*~*~* ftm & btdtm play date! 12/18 *~*~*

AMShark

Welcome to the First Time Mothers (FTM) & Been There Done That Mothers (BTDTM) Play Date!

This is a thread for the FTM's in our PAIF community.  Check-ins will be posted every other Thursday.  On alternating Thursdays, I'll post a FT & BTDT moms' "Play Date" thread - in which we inexperienced first timers ask for advice and feedback from the more experienced ladies in our communities.

QOTW: FTMs, in what way has being pregnant altered your plans for holiday celebrations this year?

**Play Date Note** This week, we've tried to gather FTM questions in advance.  Those questions are included in my next post. 

In an effort to keep the first post shorter, I've am also moving the FTM list to a subsequent post.

Please respect our BTDT contributors & avoid duplicate questions. What to know what was already answered?  Check out the links to previous Play Date threads:
10/02 Play Date session
10/17 Play Date session

10/30 Play Date session

11/13 Play Date session

AMShark

FTM Group Questions:

Grandparents - Overnight stays 1) What are your thoughts on the grandparents staying overnight to help once baby is born. If they are within a quick drive (less than 20 min) is there any reason to have them to stay over? Pros/cons? 2) Both of the grandmothers would like to come stay with us, and they're about eight hours away. Do I want them to come? How soon? And would this help "ease the transition"? 3) Will I want my mom there? If so, when will I want her? Immediately, after DH goes back to work, etc. Will I want my MIL there?


Paternity Leave How many dads took paternity leave? For how long?  And was it enough, too much, just right?
Nursery/Gear Prep 1) What's your nursery must have? (besides crib and the obvious) What's one thing you have but never used so it's not worth the time?  2) Was there anything you wished you had purchased or stocked up on before the baby arrived?
Nursing Bras 1) When did you start purchasing nursing bras and from where? (From someone ins a higher range, about a 44D now.)  2) Should I buy nursing bras size up from what I am pre-delivery bc of getting my milk or a size down bc the babes will be out? 

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby Any first hand advice on  prepping our dogs & cats for when the baby arrive?
Returning to Work What was your plan on returning to work after having the baby?  And did you actually stick with that plan?

Lifestyle Change 1) Any advice on easing the change of lifestyle for the SO? I mean we get these really big reminders on a daily basis but it feels like it may only occur once in a while to the other in your life. When is the time to start the things will definitely change talks? (especially with those who get all wiggy about change in the first place...) 2) my DH travels quite a bit for work - which I know will make it harder for me.  We both also want to be sure we keep our relationships and also have time for our friends.  He is already talking about doing a date night in the first couple weeks - umm - I don't think I am going to be ready to leave the baby in month 1!

And he is already talking about a long weekend with the guys come November - if he didn't travel as much as he did I would be ok with it but given his travel (work) and a baby under a year - is that really the smartest idea?  I told him let's revisit that as it gets closer and he got all annoyed. 

How have others gotten DH to understand things change - especially in the first months and even year?

*** ETA - formatting questions ***

AMShark

FTM's List

Third Trimester

12/13/14 - @CandaceC1020

12/15/14 - @xc1148

12/30/14 - @Saintelizabeth

01/13/15 - @southernyankeegirl

01/14/15 - @MKateG

01/21/15 - @hopeby2015

01/24/15 - @Lady2010

Second Trimester

02/02/15 - @WA1215

02/07/15 - @jaztastic

02/11/15 - @MissEm15

02/17/15 - @weansworld09

02/19/15 - @Escarabeo217

02/22/15 - @BeckyP005

02/22/15 - @runawaylaurel

03/14/15 - @Margritli (twins)

03/21/15 - @KT416

03/23/15 - @poohniki

04/17/15 - @pblge

04/25/15 - @BalletAn

04/25/15 - @Canuck13

04/29/15 - @AMShark (twins)

05/01/15 - @LO95

05/02/15 - @gsancho

05/05/15 - @rella22

05/07/15 - @sugar4bri (twins)

First Trimester 

05/16/15 - @Aimothy

05/16/15 - @sunshinedaisies000

05/20/15 - @Lesliem0901

05/21/15 - @holberry5

05/25/15 - @1220winterbride

05/25/15 - @Champs28

05/25/15 - @Regan1976

05/25/15 - @yvonne0001

05/26/15 - @HCAMP123

05/26/15 - @viola27

05/29/15 - @kittenmittens9

05/30/15 - @MJ14323

05/31/15 - @IFinTN

05/31/15 - @sweetpotato123 (twins)

06/03/15 - @CarSaidYes

06/03/15 - @turquoisequeen

06/04/15 - @wendyful

06/06/15 - @Andy99

06/11/15 - @starlightgator (twins)

06/12/15 - @PurpleDaisy923 (twins)

06/15/15 - @jessimi06 (twins)

06/18/15 - @hbanana18

06/24/15 - @erbear84

07/02/15 - @katemonster1

07/03/15 - @amylev80

07/08/15 - @theblessingofababy

PAIF Angels: 
missmarypoppins

Graduates:

@Cutiecruz327 - Welcome, baby Manny, b. 10/22/14

@lincoln79 - Welcome, baby William Ryan, b. 10/29/14

@ekc0630 - Welcome, baby Jackson Thomas, b. 10/31/14

@rox825 - Welcome, baby Joseph Thomas, b. 11/13/14

@Ashris13 - Welcome, baby Elizabeth (Ellie) Victoria, b. 11/23/14

@heleng5 - Welcome, baby Annabelle Jade, b. 12/10/14

CandaceC1020

QOTW: FTMs, in what way has being pregnant altered your plans for holiday celebrations this year?

