I am really sorry to hear that your friend is struggeling to embrace your milestone (pregnant = yay!), and that it is causing you pain. Unfortunately, oftentimes during times of struggle, you can really get a sense for someone's character. There are not a lot of strong, selfless people out there, and it is too bad. It might be time to sever the ties with this friendship, and to stop trying to make it work; sometimes friendships just cannot sustain over time, and changes in each other's lives. On a positive note, CONGRATULATIONS!
I can imagine how painful it is to face losing your precious friend who has been by your side for so long. I know your friend is hurting beyond words and it kills you not to be able to fix her problems and to also not have your friend there to rejoice with you over your blessing. I can relate more to your friend who has had a terrible loss. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and a half now and I am pretty sure I had a miscarriage. I was 15 days late and they day my "period" came back very heavy I realized I wasn't pregnant, my husband and I had been praying, crying and holding our breath for 2 weeks hoping beyond hope for the possibility of a child. The same day I found out I was not pregnant, my sister in law announced her second pregnancy to me. I cannot put into words how that felt. I think if I had to describe that overwhelming moment it would be "panic attack". I am a personal who is incredibly in control of my emotions and actions around others. I can only think of about 2 times in my life that I lost control of my emotions. That moment I told her "oh that's wonderful, congratulations" and I hugged her. We were in home depot and I excused myself to the bathroom where I sat in a stall for 5 minutes crying harden then I can remember. This is so unlike me. But I tell you this to tell you that the sorrow that takes over for a women who cannot do the one thing that she feels his her right in life.....the feelings can be debilitating. They can make you act out in a way you never would have and they can cause you to think and feel things that you otherwise would find ridiculous.
It's always easy to try to imagine and paint the picture of a person based just on limited actions. You don't know but what she may be crying all the time and wanting to be happy for you and guilty she can't be which makes it harder to face you. You never know the story until you ask, I urge you to have a honest loving relationship with each other. She has been a friend for a long time, someone you know loves you. She is in a bad place right now, and while that doesn't excuse her actions, I know you love her and have compassion for her. Let others step in to be your cheerleader at the moment and PRAY for your friend, pray that she finds comfort and peace with the prospect that she may never conceive.
My sister in law is due the same week I thought I was going to be due, so seeing her belly all the time reminds me of what I lost. I put on a happy face but inside I just want to climb in bed and cry my heart out. Maybe your friend cannot bear being reminded what she lost and that is why she can't face you. Just talk to her, what do you have to lose?
I'm praying for your situation, and know that you are a friend that is hard to find. You are a strong women and you will be a wonderful Mom. Your friend will thank you for not writing her off one day, she will get through this, but you can't just write her off without an explanation.
Im so sorry you have to go through this. Sounds like a rough predicament for the both of you. I think its important for you to worry about your own health for the moment. GIve her some time to cope with her feelings. She seems to be really selfish right now, and not thinking rationally. It is also extremely important that you tell her how you feel, you seem like a very nice and caring person im sure you will do fine in not hurting her feelings. After you put everything out in the open im sure you will feel much better in knowing you did all you could. THat really sucks about the wedding, but if she intentionally went through all the trouble of rescheduling her own wedding to get away from you, it doesnt really seem like shes giving you much of a choice.
I would swear you were writing about a former friend of mine. She is a mother of three and had a miscarriage over two years ago. I was with her every step of the way and helped in every way I could. Well, we had a falling-out at some point - she's a power-hungry freak (but perhaps that is how she deals with her grief - being a b**** to everyone). At any rate, I found out this year that I am pregnant and there is a large age gap between this one and my youngest. She does not allow her children to speak to me or about me, has been unbelieveably rude to my child, glares at me whenever I'm around, and has told people that I shouldn't even be having a child due to my age. One of her children will speak to me when mama isn't around, but takes off as soon as her mama sees her talking to me. And she wonders why she alienates people... I say good riddance and don't let the door hit you on the way out, dearie. I do sincerely hope she finds whatever she is lacking.
