with a c-section.
Do I feel bad about it? Nope and I never will, I would rather have a 100 c-sections than risk both of our lives. I really wish now that I would have had one with my first instead of putting her through that.
I think a lot of women feel that way. I know it took me awhile to come to terms with my CS. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I did not mentally prepare myself for a CS even though my dr's said it was a major possibility. I really thought I could do it and I felt like a failure because my body just wouldn't progress.
But at the end of the day I would do it all over again if it meant my baby was born healthy and I was healthy! You just have to work through your emotions and know that you did everything that you could to make it happen, but made the best decision you could for your child. Every time you feel down, snug that baby and kiss him and thank God he's here!
just wanted to chime in that i feel the exact same way. i wont be having another so that was really my only chance. i also really wanted to have a natural childbirth.
i was in labor for over 12 hours and never went past 4 cm. his heartbeat started to get irregular so the choices were nil. he was not positioned right-his head was not directly over my cervix.
i ended up with an almost 10 lb baby. he is 2 weeks today, and i think i have cried about it everyday.
i know somewhere in the back of my head i should just be thankful for a healthy LO. i think i will get there someday.
You are among good company. You are so not alone in this. Here's my story:
My water broke 2.5 weeks early. I was dialating extremely fast (3-10 in 40 min). DS heartrate was dropping due to the intensity and frequency of my contractions and eventually they could not find it. At that point I was rushed to the OR and they started making an incision that I could still feel since my epidural had only been place recently. They tried to dose me up but I could still feel everything and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the OR.
My son had been born and taken to the NICU for observation. My DH had not been allowed in the room. So no one heard my sons first cry and since I was knocked out I did not see my son born.
He is 13 months old and I am still struggling with the birth of my son. I feel like I failed him and myself. I can't help but tear up and get jealous when people have "easy" and "normal" births. But I think time will help. I am eternally grateful that they acted so quickly or I may not have my healthy baby.
I had a similar situation, 32 hours of labor and then 2 hours of pushing only to end up in an emergency c section as well. Only I never planned to go natural, I was induced and immune to all the meds, and the epi, so I did 32 hours on Pitocin maxed out, it was my idea of a nightmare! I was sad when I had to have the c section, I was feeling like I was not meant to have a baby? I had to have IVF to get pregnant, and I had to be induced (almost 2 weeks overdue) and he still did not want to come out? For me breast feeding became my crutch, I was determined to EBF and if I could do that then it mean that I was meant to be a mom, and so I did? And it?s been 4 months and I am still on a roll? I think the feelings fade, and you realize that no matter what getting your LO here is all that matters, some people the feeling fade faster than others, but I believe they do? For our next baby, the doctor has assured me we will be doing C at 39 weeks and I won?t have to do the labor part again? And as long as I can BF I seem to feel better?
Things will improve, just keep focusing on your new baby, and remember the goal was always a safe delivery and take home baby?..
Started TTC in 2006, LOTS of trying, and trying, and 7 rounds of IVF with 13 embryos, 2 perfect little boys and 5 loses....
All finished with babies, started to make diet changes, Keto, to be MORE for my kids, lost 30 pounds, still going, and 3 months in, I had a natural cycle, and then ovulated... Hubs and I are going to see what happens now... Maybe a natural pregnancy? After everything we have been through? Or just a return to normal hormones? We shall see what the future holds!
Baby Dust To All!!!