Haha ... I'm still pregnant!  I didn't plan on doing anything major for the holidays because I figured we'd have a newborn.  Now I'm realizing that I may be in the hospital ON Christmas trying to deliver.  So our holidays are focusing around our unborn little one. 

lincoln79

AMShark said:

FTM Group Questions:

Grandparents - Overnight stays 1) What are your thoughts on the grandparents staying overnight to help once baby is born. If they are within a quick drive (less than 20 min) is there any reason to have them to stay over? I don't think so, but my view is biased because I didn't give birth (so I didn't have to recover) pros/cons? What about putting them "on call" for the first couple of nights? That way, you can call if you need reinforcements 2) Both of the grandmothers would like to come stay with us, and they're about eight hours away. Do I want them to come? NOT both at the same time, unless they are very used to getting along with each other.  How soon? And would this help "ease the transition"? 3) Will I want my mom there? If so, when will I want her? Immediately, after DH goes back to work, etc. Will I want my MIL there? MH hasn't gone back to work yet, but having someone come visit the first few days that that happens could be really helpful.

Paternity Leave How many dads took paternity leave? MH took 8 weeks. For how long?  And was it enough, too much, just right? IT has been amazing so far. Nursery/Gear Prep 1) What's your nursery must have? LO loves his swing (besides crib and the obvious) What's one thing you have but never used so it's not worth the time?  2) Was there anything you wished you had purchased or stocked up on before the baby arrived? Nursing Bras 1) When did you start purchasing nursing bras and from where? (From someone ins a higher range, about a 44D now.)  2) Should I buy nursing bras size up from what I am pre-delivery bc of getting my milk or a size down bc the babes will be out? 

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby Any first hand advice on  prepping our dogs & cats for when the baby arrive? Returning to Work What was your plan on returning to work after having the baby?  And did you actually stick with that plan?

Lifestyle Change 1) Any advice on easing the change of lifestyle for the SO? I mean we get these really big reminders on a daily basis but it feels like it may only occur once in a while to the other in your life. When is the time to start the things will definitely change talks? (especially with those who get all wiggy about change in the first place...)  2) my DH travels quite a bit for work - which I know will make it harder for me.  We both also want to be sure we keep our relationships and also have time for our friends.  He is already talking about doing a date night in the first couple weeks - umm - I don't think I am going to be ready to leave the baby in month 1! We have had "date nights" at home. We spend money to rent a movie off Amazon and put blinders on to all the stuff around the house that needs done. A bottle of wine also goes a long way!

And he is already talking about a long weekend with the guys come November - if he didn't travel as much as he did I would be ok with it but given his travel (work) and a baby under a year - is that really the smartest idea?  I told him let's revisit that as it gets closer and he got all annoyed. 

How have others gotten DH to understand things change - especially in the first months and even year? There may need to be several "Come to Jesus" talks. One suggestion (if he wants to go on the guys trip) is to leave him alone with your newborn for an hour (go get a hair cut, or heck just go to the library) so he understands what that would mean for you. Another alternative is to see if your MIL can come during that time.

Hope this helps!

mrs.willie

Edited for formatting

Grandparents - Overnight stays    I  had a c/s on a Monday and got home that Thursday. Both out parents are about 8 hours away. My parents came sometime that weekend and stayed a week. DH went back to work that Monday. It was really helpful to have them there, especially after having a c/s to help with doing everything and I needed them to drive me to appts and whatnot. My mother had 2 c/s so knew I’d be limited in what I could do. DH’s parents came almost a month after DS was born. They thought they were on vacation and didn’t help do anything and left their dirty dishes around for us to pick up after them. DH asked they do a couple things, but otherwise, they thought they were there to sit around and relax on “vacation.” Obviously, they were not helpful. We haven’t figured out for this time yet, but I think my parents will be coming when baby boy arrives, as we’ll need the help with DS. The great news is baby boy’s bedroom will be what was our extra bedroom, so people (like MIL and FIL) won’t be able to stay with us. LOL


Paternity Leave    DH took a week off. If my parents hadn't come, I would've needed him to take longer, but he was also taking a week off in June so we could go home and visit family.

Nursery/Gear Prep    We loved our video monitor because if DS cried, we heard a “bump” or just wanted to check on him, we could make sure he was ok without having to keep running in there once he transitioned to his room. We also loved the swaddle wraps. I thought they were weird the first time I saw my friend’s baby wrapped in it, but DS slept a lot better in it. I couldn’t get the hang of swaddling with the blanket. Some babies love it. Some don’t. DS (now 2 ½) also had a sound machine with the lights and still uses it for lullabyes at night.

