Baby Showers

Push present????

Okay, maybe I'm clueless but what in the world is a push present? I saw it on an earlier post but could't find an explanation for it (and now I can't find the post either;)

Thank you! 

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Re: Push present????

  • It's a large gift (often jewelry) that the dad gives the mom for birthing their child.
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  • image panicked228:
    It's a large gift often jewelry that the dad gives the mom for birthing their child.

    Yup, and I am generally the only propush presenter on the board. I am like the Smiley of the topic!
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  • Darn, found out about this a year too late;) JK

    Thanks ladies! 

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  • image Liz4444:
    image panicked228:
    It's a large gift often jewelry that the dad gives the mom for birthing their child.
    Yup, and I am generally the only propush presenter on the board. I am like the Smiley of the topic!

    I have to say, I kind of agree and I think it's a nice thing to do and I certainly wouldn't turn my nose up at something sparkly, but the term "push present" is just awful. 

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  • image Bliss+Berry:

    image Liz4444:
    image panicked228:
    It's a large gift often jewelry that the dad gives the mom for birthing their child.
    Yup, and I am generally the only propush presenter on the board. I am like the Smiley of the topic!

    I have to say, I kind of agree and I think it's a nice thing to do and I certainly wouldn't turn my nose up at something sparkly, but the term "push present" is just awful. 

    That is how I feel too.  TBH I would love if DH got me even a small something but I would never expect anything.  I think the idea of a necklace or ring with LO's birthstone is a great gift.  However, I hate the term "push present" and the fact that some women feel they deserve a present for giving birth.  

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  • image Allycat11:

    I think the idea of a necklace or ring with LO's birthstone is a great gift.  However, I hate the term "push present" and the fact that some women feel they deserve a present for giving birth.  

    I like this kind of present. I think a small piece of jewelry with baby's birthstone is sweet, but anything larger is silly to me. I know someone who got a brand new Cadillac as a "push" present. That's a little bit much IMO.

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  • If you do well at your job, do you deserve a raise? Absolutely! Well, gestating was my job, I did I fabulously... I got a "raise" of sorts. It is vey common in my area, men say to their friends, what is your wife getting. DH knows that I don't love his taste in jewelry for me. I pick out all of my presents, birthday, anniversary, he had a drawing of my engagement ring and a picture of my wedding band. I get that people want the sentiment of their loved one picking out something special for the, however, if he is spending a significant amount of money on a gift, he wants to make sure it is exactly what I want. My father was/is he same way with me and my mother.
    No one has to do it, but if you can afford to and want to, why wouldn't you?

    Also, the money is coming from our joint account. Question, would people get less annoyed by the idea if I said I was buying it for myself? Same gift, same money, same sentiment.

    Half the time in this argument I feel as though people come up with some arbitrary amount that is ok to spend, ex. 20 on flowers. That is perfectly lovely, how sweet of your so. However, the minute it starts getting more expensive than what "you" can afford and things "you" would never think to buy, that's when it turns into, "people are entitled and ridiculous".

    For clarity, I just took an ambien, so what I said might not be completely clear.
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  • image Cellis:
    image Allycat11:

    I think the idea of a necklace or ring with LO's birthstone is a great gift.  However, I hate the term "push present" and the fact that some women feel they deserve a present for giving birth.  

    I like this kind of present. I think a small piece of jewelry with baby's birthstone is sweet, but anything larger is silly to me. I have a friend who got a brand new Cadillac as a "push" present. That's a little bit much IMO.


    Can you please explain to me why you feel the Cadillac is over the top but a small piece of jewelery is ok? Is that what she wanted and they can afford? I have seen plenty of physically small pieces of jewelry cost 10's of thousands of dollars. Would that not be ok? A sweet gesture is only a sweet gesture if it is inexpensive?

    You also have to keep in mind, everyone has different financial situations and tolerances. What seems crazy expensive to you might seem like nothing to someone else.
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  • image Liz4444:
    image panicked228:
    It's a large gift often jewelry that the dad gives the mom for birthing their child.
    Yup, and I am generally the only propush presenter on the board. I am like the Smiley of the topic!

    YAY!  I thought I was the only one propush.  It's something to look forward to during L&D.  Plus I think it would be really special to pass on the gift to my LO.

    Edit:  After reading the comments I completely agree with Liz on both the "raise" issue and the "finance" issue.

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  • image Liz4444:
    image Cellis:
    image Allycat11:

    I think the idea of a necklace or ring with LO's birthstone is a great gift.  However, I hate the term "push present" and the fact that some women feel they deserve a present for giving birth.  

