ooo. yay! I came back at the right time.. my MIL gave me a WTF moment this weekend right before my DH and I were going to the movies for the first time since LO was born. She gave me this long winded text about how I should sell my house to come back to VT and buy her mother's h#$%hole. Her mother passed away 2 1/2 years ago. This place, I kid you not has black mold, has cockroaches, septic system failure, foundation and roof problems and MIL and Aunt-in-law are hoarders, so just imagine what this dump has to be. (it should be condemned). She also said that she can't ask her niece or nephew to take it, cause THEY have houses (WTF!) and DH's siblings have no interest in it. (I wonder why) I told DH that I can't reply to that amount of crazy and that he needs to talk to his mom. So he responds that we will not be selling our house and moving back to VT because that house is infested. She replies "but you have connections in the family to help with the house and you won't have to pay for daycare.."
Problems with that thought process:
I have a very specific job skill that is not available in Southern VT and I have student debt so I cannot not work
My husband and I love our family but from a distance (we live in Idaho) and she wants her whole family 5 minutes away so she can pop in
If the family has connections, why hasn't she used them?
She works 2 jobs so who is expected to watch my child, the only person who doesn't have a full time job in that family is DH's older sister who plops her own child in front of the tv for at least 12-13 hrs straight when he isn't in school (so that's SO not happening)
This house needs to be bulldozed and she wants it for "sentimental reasons"-basically we are hoarding a house.
So my MIL triggered my asthma the other day. I was SO angry not because of me but because of the reason. Come to find out she used her towels to wrap LO up while she was sleeping the other day while she was babysitting for a couple hours. LO came home smelling SO strong and it triggered my breathing problems. I can't imagine what would have happened if LO had a reaction to it! DH chewed her out. There was absolutely no reason to use their towels covered in strong fabric softener, we alway bring plenty of baby things when we take her there. She had receiving blankets and two fuzzy baby blankets, why in the world would someone think it's ok to do that!?!
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
@celticlor I'm sorry for your mil situation but have to admit your post cracked me up! I think I'm going to borrow the "hoarding a house" line in a different scenario. I am so tired of hearing people say, "it would be such a shame to not keep that house in the family..." about some huge house that no one can afford to maintain!
@celticlor I'm sorry for your mil situation but have to admit your post cracked me up! I think I'm going to borrow the "hoarding a house" line in a different scenario. I am so tired of hearing people say, "it would be such a shame to not keep that house in the family..." about some huge house that no one can afford to maintain!
My husband's family is kind of like that with stuff. If no one wants it, then no one wants it and it's time to part ways with it...
So my MIL triggered my asthma the other day. I was SO angry not because of me but because of the reason. Come to find out she used her towels to wrap LO up while she was sleeping the other day while she was babysitting for a couple hours. LO came home smelling SO strong and it triggered my breathing problems. I can't imagine what would have happened if LO had a reaction to it! DH chewed her out. There was absolutely no reason to use their towels covered in strong fabric softener, we alway bring plenty of baby things when we take her there. She had receiving blankets and two fuzzy baby blankets, why in the world would someone think it's ok to do that!?!
So there's a perk to all my kids having eczema my mom and MIL have to be careful of fabric softener and detergent otherwise the kids breakout.
We've invited my parents and my in-laws to come visit in June for Damien's first birthday. My husband's parents have a wedding to attend the following weekend for one of my husband's cousins. He isn't close to his family on that side and we haven't received an invitation. We're okay with that and didn't expect one anyway. No ill will at all. Well my MiL keeps bringing up the wedding and wants to know if we are going, "We can make sleeping accommodations." We've repeatedly told her that we did not receive an invite so no, we aren't going. Her response is, "Oh you don't need an invitation! You're family!" Ummm that's not how weddings work and I'm pretty sure the bride and groom would be highly annoyed if the three of us just showed up. It's to the point where I wouldn't be surprised if she was bothering the cousin about sending us an invite. I really hope it doesn't come to that and she just accepts that we weren't invited and not make a big deal over it.
Ahh update to original post. So this morning I texted MIL and offered a specific day for them to come to my parents house in Florida to visit. It is after my SO gets there but before my sister and her family who I haven't seen in six months get there (so I would like to focus on hanging out with her and let them hang out with the baby they never see instead of having her hog the baby and have to entertain them and make them feel welcome and involved...which will be forced). So I thought it was nice of me to offer a day and if it didn't work she would (like any normal person) just accept that it doesn't work and be like oh well we live in the same city we will see you when we get back.Nope. She wrote back and asked if she can come after that. I really don't want to commit to a day after that since I want to be free for day trips and fun stuff with my family..what do I tell her? She is relentless and can't take a hint. So frustrating
Ahh update to original post. So this morning I texted MIL and offered a specific day for them to come to my parents house in Florida to visit. It is after my SO gets there but before my sister and her family who I haven't seen in six months get there (so I would like to focus on hanging out with her and let them hang out with the baby they never see instead of having her hog the baby and have to entertain them and make them feel welcome and involved...which will be forced). So I thought it was nice of me to offer a day and if it didn't work she would (like any normal person) just accept that it doesn't work and be like oh well we live in the same city we will see you when we get back.Nope. She wrote back and asked if she can come after that. I really don't want to commit to a day after that since I want to be free for day trips and fun stuff with my family..what do I tell her? She is relentless and can't take a hint. So frustrating
If I were in her shoes, I would let her know that you can't give her a specific date just yet since your family's plans may change once your sister and her family arrive. Maybe add something like, "I would hate to set a date and have to cancel last minute and inconvenience you because the family has made plans." I hope it all works out, I know the last thing you want to be stressing about before vacation is your MiL.
Ahh update to original post. So this morning I texted MIL and offered a specific day for them to come to my parents house in Florida to visit. It is after my SO gets there but before my sister and her family who I haven't seen in six months get there (so I would like to focus on hanging out with her and let them hang out with the baby they never see instead of having her hog the baby and have to entertain them and make them feel welcome and involved...which will be forced). So I thought it was nice of me to offer a day and if it didn't work she would (like any normal person) just accept that it doesn't work and be like oh well we live in the same city we will see you when we get back.Nope. She wrote back and asked if she can come after that. I really don't want to commit to a day after that since I want to be free for day trips and fun stuff with my family..what do I tell her? She is relentless and can't take a hint. So frustrating
If it was me, I would just go the blunt route if I have tried to be nice about it already. I have to use this tactic a lot with my step mom on my relationship with my crazy half-sister. I do not want her in my house and do not want to be forced, guilted, or acted passive aggressively upon to see her, so I just have to be blunt and lay out my reasons. I feel bad, but I have made my decision and it is the right one for me and my family.
I just figure we are all adults, so we should communicate as such. On the other hand, you do have to prepare for the potential fallout from going that route. Good luck!
I think what you just said is a perfect response. "Im so sorry that day doesn't work for you! We're all booked for the rest of the trip (day trips, quality time with my sister). Let's schedule a time when we get back!"
I think what you just said is a perfect response. "Im so sorry that day doesn't work for you! We're all booked for the rest of the trip (day trips, quality time with my sister). Let's schedule a time when we get back!"
I think what you just said is a perfect response. "Im so sorry that day doesn't work for you! We're all booked for the rest of the trip (day trips, quality time with my sister). Let's schedule a time when we get back!"
Thanks guys! I did pretty much say that but then cave and offer another day though...need to be less of a pushover haha. I think she's angry she has to come a specific day haha ugh
Re: new baby mil rants
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
I just figure we are all adults, so we should communicate as such. On the other hand, you do have to prepare for the potential fallout from going that route. Good luck!