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby    We don't have any pets, but I know friends who have brought a baby blanket home from the hospital before they arrived home to get the pets use to the smell. All their pets were really protective of the baby.
Returning to Work  I planned on taking the full 12 weeks. I ended up having to add a week because the daycare was closed for vacation the week I was supposed to return. I'm not sure what I'm doing this time around. I'll definitely be taking at least 12 weeks again, but my daycare doesn't have an infant opening until the end of July... might have to take a leave of absence... or look for a new job while I have the time to.

Lifestyle Change    I feel like there wasn't a huge lifestyle change for us. Of course, baby's needs come first and there are some things that do change, but DS seemed to adapt really well. We went out for a couple hours while my parents were here (just to dinner). We also went for some drinks while my IL's were here, but I did't trust them with baby so we made them go to a cookout next door with our friends. Our first big night out was with friends to see Zac Brown Band. A neighbor watched him. He was about 6 weeks old and was fine. I'd wait to see how it goes after baby is born, but you might not mind him being away for a weekend, especially if you have friends/family who can help you out if need be.

chrissynena

Babies are 2.5 weeks old and my mom has been here since the birth. Honestly she has been so much help. She mostly helps with things around the house and the 2 year old. Although she does do the last feeding at night so we can get a few hours of sleep. Now my mil, she is no help to me. Her idea of help is holding the babies. I just had a c section, I need help with other things and she was appalled I asked her to help with those things. So she hasn't been asked back (she has been back but only in short visits).

DH only took a week off. He had to use vacation. His work does not offer paternity leave.

My mom bought a wipe warmer for DD1 and it seemed frivolous at the time but I love it.

We have two cats. One won't go near the babies, and the other just smells them then walks away. She loves our older DD.

I took 10 weeks off before the babies and now am on 8 more off. I have to return to work.

AMShark

Thanks for all of the feedback so far, BTDT-Ms!

Here's my QOTW:  Since my EDD is not until 29 April, we planned to host my family for Christmas, like we usually do.  Bed rest has totally changed our plans, and my mom will be hosting instead. I'm staying home, but my family may drop by my house with cookies after dinner.

I hadn't even started gift shopping yet (oops), so DH decided to just get gift cards for all the nieces & nephews & our parents, and to just skip gifts with each other.  Honestly, its a huge relief.

mnj05

Grandparents: neither set stayed once we came home from the hospital (which was four days total). Both live in the same town, 2 hours away. I would not want my MIL around but our relationship changed once baby arrived so that could be different. I wouldn't mind my mom although not the first week or two with figuring out breast feeding and just a new normal. My mom and MIL did take turns coming down for a day at a time to help me with pedi appointments. I had a c/s and it was a while before I could load the car seat without hurting.

Paternity Leave: DH didn't get this. He took four vacation days total, two were spent in the hospital and two at home.

Nursery Gear: The swing was my must have. I have so much prior experience with babies that I knew a swing was at the top of my list. I did not get a rock n play (which I hear a lot of people getting) and don't regret it at all. I did stock up on size 1 diapers and wipes before baby came and would do that again in a heart beat.

Dogs and cats: We had two dogs at the time to prep. My parents stayed at my house throughout our hospital stay and took blankets home each night for them to smell. Honestly, our dogs ignored the baby for a long time and even ran out of the room when he started crying. As he became mobile, the dogs paid more attention and now our one dog lets him play.

Returning to work: I'm a teacher and had my son in March. I planned on returning in August and that's exactly what I did.

Lifestyle change: I think that's a personal decision but for us, we just made time for hobbies/friends/date nights and try to keep a good balance. We actually didn't have a night out on our own until DS was over a year old. We take him everywhere (even with friends) and it works for us. We aren't and have never been partiers (and not just the bar scene but don't go to parties at a friends' houses or anything like that), we're more homebodies in the evenings and do family weekends just the three of us or visit grandparents/aunts/uncles.

TJ1979

AMShark said:

FTM Group Questions:

Grandparents - Overnight stays 1) What are your thoughts on the grandparents staying overnight to help once baby is born. If they are within a quick drive (less than 20 min) is there any reason to have them to stay over? Pros/cons?
My mom arrived outside the hospital door as I was pushing our little girl into this world.  I thought I would want her in the room, once we were there I changed my mind.  It was good having them at our house while we were at the hospital to take care of the dogs.  I loved having my mom there (she stayed about 2 weeks.)  She cooked dinner every night, kept the house clean, and rocked my poor colicky baby for hours at a time so I could get some sleep.  If she lived 20 minutes away, I don't know that I would have wanted her to stay at our house.  Okay, yes, I would have.  But I don't know if MH would have.  My FIL and SMIL lived about an hour away, and only stopped by for an hour or so at a time. 

2) Both of the grandmothers would like to come stay with us, and they're about eight hours away. Do I want them to come? How soon? And would this help "ease the transition"?
I think having them both there would be too much.  We spaced ours out.  My mom was there for 2 weeks, my MIL came 2 weeks after my mom left.  My MIL was completely unhelpful and I would have preferred her not stay with us.  She's not really a baby person, and stresses me out.