    I like this kind of present. I think a small piece of jewelry with baby's birthstone is sweet, but anything larger is silly to me. I have a friend who got a brand new Cadillac as a "push" present. That's a little bit much IMO.

    Can you please explain to me why you feel the Cadillac is over the top but a small piece of jewelery is ok? Is that what she wanted and they can afford? I have seen plenty of physically small pieces of jewelry cost 10's of thousands of dollars. Would that not be ok? A sweet gesture is only a sweet gesture if it is inexpensive? You also have to keep in mind, everyone has different financial situations and tolerances. What seems crazy expensive to you might seem like nothing to someone else.

    Very true that what seems crazy expensive to me is pennies to someone else and that's why to others it's not a big deal to spend that much on a gift. Yes, some jewelry is very expensive, more than some cars or homes, but I wasn't thinking about extremely expensive (to me) jewelry. I think like a few hundred dollars. Since I'm not rich, if my DH bought me a new car for having a baby we wouldn't be able to afford having a baby. So to me it would be silly to buy something expensive when we're about to take on a large expense (having a child). If you're able to do it, more power to you. 

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  • image Cellis:
    image Allycat11:

    I think the idea of a necklace or ring with LO's birthstone is a great gift.  However, I hate the term "push present" and the fact that some women feel they deserve a present for giving birth.  

    I like this kind of present. I think a small piece of jewelry with baby's birthstone is sweet, but anything larger is silly to me. I know someone who got a brand new Cadillac as a "push" present. That's a little bit much IMO.

    Wow...a Cadillac!  I really missed out!  LOL  My DH got me a necklace with the baby's birthdstone and added one with each subsequent baby.  I think it is nice to have the reminder of all 3 kids.  I doubt I would still have the Cadillac when I'm old and gray (well...maybe I would!). 

  • image Liz4444:
    If you do well at your job, do you deserve a raise? Absolutely! Well, gestating was my job, I did I fabulously... I got a "raise" of sorts.

    Eek! Using this argument makes it sound like your husband is your employer who is paying you to bear children. I hear what you're saying, but eek. Just no with this one.
    image
  • Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?
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  • It's what some people think they deserve because they apparently forget they get a baby already...
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  • image Estwd2:
    Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?

    This. At the beginning of my pregnancy I joked with DH about how he should have a push present ready (but I seriously told him I don't want/need a thing). If he wants to get me something on his own then that would be sweet but I certainly do not expect anything (nor do I think I deserve anything) and wouldn't hold it against him if he didn't get me anything. Since being pregnant I just don't feel like I need anything for myself...I would rather get stuff for our DD.

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  • image Estwd2:
    Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?

    Completely different, and I'm addressing both of your posts here, because we are using our money, his and MINE. The bank account is in both of our names and we both contribute to it. I could essentially say, we are buying it for me or I am buying it for myself and having him give it to me. You may think it makes me sound like an ass, but I'm not asking you to spend your money, unlike a baby shower.
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  • image Kimbus22:
    It's what some people think they deserve because they apparently forget they get a baby already...

    Huh, baby? I had a baby? Oops, left her at the jewelry store when I was picking out my reward.
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  • image Liz4444:
    image Estwd2:
    Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?

    Completely different, and I'm addressing both of your posts here, because we are using our money, his and MINE. The bank account is in both of our names and we both contribute to it. I could essentially say, we are buying it for me or I am buying it for myself and having him give it to me. You may think it makes me sound like an ass, but I'm not asking you to spend your money, unlike a baby shower.

    Sure, in your case there's a little wiggle room because you pick it out and it's your money. So essentially you are pampering yourself and just calling it a push present. But you have to admit, that's not the typical push present people talk about. They expect a gift given to them and purchased by someone else. They expect someone else to pamper them. That's entitlement.

    And I still can't get past comparing getting a push present to a raise. It's not my job to bear children. I haven't gone above and beyond my duties as a wife, mother, or woman by giving birth, so I don't think that constitutes a "raise." Defending it like that gives me the creeps.
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  • image Estwd2:
    image Liz4444:
    image Estwd2:
    Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?

    Completely different, and I'm addressing both of your posts here, because we are using our money, his and MINE. The bank account is in both of our names and we both contribute to it. I could essentially say, we are buying it for me or I am buying it for myself and having him give it to me. You may think it makes me sound like an ass, but I'm not asking you to spend your money, unlike a baby shower.

    Sure, in your case there's a little wiggle room because you pick it out and it's your money. So essentially you are pampering yourself and just calling it a push present. But you have to admit, that's not the typical push present people talk about. They expect a gift given to them and purchased by someone else. They expect someone else to pamper them. That's entitlement.

