How about this. When I married my husband, his credit score was about 430 he was one missed payment from getting his truck repo'd. He deployed 6 weeks after we married. We got the truck loan interest rate down from 18 to 6 paid it off with his deployment money. When he came back, we had about 11k in the bank. When he went back to work 3 months later, and I started combining our finances, the account had 900 in it. 2000 we had talked about spending but the rest was pissed away on booze, porn, guns & other sh*t. So 8 grand, gone. Nice, huh?!? And I got laid off 9 months later have been underemployed for almost 3 years.
What was your reaction? Has he continued with irresponsible spending?
How do you see this playing out long term? Can you pay it off without him ever knowing? Will you eventually confess?
I am hoping to get most of it paid off as soon as I can and never running the cards up again. I am trying to get a better position at my current employer and just using the extra to pay off all the debt. I take care of the household bills so I could just say one day all the bills were paid and DH would be like, cool.
How do you see this playing out long term? Can you pay it off without him ever knowing? Will you eventually confess?
I am hoping to get most of it paid off as soon as I can and never running the cards up again. I am trying to get a better position at my current employer and just using the extra to pay off all the debt. I take care of the household bills so I could just say one day all the bills were paid and DH would be like, cool.
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat.
How do you see this playing out long term? Can you pay it off without him ever knowing? Will you eventually confess?
I am hoping to get most of it paid off as soon as I can and never running the cards up again. I am trying to get a better position at my current employer and just using the extra to pay off all the debt. I take care of the household bills so I could just say one day all the bills were paid and DH would be like, cool.
How much debt are you hiding in total from him?
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat.
I understand what you mean on this. It is what I did and it almost ended my marriage. I would rather avoid the confrontation that deal with his reaction.
I put the hammer down. No more spending over 100 w/o advanced notice. I demanded counseling, a full accounting new boundaries. Of course, I didn't know at the time he cheated on me 10 days before our wedding. That came out in counseling by me snooping. Between that, the drinking, the anger, the verbal, emotional , physical not actual hitting but throwing things getting in my face abuse, I became someone I didn't recognize. Then I got laid off.
So yes I stayed. I know people think I'm a dumbss for doing so but I've come a long way these past 2 years with IC al anon. And I am making financial plans so we can split with the least amount of financial damage to me. I'm in my mid 30s I want kids. Obviously not with him he doesn't want them now anyways so tick tock.
My salary is very modest but my husband does very well. I work because I enjoy it not because I need to. Last year with salary + bonuses he made almost double the magic number. We have a smaller home than most of our peers and nice cars, nice vacations. DC goes to a top of the line daycare. We have almost $100k in CC debt. We pay just slightly more than the minimum each month and paying it doesn't really affect our quality of life but we could just do so much more regarding savings and retirement if we paid it off. Somehow we just can't seem to give up our current standard of living to take care of it once and for all.
Have you thought about seeing a financial planner? If you H gets huge bonuses, have you thought about using a bonus to pay it off?
Yes but I am embrassed to make so much money and go to a planner with so much debt. I want to be really honest and say that neither DH or I want to give up our dinners out, nice clothes, whatever else we spend on. We use some of the bonuses to pay our taxes because H is sort of self employed and his employer doesn't take them out. We often dip in to our tax account for regular spending knowing that the bonuses are coming quarterly. They bonuses are not huge but are between $18-25k. We pay roughly $98k annually in taxes and will pay more when the Bush cuts expire. I honestly do not mind paying my taxes. I have a life many dream of and taxes is just my fair share but it's a lot of money.
I'm sorry, but this sounds ridiculous. You have a ton of debt but think others are jealous of the life you live but (apparently) can't afford?
Tell me a couple trying to raise a child on $50k a year wouldn't rather float $100k in debt to make 5x that amount? The debt is stupid but we still have a very nice standard of living. We could pay it down, we just don't. It was a confession, not a badge of pride. Move along.
