TTC after 35

frustrated

VENT: I am 35 and will be 36 in January. I really want another baby we currently have a 20 month old Ds. DH and I have discussed having another and he is okay with it. But he keeps saying not until we are going in the right direction with our finances. So we discussed finances and ways to move in the right direction which was good to talk about. I then proceeded to say well then we has better start using condoms again then, I said this kind of jokingly. When I said that he cringed and said he hated using them. So is that why we don't have sex anymore I said? I also explained to him as I get older it's going to be harder to get pregnant and may take longer and I am not getting any younger. He just proceeded to say lets not try until we are moving in the right direction financially.  I am frustrated cause we don't have sex and I am getting into my late 30's. I shouldn't worry but this is all concerning to me. I don't even know if I believe him that he really wants another. 

 Thanks for listening! 

Re: frustrated

  • Vent all you want. It sounds like your DH isn't quite ready, but that doesn't mean he won't be. Was he excited for your DS? Maybe try to recreate that mood?

    Just to reassure you - You're probably ok fertility wise until about 38. That's when the steep part of fertility decline begins. 



  • Sorry you are having a tough time.  I think it would be really hard to go through TTC without your husband 100% on board. People always say that if you wait until you are financially ready, you'll never have a kid.  But the longer it takes, the more stressful TTC becomes.  I know that my husband and I get prickly about things and we are both completely ready and willing.

    Maybe you could come up with a plan to "move in the right direction" -- you would still have at least nine months to get there!

    Good luck!


    image



    TTC since Jan 2011,

    5 IUIs from January to October 2012 = all BFN

    IVF #1, ER scheduled for mid-December

    image
  • Thanks,

     

    We have got a plan to help us move in the right direction finacially and I have said to him that even if I did get pregnant it would be nine months remember before the baby would even be here and that we would hopefully be moving in the right direction by then. He still is not wanting to try before we see a difference in our finances. It's making me feel blue and unhappy. I just don't get it! He was happy when we had ds and loves him a lot but I don't know if he is scared or what. He says he wants another.  He goes through moods where he suddenly is stressed out about stuff such as finances. He is not good at showing his emotions and I usually have to literally ask him what is the matter and keep asking him until he tells me and he gets all upset. Not at me just at the situation!

    We actually did have sex a couple night ago which was great but I don't think I will get pregnant that easily as it wasn't really at the right time according to my cycle. I had to literally fish out his emotions about the sex and what he thought before i even knew if he enjoyed it. I am free with my emotions and tell him how I feel lots!

     I see others with toddlers my ds's age and have a baby too and I want that so bad.  I guess I just have to hope.  Thanks again for listening!

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