    And I still can't get past comparing getting a push present to a raise. It's not my job to bear children. I haven't gone above and beyond my duties as a wife, mother, or woman by giving birth, so I don't think that constitutes a "raise." Defending it like that gives me the creeps.

    Everyone I know has joint bank accounts. I do have a separate account as well, but that's off topic. I always hear everyone spouting, it's not "his" money or "my" money it's "our money", so I'm not sure why it would be different for me than others.
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  • image Estwd2:
    image Liz4444:
    If you do well at your job, do you deserve a raise? Absolutely! Well, gestating was my job, I did I fabulously... I got a "raise" of sorts.
    Eek! Using this argument makes it sound like your husband is your employer who is paying you to bear children. I hear what you're saying, but eek. Just no with this one.

    I've actually got no issue with the "push present" other than the term "push present".  My hubby got me a diamond necklace that I'd been eyeing that matched my engagement ring (the cut of the diamond--asscher cut, so kind of hard to find).  It was an awesome surprise.

    I don't really like the job analogy though...I second the "Eek" on that one.

  • I don't think it is entitlement if people take it for what it should be.  I think people have lost the meaning behind a push present.  It shouldn't just something you want just because you want it but rather something you can always cherish that will remind you of that special day.  I think it has a sweeter meaning if the dh picks out the present.  It is something you can always have and pass down to your child or grandchild.  I'm not saying your dh has to get you something but if he takes it upon himself to do so then what is so wrong with that.  I plan on getting my dh something for that day.  I am not really sure what because men are so difficult to shop for but I think it would be sweet to get him something from his new baby.

    I do think that people can go over the top with these gifts.  I understand financial situations are different but I just can understand how a car has any sentimental value attached to your child. I think a "push present" should be something you keep forever.  The amount of money spent is irrelevant it is more what the gift means to you.  Your gift can be a $10 statue from a card store or a diamond necklace because that is your child's birthstone.  


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  • I'm more than likely getting these:

    http://www.menswearhouse.com/shop/p_converse-black-patent-leather-high-top-tennis-shoes_12001_700000444_12751_700069729_-1_700000444_____noSpecialSizes

    I've wanted them for a long time but never pulled the trigger. While I also hate the term "push present" I really appreciate that my DH things I'm doing something so awesome that I deserve a treat.

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  • I think it sounds more like a "bonus" than a "raise"? 

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  • At first DH thought the idea of a push present was ridiculous. After watching me in labor for several days and everything I went through he HAPPILY bought me a Tiffany charm bracelet with a "Mom" charm and DS' initials. For DD, he brought up the push present and asked me to pick out what I wanted. I picked out a different type of charm bracelet with the LOs birthstones and another "Mom" charm with a peony (my fav flower). He said after another 4 day long labor I deserved a gift! I think a push present is to acknowledge the 9 months of pregnancy and hours of labor. Yes you get the baby but your DH doesn't have to do any of the hard work before the baby is born.
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  • Yeah... I just can't get behind the idea of getting a present for giving birth.  I just can't. 

    My husband and I married in Bermuda.  He dragged me into jewelry store after jewelry store one day in Bermuda wanting to buy me something pretty to remember our wedding/honeymoon.  I told him that our wedding day, our pictures, our vows, our memories and living our lives together was enough.  I didn't need some piece of jewelery to "remember" it any better.  But that's me.  I tend to have different perspectives than a lot of women on things, though. 

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  • I had never even heard of a "push present" until I was reading a magazine yesterday. The husband in the story hired a professional photographer for the birth as the present which I thought was nice but yeah, I don't expect my husband to get me anything.
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  • image Liz4444:
    image Estwd2:
    image Liz4444:
    image Estwd2:
    Just wanted to also add that I DO think it reeks of entitlement when you expect it. We always call it out as entitlement when someone comes on here saying "I am having a baby, so I deserve a party." How is "I just had a baby, so I deserve jewelry" any different?
    Completely different, and I'm addressing both of your posts here, because we are using our money, his and MINE. The bank account is in both of our names and we both contribute to it. I could essentially say, we are buying it for me or I am buying it for myself and having him give it to me. You may think it makes me sound like an ass, but I'm not asking you to spend your money, unlike a baby shower.
    Sure, in your case there's a little wiggle room because you pick it out and it's your money. So essentially you are pampering yourself and just calling it a push present. But you have to admit, that's not the typical push present people talk about. They expect a gift given to them and purchased by someone else. They expect someone else to pamper them. That's entitlement. And I still can't get past comparing getting a push present to a raise. It's not my job to bear children. I haven't gone above and beyond my duties as a wife, mother, or woman by giving birth, so I don't think that constitutes a "raise." Defending it like that gives me the creeps.
    Everyone I know has joint bank accounts. I do have a separate account as well, but that's off topic. I always hear everyone spouting, it's not "his" money or "my" money it's "our money", so I'm not sure why it would be different for me than others.