If you want my honest opinion this is a one sided friendship.! Both of you need to be there for each other during "times of need" aka her miscarriage and now your pregnancy! If she was a true friend she would be excited and supportive of you no matter how bad her miscarriage was for her! You have been the Bigger person by being there for her even when she wasn't for you...but now it's time for you to give it a rest! It sounds to me by her moving the date up to a couple days before your due date she is slyly trying to push you away. I am sorry you are going through this though, that is rough! I am going through a similar situation, although not quite as bad. A friend-ish neighbor also went through a miscrriage a couple months before I found out I was pregnant and she had been trying for quite some time. When we announced the pregnncy to all our friends she kind of "backed away" I guess you could say she is avoiding me now......invites everyone of or group of gal pals to her house and to do things excluding me almost every time, that is unless it's a coed thing and she has to invite me because her husband and mine are close friends! Makes things a little weird, but I try to be understanding! I know it must be hard for women who have lost their babies, but it really no excuse to treat pregnant women with disrespect. Just try not to let it get to you too bad my dear, I'm sure there are plenty others that are super excited for you ) Heck, I am and I don't even know you! Wishing you the best of everything in your pregnancy!
Im so glad to hear that you talked to hermother and you are able to understand a little more on what your friend isgoing through. I can relate 100% to what you guys are going through. I suffereda miscarriage in april, and it has done alot to me emotionally. I was talkingto my friend (who recently had her first baby) about how I was still grieving,and I ended up blogging about it:Thedefinition of grief is: deep or intense sorrow or distress, especiallyat the death of someone.I think thisis a very real part of infertility and obviously miscarriage.I grew up myentire life dreaming about the day when I would be married and have a housefulof kids. I love kids, anyone who knows me can see that. I have been told foryears by SEVERAL different moms that I have nannied/babysat for that I had sucha talent with babies. I could calm the colicky babies, put kids down for a napsuccessfully, etc.. I was made to be a mom. When my hubs and Igot married, we had originally thought maybe we would wait two years after wegot married to start trying for a baby. Three months after we said our "Ido's" I was off of birth control and we were not trying not preventing. Itwasn't even a month or two after that that we decided to pursue actually havinga baby. In the meantime I have watched more friends that I can count on my twohands get pregnant and the majority have delivered beautiful babies. I am soinsanely happy for them, there is nothing more precious in this world than anewborn..not in my eyes anyways. This whole year has been such an emotionalroller coaster for me as I have lost not only a baby, but the thought that Imight actually be able to have kids biologically. After I had what is called achemical pregnancy which is a miscarriage before a heartbeat is established atthe doctors, it took me about a month to come to terms with it. I completelyavoided it, I barely shed a tear when I started bleeding. Not because I wasntshattered completely, but I told myself it was for a reason, and I should just"get over it"...and for a few weeks I was fine, completely suppressedany feelings I had. And then it hit me like a flood, June was a very VERY darkmonth for me. I had lost all hope. My body had failed me, and what I didntrealize is I was going through the steps of grief. May was denial, June wasAnger, I think July I went through the bargaining stage and am currently tryingdesperately to get through the depression stage to get to the acceptance. Now,to answer my friends question why I am grieving. I am grieving an intense loss.One where not only am I grieving the loss of my baby, but every month I grievethe loss of another chance, another "wasted" month, more wastedmoney, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. My body hasn't worked, andevery time it doesnt work, it just reminds me how much of a failure I really amat being a woman(now that may not be the case, but its how I feel). That is whyIm in grief. Im grieving not only a loss, but the idea of being a mommy. Sounds to me like this is probably how she isfeeling exactly right now. You sound like your an amazing friend, but even themost amazing friends I have had to take a break from. My BEST friend gotpregnant after we were diagnosed with infertility and it broke my heart but Iphysically couldnt be around her(I would instantly melt down, like shaking,sobbing, everything). I was just so broken hearted that I had to takeseveral months to myself. I just hate it when people think that those who dealwith infertility are snobbish bitches because we cant be around pregnant womenwith a smile on our face. I have been able to finally work through my feelingsand I am always around my friend these days with her kids. She understood myneed to not be around her for awhile, and as it may have hurt both of us. Ithink it was the best thing that was done to preserve our friendship. But Iwill say this I still have issues being around pregnant women, it takes memonths to be able to mentally process it once another friend gets pregnant.
