Am I stealing this name?!

Whitmore1027

So. At Christmas, we were discussing baby stuff with a couple family members (that's the day we announced it to my hubby's family). We were kind of talking about names for fun. Hubby's cousin said he had this named picked out for a boy, and he told us. And right away hubby and I were like..."holy cow we like that name". And ever since then we were just like...this name would be perfect...it sounds so right! Hubby's cousin is young, he is in college, not in any serious relationships and isn't really planning on having kids anytime soon (he said). Would it be considered stealing his baby name if my hubby and I took it. Like...I would NEVER steal a name if he was expecting soon, or even trying to have a baby with someone. But also, he may decide in the future he doesn't like the name. Would we be horrible people if we chose it for our baby?!   (this is just hypothetical because we don't know the gender yet and it may not even matter if we have a girl!) Thanks for input!

Jenniferk08

When I was pregnant with my son but team green there wasn't any names I had to have other than if it was a boy he would be named after my husband. He was and is.
My sister told me names she loved and wanted to use some day (still in college, not engaged etc). To me those are off the table because she did think of those first and they weren't something I had considered beforehand. I'm pregnant with #2 and those same names are still off the table. 

jacmkelley

Ok, well now I just want to know the name!!! Lol I think if you do use it you should tell the cousin. Just say hey don't hate us buuuuut we are using that name you mentioned before! 

lalalorelai

I personally don't think anyone "owns" a name until they've actually named a child that. Obviously, he may change his mind in the future or otherwise never end up using the name. I also think cousins are far enough apart that it's not that weird to have the same name (we're considering names that my cousin's have already used for their kids). 

But I do have to say it's kinda a dick move to get an idea from someone else's dream name and use it. It would be one thing if you already liked it and just found out that H's cousin wanted to eventually use it. But he's the one who outright gave you the name. I'd feel too bad wanting to use it. 

What's the name? Maybe we can help you brainstorm names with similar feels. 

Bubblegum5586

I want to know the name too. H and I don't have any boy names and need help!

As far as your situation, it is hard to answer without knowing your cousin. Some people that would be a huge no no but others may not care. My cousin told me about 2 years ago if they have another girl she wanted to name her after our great grandmother. I instantly loved it! At that time having children was so off the radar I didn't think much of it, but now it has crossed my mind. My mom said I should take it if I want it, as she is still not pg with a 2nd and may not even have a 2nd. But honestly, if it was the other way around I would be upset. So no way I am doing that to her.

Whitmore1027

We told him right away "You shouldn't have said the name you like when we are trying to decide on a name and it could get taken!" He just laughed. I honestly doubt that he would seriously care. But I also don't want to be a bad person.

@lalalorelai I got confused because at first you were all "nobody owns names until they actually name the child" and then went BAM "dick move to take the name". So I totally don't know what your true feelings are on the subject. But I can see how it could be conflicting (as you can tell...that's kind of why I was asking opinions in the first place...haha!)

I wasn't really going to say the name...but oh well. Name is Oliver. Of course his cousin LOVES it from the show Arrow. I just love it because I think it's adorable to go with my grandfather's name that we are using for the middle name (yeah...we have middle name picked out, just trying for a boy name to go with it.)

I will say too...we have other boy names picked that we like. It's totally NOT the end of the world to not use Oliver. But it sounds so good with my grandpa's name which is why we loved it the most.

Jenniferk08

What's your grandfather's name. Maybe we can help think of something else. 

lalalorelai

My response was that you wouldn't be stealing the name because he doesn't "own" it, so if you had come up with it on your own it would be totally fine. But because he told you and you didn't come up with it on your own, you should drop it. That's just my opinion and what I would do. It doesn't matter that he should have kept his mouth shut. He's obviously close enough with you guys that you were talking names with him over the holidays so I think it's too close for you to use the same name. 

Oliver is an adorable name but it's way too popular right now for my taste. Have you considered Oscar, Isaac, Sebastian, Silas, Simon? I think these have a similar traditional feel as Oliver. 

Pepper6

To me, it depends on the name and how close you are to the cousin. If it was a really unique name, then it might be a little odd, but Oliver is pretty trendy lately, so it's not like you 'took' it from them. Also, cousins (which mean the kids would be 2nd cousins) is far enough removed that it shouldn't be a huge deal. Unless you are super close with this cousin and see them all the time, or the kids would be close in age, then I probably wouldn't worry about it. 

lalalorelai

Another thing to consider: would YOU mind if you used the name and H's cousin also used it in the future?

tmk0325

I think you should just straight up ask the cousin if it would be ok if you used it. Then you have your answer!

Whitmore1027

Thanks for clarifiying @lalalorelai!! Those are very valid points. And actually...I feel like I wouldn't care if we both had Olivers. That's what nicknames are for. Haha.