    We don't have joint bank accounts. I know many couples who don't. Regardless, it sounds like you gift this to yourself. The "spirit" or whatnot of the push present as I've always heard it is that the father gifts this to his wife as a "surprise." (I can't for the life of me understand how it can be at all romantic or sentimental if you expect it and know what's in the box, hence the quotations around "surprise.")

    For women who never ask for anything and are truly surprised, I actually think that's really sweet of the father. When it's expected, I think it's weird and entitled. When you plan for it, pick it out, and pay for it with your own money, well then, I'm sorry, but I still think it's a little odd. If you want to buy yourself some jewelry, then buy yourself some jewelry. Why the guise of "my husband gave this to me"? Unless maybe I'm reading your posts wrong. Would you point out one of your push presents and tell someone "my husband gave this to me as a push present" or would you say "I bought this to commemorate the birth"? Because if you picked it out and you paid for it, then didn't you just give it to yourself? Your husband had very little to do with it, other than maybe carrying it to the hospital. It just doesn't seem like an actual GIFT, kwim?

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  • My MIL still wears the watch DH's dad gave her when DH was born. I think it's nice when the push present or whatever you want to call it, it's something that will last forever. I know for sure DH will get me something when it's time, I don't even need to bring it up. 

    On the subject of entitlement, I have seen a friend who was guilting her husband (in front of us and other friends) into getting her some expensive jewelry and the husband kept saying he thinks it is a stupid idea or why does it have to be a very expensive jewelry, .... In the end he did give her a gift, and I think he would have anyways, but guilting him and constantly talking about it is very tacky.

  • image Estwd2:

    We don't have joint bank accounts. I know many couples who don't. Regardless, it sounds like you gift this to yourself. The "spirit" or whatnot of the push present as I've always heard it is that the father gifts this to his wife as a "surprise." (I can't for the life of me understand how it can be at all romantic or sentimental if you expect it and know what's in the box, hence the quotations around "surprise.")

    For women who never ask for anything and are truly surprised, I actually think that's really sweet of the father. When it's expected, I think it's weird and entitled. When you plan for it, pick it out, and pay for it with your own money, well then, I'm sorry, but I still think it's a little odd. If you want to buy yourself some jewelry, then buy yourself some jewelry. Why the guise of "my husband gave this to me"? Unless maybe I'm reading your posts wrong. Would you point out one of your push presents and tell someone "my husband gave this to me as a push present" or would you say "I bought this to commemorate the birth"? Because if you picked it out and you paid for it, then didn't you just give it to yourself? Your husband had very little to do with it, other than maybe carrying it to the hospital. It just doesn't seem like an actual GIFT, kwim?

    I generally don't say something was a gift from DH, I'll say x was my birthday present, or I got y for our anniversary, and the bracelet I got was my "push present".  I love DH and I would love if he surprised me with something, however, I don't particularly like his taste (he knows this and is not offended).  He would rather, if we are going to be spending money on something, whether it be $10 or $10,000, that it be something that I love and I will use. 

    It was the same way with my parents, they still do this for gifts for me and now for Li.  My dad will say, I want to buy you (or Li) x, you can spend y amount of money on it.  Go buy it and I will reimburse you.  My dad got my mom diamond earrings when I was born, she went with him to pick them out because he wanted her to love them. 

    I don't think it makes the gift any less romantic or sentimental or any less of a gift.  I think it's nice that they want to make sure that we love what we get.

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  • image rhubarb123:
    image Cellis:
    a brand new Cadillac as a "push" present


     I doubt I would still have the Cadillac when I'm old and gray (well...maybe I would!). 

    I was trying to avoid the obvious joke but... Don't you have to be old and gray to drive a Cadillac anyway? So a septugenarian pushing out a baby would deserve a really big present, right! Heh. :D

    Obviously kidding. Jokes aside, I do hate the term "push present" - it's crass, I think. Then again, I hate the word "bra" (it's "brassiere") and the word "butt" (it's "fanny", "rear end", "derriere", etc). Gosh, I don't even tell people that I'm pregnant, but that "we're expecting a baby". I realize I am living in the world of the folks I just accused of driving Cadillacs, though, (hehe) so feel free to ignore what I think is crass! I know I'm behind the times...

    Other than hating the term, I have no issue with anyone buying or receiving a present on the occasion of their spouse having a baby. I just prefer to call it "a present on the occasion of having a baby".

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