3) Will I want my mom there? If so, when will I want her? Immediately, after DH goes back to work, etc. Will I want my MIL there?
See above, I really appreciated having my mom there.  The first day without MH or my mom was pretty traumatic for me.

Paternity Leave How many dads took paternity leave? For how long?  And was it enough, too much, just right?
MH took a week with our first, 2 weeks with our second.  I thought one week was too short, and I was terrified to be alone with our newborn the first time.  The 2nd time, with a toddler to care for too, having MH there helped tremendously.

Nursery/Gear Prep 1) What's your nursery must have? (besides crib and the obvious) What's one thing you have but never used so it's not worth the time?
I couldn't live without the swing.  And white noise.  Do yourself a favor and get a dohm.  Or 2.  WORTH IT.
2) Was there anything you wished you had purchased or stocked up on before the baby arrived? Wipes?  We go through them quickly.  Oh, and snacks for me.  Goodness gracious the snacks I ate while breastfeeding. 

Nursing Bras 1) When did you start purchasing nursing bras and from where? (From someone ins a higher range, about a 44D now.) N/A

2) Should I buy nursing bras size up from what I am pre-delivery bc of getting my milk or a size down bc the babes will be out? My boobs didn't grow during pregnancy, and are barely a half cup size larger when completely full of milk.  Everyone is different here.

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby Any first hand advice on  prepping our dogs & cats for when the baby arrive?
My parents brought home a baby blanket for the dogs and cats to sniff with E's scent on it.  The dogs were terrified of her and wouldn't get near her, the cats never wanted anything to do with her.  Everyone ignored the baby, until she started dropping food off her high chair.  Now they are all best friends for lyfe.

Returning to Work What was your plan on returning to work after having the baby?  And did you actually stick with that plan?  Yep.  I returned 12 weeks after each baby, and pumped over a year with E, and still going strong at 7m with #2. 

Lifestyle Change 1) Any advice on easing the change of lifestyle for the SO? I mean we get these really big reminders on a daily basis but it feels like it may only occur once in a while to the other in your life. When is the time to start the things will definitely change talks? (especially with those who get all wiggy about change in the first place...)
MH had a really hard time with this.  When E was only a few weeks old (and super colicky, and never slept, and screamed all day and all night, he invited 15 guests to our home, and asked me to prepare food and drinks for them.  That was our come-to-Jesus moment.  Tell him how much you need help.  Every time.  If he sleeps through night time wake ups, tell him each day how many times you had to get up.  I found MH was just completely oblivious to how exhausted I was, because he didn't realize how many times we were up.  Keep the communication open, open, open.  But also try not to be whiney or naggy.
2) my DH travels quite a bit for work - which I know will make it harder for me.  We both also want to be sure we keep our relationships and also have time for our friends.  He is already talking about doing a date night in the first couple weeks - umm - I don't think I am going to be ready to leave the baby in month 1!
It was 3 months before I left LO for any amount of time, and even then it was only 2.5 hours so I didn't have to pump.  I would call date night a pipe dream.

And he is already talking about a long weekend with the guys come November - if he didn't travel as much as he did I would be ok with it but given his travel (work) and a baby under a year - is that really the smartest idea?  I told him let's revisit that as it gets closer and he got all annoyed. 
That's up to you.  With #1, I couldn't handle it.  With #2, I could.  #2 was much easier, and I had more experience.

How have others gotten DH to understand things change - especially in the first months and even year?
He just has to see it himself.  He has no clue what's coming.  Just bear with him.  Good luck!!
*** ETA - formatting questions ***

Mrs.AmyDylan

AMShark said:

FTM Group Questions:

Grandparents - Overnight stays 1) What are your thoughts on the grandparents staying overnight to help once baby is born. If they are within a quick drive (less than 20 min) is there any reason to have them to stay over? Pros/cons?
I just had DH overnight until MIL arrived at 4w. My parents are local and came by a lot with food. If they help (ie food, cleaning), do it. If they just want to hold the baby, wait at least a month or more. 

2) Both of the grandmothers would like to come stay with us, and they're about eight hours away. Do I want them to come? How soon? And would this help "ease the transition"?
MIL bought her ticket for two weeks after my due date. J came two weeks early, and she kept her ticket. This worked really well for us. Avoid the overlap with any time DH takes off. If grandparents come while he is off, it keeps him from realizing how hard a new baby really is!

3) Will I want my mom there? If so, when will I want her? Immediately, after DH goes back to work, etc. Will I want my MIL there?
My mom lives 15 min away. I love having her around. However, she is super busy and only dropped for for a little bit here and there. I wish she had come for longer stretches. 


Paternity Leave How many dads took paternity leave? For how long?  And was it enough, too much, just right?
DH took one week and worked from home one week. I wish it had been longer, but that was all he could swing with work. 
Nursery/Gear Prep 1) What's your nursery must have? (besides crib and the obvious) What's one thing you have but never used so it's not worth the time? 
Actually the crib was a bust. We co slept or used the bassinet. Skip the sleep sheep and get a real white noise maker that stays on. Ours is from BBB and makes a fan sort of noise. We didn't get a changing table per se, we just got the pad and put it on her dresser. 