That's a shame. As a mother, I could certainly feel her pain and fear of losing a child and being frustrated by not being pregnant again. I know with you being pregnant that you have that same fear. She however is being completely selfish. On the other hand, it seems like you are avoiding talking to her about it. You "beat around the bush" so to speak. If your friendship is as wonderful and as dear as you say it is/was the only choice to come right out and confront her. Don't text her....call her. You can write it beforehand to collect your thoughts, but don't be so impersonal as to just text back and forth. Words can be misunderstood. Maybe, she'll realize how severe she's been in punishing you when she has no reason to. Maybe, she won't care. If that's the case then at that time you should move on. If she's apologizes for her mistakes, then there is an opportunity for healing. Don't give up yet, but don't back down either. This is YOUR time. You can't put that much energy in something that isn't beneficial for you.
OMG! I'm SO Sorry!! I wish i could help.....That really is a horrible thing for her to do. I think you should talk to her about it. Tell her you realize it sucks that she lost a child, thats horrible, but she's being bratty and a horrible friend. I'm so so sorry you have to go through this....
That's truly heartbreaking Sorry you're going through this!! Like you said, you can't imagine what she's going through, but clearly she is not even TRYING to be considerate to you and your feelings either.
It seems like you've done all the right things. Maybe just give her the space that she apparently needs. In time, she will heal emotionally, and hopefully have a baby of her own. Maybe then she will realize that she was in the wrong and you can heal your friendship.
You should focus on yourself and your baby right now. This is such a special time in YOUR life! Wish her well, but try not to fight or stress about it. Sometimes people just suck and theres nothing you can do If it will make you feel better, write her a letter about how you're feeling. Even if you don't send it, or send it much later, it may make you feel better.
good luck!
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I'm sorry to hear about your friendship but Im going through the same thing as you now. My bff had an abortion two years ago even though she really wanted the baby. I'm due in 3 weeks but throughout my whole pregnancy she has avoided me and never calls. She didn't even offer to throw me a shower. These actions showed me her true colors and what kind of friend she is. A real friend would always be there and support you no matter what. I have another very good friend who had a miscarriage right before my pregnancy and she has been supportive of my pregnancy all the way. That is a true friend. You don't need to deal with that type of resentment especially during this time in your life. It's very spiteful of your friend to change her wedding date to avoid seeing you. You seem like a good friend who cares about your relationship. In return, she should feel the same. It really is her loss.
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. However, I do not think your friend was right in treating you the way she did. As someone who had difficulty getting preggo, I to struggled with not being envious of other women who got pregnant. In addition, shortly after me and my husband started to try, a very close friend of mine got pregnant. Rather than be upset and not happy for her, I relished in the fact that I would have a little fairy god child.
Regardless of my incapabilities, it would not have given me the right to burst anyone's bubbles. Yes, it probably would have been really hard to adjust and deal with the loss, but with a friend like you, I think I would have fared well, and continued to try... I know b/c my girlfriends, after my fertlity treatments (good and bad), were a saving grace...
You did nothing wrong, and for now focus on the gift growing inside of you, and hopefully your friend will come around... However, keep her ability to be very selfish in mind - as this may happen again.
though i think you?ve been a great friend! a better one than she has been for sure.
perhaps she should try to get some professional help if she is still so cut up that she cant support you in the way that she had always envisioned she would.
very sorry to hear though. and im sure that when she gets out of her hole she will feel horrible too.
Hope everything will work out sooner rather than later!! xx
Sorry to say, she is being completely irrational if she's angry at you about the pregnancy. I had a friend who did the same thing to me and I just had to let it go because it was going to cause more stress, anxiety, and depression for me.
Maybe in a year you can say "Hi" and leave it at that.
That sounds like a really hard situation to be in. Just know that none of what she is going through, and how she is acting, is your fault. It's something that happened to her, nothing that you *did* to her. She'll have to find that out on her own. I would suggest writing her an email explaining on how she's hurting you by acting the way she has been. The reason why I say an email instead of talking to her is that she'll have time to react and respond with the email rather than feeling defensive and like she needs to respond right away.
I hope you guys figure things out soon and that she realizes that she's going about things the wrong way.
I remember with my first pregnancy, I was really excited, also because a friend of mine from church was also pregnant but she was more far along and I was barely 2 months, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, and that hurt a lot, and it was very hard for me to still see her pregnant, but I decided that being bitter about it with her, and not trying to get over it would make me hurt more, so I was supportive with her, she was a single mother and short on money, even to make trips to the hospital, so I was there for her, I took her to the ER several times, and just seeing her pregnant made me feel very weird, but at the same time, helped me get over my grieving, when her baby girl was born, I was there, and I was very nostalgic about the whole situation, but I think that being happy for her and somehow being a part of her pregnancy helped me get over my loss....