I put the hammer down. No more spending over 100 w/o advanced notice. I demanded counseling, a full accounting new boundaries. Of course, I didn't know at the time he cheated on me 10 days before our wedding. That came out in counseling by me snooping. Between that, the drinking, the anger, the verbal, emotional , physical not actual hitting but throwing things getting in my face abuse, I became someone I didn't recognize. Then I got laid off. So yes I stayed. I know people think I'm a dumbss for doing so but I've come a long way these past 2 years with IC al anon. And I am making financial plans so we can split with the least amount of financial damage to me. I'm in my mid 30s I want kids. Obviously not with him he doesn't want them now anyways so tick tock.
....I would very much like to kick your STBX in the face. So there's that.
Good luck on getting out and moving on with your life.
If I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'd put shoes on the cat.
I am a lawyer. I have been practicing for 5-10 years. I earn 80K (including bonus) in private practice. I also had over 100K in student loans at one point.
My husband earns a lot more than I do. I could quit my job and be a SAHM. But after the bills are paid, we have $2500 left over each month from my husband's salary. But I don't think its enough, so that's why I work. Flame away, but after food, retirement, and kid stuff, there would be no money for fun.
My salary is very modest but my husband does very well. I work because I enjoy it not because I need to. Last year with salary + bonuses he made almost double the magic number. We have a smaller home than most of our peers and nice cars, nice vacations. DC goes to a top of the line daycare. We have almost $100k in CC debt. We pay just slightly more than the minimum each month and paying it doesn't really affect our quality of life but we could just do so much more regarding savings and retirement if we paid it off. Somehow we just can't seem to give up our current standard of living to take care of it once and for all.
Have you thought about seeing a financial planner? If you H gets huge bonuses, have you thought about using a bonus to pay it off?
Yes but I am embrassed to make so much money and go to a planner with so much debt. I want to be really honest and say that neither DH or I want to give up our dinners out, nice clothes, whatever else we spend on. We use some of the bonuses to pay our taxes because H is sort of self employed and his employer doesn't take them out. We often dip in to our tax account for regular spending knowing that the bonuses are coming quarterly. They bonuses are not huge but are between $18-25k. We pay roughly $98k annually in taxes and will pay more when the Bush cuts expire. I honestly do not mind paying my taxes. I have a life many dream of and taxes is just my fair share but it's a lot of money.
I'm sorry, but this sounds ridiculous. You have a ton of debt but think others are jealous of the life you live but (apparently) can't afford?
Tell me a couple trying to raise a child on $50k a year wouldn't rather float $100k in debt to make 5x that amount? The debt is stupid but we still have a very nice standard of living. We could pay it down, we just don't. It was a confession, not a badge of pride. Move along.
For what it's worth, what struck me was the completely passe attitude about it. Like owing $100k on credit cards is NBD.
Not that I need an AE for this, but I judge anyone who is over 25 who has credit card debt and no plan or desire to pay it off.
For what it's worth, what struck me was the completely passe attitude about it. Like owing $100k on credit cards is NBD.
Not that I need an AE for this, but I judge anyone who is over 25 who has credit card debt and no plan or desire to pay it off.
Dude. It's totally judge worthy. That's why I confessed. I think it's a hot mess. I have to keep a passe attitude about it because I know in the near term it isn't going to change. This is the only time I've ever uttered the amount of debt out loud. I won' even seek help from a FP because I am so embarassed. We're good people. Part of the reason we end up dipping in to our tax account regularly is because I have a compulsive giving habit. I'm not trying to make it ok but we give way more than we can afford with this debt to all kinds of organizations. I feel like we are so fortunate that we can even carry this burden of ridiculous debt and that we need to help animals and cancer research and homeless people and veterans. I'm not willing to cut back on that either and it just keeps going, but we're not going to file Chapter 11 or default on our mortgage or steal our DC's 529 or anything that harms anyone else. If we didn't have the debt we'd put that money in to a bigger house and more in to retirement. I guess that is why I am passe about it. If we loosened up that money in some ways it would just be for more conspicuous consumption.