2) Was there anything you wished you had purchased or stocked up on before the baby arrived?
Food/meals. Omg. That was the worst part. So freaking hungry and so tired of takeout. My parents brought food a ton, but cooking is impossible. Get on the meal list at church, or anywhere you can think of. Don't turn down any offers to bring food. 
Nursing Bras 1) When did you start purchasing nursing bras and from where? (From someone ins a higher range, about a 44D now.) 
Mostly target. My LC said to wait until 2w pp to buy bras. Target sleep nursing bras are a great transition. 

2) Should I buy nursing bras size up from what I am pre-delivery bc of getting my milk or a size down bc the babes will be out? 
I would wait. 

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby Any first hand advice on  prepping our dogs & cats for when the baby arrive?
Try to keep their routine consistent. Our dog gets TWO walks per day. Yes, she is freaking spoiled. She still gets 2x walks per day and we are still okay. Don't ever leave your pet and baby alone together. It isn't worth the risk. We've had a few growling incidents, but a growl is a warning and shouldn't be punished. Respect your dogs boundaries. 
Returning to Work What was your plan on returning to work after having the baby?  And did you actually stick with that plan? Not really applicable to me. I own my business and my parents help with the baby. 

Lifestyle Change 1) Any advice on easing the change of lifestyle for the SO? I mean we get these really big reminders on a daily basis but it feels like it may only occur once in a while to the other in your life. When is the time to start the things will definitely change talks? (especially with those who get all wiggy about change in the first place...)
Not much you can do ahead of time. Just be patient and communicate. Ask for help...a lot. If he thinks you've got this, he will carry on is usual life. Make plans and leave the baby with him (30 min here and there is fine). 

2) my DH travels quite a bit for work - which I know will make it harder for me.  We both also want to be sure we keep our relationships and also have time for our friends.  He is already talking about doing a date night in the first couple weeks - umm - I don't think I am going to be ready to leave the baby in month 1!
Us too. It is hard. It sucks. No real advice, just get out of the house or get someone to come over. You need adult interaction every day. 

And he is already talking about a long weekend with the guys come November - if he didn't travel as much as he did I would be ok with it but given his travel (work) and a baby under a year - is that really the smartest idea?  I told him let's revisit that as it gets closer and he got all annoyed. 
This is tricky. My DH went to the Masters with his male family members at 4mo. I told him to go. If you let him go, don't make him feel bad. However, don't make any promises now. DH doesn't have a ton of friends in our city (we live in my hometown). He does at least one boys trip per year. However, he isn't out with the guys much otherwise. 

How have others gotten DH to understand things change - especially in the first months and even year?
Live it. Wake him up when you get up with the baby (in a sneaky way, of course!)

*** ETA - formatting questions ***

luvboston

Grandparents- I say yes to grandparents they are essential. I moved into my moms house because it's one floor and I wasn't able to go up and down stairs for several weeks. My mother did everything for me including washing my pump parts etc. I got to actually recover which was essential for my c section. Then once LO came home she would take her or my dad would after I fed her so I could sleep. They also drove me anywhere I needed to go and I never had to worry about having a problem and being alone. DH wasn't able to take time off until two weeks after LO arrived. If your mother or mil is the helpful type let them come otherwise don't bother.

Paternity leave- DH got 2 weeks and it was perfect for us as he got time to spend with LO and his horrible parents came and I didn't have to deal with them alone.

Nursery- a tall dresser with draws I can't stand bending over to change a diaper. Our dresser is 36 inches perfect height for us.

Lifestyle change- for us our world didn't change that much because we literally take LO everywhere and she just adjusts to wherever we are quite well. She doesn't have set nap times and has never really napped for more than 20 mins except in the car so we are always on the move. I think the most important thing is to make your babies schedule what works for you. I always knew that I didn't want LO to have one set nap time where she had to be in her crib at home because that just doesn't fit our lifestyle. Sometimes I wish she would just sleep but as I speak she's having a party in my moms jacuzzi tub with my sisters and I'm able to help my sick father so it works for us.

Once a month I go out with a group of moms and just decompress and that really helps.

Pintobean39

Grandparents - This is dependent on the person and how you are feeling. Me personally I had an easy delivery no stitches and was home from the hospital the next day. I didn't need help I didn't want anyone at my house overnight. I wanted to sleep when I wanted, eat when I wanted, watch tv when I wanted and not entertain anyone. Although visitors were welcome.


Paternity Leave How many dads took paternity leave? For how long? And was it enough, too much, just right? My ex never had any. He got a few days off work but that was it. He actually went on a hunting trip for a week when my second was 1 week old and I had a 5 yr old. That pissed me off but I really didn't need help.



Nursery/Gear Prep 1) What's your nursery must have? (besides crib and the obvious) What's one thing you have but never used so it's not worth the time? 2) Was there anything you wished you had purchased or stocked up on before the baby arrived?

