So I'm wondering if this is "IF normal" or if it's just me.
A good friend of mine, who has been struggling with IF told me yesterday she's pregnant. Now I am thrilled for her. But terrified at the same time. She's talking about maternity leave worries already, and concerns with being pregnant at work. Inside I'm like "calm down until you at least get your second beta!" I have this intense fear when close friends announce their pregnancies, like afraid they are going to lose it. Especially when I see how blindly excited they are. And I don't want to be the big party pooper and tell them to be cautious. So I just panic inside and pray really hard.
Especially after having 3 losses I feel like I'm "stronger" than them. Like I feel they couldn't handle it cuz I remember how devastated I was, how much help I needed to be okay again. Am I weird?
Diagonsed PCOS TTC since May 2009
First M/C December 2010 Second M/C August 2011
Oct 2011~Second round clomid 50 mg; BFN
Nov 2011~Third round clomid 50 mg: BFP
Dec 11- Beta #1 91;Dec 13- Beta #2 186.2
Dec 27- third miscarriage
May 25th- Beta #1 369;May 27th- Beta #2 798
Baby girl born Jan 23, 9lbs 3oz, 21 1/2" long May 27th-Beta #1 80; May 29th- Beta #2 304; May 31st- Beta #3 860
I agree @Ducky719, that is the one change from IF that I personally regret. I was such an optimistic person before. I mean it's probably for the better that I am more realistic. But ignorance was bliss, I miss it sometimes.
Diagonsed PCOS TTC since May 2009
First M/C December 2010 Second M/C August 2011
Oct 2011~Second round clomid 50 mg; BFN
Nov 2011~Third round clomid 50 mg: BFP
Dec 11- Beta #1 91;Dec 13- Beta #2 186.2
Dec 27- third miscarriage
May 25th- Beta #1 369;May 27th- Beta #2 798
Baby girl born Jan 23, 9lbs 3oz, 21 1/2" long May 27th-Beta #1 80; May 29th- Beta #2 304; May 31st- Beta #3 860
I have mixed feelings about this one. With my first pregnancy, I thought about daycare, browsed baby bedding, bought pregnancy books...When I lost that pregnancy, I was devastated, but wouldn't I have been just as crushed if I had let worry plague my thoughts instead of joy? Then, with the boys, I didn't buy a single thing until 24 weeks. I wouldn't let myself attach to them or talk about names. I don't even think I really thought we'd be bringing home babies until 32 weeks.
The thing with PAIF is that you never know whether or not this is your only pregnancy. Why not spend those precious months (or in some cases, only weeks) being happy and excited? I just hate that this dark cloud of fear kept me from enjoying every minute of my pregnancy. This is especially true knowing that the pregnancy was most likely my only successful one. With the exception of telling people (because of the whole untelling part) and registering for baby programs (because of he never ending baby related mail items), I think being excited and looking to the future is a nice thing.
Of course, all this is talk. I may look all peppy as a former sorority girl with a southern accent and a JCrew wardrobe, but I'm all dark and negative inside!
TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!!
This is really hard too. I've had 3 losses. When I was pregnant with the twins, I was constantly worried and always counting down til the next milestone. I didn't let my husband start putting baby things together until I was ~32 weeks pregnant and I made him keep all of the boxes in the basement. I didn't really believe that it would really happen until their birth.
Now, I know that I will most likely never be pregnant again, so I also wish that I could have enjoyed it more! I don't know if I could have though....I just know too much and am too familiar with loss. We didn't even tell our parents that we were pregnant until we were 10 weeks ( and saw their heartbeats that morning). My SIL got pregnant twice her first month off the pill. She pretty much told every one as soon as she POAS. I wish I could be that naïve!
Wedding Fall 2007
Off OCP's since 9/08-started with BBT charts
Saw Ob/gyn May 2009
Blood work normal except single copy of MTHFR
Clomid 50mg May 2009
Clomid 50mg + IUI June 2009
Femara 5mg + IUI July 2009
Normal HSG July 2009
Femara 5mg + ovidrel+IUI August 2009
Femara 5mg +ovidrel + IUI September 2009
November 2009-normal lap
December 2009-met with RE
December/January-Injectible med cycle with IUI-Abnormal sperm morpology found-only 0-1% normal All Head defects.
Jan/Feb 2010 1st IVF with ICSI-5 week chemical pregnancy
Feb 2010-male infertility doc says DH's anatomy and blood work are normal so nothing he can do.