Grandpa's name is Henry. I was worried to say that in case someone was like.. "Oliver Henry doesn't sound good together" but hubby and I think it goes really well together with our last name.

Our family is super important to us and we always have big family gatherings, but this particular cousin has NOTHING in common with hubby and I, so we don't exactly ever get together unless it's a full family gathering.

lalalorelai

Eh, so use it. As I said, I don't think there's a problem with cousins using the same name for their kids, I think the problem is because you didn't come up with it on your own. That reason alone would make me uncomfortable using it. If you do decide to go with it, I agree with @tmk0325 that you should talk with your cousin about this. 

Also, is Oliver Henry (or maybe Henry Oliver??) someone famous? I swear I've heard that name before and it's ringing bells from back in 10th grade history class but I could be totally wrong. 

Whitmore1027

@lalalorelai I am not sure if it's someone famous. I haven't heard of anyone with that name. I felt it was unique together. (I HAVE thought of Henry Oliver, but I don't think DH is completely sold on Henry being the first name. Although it may change!). I know I loved the name Oliver from when I was a kid from Oliver and Company (the cuuute kitty animation!). I remember loooving that name, but I honestly forgot about it and once cousin said it I was like ohh yeah! I do love that name! Haha. I DO agree. It would make me feel better to ask the cousin what his thoughts our if we decided on that name.

What will be funny...is going through all this and find out we have a girl..haha! We have no girl names picked out together (some I like that he doesn't, some he likes that I don't). I'll be sooo happy with either I definitely can't wait until we do find out!

Mrsrundell

Hmm I think you should use it and maybe someday your cousin decides to use it too but, by then his kid would be in a totally different age bracket and its no biggie.  

so when my SIL had her bachelorette party years ago, everyone was talking about their favorite baby names and her bestie said oh I'm gonna use blah blah if I ever have a boy and everyone is like ooooh so cute Yada yada .. Well fast forward 4 years later and my SIL gets PG before her BFF and what do you know uses the name! Then the BFF gets PG when the baby is less than a year old and still used the name!! Lol  - they are still besties and I don't think either one had hard feelings about it but people that dont know the story think the BFF stole the name from SIL and she never corrects them haha 

ThisisNumber3

I think you are totally ok to use the name.

1) you can't "call dibs" on a name
2) its not like he's going to have a baby soon. 
3) its your DH's cousin, so what if he uses the name in the future. 

If you ask "permission" you will get stuck in a really hard place if he says no.  I think you just use the name and later tell him you love his taste and it was a name you have loved forever as well and it fits for your son.  Tell him if he wants to use it in the future you would be happy for your sons to have a special bond. 

Whitmore1027

@Mrsrundell Haha! I think it's great that they weren't mad at each other! They really handle it super mature. My bestie and I have talked about names, but we haven't really liked the ones we each pick. I mean, they are good names, but just not for the other person. But it would definitely not ruin our friendship over that.

Kristin712

I think because the name is Oliver, you are 100% in the clear to use it. It's so popular now that it's not like an obscure name that you wouldn't have encountered on your own.

Additionally, given his age and stage in life, it will likely be a long time before he has a son of his own (if ever even does have a boy...or children). He would have to get his significant other on board, too. After all this, he may not ever end up using it!

Whitmore1027

@ThisisNumber3 Those are very great points!! Makes me feel better about if we do decide on Oliver. I see your point on "asking permission" from cousin. I really don't know what he would say. I feel like he wouldn't care, but you never know with these things!

cbpalagi

When my sister was pregnant a few years ago I made the mistake of telling her a baby name that me and my husband had had picked out for years. She almost used it, and I was really upset. 

presh116

I have had my names picked out ever since I could remember. I always liked the name Issiah and I told my cousin. His girlfriend stole it and named their son Issiah. I was not pregnant just got out of a horrible relationship but it was still the name I wanted and they stole it. I got pregnant two years later with a boy had to find another name. Then hile being pregnant with my second son I shared his name on facebook. My hubbys cousin who was two months a head of us stole the name and a good friend on my family side stole the name for her son. We still named him Josiah.
We are now pregnant with our third and before we knew the sex we said if its a boy joaquin. Well my hubbys sister stole our name wth we have such bad luck. Well we are having a girl and I've learned my lesson I'm not sharing until her birth announcement

greendogs1993

I would suggest you don't use it. My sister stole my name that I loved since I was a child. Since I've been personally burned maybe I'm a little more sensitive. My mom also stole my uncle's name when my brother was born. This is why we just keep names quiet, no one can accidentally take the name.

Abcd7890

I really don't see a problem with you using it since they wouldn't even be first cousins. My H has a first cousin with the same exact name and other first cousins that are both named Jesus. Everyone goes by nicknames in his family so maybe thats why no one seems to care.

 My first cousin's wife and I are both due with the first great grand child the same week. I've decided that I really don't care if we both end up using my grandpa's name. If it's a boy it would be a middle name for us. Even if they use it first I'll still use it without telling them first. No one owns a name and its all in tribute to a wonderful man anyway.

PinkLady2015

Ask your cousin if it's cool to use... if he says no, you have your answer and you can pick another name. If he says yea go for it, then all is well. I'm just thinking that most guys I know don't have names they definitely want to use and this may have special meaning for him. It wasn't like he said "oh I like this name" it was "I'm set on using this name for my future son."

Other name options: Benjamin, Samuel, Elliot, Lucas, Sawyer, Tobias, Theodore, Jacob, Noah, Everett, Evander, Harrison, Oscar, Wesley, Logan, Elijah, James, Finn, Beau, Noel, Carter, Preston, Maxwell, Gideon, Ethan, Colton

sdavis2189

I agree with @tmk0325, just ask him! Then you'll know how he feels. If he minds, you won't use and won't regret not using it. If he doesn't mind, you can use it guilt free!

shelbiboston

Mine and DH's best friends told us their boy name and they aren't even sure they will ever have a kid. We fell in love with the first name but there is no way we would ever use it strictly out of respect. It's funny you say Henry, because it was their middle name they picked out. Thankfully we are having a girl so we get to use the name we had picked out years ago. But if it would have been a boy we had a name in mind we liked, too. I would ask him, just out of respect. If he didn't seem too serious about it, he probably wouldn't mind at all.

PineappleMD

I also have a name situation, just a little different...

I was super close to my grandma, and from the day she died I said I was going to name my first daughter after her.  My cousins got pregnant shortly after that and were considering her name also - but my aunt told them they "weren't allowed" because I had already called dibs!  (Mind you, I was young, in college, no babies any time soon).  So they picked another name (I'm sure there were other factors, but I'm told that played into it).

Fast forward 5 years, I'm now pregnant, but my husband is not a fan of the name... I still love it, and I almost feel like I have an obligation to use it since they switched names just because of me!  If I don't use it, would they be offended??   Would you be, in a similar situation?

Duffgurl

Did anyone else think of the Sex and the city episode when Charlottes baby name was stolen?

stillcozy

*lurking from July* 
This happened to me my cousin was pregnant two years ago and due with a girl and there was a just a general name I shared how I loved a certain name and hoped I could use it she never even said much about it. Well low and behold a few months later her little girl is born and given the name I loved.

at the time I had just finished undergrad and had just recently started to see somehow but it was not all serious at the time. 

But now I am married to that same guy and we are due with a little girl. It still rubs me the wrong way and while I would never make a scene about it was hurtful to have a name I cared about now out of reach because there was a multiple similar baby names in our family growing up and it was just too confusing.

just because he is young don't knock his feelings about it. 

PinkLady2015

PineappleMD said:

I also have a name situation, just a little different...

I was super close to my grandma, and from the day she died I said I was going to name my first daughter after her.  My cousins got pregnant shortly after that and were considering her name also - but my aunt told them they "weren't allowed" because I had already called dibs!  (Mind you, I was young, in college, no babies any time soon).  So they picked another name (I'm sure there were other factors, but I'm told that played into it).

Fast forward 5 years, I'm now pregnant, but my husband is not a fan of the name... I still love it, and I almost feel like I have an obligation to use it since they switched names just because of me!  If I don't use it, would they be offended??   Would you be, in a similar situation?

What's the name?
Use it as a middle name or use a derivative 

and after 5 years, I prob wouldn't even remember

tinkerbell11210

My husband and I had our girl name taken by my aunt. Granted it was 6 years before we were pregnant, with our DD, but still it really pissed off my husband ( he had the name picked out for years).  We couldn't use the same name for our daughter. (My parents ended up being my new cousins god parents) needless to say after that incident we never shared our names agian. 

FYI - we were seniors in college at the time that this happened. Just some perspective from the other side. 

gadzooks_3

I suspect that if you have to ask this question you know the answer. The real question is if (or how) you are OK with it.

Whitmore1027

Thanks for all the stories and ideas everyone!! It definitely helps us to decide!

bearsandbeets7

A girl I went to high school with, her sister just had a little girl and named her Anna Kate. I love that name! The chances that I would actually ever run into this person in real life are slim to none but I would still feel weird about naming our new baby(if it's a girl) that. 
I probably wouldn't take the name from your family member. It's not very common for men to have a name picked out for their future child so it must hold some meaning to him. There's a ton of names out there!

whitney812

Just ask him! If he says go for it, then you don't have to feel bad. I would be annoyed if I had told someone in my family a name I would like to use in the future, then they decide to use it.