This is where the OMG it was so long ago. My one iffy was a swing. My oldest liked if but youngest hated it. I wouldn't spend a fortune on one. My youngest loved his mobile and anything with music. Baby wipe warmer is the bomb. I bottle fed so the bottle warmer was awesome. I think mine warned it with steam. Humidifier was a necessity in my household, my son came home from the hospital sneezing. LOTS of burp cloths, I liked just plain old cloth diapers. My favorite clothing was gowns, it was so easy for changes. I hated those jumpers with feet because it's a pain in the butt tacking down those little feet to get in them. Some babies hate being changed and if you have one screaming the last thing you want to do is trying to put feet in a footed sleeper and get everything snapped down, get some gowns it's quick for changes.


Nursing Bras no clue here I'm as lost as everyone else

Returning to Work What was your plan on returning to work after having the baby? And did you actually stick with that plan? I went back when my youngest was 4 weeks old. I didn't want to but it had to. I had no issues.

Lifestyle Change 1) Any advice on easing the change of lifestyle for the SO? No. I think because it's not a sudden change you both change as you go along.

jessica_gail2

Congratulations ladies!!! Can't wait to have you over at SAIF!

Grandparents - Overnight stays
I think this is a personal decision. I didn't have our parents stay over - I wanted this time for DH and I to learn LO and bond with her. They did bring dinner and visit some but we're pretty good about giving us our space too. I had a pretty easy delivery so really didn't need the extra help. Plus you get some awesome mommy super powers that help you push through exhaustion and such.
I like having my space so I'm not sure how I would like both our moms staying with us any time, much less right after having LO. But again, this is a personal decision. If you and YH want them there, then definitely have them come!
I did have my mom come some after DH went back to work. She would bring lunch or just come so I could take a shower. Very low key.


Paternity Leave
DH took the week after LO was born off to stay home with us. I was nervous about him returning to work but he was able to come home some. I would've liked another week but then again it was nice to cuddle with LO and have time with her. On the other hand if she was fussy or if my boobs were causing issues (I had some BFing issues) I would meltdown.

Nursery/Gear Prep
Aden and Anais swaddlers and a comfy chair. We have an awesome glider/rocker that was (and still is) a lifesaver. Ohhh and a video monitor. Love it! I borrowed a wipes warmer from my sister and never ever used it. Or a bottle sanitzizer.
Hmmmm I can't think. We ended up needing more newborn clothes than we'd gotten. But MIL got those for us. Anything you can stock up on like paper towels, toilet paper, bottled water, etc is a must!

Nursing Bras
I started getting uncomfortable toward the middle/end of 3rd tri so I bought nursing bras then from Motherh.ood Maternity. They worked afterward too. I got so engorged though that super soft and unsupportive bras were my saving grace at first.

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby
We had a cat and she was curious but stayed away. She wasn't a jumper or climber so we never had to worry about her getting into the crib or anything but I tried to keep her out of LO's room.

Returning to Work
I had 6 weeks off but my gallbladder flipped out 3 weeks PP so I had to have it removed 4 or 5 weeks after S was born. So I got an extra week off work. So I stuck to my plan. It was hard going back but if you have a good nanny/daycare it makes all the difference in the world. I feel like I'm a better mom having some time away from her. Plus she has learned so much at daycare.

Lifestyle Change
I don't know if there's any way to really prep. People told us all the time how much things would change but there's no preparing for how different things are. It's awesome, stressful and overwhelming all at once. But oh soooo worth it!!
Definitely plan some time with DH and you alone. It will be hard to leave baby but it's nice to have some time with each other. You have to make sure you work on your relationship and don't forget its importance. It is hard on YH to deal with all the changes a baby brings, and it can be hard on your relationship. Cut each other some slack, love on each other, and try to be patient and understanding.

katekat8721

Grandparents - Overnight stays

I'm lumping all the questions into here, because the answer is all the same. What do YOU want? Imagine if you just had a huge surgery and didn't feel well. Would you want your mom/MIL to come over and keep you company and help you? If the answer is yes, then you'll do fine having them over. Are you a person who likes her space? Then have family come visit, but ask that they stay in a hotel.  YOU are the mom, and one thing I wish I would have learned earlier is that you need to be able to speak up and stand up for yourself (and your kid). Set the stage early, it's ok to let people know what you need (ESPECIALLY TWIN MOMS).  As a new mom, you won't need people over to help hold the baby. You'll need food, grocery shopping, dishes and laundry done. You'll need them to keep an eye on the baby so you can shower and nap. Help people help you. You're not bossy or bitchy. If you do have houseguests, don't worry about entertaining them. You have a newborn for crying out loud. The housework can wait, and take out food can be your friend. In the beginning it's all about survival.

Paternity Leave

Hubby took 6 weeks off and it was great. Twin moms, take note. One of the greatest things hubby and I did during this time was take shifts. From 6pm - 12am one of us would sleep, then from 12am-6am the other would sleep. Someone was always on duty, but both of us got a decent stretch of sleep in there (unless you're pumping, in which case, you're probably getting up midway). Dads are a huge asset. He waited just as long as you to be a parent, and if this is your first baby, you'll never have this chance again as a family of 3 (or 4) with all of you guys staying home learning the ropes together.