FET July 2010-BFP! Twin m/c @ 5.5 wks
Dec/Jan 2011 IVF #2 Only 4 eggs retrieved-Ganirelix dose messed up BFFN
Feb/March 2011 IVF #3 ER 3/9 9 eggs, 7 fertilized, ET 3/14, No frosties. BFN
IVF #4 ER 8/22 9R,7F ET 8/25-3 embies, 1 frostie! Beta 9/2= 54, 9/6=274, 9/8=625, 9/12=2953, 9/16 greater than 10,000. B/G TWINS born April 2012 @ 36wks & 1 day!
July 2014-going back for the frozen embryo! ET 7/28, heartbeat seen at 6wks1day with SCH. Miscarriage confirmed at 6wks4days
I'm with you. I wouldn't dare say a word to crush their innocent joy, but I pray so hard that they don't end up where I was. My loss nearly broke me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But I'm always more fearful and cautious than people I know who are announcing their pregnancies.
TTC with PCOS since November 2009
IUI#1 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP, m/c IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP! beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75 beta #2 11/28 = 2055 Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012! Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
For me this is more about my losses than any struggles I've had to get pregnant. I worry for other people but don't mind if they announce their pregnancies super early or immediately begin planning things that I realize they may never really need. I just hope for the best for them.
I find it hard when people talk about waiting until 12 weeks to announce because then you're in some kind of magical safe zone. Except you're not. My loss at 14 weeks definitely taints my view on the entire safe zone issue.
On here, I struggle a lot with sometimes wondering if I'm being too honest. When women post things like my ultrasound shows I'm 6 weeks and baby has a heart rate of 70 and I'm supposed to be 8 weeks, what do you think I always type out a response about how realistically, that's not looking so good so hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And then, often times I never actually post it because every other response is how don't worry, it'll all work out and your dates are just off and whatever. I feel bad if I respond truthfully and bad if I don't because I remember everyone telling me my two lost pregnancies would work out and I wish someone would have just said, yea, it's not looking so good.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
You are stronger. You have lived through something hopefully these people will never experience. It takes big cajones to have a miscarriage or several and "live" to tell the tale. I would be upfront with people but that's just me go ahead and live in la la land but just in case reality hits you in the bum here's why you don't tell people.
I didn't go through six miscarriages to not wake the world up and realize things aren't always rainbows and unicorns. My attitude is to shout it from the rooftops so that if it happens to someone else they know they weren't alone and that you do survive and possibly have some success later on. And that there are specialists out there that actually do know what they are doing.
Natural cycle Dec 2010 BFP M/C 6 1/2 Weeks, D&E Jan 2011 1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011 Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks 1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
DQ ALPHA HLA MATCH, High NK Cells Diagnosed Dec 2011 IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone) IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone) Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone) Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
Nov/Dec 2012 LIT Treatment
Dec 12 Humira Jan 2013 BFP Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin Miracle Born August 2013 Premature
I never had a miscarriage, but I feel very apprehensive when my friends say they are TTC and start making plans like the baby is right around the corner. I hope it goes easy for them, but I know that the journey is not always as quick and easy as you want it to be.
TTC since Jan. 2010 DX Unexplained infertility
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs 3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!
Re: Anybody else? -other people's pregnancies
Oct 2011~Second round clomid 50 mg; BFN
Nov 2011~Third round clomid 50 mg: BFP
Dec 11- Beta #1 91;Dec 13- Beta #2 186.2
Dec 27- third miscarriage
May 25th- Beta #1 369;May 27th- Beta #2 798
Baby girl born Jan 23, 9lbs 3oz, 21 1/2" long
May 27th-Beta #1 80; May 29th- Beta #2 304; May 31st- Beta #3 860
The thing with PAIF is that you never know whether or not this is your only pregnancy. Why not spend those precious months (or in some cases, only weeks) being happy and excited? I just hate that this dark cloud of fear kept me from enjoying every minute of my pregnancy. This is especially true knowing that the pregnancy was most likely my only successful one. With the exception of telling people (because of the whole untelling part) and registering for baby programs (because of he never ending baby related mail items), I think being excited and looking to the future is a nice thing.
Of course, all this is talk. I may look all peppy as a former sorority girl with a southern accent and a JCrew wardrobe, but I'm all dark and negative inside!
12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!!