How about this. When I married my husband, his credit score was about 430 he was one missed payment from getting his truck repo'd. He deployed 6 weeks after we married. We got the truck loan interest rate down from 18 to 6 paid it off with his deployment money. When he came back, we had about 11k in the bank. When he went back to work 3 months later, and I started combining our finances, the account had 900 in it. 2000 we had talked about spending but the rest was pissed away on booze, porn, guns & other sh*t. So 8 grand, gone. Nice, huh?!? And I got laid off 9 months later have been underemployed for almost 3 years.
I was caught check-kiting a few years back. It got so bad the bank manager called me personally and threatened to call the police. That's when I knew I hit rock bottom with my spending addiction. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, really) DH and I suffered a very large theft and received a healthy settlement for it - enough to pay off the banks from my check-kiting.
Also, DH makes a million dollars a year. We paid for our house and cars in cash. We have no debt. I'm not allowed to tell anyone, which is probably good b/c most people would hate on me anyway.
Re: Money-related confessions go here
What was your reaction? Has he continued with irresponsible spending?
How much debt are you hiding in total from him?
Why hide it?
So yes I stayed. I know people think I'm a dumbss for doing so but I've come a long way these past 2 years with IC al anon. And I am making financial plans so we can split with the least amount of financial damage to me. I'm in my mid 30s I want kids. Obviously not with him he doesn't want them now anyways so tick tock.
Tell me a couple trying to raise a child on $50k a year wouldn't rather float $100k in debt to make 5x that amount? The debt is stupid but we still have a very nice standard of living. We could pay it down, we just don't. It was a confession, not a badge of pride. Move along.
....I would very much like to kick your STBX in the face. So there's that.
Good luck on getting out and moving on with your life.
I am a lawyer. I have been practicing for 5-10 years. I earn 80K (including bonus) in private practice. I also had over 100K in student loans at one point.
My husband earns a lot more than I do. I could quit my job and be a SAHM. But after the bills are paid, we have $2500 left over each month from my husband's salary. But I don't think its enough, so that's why I work. Flame away, but after food, retirement, and kid stuff, there would be no money for fun.
For what it's worth, what struck me was the completely passe attitude about it. Like owing $100k on credit cards is NBD.
Not that I need an AE for this, but I judge anyone who is over 25 who has credit card debt and no plan or desire to pay it off.
Dude. It's totally judge worthy. That's why I confessed. I think it's a hot mess. I have to keep a passe attitude about it because I know in the near term it isn't going to change. This is the only time I've ever uttered the amount of debt out loud. I won' even seek help from a FP because I am so embarassed. We're good people. Part of the reason we end up dipping in to our tax account regularly is because I have a compulsive giving habit. I'm not trying to make it ok but we give way more than we can afford with this debt to all kinds of organizations. I feel like we are so fortunate that we can even carry this burden of ridiculous debt and that we need to help animals and cancer research and homeless people and veterans. I'm not willing to cut back on that either and it just keeps going, but we're not going to file Chapter 11 or default on our mortgage or steal our DC's 529 or anything that harms anyone else. If we didn't have the debt we'd put that money in to a bigger house and more in to retirement. I guess that is why I am passe about it. If we loosened up that money in some ways it would just be for more conspicuous consumption.
I would divorce an *** for this ***.
His head would spin it would be so damned fast.
Click me, click me!
I was caught check-kiting a few years back. It got so bad the bank manager called me personally and threatened to call the police. That's when I knew I hit rock bottom with my spending addiction. Fortunately, (or unfortunately, really) DH and I suffered a very large theft and received a healthy settlement for it - enough to pay off the banks from my check-kiting.
I don't know what check kiting is.
Also, DH makes a million dollars a year. We paid for our house and cars in cash. We have no debt. I'm not allowed to tell anyone, which is probably good b/c most people would hate on me anyway.