Nursery/Gear Prep

I *had* to have an adorable nursery. I got the itch around 30+ weeks and it just haaad to be done. Well, the girls didn't sleep in there till about 10 weeks. Then about 5 months we split them up, so only one is in the cute nursery and one is in the futon room. Haha. A cute nursery is to make moms happy, babies don't care   A must have is a rock n play, since that's generally where the baby will be sleeping/napping (especially if you share a room). Wastes of time are diaper caddies, wipe warmers, etc.  A lot of parenting is learning on the job and tweaking things along the way. You'll end up changing the baby on the floor, on your bed, wherever. We found with twins it didn't make sense to use a diaper genie, we go through too many diapers! We just tie a Target bag to the changing table and toss it throughout the day.  Make sure you have a comfy place to retreat to. Use it to nurse, or pump or just take a five minute time out for yourself. Stock it with snacks, water, and a spare phone charger.

Nursing Bras

I bought nursing bras while pregnant, when BRU was having a sale. I bought about a size up. Honestly your boobs are going to be a hot mess for awhile and you'll stretch out some bras and swim in them a moment later. A lot of girls like Target nursing tanks for around the house. They're a little more forgiving!

Dogs & Cats - Preparing for baby

Any first hand advice on  prepping our dogs & cats for when the baby arrive?

Returning to Work

My ultimate plan is to be a SAH. At 6 weeks hubby went back to work, and I stayed on maternity leave till they were 4 months old. Then DH stayed home (and is a current SAHD) and I went back to work. I was a mess before returning to work (maybe also because my MIL stayed with us the week before? GRR). But honestly, returning to work wasn't that bad. I still look forward to the day that I can stay home though You may not know right now for 100% sure if you want to stay home or return to work. I know it's controversial, but I think it's ok not to fully decide until you are on maternity leave. How do you know what you will like or feel like doing until you're in that position?

Lifestyle Change

Don't make a big to-do about all the changes you're going to face. There are going to be a lot, yes. But in any given day there will be a hundred decisions to make, and it's exhausting. If both of you keep an open mind and go with the flow, you'll be ok. There's really nothing you can do right now to prepare for all the changes. Just keep communication open and be respectful of each other; remember that he waited just as long as you have to be a parent too. As far as date night, see how it goes. I have a hard time leaving the babies, but at 3 weeks PP I was ready to have a date day with hubby. It's hard taking time for yourself with newbies, let alone time for your spouse. If you're not ready to leave LO, you can still do things where you can take them with. DH and I go on lots of evening walks with the babies in the ergos. They zonk out and then we get to walk and talk and reconnect.

When DH went on a weekend bachelor party I stayed with my parents. It gave us some nice time with my folks while DH got to go enjoy himself with the guys. He ended up coming home a night early. He missed us lol.  Don't worry so much about getting DH to understand things change. I guarantee you... he knows this. He's witnessing changes in you every day and he's probably not in full blown panic mode You're probably going to wig him out more by reminding him of much life is going to change :P  Hope this helps someone! My biggest advice is to be kind to yourself. Understand that parenting is a learn on the job kinda deal. You're going to screw up, you're going to do things wrong and guess what, it's ok. You love your little babies and you do the best damn job you can.  Twin moms.... you got this. Twins are freaking awesome

katekat8721

Oops missed pet question...

Nothing really you can do right now to prep the pets. We did allow the dogs to go into the nursery but they found it boring lol. After the baby is born you can have hubby run home with some hats that smell like them. When you get home, bring them in calmly and explain to the pets who the new hairless creature(s) are. Let them sniff and get a good look at them. Then go about your day like normal. Our dogs have been really good with the babies.

weansworld09

Thanks for all of the input BTDT moms! I always enjoy reading this thread

QOTW: I am super late on Christmas shopping bc I spent most of the season trying to get things together for the baby and finishing up the nursery. We live in NE Ohio and the weather can be brutal at times. I didn't want to be running around in January/February scrambling to finish up.

1220winterbride

LOVED THIS. Great info!

itsmevkb

I'm going to just try and answer the lifestyle change question.  There is a definite sense of OMG once you bring the baby home.  It's really hard not to realize that your life has changed in so many ways.  I think a big part of making sure your DH realizes that in the same way you do is to let him take care of the baby.  So many women I know really take on almost 100% responsibility which leaves their husband sort of out of the loop.  And, for many, they take on the responsibility not because their husbands aren't willing, but because they believe they do it "better" or the "right way."  Try and appreciate that you and your DH will have different parenting styles and that's okay.  Even if they aren't home as often as you are, still give them tons of opportunities and if they claim they aren't comfortable or the baby wants you, tough luck.  The only way to get comfortable being a parent is to parent.

As for weekends away or other trips which aren't for work, it's hard because you're trying to balance keeping your own sanity while allowing your partner some fun time away.  My husband takes at least one long weekend each year to hang out with his friends and then he also is gone here and there for work.  It's hard being responsible for everything and so we do often ask his parents to help us out.

hopeby2015

Thanks btdtm! So helpful!