This is really hard too. I've had 3 losses. When I was pregnant with the twins, I was constantly worried and always counting down til the next milestone. I didn't let my husband start putting baby things together until I was ~32 weeks pregnant and I made him keep all of the boxes in the basement. I didn't really believe that it would really happen until their birth.
Now, I know that I will most likely never be pregnant again, so I also wish that I could have enjoyed it more! I don't know if I could have though....I just know too much and am too familiar with loss. We didn't even tell our parents that we were pregnant until we were 10 weeks ( and saw their heartbeats that morning). My SIL got pregnant twice her first month off the pill. She pretty much told every one as soon as she POAS. I wish I could be that naïve!
Wedding Fall 2007 Off OCP's since 9/08-started with BBT charts Saw Ob/gyn May 2009 Blood work normal except single copy of MTHFR Clomid 50mg May 2009 Clomid 50mg + IUI June 2009 Femara 5mg + IUI July 2009 Normal HSG July 2009 Femara 5mg + ovidrel+IUI August 2009 Femara 5mg +ovidrel + IUI September 2009 November 2009-normal lap December 2009-met with RE December/January-Injectible med cycle with IUI-Abnormal sperm morpology found-only 0-1% normal All Head defects. Jan/Feb 2010 1st IVF with ICSI-5 week chemical pregnancy Feb 2010-male infertility doc says DH's anatomy and blood work are normal so nothing he can do. FET July 2010-BFP! Twin m/c @ 5.5 wks Dec/Jan 2011 IVF #2 Only 4 eggs retrieved-Ganirelix dose messed up BFFN Feb/March 2011 IVF #3 ER 3/9 9 eggs, 7 fertilized, ET 3/14, No frosties. BFN IVF #4 ER 8/22 9R,7F ET 8/25-3 embies, 1 frostie! Beta 9/2= 54, 9/6=274, 9/8=625, 9/12=2953, 9/16 greater than 10,000. B/G TWINS born April 2012 @ 36wks & 1 day! July 2014-going back for the frozen embryo! ET 7/28, heartbeat seen at 6wks1day with SCH. Miscarriage confirmed at 6wks4days
IUI#2 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 5-9) = BFN
IUI#3 Femara/Ovidrel (cd 3-7) = BFP!
beta #1 11/23 = 270, P4 = 75
beta #2 11/28 = 2055
Our daughter E was born 7/29/2012!
Surprise, our 2nd daughter P was born 5/22/14!
I find it hard when people talk about waiting until 12 weeks to announce because then you're in some kind of magical safe zone. Except you're not. My loss at 14 weeks definitely taints my view on the entire safe zone issue.
On here, I struggle a lot with sometimes wondering if I'm being too honest. When women post things like my ultrasound shows I'm 6 weeks and baby has a heart rate of 70 and I'm supposed to be 8 weeks, what do you think I always type out a response about how realistically, that's not looking so good so hope for the best but prepare for the worst. And then, often times I never actually post it because every other response is how don't worry, it'll all work out and your dates are just off and whatever. I feel bad if I respond truthfully and bad if I don't because I remember everyone telling me my two lost pregnancies would work out and I wish someone would have just said, yea, it's not looking so good.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I didn't go through six miscarriages to not wake the world up and realize things aren't always rainbows and unicorns. My attitude is to shout it from the rooftops so that if it happens to someone else they know they weren't alone and that you do survive and possibly have some success later on. And that there are specialists out there that actually do know what they are doing.
Anovulatory cycles, increased Synthroid Diagnosed Sep 2010
1 Clomid/Ovidrel BFN May 2011
Natural cycle Aug 2011 BFP M/C 4 Weeks
1 IUI Sept 2011 BFP M/c 7 weeks
Provera Dec 2011 BFP M/C 3 Weeks
IVF March 2012 BFP m/c 4weeks 5 days (IL, Prednisone)
IVF#2w/DS July 2012 MEGA FAILURE BFN (IL, Dexamethasone)
Diagnosed No real HLA Match, DQ Beta Triad, High TNF, Low NK Cells
Oct 2012 Natural Cycle m/c 4wks (Lovenox, Prednisone)
Went to Beer Center- high tnf, low lad, implantation failure
Jan 2013 BFP
Humira,LIT,Prednisone, Lovenox, IVIG, Baby Aspirin
Miracle Born August 2013 Premature
Yours doesn't have to be a sad story
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!