Now I'm expecting again, and fears come and go but, its good to have healed my heart about that loss...
I hope your friend comes back with an apology for her behavior, she can be sad about her loss, but there is no reason for her to make YOU feel somehow responsible for her pain just because you are pregnant. After all, you are supposed to be friends....
I would have to say I agree with the fact that it may benefit her to speak to a counsellor. She obviously has some issues she needs to work on. It is not fair to you. You dont need the extra stress trying to deal with her issues and the pregnancy. Take care of yourself! I too have had E.R. visits due to dehydration/extreme nausea. It is not fun! I hope you and her can work things out later. ?Maybe talk to her and ask her to be INVOLVED in the baby's life? Such as being a Godparent? Maybe that will help her come around??
First of all, don't assume that she moved it just to spite you. This is her wedding after all and I'm sure she didn't even think of you when she picked the different date.
That said, you need to let her friendship go. She obviously has some issues and needs to work them out. If she was truly your friend then she would not be acting this way.
Now, I believe that you have something way more important to worry about. You need to focus on your unborn baby so that all stays well and also focus on the friends and family that you have around supporting you right now. (may it be facebook or in person).
You both have important days coming up in February. You should focus on yours and let her focus on hers.
Your pregnancy is not ruining your friendship, your supposed friend is. She's hurt and jealous. Understandable but what she is doing to you is unexceptable. My baby is 14 weeks old and my good friend just miscarried but even though it hurts to see babies and pregnant women she would never hold that against somebody. Your friend has a real problem and needs counseling for this overwhelming anger. She has crossed a line. She shouldnt be holding this against people anymore. Something is wrong there. You are too nice. You should talk to her and let her know how your feeling but it sounds like she ended this friendship a long time ago.
She's hurt, jealous, bitter and in such pain. From what you said about your conversation with her mom, she knows she is not treating you well and she will add feeling guilty, embarrassed and extremely sorry to her list some day. If you've been friends for such a long time, it's easier to treat "family" harder than acquaintances.
I can say this because I have been in your friend's shoes. Not only did I have multiple losses, but getting pregnant was difficult as well. Through fertility treatments and losses, I became a little bitter, depressed and sadder beyond belief. I worked with SOOO many pregnant women (in a year almost ALL the women of child baring age women or wives got pregnant in my department), I actually had to find a new job. I tried to put on a happy face, but every time I did, it killed a little piece inside me. Surprisingly, once they had their baby, it was easier for me to deal with. One thing that truly helped me get through all of it was taking a Mind/Body class and going to RESOLVE meetings.
Another point of view : even though you say you are being extra supportive, you might be saying things that can be perceived as insensitive in her eyes. One day she will realize that you weren't trying to be mean or hurt her, but right now any of the simplest/innocent statements can feel like a dagger to the heart. And coming from a best friend (as unintentional as it might be) it can feel like 100 daggers.
I suggest you send her an email, tell her you know she hurts and you hurt for her, tell her you love her, you are there for her and you are giving her some space. You will be there for her when she's ready and let her make the next move. Let her mom know what you are doing and when her daughter is in a better place to not let her guilt or shame take over and prevent her from coming back to you. In the meantime, check in on her through her mom so she knows you are sincere in keeping your long time friendship going in the future.
Time to reevaluate that relationship. Is this really the kind of person you want your child to grow up seeing/knowing, even if it just every once in a while?
I know I sound bitter but that is my opinion.
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Re: pregnancy ruining our friendship... Update!
I am really sorry to hear that your friend is struggeling to embrace your milestone (pregnant = yay!), and that it is causing you pain. Unfortunately, oftentimes during times of struggle, you can really get a sense for someone's character. There are not a lot of strong, selfless people out there, and it is too bad. It might be time to sever the ties with this friendship, and to stop trying to make it work; sometimes friendships just cannot sustain over time, and changes in each other's lives. On a positive note, CONGRATULATIONS!
