March 2011 Moms

Looks like Mom and I will be having the talk...

About how DH and I don't want family at the hospital until at least 2-3 hours after LO is born. I posted a little while ago about how my mother thinks she will be at the hospital for hours on end until I deliver. I have left subtle hints here and there about how DH and I want it to be a private delivery w/o worrying about family coming in and out of the room and in the delivery room. But when I made the remarks she gives me the side eye and says "I will be in control of when I arrive at the hospital".

So I was going to take your ladies advice and just not tell anybody when I go into labor and call family after the fact. But my mom calls me everyday and checks in with me to see how I'm doing.... I don't know if I can lie to her and say one day oh I'm fine when I'm having contractions about about to go to the hospital.

So it looks like I'm actually going to have to sit down with her and talk about how important it is for DH and I to have a private delivery at the hospital. I don't want to worry about whos doing what in the waiting room either.

I just kind of feel really guilty because my mother has done SO much for LO and DH and I already. She threw an amazing shower for me, bought us the stroller and always wants to treat me to pedis. Plus shes given me a lot of emotional support along the way.

I know its not going to be a fun talk :( but I dont want to look back at the delivery experience with regret.

Sorry for the long post, just venting

 

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Re: Looks like Mom and I will be having the talk...

  • That sucks to be in that position, but I'm hoping it goes well once she hears what you have to say.  GL!
    DS born via c/s 11/08 and med-free GD VBAC DD 3/11! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I want to wish you good luck...mom's can be very difficult when it comes things like this. But she's just gonna have to understand. Make sure to stress the fact the you and DH didn't just think of this overnight and there were LONG discussions about it. And that you def. don't want to hurt her feeling but this is YOUR LO and YOUR BIRTH experience and you only want your DH there. Hopefully it won't be a problem.
    Nicholas Aiden Feb.25th,2011 at 12:58pm 5lbs 4oz 18" Photobucket Lilypie First Birthday tickers 32 week 4D Ultra Sound & Born 2/25/2011 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • It is important for you to be firm, she has no choice but to respect your wishes. This is not a "show" for everyone to feel like they can watch, after all!
  • image shelbylynn26:
    It is important for you to be firm, she has no choice but to respect your wishes. This is not a "show" for everyone to feel like they can watch, after all!

    Oh I agree. And while I have never given birth before, I'm sure the last thing you want is the added stress of worrying about visitors.

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  • As someone who's mom never stood up to her own mother's controlling behavior, and suffered for it, I really think you're doing the right thing.  It's awesome that your mom has paid for so much throughout the pregnancy, but if she really wants to show her support for you and your DH, she'll respect your wishes and give you the private delivery you want without a big drama-fest.  :)  You're not keeping her from your LO, you're just doing what you need to do to make the delivery as smooth as possible.  You're the only one who can make that call.  :)

     

    Good luck! 


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  • Good for you! That is a very difficult situation, but in the long run I think you and your DH will be happy that you made it clear you just want that time for you guys. I am sure that even if she is frustrated by your decision, that once LO is here and she gets to see him/her, that any frustration that was there will be gone pretty quickly! And if it isn't, so what. You guys are starting your own new little family, and that comes first.

    Good luck!

    Photobucket
  • Good luck!!

    There were a lot of things that I didn't stand up for myself about in my wedding. It's making it easier for me to realize that I NEED to speak up and be firm about things with LO. I'm not good at it, but it's so important.

    You can do it!!

  • image Dina Lynn (Jesse's Girl):

    Good luck!!

    There were a lot of things that I didn't stand up for myself about in my wedding. It's making it easier for me to realize that I NEED to speak up and be firm about things with LO. I'm not good at it, but it's so important.

    You can do it!!

    Me too.

    I swore after my wedding that I will NEVER not voice my opinion again, and I will NEVER compromise my own wishes.  This is your first birth, and you will only have one 'first', so make sure you do it without any regrets.  This is you and your husband's child and birthing experience, not your mother's.  She is the grandmother.  Tell her she can sit in the waiting room for as long as she pleases, but you and your husband plan on spending at a minimum, 3 hours alone with the three of you (that would be mom, dad, and baby- NOT grandmother, daughter and baby!). 

    Anyway, what would her argument be?  It's not her baby.

    Ugh...these controlling mothers and MIL's are SOOOO annoying to me!!

    Good luck to you... 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • In my classes at the hospital the nurses emphasized that they will gladly refuse entrance to anyone until you are ready for visitors...that they will explain to the friends/family that you are still recovering and not permitted to see anyone other that DH yet....  Maybe the nurses at your hospital would do the same?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I am not saying that what you are feeling is a bad thing but honestly, can you imagine your daughter saying something like that to you? I swear, ever since I can remember, my mom has wanted to see a baby being born. Granted, she did have 2 of her own, ( both by C-section) but I dont blame anyone for wanting to see this miracle of life happening right before their eyes! If your mom is just asking to be around and in the waiting room, I dont understand what the problem is. YOUR mother gave birth to you! She has raised you...fed you...kept a roof over your head...and even you are saying that she has done so much for you. I think that the least one could do is to come up with a compromise. I DO understand that you dont want to worry about what is going on "in the waiting room"... so dont. You will be plenty busy with everything that you have going on. I am allowing my mom in the delivery room with my husband and I (Some may think this is a bit much) but I can honestly say that if this is one little thing that I can do for my mother that not even money can buy that would mean the WORLD to her, then by all means, I want her to have this experience with her daughter. I am not a shy person and I know that this is definitely a personal choice and not everyone feels the same way, but I do ask that you take your moms feelings in consideration.
  • Can you make some sort of compromise with your mom?  I know she has to be really excited and just can't wait to meet LO, so could you let her come to the hospital but set the boundaries that she can't come in during pushing (or whatever you want to set as boundaries) and she has to wait until DH walks down the hall to get her? 

    My in laws waited in the waiting room for almost 12 hours to meet our first DD (they just realy wanted to be there - I didn't want guests inteh room while I labored and they just wanted to be "close").  They didn't come in until DH and I were ready for them to meet DD and DH walked down the hall to bring them in.

     Just get the nurses on board with you and they WON'T let her in....

     

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