hormonal or justified?

Lark425

I either need a reality check or a hug. It's 3am here and I can't sleep. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and spent the day at home with my 15 month old. I deep cleaned the bathroom and worked on cleaning other parts of the house in between playing and caring for ds, then I made a chicken pot pie from scratch for dinner. My husband comes home from work, he showers and plays a little with ds while the meal is cooking. But that's all. The rest of the night he is sitting on the couch watching tv and playing on his phone. Then later this evening after we are all fed and I've put ds to bed, he texts me from the couch that he was looking at pics of me from 2013 and telling me how hot I was. Okay. That was before kids. I was also at least 50 pounds thinner and had time to myself to shower and put makeup on and wear nice clothes. Thanks? So here I am at 3 in the morning in bed and he's still on the couch and I feel like I am fat and unloved and actually lonely. Basically super emotional and vulnerable. I work part time, take care of the finances, do all the cooking, planning, cleaning, and laundry and he works full time, sits on the couch, eats the food I cook, wears the clothes I wash and buy for him, basically he takes what he wants. I just feel like it's unfair. I don't know, maybe it's hormones. I miss my old body too. I miss my youth. I miss feeling like my husband loves me.

bbiutmcph

Lark425 said:

I either need a reality check or a hug. It's 3am here and I can't sleep. I'm 21 weeks pregnant and spent the day at home with my 15 month old. I deep cleaned the bathroom and worked on cleaning other parts of the house in between playing and caring for ds, then I made a chicken pot pie from scratch for dinner. My husband comes home from work, he showers and plays a little with ds while the meal is cooking. But that's all. The rest of the night he is sitting on the couch watching tv and playing on his phone. Then later this evening after we are all fed and I've put ds to bed, he texts me from the couch that he was looking at pics of me from 2013 and telling me how hot I was. Okay. That was before kids. I was also at least 50 pounds thinner and had time to myself to shower and put makeup on and wear nice clothes. Thanks? So here I am at 3 in the morning in bed and he's still on the couch and I feel like I am fat and unloved and actually lonely. Basically super emotional and vulnerable. I work part time, take care of the finances, do all the cooking, planning, cleaning, and laundry and he works full time, sits on the couch, eats the food I cook, wears the clothes I wash and buy for him, basically he takes what he wants. I just feel like it's unfair. I don't know, maybe it's hormones. I miss my old body too. I miss my youth. I miss feeling like my husband loves me.

I think you just need to talk to him about a lot of things.

He didn't say "wow look how hot you were and now you aren't."  You likely are taking your current personal insecurities and reading into what he said which was a compliment on some pictures he was looking at.

 It sounds like you have a lot of build up anger with him right now and it's going to keep getting worse if you don't talk. Have you mentioned you are feeling overwhelmed, over tired, overworked and insecure with your looks? No one is a mind reader and honestly he might have zero idea you feel this way. You have all these feelings but if you don't express them he won't know.

Be honest, communicate with him and work towards fixing it. 

Lark425

Thank you. I know you're right. 

nanner26

I think @bbiutmcph gave great advice. I don't have much more to add other than it does sound like communicating to him how you're feeling would definitely benefit the situation. There have been times when I felt like DH should know exactly how I'm feeling because I feel like it's so obvious and then after I eventually end up blowing up, he had no idea I was feeling the way I was. If I had been more upfront it probably could have ended right there instead of me dwelling on it and making it worse. Some things just go right over their heads honestly.
It sounds like things have been building up and hopefully if you sit down with him and explain how you are feeling, he'll be receptive. You can tell him that you need more from him right now and honestly need him to step up. It can be an overwhelming time right now, don't be too hard on yourself. Good luck!