Multiples

Thoughts on separating 18mos old at daycare?

We're starting the kids in daycare soon, they are 18mos now, but Finn is still crawling due to some muscle tone issues (he's getting PT now).

One that we're looking at that has a great reputation only has openings for 1 kid per classroom, meaning they would be separated.

I'm fine with them being separated when they go to school, but they seem so little, and Finn will be the youngest in the class and probably the only crawler.

Thoughts?


image Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers

Re: Thoughts on separating 18mos old at daycare?

  • I would personally not be comfortable separating them at that age.  

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers twins born at 36 wks Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Is there any possibility of another opening soon, so they could be put together when the next kid moves up or similar?
  • I wouldn't seperate them...but I don't think it would be a bad thing, I just wouldn't be comfortable.

    I would let them know you would prefer them in the same room and ask about a waitlist or what options there would be...GL!

  • Sorry, I won't be able to do it.  The only thing that stops me from having a breakdown everyday is the thought, well, at least they have each other.

    Can they not move another singleton child?!?

    Me: PCOs DH: Perfect!
    4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • I wouldn't at that age.  My B/G twins are 4.5 and the only time they're going to be separated is when they move up to Kindergarten. 
  • Not a chance. And if they really want your kids they should be willing to make accommodations.
  • image OrangeSmoke:

    Sorry, I won't be able to do it.  The only thing that stops me from having a breakdown everyday is the thought, well, at least they have each other.

    Can they not move another singleton child?!?

     

    Completely agree. I'd cry if they didn't have one another. I won't separate them until Kindergarten.  

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • My twins are best friends, they're normally with one another.  I personally wouldn't be comfortable separating them.  I've actually already called their elementary school to see what their policy is.  I want my kids together until one of them decides they want to separate. 

    I agree that they should move a singleton or wait list for another opening.  Mine had to be separated for about 2m every Sunday at one church we went to because one was crawling and the other was walking, I hated that and it was just 2 hours per week.

  • image OrangeSmoke:

    Sorry, I won't be able to do it.  The only thing that stops me from having a breakdown everyday is the thought, well, at least they have each other.

    Can they not move another singleton child?!?

    this exactly. Mine started at a new center last month at 18 months, and them being together was the only thing that kept me from being a total disaster. Although their teachers report that they most often play with other kids. They'd probably be fine separated NOW, but no way in the beginning. If nothing else, I'M the one who had the issue.
    7.9.10image



    My blog
  • I read some early childhood research on twins that said it is best to look at each case independently, obviously, but typically twins (especially identical) do better when in the same class at least up to 2nd grade.  They perform better in social situations, less anxiety, and do better with reading activities.  I wouldn't even consider separating my boys until they could tell me whether they want to be in the same class or not.
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    image
  • would he be able to move up soon?  At that age it wouldn't have been a huge deal to have them separate- but since 2yo they would not do well separate- they LOVE each other now and play together a lot - and it's great having them together in class- they stick up for each other, etc.  I'm actually having a hard time now with the idea of separating them in K , which i had always planned to do, but now it's gonna be a hard choice. 

    they play great with other kids - so it's not like they are on their own doing their own thing, which would make me want to split them- it's how Gibby protects Gray and vice versa - they love being together.

    so... if it would just be for a few months i'd do it- but otherwise no way.

    I used to be Goldie_locks_5 but the new nest is so screwed up that I was forced to start over.
    image
    imageimage
  • image Haven1:
    image OrangeSmoke:

    Sorry, I won't be able to do it.  The only thing that stops me from having a breakdown everyday is the thought, well, at least they have each other.

    Can they not move another singleton child?!?

    this exactly. Mine started at a new center last month at 18 months, and them being together was the only thing that kept me from being a total disaster. Although their teachers report that they most often play with other kids. They'd probably be fine separated NOW, but no way in the beginning. If nothing else, I'M the one who had the issue.

    Haven - my kids have been in a center setting for a LONG time and the teachers always remark how they are so different in their interests, activity level, etc.  For a while I was really worried that they didn't have enough of a bond.

    But they do freak out on the rare occasion where I've kept one home for sickness and sent the other one.  He always seems more timid and less confident.  And the teachers have just started to report that while they are playing independently, if one starts crying, the other one always comes running.  Cue melting mommy!

     

    Me: PCOs DH: Perfect!
    4 Fresh IVF cycles + 1 FET where embies didn't survive the thaw = 2 perfect little men!
    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    sFET 11/9/11 - Beta 11/18 BFP!
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • Is it really that bad?  I'm curious.  I've had several sets of twin friends, and the ones who weren't separated were always weirder and had issues even through adulthood about being apart from eachother. Both sets were ID, so I'm not sure if that has any effect.