<a href="https://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Trying to Conceive"><img src="https://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt9ffaa.aspx" alt=" BabyFetus Ticker" border="0" /></a>Hi Sweet Kelley,
I can imagine how painful it is to face losing your precious friend who has been by your side for so long. I know your friend is hurting beyond words and it kills you not to be able to fix her problems and to also not have your friend there to rejoice with you over your blessing. I can relate more to your friend who has had a terrible loss. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and a half now and I am pretty sure I had a miscarriage. I was 15 days late and they day my "period" came back very heavy I realized I wasn't pregnant, my husband and I had been praying, crying and holding our breath for 2 weeks hoping beyond hope for the possibility of a child. The same day I found out I was not pregnant, my sister in law announced her second pregnancy to me. I cannot put into words how that felt. I think if I had to describe that overwhelming moment it would be "panic attack". I am a personal who is incredibly in control of my emotions and actions around others. I can only think of about 2 times in my life that I lost control of my emotions. That moment I told her "oh that's wonderful, congratulations" and I hugged her. We were in home depot and I excused myself to the bathroom where I sat in a stall for 5 minutes crying harden then I can remember. This is so unlike me. But I tell you this to tell you that the sorrow that takes over for a women who cannot do the one thing that she feels his her right in life.....the feelings can be debilitating. They can make you act out in a way you never would have and they can cause you to think and feel things that you otherwise would find ridiculous.
It's always easy to try to imagine and paint the picture of a person based just on limited actions. You don't know but what she may be crying all the time and wanting to be happy for you and guilty she can't be which makes it harder to face you. You never know the story until you ask, I urge you to have a honest loving relationship with each other. She has been a friend for a long time, someone you know loves you. She is in a bad place right now, and while that doesn't excuse her actions, I know you love her and have compassion for her. Let others step in to be your cheerleader at the moment and PRAY for your friend, pray that she finds comfort and peace with the prospect that she may never conceive.
My sister in law is due the same week I thought I was going to be due, so seeing her belly all the time reminds me of what I lost. I put on a happy face but inside I just want to climb in bed and cry my heart out. Maybe your friend cannot bear being reminded what she lost and that is why she can't face you. Just talk to her, what do you have to lose?
I'm praying for your situation, and know that you are a friend that is hard to find. You are a strong women and you will be a wonderful Mom. Your friend will thank you for not writing her off one day, she will get through this, but you can't just write her off without an explanation.
Im so sorry you have to go through this. Sounds like a rough predicament for the both of you. I think its important for you to worry about your own health for the moment. GIve her some time to cope with her feelings. She seems to be really selfish right now, and not thinking rationally. It is also extremely important that you tell her how you feel, you seem like a very nice and caring person im sure you will do fine in not hurting her feelings. After you put everything out in the open im sure you will feel much better in knowing you did all you could. THat really sucks about the wedding, but if she intentionally went through all the trouble of rescheduling her own wedding to get away from you, it doesnt really seem like shes giving you much of a choice.
I would swear you were writing about a former friend of mine. She is a mother of three and had a miscarriage over two years ago. I was with her every step of the way and helped in every way I could. Well, we had a falling-out at some point - she's a power-hungry freak (but perhaps that is how she deals with her grief - being a b**** to everyone). At any rate, I found out this year that I am pregnant and there is a large age gap between this one and my youngest. She does not allow her children to speak to me or about me, has been unbelieveably rude to my child, glares at me whenever I'm around, and has told people that I shouldn't even be having a child due to my age. One of her children will speak to me when mama isn't around, but takes off as soon as her mama sees her talking to me. And she wonders why she alienates people... I say good riddance and don't let the door hit you on the way out, dearie. I do sincerely hope she finds whatever she is lacking.
