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We have the diaper dude bag in navy. My best friend recommended it to me after having two babies one after another - said it worked great. I don't know if DH and I share the bag or need our own? This one is not very feminine but I'm not trying to make any fashion statement with the diaper bag. :) It will work for me.
I've had a few -- random ones with DD that I did not like (messenger style) and then a Vera Bradley one with DS that I liked the style of but not the pattern. For this little girl, I got this JJ Cole one and I love it! I much prefer it to the messenger style bags, which I found difficult to get in to, and I also like that it looks like a bag and not a diaper bag. I also wanted something fabric.
All the brands others have suggested are good - JJ Cole, Petunia Picklebottom, Skip Hop, JuJuBe ... in my experience they all have similar features and it just comes down to what size and shape works best for you, and what you like the look of! All of those brands have options that are a lot less "diaper baggy" looking that some of the cheaper/generic brands.
I *do* recommend going with something designed to be a diaper bag as opposed to a large purse because it will have pockets designed specifically for bottles, pacifiers, etc, will most likely have an easily washable lining (as opposed to silk or something impractical!) , and will probably come with some type of stroller hook or strap to make it easy to hang on your stroller.
This is just my opinion after going through a couple options with my first baby. I had the hardest time choosing a bag at first too, so I just used a generic tote for the first few months and wow, what a difference it made when I finally picked up a real diaper bag! FWIW I went with JJ Cole last time and PPB this time. I was resistant to spending more than like $50 at first, then I realized it really is worth it to spend more like $80-$150 on a good one. Anything over $150 and you're just paying for a luxury brand!
You can always try picking up something cheap to start with (a lot of hospitals will give you a very basic bag provided by a sponsor - probably a formula company - you can try using that to start). Then once you get an idea of what you need, splurge on something nice.
We got the Skip Hop Duo.
I can't comment on it since we haven't used it yet!
DH will be staying home with the baby when I go back to work, so we didn't want something purse-looking.