     

    My twins are with eachother throughout most of the day, but I personally want them to have some separate time from eachother.  I don't want them to have anxiety attacks and be non-functional when the other twin isn't around.  To me that isn't healthy.  I occasionally take out each twin separately, or if a twin is sick, I'll keep only 1 at home and take the other to daycare.  I like that they can be independent from eachother Plus get the one on one attention from me.  Not sure what others think.  But everyone on here seemed to freak out at the thought of you separating your twins, why is that?  Granted mine are only 7.5m old, so I could be wrong.

     

    My DD just started crawling the other day, and they put the movers and crawlers on the other side of the room (it's divided by a gate).  I don't think I'll have a problem with it, when they decide to move them. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I wouldn't do it. I agree with the PP on moving another child. If they want your kids they should be accommodating .
    Married to Brandon since 2/14/06
    Twin Girls born on January 1st 2012:Brooklyn Avery(Brooke) & Eliana Meredith(Ellie)
    Ellie and Brooke both have Juvenile Diabetes
    Adopted a Brother and Sister in January of 2012
    Levi Ryan-October 25th 2007 and Caroline Paige(Carly)-July 23rd 2009
    Jonah Samuel born April 21st 2013
    Expecting Baby #6-June 2014!
  • I think it's fine.  Mine are together all the time, and I think it's good for them to do things separately sometimes and have separate identities.  I can see other posters' points about it being comforting that they're together, because I have felt that too.  Still, I've done the same as google123 and take them out separately and their dad and I sometimes split them up to run errands.  They always do fine.  Also, when one is sick and stays home with me from daycare, I send the other in.  No point in both being home.  They never have a problem being dropped off without the other, and according to the daycare workers, they're very comfortable by themselves.  I think it's beneficial.

    Also, I don't think it's fair to insist on a daycare switching another child into another classroom just so that twins can be together.  How would we feel if a daycare said they were moving our twins to another room to make room for other kids?  I doubt anyone would be too happy to move their children to another room unnecessarily once they're happy and content in their daycare room.  Stability is obviously an important thing in the toddler years.

    Personally, I think that as parents of twins, we tend to put more pressure on the need for them to stay together than they would if they had the choice.  It comforts us, but shouldn't it be more important that they learn independence and to be strong just the same as we would if they were a singleton? 

     

    image
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

    image
  • Hopefully this LINK works, but I think twins attachment is a whole different ballgame just like the twin pg is.  This is why I don't want to separate my twins until THEY'RE ready.  When you're with someone your entire existance, I think it would be stressful to start in a new environment without that person.  When we briefly took the sides off the cribs, J&W would find their way to one another and suggle up together.
  • image google123:

    Is it really that bad?  I'm curious.  I've had several sets of twin friends, and the ones who weren't separated were always weirder and had issues even through adulthood about being apart from eachother. Both sets were ID, so I'm not sure if that has any effect.

     

    My twins are with eachother throughout most of the day, but I personally want them to have some separate time from eachother.  I don't want them to have anxiety attacks and be non-functional when the other twin isn't around.  To me that isn't healthy.  I occasionally take out each twin separately, or if a twin is sick, I'll keep only 1 at home and take the other to daycare.  I like that they can be independent from eachother Plus get the one on one attention from me.  Not sure what others think.  But everyone on here seemed to freak out at the thought of you separating your twins, why is that?  Granted mine are only 7.5m old, so I could be wrong. 

     

    I am with you. Granted my boys are only 2 months but I also have a 9 year old. I understood with him, a lot of what I thought he was going to feel and experience about going to daycare, were really my feelings about what I thought. I don't think I would mind the boys being separated. It is going to happen at some point, and I think I would rather them understand they can be apart at 18 months, then something more drastic like the first time they are apart, is kindergarden. That is an entire issue itself, imagine throwing in being pulled away from your twin then.

    I am planning on returning to work when the boys are 18 months, so I found everyones responses helpful, I just noticed some were saying I couldn't do it. Its amazing what our kids are able to handle when we think they can't.

    Also, how fair is that to take a singleton out of the classroom they are in,  to make room for a twin? If you were the parent of that single child, how would that make you feel about that daycare?

  • Because starting daycare is a big change already, I wouldn't want to separate them for that transition.  Perhaps later on.

    Mine are in the same classroom (have been since 5 months old) but often they'll move one to the other toddler room that they interact with a lot for whatever reason on any given day.  They do fine, otherwise the teachers wouldn't do it, and I like that they're independent enough of each other to do so.  However, I do find comfort, and am sure the kids do as well, in them being with each other most of the time.

  • image mmoravec:
    I read some early childhood research on twins that said it is best to look at each case independently, obviously, but typically twins (especially identical) do better when in the same class at least up to 2nd grade.  They perform better in social situations, less anxiety, and do better with reading activities.  I wouldn't even consider separating my boys until they could tell me whether they want to be in the same class or not.

    Good to know. I'll have to read up on this...

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thanks everyone- lots to think about- its not easy finding two opening at ANY daycare in the middle of the year, much less in the same classroom, so fate may have a hand in this decision
    image Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Second Birthday tickers
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards