Is it just me or are other boards super snarky?

niknak1208

Yikes! I hardly ever post on other boards but if I'm bored sometimes I'll lurk and occasionally I'll reply to someone's post.  But every time I read through responses.. I am absolutely stunned at the rudeness and the snarky attitudes! I mean really.. we're all a bunch of women here (for the most part).. either TTC.. or pregnant.. or parenting.. whatever it is. Whatever happened to if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all??  I would never act the way some of these women act.  Am I crazy or am I just lurking on the wrong boards? 

marijaa333

Most people on my birth month board are nice but a few I individuals seem to really relish the opportunity to get snarky, as you say. I figure it's the Internet... You're bound to come across all kinds of people from all walks of life/sub-cultures and with all kinds of personalities.

I do think the TTC>35 and P>35 seem to have especially lovely and supportive regulars, but I could be biased.

mandyreads

They are!! Outright beotchy.
I almost left The Bump bc of the ppl on my BMB.
I sometimes go over to 3rd trimester but start getting hives and all sweaty reading comments left by others.
I know some of the questions are absolutely stupid...bbut don't answeror comment. Just move on. Right?

niknak1208

I think so too!! I mean Geez some of them are really really mean! I commented on a post today.. Didn't say anything offensive at all and immediately two people were quoting me and being super snotty. I was stunned!

samantha716

I have been a victim of some snarky ladies in my birth month.

Guennie

We've had this discussion on parenting35 and all agree the 35 boards are thankfully drama free. I do think it's largely a generational thing and people just don't talk to each other respectfully anymore. It makes me sad. I always try very hard to be respectful, even if you can't see my face.

supersarah77

Agree, it does seem to be an under 35 phenomenon. I just roll my eyes and scroll past. That sort of behavior doesn't deserve a second of my attention or mind space. I'm thankful for the drama-free zones on the >35 boards.

mum2lanabelliz

Agreed! I don't post on any of the other boards for that reason. This is all hard enough without strangers on the internet being jack rabbits for the sake of being mean spirited.

LaurBean

Wow - I didn't notice this so much, but I am sad to hear about it. So here I am to post a big congrats to all the ladies - this moment for us is too magical to get troubled by anything mean - spirited.

deladie

I haven't spent a lot of time on the other boards.  I perused a few and landed here, which is just right.  Lot's of ladies sharing real experiences and going through similar things.  I like it here.  Ironically when I first set up a bump account (already had one on the knot) I read the FAQs.  There were A LOT of people questioning how to delete their accounts due to bullying and mean spirited comments.  So maybe if I wind up on bed rest I will see more of the other boards but I haven't experienced any bad energy discussions yet. 

jerseygirl227

This board is my favorite part of the bump.  I, too, have seen some of the snarky and rude posts on the other boards.  I figured that here we are a little older and a lot less judgemental.  I like it like that.  

samantha716

I love you ladies:)

Sharon&Paul

I have been around the bump for about 7 years. It was really not until this pregnancy that I noticed the tone had changed. On the birth month boards there seems to be a lot of people seeking control and trying to be so called leaders. They seem to feed off of each others rude comments. It kind of reminds me of bullying in HS. I do think age an maturity do play into it. I really just skim through it and bypass the rude comments. I try to offer advise where it is asked even if they have already gone off with their rude comments. I am at a stage in life that I really don't have an interest or even the time to join in or argue with them. I just wish the boards felt more welcoming to more people. I feel they chance a lot of innocent people away.

niknak1208

I love this board too!  I've been on the bump for about 7-8 years. I started when I was TTC for my son in 2006-2007! Wow.. time flies.  The TTC boards were never rude like that.  I was board of TTC, infertility, pregnancy loss etc.  

In fact, on the TTC board that I was on most of the time..  someone decided it would be cool to 'match' people up with each other.. close in age.. same diagnosis.. TTC for same amount of time kind of thing.. and that person was like your TTC partner.  I actually developed quite a friendship with her and her and I still talk and it's been years!  She lives in another state and we still send cards and text each other. 

It just makes me sad because there's such an opportunity for support and resource and it's just wasted when people act like that.  There's just no need for it.  I feel the same way about people that post fake posts and make up things for reactions.  

topaz7777

This board is absolutely more supportive and a great deal less drama.  If I ever want to feel like I'm watching a reality show train wreck to waste some time I might read the stuff on my BMB but otherwise I don't participate.  It's just not fun.

MCH77

This is my 6th pg so I've spent sometime on several BMB, TTCAL, PgAL, etc. I feel like the tone has changed over the years too. You can't just post a question or a thought. No you have to do it under the correct area (example symptom thread or name thread). And everyone seems so cranky.

I'm still active on my BMB, but I feel less connected. Plus I feel like it moves slower due to the lack of posts.

Maybe I'm just old.

Radiantly

I agree but my BMb (aug 2015) seems to be really good! Just lucky? I was in TTC>35 and TTTC which were both good but you can always count on the over 35ers to be more ... Mature.

mindaa

Yep, I may lurk but don't really comment much beyond the safety of the 35+ boards. (and formerly 3T, which is also great)

Fortunately my BMB is also nice, for the most part, but has also helped me understand better where some of the snark is coming from. The bigger, more active boards tend to get a lot of newcomers who bypass all the carefully crafted intros, FAQs, etc and, without taking the time to get to know the dynamics of the community, just jump in start cluttering up the board. It shows disrespect, which, understandably, can be frustrating to the "regulars".

I've also gotten better at just leaving or ignoring the "drama" posts without letting it get to me like it used to. 

ewenner

Agreed!  This is why I only post on the >35 boards.  Everyone is so helpful and respectful and supportive on the >35 boards.  I do think it's an age/maturity thing.  Kids these days, right?!?!  

Samuelismomma

I just hope you all join me on parenting after 35.. Don't want to lose you ladies!

anonymousmotley

Luckily I found the pg>35 board because I was getting annoyed very early on with the immaturity of the Feb15 board.  Even the 'moderator' was a bitch.  I haven't been to the board since my 1st trimester because I'm the type of person that won't stand for bullying and will defend people that are being bullied.  I can be a real bitch too...but for the greater good!  So, I had to just stay away from it because I can't be wasting my energy on that sort of bullying.  

There are some really lovely ladies on this board!!  I LOVE it and will move over to the >35 parenting board after delivery.  

mattandlora

I actually went onto a board where I had been awhile, and felt safe, to comment on how snarky and rude one of the other boards was. The girls from the rude board followed me over to the safe board and continued to ridicule and bully me on the safe / established board. It was horrendous. I've met people from other websites who left the Bump due to this behavior being commonplace and accepted.

niknak1208

mattandlora  I totally believe that!  That is absolutely ridiculous.  I've seen that happen before on these boards.  That's why I usually stick to the safe places but sometimes I'm bored and I'm just reading comments just to read them. I usually don't post comments but I happened to just because I felt like it was a pretty generic thing to post about .. it wasn't like a contraversial topic. This particular person would not stop though. Negative response one right after the other. It was awful. 

nyc2015

niknak- i totally agree with you.  I could not believe how awful women were to one another on the bump boards back when i was on 2 years ago.  I had a miscarriage that time and really did not think I would return to this site. But yet, here I am back on!

I will only go to this one board.   I'm grateful to see everyone on this board is very respectful and nice!   Life sure is hard enough.. I see girls at work being awful towards each other.. I'll never understand it!

abookworm

Not only that--which is terrible in and of itself--but I believe there are shills from various industries here, although I haven't seen it in the 35+ board which is good, and that this is a high profile website seen as rife for opportunity for social engineering and other agendas, and that there are psy-ops going on. As long as the awareness is there, the site can still be of use.

abookworm

I don't want to go into the various issues, but I just wanted to tip people off to that and look out for it in general. But if people aren't going into the other "general" boards and just stick to this one I suppose it's a moot point.

graciest719

abookworm said:

Not only that--which is terrible in and of itself--but I believe there are shills from various industries here, although I haven't seen it in the 35+ board which is good, and that this is a high profile website seen as rife for opportunity for social engineering and other agendas, and that there are psy-ops going on. As long as the awareness is there, the site can still be of use.

I literally have no idea what you are talking about.

niknak1208

This is a guess..  but I think that shill means someone who is acting like a typical member but who may actually be affiliated with the organization or social media platform themselves.  So what I think abookworm is trying to say is that there may be posts or comments that are intentionally planted.  

There are advertisements and sponsors etc..  and it could be someone affiliated with any of those groups.  

mum2lanabelliz

I read a thread on my BMB about this very topic. Only it was in reference to the new TOU. and how they were such a bad idea and how upset they were. I'll be honest. It felt like something the high school kids I teach would rant about. Kind of funny. Kind of sad. I don't have time or energy for high schoolesque drama and snark.

erysapplepie

Yeah Im staying over here! I am 39 and I have never been pregnant before and I am scared. I just want some comforting peeps who are going through some of the same things. This group is a much better world than my weirdo Birth month jerks.

GASuzuki

I'm 39 and feel like the TOU aren't a bad idea. It delineates between silly newbie mistakes and nasty reactions. No one goes unchecked... I guess I'm with you ladies... I have other things on my mind.

Sharon&Paul

April 2015 BMB is now doing a "24 hours of silence for lost members". The drama they have had in the past day after some members  (including moderator) were banned is crazy. Many say they are leaving for proboards or FB group. it will be interesting to see how the dynamics change (if they do). It was getting bad over there and something needed to be done. i am glad the bump stepped in.

topaz7777

@Sharon&Paul yeah, that's my BMB also.  Good grief...  Drama explosion.  I think at this point there are so many people trying to get banned that it might take a few days for TB to sort it out.  More than I can handle today. 

mattandlora

@Sharon&Paul, @topaz7777 - That should be my BMB, but I didn't venture out of the 35+ boards until this week. I went over to 2 under 2.

Regan1976

Hello, all. I was just wandering around looking for places to be other than PAIF. I did not like my BMB, May15, at all. There seemed to be a little clique of women who had to deem you worthy of speaking. I only posted on one thread there after lurking for a few weeks to ask why everyone was so mad/pissy with each other and all hell broke loose. I have pretty much just stayed in PAIF since then. They actively just told people to leave the board. I think this might have a lot to do with why some of the changes have happened. It doesn't make sense for a business to allow current members to alienate newer/potential members to, as they loved to put it, F off. I never ventured into nearby BMBs because a lot of the people I didn't want to encounter again said they were active in the nearby groups too. You all seem like a nice group and I may be lurking for a little while to see if I'll fit in. 

mum2lanabelliz

Mine is May 15 also. They have a post that I showed my 15 yo. And she just laughed and rolled her eyes and then asked me if they were 12. Lol.

mindaa

anonymousmotley said:

  Even the 'moderator' was a bitch. 

This thread makes me feel extra lucky that our own JimBobCooter is one of my June15 moderators   

mattandlora

I just now went lurking about on other boards to see WTF is going on. The best I can piece together (and I could be WAY off) is that TB is tired of an atmosphere where old regulars bully potential new members. They wrote new terms of use guidelines and started banning people who broke them, including moderators. Many of the regulars are getting angry that their friends (moderators and other regulars) are getting banned and they're threatening to leave. Many newbies are happy to feel less bullied.

So, that's the best I can come up with. Again, I could be way off. It seems like this board isn't really affected like some of the others.

One part of the terms of use says to specifically NOT post pics of your pee stick or ask if you could be pregnant based on your symptoms. Since the TWW is extremely stressful, why not make a board specifically for the TWW where people can post pics of their pee sticks and stress about the weird twinges? Then they can all guess about each others without interfering with other boards, or being bullied on other boards? Just an idea.

mum2lanabelliz

One of my old boards had a group called the TWW for that very reason. Was great! I think you are right in your analysis.

niknak1208

LOL  This is all just NUTS!  I mean seriously. Who bullies on a chat forum?  IMO, that is so extremely childish. Seriously grow up.. get over yourself and act like an adult. If that were me and my behavior, I would be embarrassed that TB had to step in and tell me to stop!  Craziness. 

I am so glad that this board is not like that.  Thank goodness! 

Regan1976

Sometimes I feel like a brought the crazy of my personal inter-family infertility drama as a curse because it only seems to infect the BMBs around where my EDD is, but that's just paranoia. Once in a while there would be people from other groups to come in and wonder at the spectacles. I didn't want anyone to be banned just for them to be civil to those who didn't have the knowledge or experiences they've had. Hell, when I came here in a panic I posted on the wrong board altogether but they answered my questions and provide comfort, just sort of adopting me. I feel if I had stumbled on to the correct board I might not be enjoying the acquaintances and comradery I am now which is sad because there are so many communities here to be a part of and enjoy.