Im so glad to hear that you talked to hermother and you are able to understand a little more on what your friend isgoing through. I can relate 100% to what you guys are going through. I suffereda miscarriage in april, and it has done alot to me emotionally. I was talkingto my friend (who recently had her first baby) about how I was still grieving,and I ended up blogging about it:Thedefinition of grief is: deep or intense sorrow or distress, especiallyat the death of someone.I think thisis a very real part of infertility and obviously miscarriage.I grew up myentire life dreaming about the day when I would be married and have a housefulof kids. I love kids, anyone who knows me can see that. I have been told foryears by SEVERAL different moms that I have nannied/babysat for that I had sucha talent with babies. I could calm the colicky babies, put kids down for a napsuccessfully, etc.. I was made to be a mom. When my hubs and Igot married, we had originally thought maybe we would wait two years after wegot married to start trying for a baby. Three months after we said our "Ido's" I was off of birth control and we were not trying not preventing. Itwasn't even a month or two after that that we decided to pursue actually havinga baby. In the meantime I have watched more friends that I can count on my twohands get pregnant and the majority have delivered beautiful babies. I am soinsanely happy for them, there is nothing more precious in this world than anewborn..not in my eyes anyways. This whole year has been such an emotionalroller coaster for me as I have lost not only a baby, but the thought that Imight actually be able to have kids biologically. After I had what is called achemical pregnancy which is a miscarriage before a heartbeat is established atthe doctors, it took me about a month to come to terms with it. I completelyavoided it, I barely shed a tear when I started bleeding. Not because I wasntshattered completely, but I told myself it was for a reason, and I should just"get over it"...and for a few weeks I was fine, completely suppressedany feelings I had. And then it hit me like a flood, June was a very VERY darkmonth for me. I had lost all hope. My body had failed me, and what I didntrealize is I was going through the steps of grief. May was denial, June wasAnger, I think July I went through the bargaining stage and am currently tryingdesperately to get through the depression stage to get to the acceptance. Now,to answer my friends question why I am grieving. I am grieving an intense loss.One where not only am I grieving the loss of my baby, but every month I grievethe loss of another chance, another "wasted" month, more wastedmoney, and what do I have to show for it? Nothing. My body hasn't worked, andevery time it doesnt work, it just reminds me how much of a failure I really amat being a woman(now that may not be the case, but its how I feel). That is whyIm in grief. Im grieving not only a loss, but the idea of being a mommy. Sounds to me like this is probably how she isfeeling exactly right now. You sound like your an amazing friend, but even themost amazing friends I have had to take a break from. My BEST friend gotpregnant after we were diagnosed with infertility and it broke my heart but Iphysically couldnt be around her(I would instantly melt down, like shaking,sobbing, everything). I was just so broken hearted that I had to takeseveral months to myself. I just hate it when people think that those who dealwith infertility are snobbish bitches because we cant be around pregnant womenwith a smile on our face. I have been able to finally work through my feelingsand I am always around my friend these days with her kids. She understood myneed to not be around her for awhile, and as it may have hurt both of us. Ithink it was the best thing that was done to preserve our friendship. But Iwill say this I still have issues being around pregnant women, it takes memonths to be able to mentally process it once another friend gets pregnant.
That's truly heartbreaking
Sorry you're going through this!! Like you said, you can't imagine what she's going through, but clearly she is not even TRYING to be considerate to you and your feelings either.
It seems like you've done all the right things. Maybe just give her the space that she apparently needs. In time, she will heal emotionally, and hopefully have a baby of her own. Maybe then she will realize that she was in the wrong and you can heal your friendship.
You should focus on yourself and your baby right now. This is such a special time in YOUR life! Wish her well, but try not to fight or stress about it. Sometimes people just suck and theres nothing you can do
If it will make you feel better, write her a letter about how you're feeling. Even if you don't send it, or send it much later, it may make you feel better.
good luck!
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. However, I do not think your friend was right in treating you the way she did. As someone who had difficulty getting preggo, I to struggled with not being envious of other women who got pregnant. In addition, shortly after me and my husband started to try, a very close friend of mine got pregnant. Rather than be upset and not happy for her, I relished in the fact that I would have a little fairy god child.
Regardless of my incapabilities, it would not have given me the right to burst anyone's bubbles. Yes, it probably would have been really hard to adjust and deal with the loss, but with a friend like you, I think I would have fared well, and continued to try... I know b/c my girlfriends, after my fertlity treatments (good and bad), were a saving grace...
You did nothing wrong, and for now focus on the gift growing inside of you, and hopefully your friend will come around... However, keep her ability to be very selfish in mind - as this may happen again.
Congrats on your little pending bundle of joy!
that sucks big time!
though i think you?ve been a great friend! a better one than she has been for sure.
perhaps she should try to get some professional help if she is still so cut up that she cant support you in the way that she had always envisioned she would.
very sorry to hear though. and im sure that when she gets out of her hole she will feel horrible too.
Hope everything will work out sooner rather than later!! xx
Sorry to say, she is being completely irrational if she's angry at you about the pregnancy. I had a friend who did the same thing to me and I just had to let it go because it was going to cause more stress, anxiety, and depression for me.