QOTW: We usually put up decorations and do most of our xmas shopping on black Friday but this year we haven't done anything. We decided to skip out on decorating because we figure by the time baby girl gets here, we'd have to take down everything and it's just too much trouble with a newborn! As for the shopping, I've completely slacked off and need to get my butt in gear, as apparently xmas is this Thursday! Oy!

turquoisequeen

Thanks BTDT moms! So helpful!

QOTW: we did less decorations outside and inside this year since I just didn't feel as up to it but other than that things are will be the same.

mdiblasi10

Grandparents/overnight stays: Both sets of our parents lived 15 minutes away. Neither stayed the night with us or even stayed over very long. But I think that's just their nature. I would have been fine with having more help and having them over more. My Mom was there the first few days, supporting me through the tough parts of breastfeeding and cooking us a few meals, and it was much appreciated

Paternity Leave: California offers 6 weeks of Paid Family Leave within the first year of the baby's birth (or adoption) so last time he took about a month off, going into the office for a few hours here and there, then used the remaining two weeks for a vacation and the holidays later in the year while I was still on my leave. It worked out well for us. 

Nursery/Gear Prep: LOVED my Brest Friend nursing pillow, the SwaddleMe wraps, Pack'n Play for sleeping next to our bed and breastfeeding during the night hours, any kind of swing - he sat in that while I showered, cooked, worked out and napped in it. We ordered anything we needed with Amazon Prime and it got to us quickly, so that helped. I definitely needed more clothes for him since he spit up a lot and I was changing him a lot. And the zippered one-pieces were my favorite, easiest in the middle of the night compared to snaps.

Nursing Bras: I went to a boutique store to try on a bunch of different nursing bra brands and bought a couple before he arrived. But your size can still change, so I would only buy one beforehand. I loved the simple cotton sleep bras from Motherhood Maternity. My daily bra had a bra-extender and that helped with any size changes post-partum.

Dogs & Cats: We have a Mastiff and two kitties. We didn't do much to prepare them and they were fine. We let them sniff and visit the baby, and they all adjusted. These days they all love him and hang around him most of the time. We have always, and will always, make a big point to have the baby/toddler/kid treat the animals nicely. We never allowed G to crawl on top of them, pull their ears/tail/etc. Dogs and cats should not be forced to endure that. They should have a safe place to be away from the baby if needed. Just like we all have our limits, so do our pets. I'm ranting a bit, but it's kind of a pet peeve of mine (pun intended ) People wonder why their dogs growl at their kids "all of a sudden" ::roll eyes:: So my biggest piece of advice with pets is to start from the very first day, teaching "gentle" and making life comfortable for your furkids too.

Returning to work: I planned all along to take five months off and that's what I did. I worked up until the day I had him, took the 8 weeks of Short Term Disability for my c-section recovery, six weeks of Paid Family Leave (both of those I have paid into all my work life and are offered by the state of CA. It's about 2/3 of your regular pay) then took my 3 weeks of vacation and the rest was unpaid. My employer doesn't pay anything during maternity leave. We saved money ahead of time as well. Going back to work and dropping him off at daycare that first week was SO DAMN HARD. But I made it through and I love his school and all he has learned

Lifestyle change: The lifestyle change wasn't bad for us. Maybe having dogs and cats that required our love and care every single day helped, or because we took DS with us everywhere. It was probably a little harder for DH to adjust, but not bad. Communication is most definitely key. Talk to him about how things are going and ask for help when you need it. MH travels some for work, and it can be hard, but it gets better. See how things are going and if you think you can handle a weekend alone, then encourage him to take his trip with his friends. It's really hard to say until baby is here. I was okay with DH going away with friends, but he was the one who always wanted us with him anyways. DS is 2 1/2 and I still haven't left him overnight. I guess my stay in the hospital for this baby will be my first time away from him, eeks! But I also have had no desire to go away without DS. That part completely depends on how you feel about it though - that's just me and then I have lots of friends who go away for the weekend without LO. Now a date night? That's not out of the question in the first few months. I was breastfeeding, so I couldn't really leave for more than a couple hours, but it was nice to just eat dinner with DH out alone.

runawaylaurel

Thanks BTDT moms, you all are the best!! (and thanks @AMShark for organizing!)

@richzep- Follow up question (hope that's ok!) I am planning on being a SAHM- did you get any weirdness from your coworkers for not 100% disclosing your plans before you left for maternity leave? 

QOTW: My plans are all the same! My in laws are 3 hours away so the drive there is not a huge deal. I have probably done a poorer job this year getting gifts together because I'm distracted by baby stuff. 

BabyKsMommy

 @runawaylaurel I didn't return to work after DS was born and had planned to. Everyone was very understanding when I told them I wouldn't be returning. 

This time around I also don't plan on returning and still haven't told my work. I still have a few more weeks of FMLA left but at some point I know they are going to expect me to come back but I don't plan on it. 

Ill also add a bit about the husbands. I read on here a while ago that a woman becomes a mom the moment she finds out she's pregnant. A man becomes a dad the moment he holds his child. I think this was so true in my DHs case. It didn't change for him until DS was here. With the twins it wasn't much of a change because we already had DS but he did get up in the middle of the night this time. I think he understands more now that Im tired during the day because I was up all night with the babies.