Maybe in a year you can say "Hi" and leave it at that.
That sounds like a really hard situation to be in. Just know that none of what she is going through, and how she is acting, is your fault. It's something that happened to her, nothing that you *did* to her. She'll have to find that out on her own. I would suggest writing her an email explaining on how she's hurting you by acting the way she has been. The reason why I say an email instead of talking to her is that she'll have time to react and respond with the email rather than feeling defensive and like she needs to respond right away.
I hope you guys figure things out soon and that she realizes that she's going about things the wrong way.
Everyone handles unfortunate events differently.
I remember with my first pregnancy, I was really excited, also because a friend of mine from church was also pregnant but she was more far along and I was barely 2 months, I lost my baby at 11 weeks, and that hurt a lot, and it was very hard for me to still see her pregnant, but I decided that being bitter about it with her, and not trying to get over it would make me hurt more, so I was supportive with her, she was a single mother and short on money, even to make trips to the hospital, so I was there for her, I took her to the ER several times, and just seeing her pregnant made me feel very weird, but at the same time, helped me get over my grieving, when her baby girl was born, I was there, and I was very nostalgic about the whole situation, but I think that being happy for her and somehow being a part of her pregnancy helped me get over my loss....
Now I'm expecting again, and fears come and go but, its good to have healed my heart about that loss...
I hope your friend comes back with an apology for her behavior, she can be sad about her loss, but there is no reason for her to make YOU feel somehow responsible for her pain just because you are pregnant. After all, you are supposed to be friends....
I would have to say I agree with the fact that it may benefit her to speak to a counsellor. She obviously has some issues she needs to work on. It is not fair to you. You dont need the extra stress trying to deal with her issues and the pregnancy. Take care of yourself! I too have had E.R. visits due to dehydration/extreme nausea. It is not fun! I hope you and her can work things out later. ?Maybe talk to her and ask her to be INVOLVED in the baby's life? Such as being a Godparent? Maybe that will help her come around??
First of all, don't assume that she moved it just to spite you. This is her wedding after all and I'm sure she didn't even think of you when she picked the different date.
That said, you need to let her friendship go. She obviously has some issues and needs to work them out. If she was truly your friend then she would not be acting this way.
Now, I believe that you have something way more important to worry about. You need to focus on your unborn baby so that all stays well and also focus on the friends and family that you have around supporting you right now. (may it be facebook or in person).
You both have important days coming up in February. You should focus on yours and let her focus on hers.
Good Luck
She's hurt, jealous, bitter and in such pain. From what you said about your conversation with her mom, she knows she is not treating you well and she will add feeling guilty, embarrassed and extremely sorry to her list some day. If you've been friends for such a long time, it's easier to treat "family" harder than acquaintances.
I can say this because I have been in your friend's shoes. Not only did I have multiple losses, but getting pregnant was difficult as well. Through fertility treatments and losses, I became a little bitter, depressed and sadder beyond belief. I worked with SOOO many pregnant women (in a year almost ALL the women of child baring age women or wives got pregnant in my department), I actually had to find a new job. I tried to put on a happy face, but every time I did, it killed a little piece inside me. Surprisingly, once they had their baby, it was easier for me to deal with. One thing that truly helped me get through all of it was taking a Mind/Body class and going to RESOLVE meetings.
Another point of view : even though you say you are being extra supportive, you might be saying things that can be perceived as insensitive in her eyes. One day she will realize that you weren't trying to be mean or hurt her, but right now any of the simplest/innocent statements can feel like a dagger to the heart. And coming from a best friend (as unintentional as it might be) it can feel like 100 daggers.
I suggest you send her an email, tell her you know she hurts and you hurt for her, tell her you love her, you are there for her and you are giving her some space. You will be there for her when she's ready and let her make the next move. Let her mom know what you are doing and when her daughter is in a better place to not let her guilt or shame take over and prevent her from coming back to you. In the meantime, check in on her through her mom so she knows you are sincere in keeping your long time friendship going in the future.
A resource that might help you cope with her loss and pain and possibly see things through her eyes. https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html
Please be patient with your friend, she does need you and you two will reunite again one day.
Time to reevaluate that relationship. Is this really the kind of person you want your child to grow up seeing/knowing, even if it just every once in a while?
I know I sound bitter but that is my opinion.